living in this crazy parade [2/2]
Title: living in this crazy parade [2/2]
Pairing: Taeil/Jihoon (TaePyo), mentions of others (cannot be mentioned due to storyline, MinKyung), others totally up to your wild imaginations
Group: Block B
Rating: PG?
Summary: Lee Taeil is not what anyone would call a beauty, so he doesn't know what to do when he meets his biggest fangirl: Pyo Jihoon.
-
They’re all due to meet after lunch for another rehearsal and for one of the first times, Taeil doesn’t want to see his friends. It’s not that he doesn’t like them- he does- but the idea of seeing Jihoon again pins him to the chair, leaving him painfully breathless with the possibilities that Minhyuk’s text presents.
But as he is so obviously a masochist, he gets dressed and heads to Jiho’s anyway, hoping to not be sick all over the bus like he feels, but also wishing for the excuse to go home and lie in bed all day. He’s the first one to arrive besides Jaehyo, who must have stayed over if his form- sprawled face-down in the middle of the basement floor- is any guide. The rest straggle in and eventually Jiho wakes up enough to promise them some ramen before they start if everyone will help (and stop complaining).
Taeil is lazing on the couch where he’s escaped from the preparations for a while when Jihoon finally arrives, last and certainly the worst off. He looks torn up from last night, still wearing sunglasses that he removes slowly, wincing in the bright light from the small windows near the ceiling. Taeil shifts uncomfortably under his gaze, sick feeling rising as he swings his legs from the couch and almost makes to stand. But without a word, Jihoon crosses the room to crawl onto the couch and lay his head in Taeil’s lap, long legs hanging over the opposite armrest.
Taeil doesn’t know how to react, especially when Jihoon squirms into a more comfortable position and lets out a groan, covering his eyes with his hand.
“Good morning,” Jihoon says, voice gruff.
“Hey,” Taeil says, a lot more softly than he had originally intended. He wants to be mad, to dramatically push Jihoon off the couch, but the will to deny Jihoon seems caught in the same region as his unfounded anger, caged in somewhere by that ridiculous jealousy. That, and the warmth of Jihoon’s head in his lap is too good to give up.
“It’s good you left early yesterday-” Jihoon’s sentence cuts off into a whine as there’s a crash of plates from the kitchen above that reflects what’s happening in Taeil’s insides.
He doesn’t know if he wants to hear what Jihoon has to say- if it has to do with Minhyuk, with Jiho- he is so confused by Jihoon that his response sounds odd to his own ears, word tripping out despite his best effort. “Why?”
Jihoon coughs a bit, rolling more into the couch, warm hand landing on the curve of Taeil’s hip. It’s ridiculous that he can feel the heat of the touch through the multiple layers, but Jihoon’s hand is large and the fingers splay over his hip, engendering a surge of warmth up Taeil’s side.
Jihoon’s eyes are still closed as he replies, “My train was canceled early ‘cause some drunk opened the emergency doors and got onto the tracks.”
“Was it you?” Taeil asks a little too pointedly, but its edge is tempered by the hand that finds itself falling onto the top of Jihoon’s head, roughing up his soft hair a little. Taeil glares at the hand. Traitor, he thinks, but his anger is strangely absent.
Jihoon drops his hand from his eyes and peers up at Taeil, smile catching on the edge of his mouth. He tilts his head up into Taeil’s caressing hand in a manner not unlike a stupidly large puppy. “No-o, it just took me two hours to get home on the bus. And then they stopped and I had to walk. Then Ma gave me a three hour lecture, too. I have a curfew now. I can’t be out past dark!”
Taeil laughs in spite of himself, up until Jihoon turning his face fully into Taeil’s stomach, throwing his arms around Taeil’s middle to hide his distressed face. The image from above is entirely inappropriate, but the beginnings of desire still curl through him as Jihoon nuzzles his face into his lap, arms drawing Taeil inexplicably closer.
Jihoon can’t know what he’s doing, or else he wouldn’t be doing it, right? Taeil thinks, desperate for any excuse as the laugh dies abruptly in his throat.
“Come save me, hyung! Don’t leave me alone!” The reverberations of Jihoon’s voice as he clutches Taeil makes a flash of curious electricity run up his spine and he squirms, but Jihoon just hugs tighter, pinning Taeil to the couch cushions. “You don’t understand, Mokdong is so boring. So boring. I’m going to die- I can’t live there alone.” Jihoon groans slightly, arms dipping further around Taeil’s waist even as his body begins to relax. “So tired, why are you so comfy,” Jihoon mumbles. Taeil is quite sure he is having some sort of heart attack as his body begins to react with terrible timing.
He’s just grabbing Jihoon’s shoulders- to push him off, okay, off, trauma so much trauma about to occur- when Jaehyo trundles down the stairs with a huge dish of steaming ramen. Taeil freezes, eyes going wide as Jaehyo’s mouth falls open and he pauses for an agonizingly long second, before abruptly turning around. Unfortunately, this just as Jiho appears on the steps behind him.
“OH, DEAR GOD!” Jiho spots the pair of them and yells at what must be the top of his very high voice, stopping in his tracks. Jaehyo accidentally slams into him and drops his dish in a crash that makes Jihoon jerk around to almost fall off the couch, hands still clutching at Taeil’s sides. Taeil isn’t quite sure if he should be happy that Jihoon’s face is now out of his stomach or if the situation just got a million times worse. He curses Jiho in his head and hopes that that, at least, covers everything, especially as the others start coming down the stairs.
“MY EYES!” Jiho continues, throwing his hands over his face and leaping backwards up several steps as soup base and noodles go everywhere. “MY PRECIOUS EYES!” Jihoon turns fully over from Taeil’s lap to see what the commotion is about and falls onto the floor with a rather impressive thump and groan.
Taeil wants to stand and run, anywhere, everywhere, but he’s embarrassingly turned on and therefore remains frozen, tied to the couch. He resists the urge to pull his legs up to his chest, feeling his face flame red as the rest of the group filters by the great mess and into Jiho’s room with more dishes. Jaehyo kicks Jiho into action to stop moaning like he’s going to die and clean up, and Kyung comes to sit next to Taeil on the couch. He gives Taeil a leering smile that Taeil pretends to ignore, and thankfully stays silent to the oblivious Jihoon who just curls up in a ball on the floor and groans in considerable pain.
Jihoon remains on the floor despite Taeil’s best telepathic efforts to get him to return to the couch (he’ll take the discomfort that Jihoon brings over the greasy smirk Kyung is giving him, any time, any day). Instead, Minhyuk throws himself next to a now-sitting-up Jihoon and drops his head onto Jihoon’s shoulder as if already exhausted.
The intimacy of the action reminds Taeil of the night before so sharply it’s as if someone has punched him in the heart and the lingering heat of Jihoon is replaced by a flash of cold. Taeil suddenly decides to forgo the budaejjigae that Yukwon brought down on the principle of conserving his voice, though in reality he’s suddenly not hungry anymore.
Taeil really does pull his legs up to his chest then and pretends he isn’t glaring at the backs of their heads while doing his utter best to burn Minhyuk’s hair off with his eyes.
-
Things rapidly go from quite confusing to really weird after that. Whether this is consciously Taeil’s doing or merely a side effect of his increasingly ambivalent moods, he can’t tell.
He attempts to avoid Jihoon, though the reality of such a thing is quite a bit more difficult than the theory. The avoidance is less to do with Jihoon himself and more to do with trying to preserve Taeil’s sanity and calm through the next couple of days until the inevitable after-competition breakdown can occur. No one ever tells him what really happened between Jihoon and Minhyuk in the noraebang bathroom, not that he ever asks, and it’s a lot easier to ignore the idea when he’s not around Jihoon (or Minhyuk). He’s never thought himself as particularly possessive before, but the image of Minhyuk and Jihoon pressed up against each other makes something ugly claw at his stomach, so he attempts to see them as little as possible.
Considering they have practice every day, several hours a day, this does not seem like the best of plans, nor does it go down with any sense of success.
The stress seems to be getting to everyone, though, and it all manifests in different ways. Kyung eats endless sweets and drinks enough coffee to cut a hole through his stomach, though Taeil suspects he’s so immune to its effects by now that he just makes it so he’ll have something to do. Jiho stays up to ridiculous hours and refuses to sleep or even slow down. Jaehyo sneaks a sleeping pill into his guksu on the night before the competition when Jiho’s ramblings have reached rather incomprehensible levels and his eyes are looking downright wild, though this merely has the effect of sending Jiho to the floor where he lolls around for hours in fits of groaning and slow, surreal raps, before he curls tightly around Jaehyo’s leg and passes out.
Yukwon disappears for hours at a time- whenever they’re not practicing, he’s out somewhere on his board, skating increasingly faster rings around the neighborhood until Jiho’s neighbor’s dog chases him, the dog barking and Yukwon screaming somewhat desperately, down the street. Forced inside, he sits on the couch and spins his skateboard’s wheels with his palms until Minhyuk gets so fed up he steals it while Yukwon is in the bathroom and hides it in the pantry under all the ramen.
Minhyuk gets snappish despite his normally-calm nature, slapping Kyung’s hands when he reaches out for another chocopie, yelling at Jihoon for leaving his socks on top of the soundmixer (that part is gross, Taeil is secretly glad Minhyuk says something), glowering at Jaehyo when the latter spends a minute or two too long in the toilet during one of their breaks. Kyung attempts to placate him at meals, offering him the first slice of kimchijeon or first bowl of stew but the looks Minhyuk gives him are frankly terrifying.
And as for Jihoon, he gets clingy. This wouldn’t be such a problem, Taeil thinks, if he wasn’t so clingy with everyone. Like a particularly huge koala bear, Jihoon seems intent on throwing himself over everyone’s shoulders, wrapping his body around people’s arms, lying across everyone’s legs, resting his head on people’s laps- everyone except for Taeil, it seems. But that might be because Taeil has taken to hiding during breaks, curled up in a corner somewhere playing games on his phone and trying very hard to ignore anything involving Jihoon. So, really, he shouldn’t blame Jihoon for clinging to everyone else. But he does.
The one bastion of sanity in their group is Jaehyo, the one that manages to corral them into practicing, makes their meals when Jiho’s mother is at work or is looking particularly murderous at their antics, and keeps them all from killing each other. But even he can’t control everyone all the time and Taeil seriously suspects they won’t make it through the last couple of days without going completely insane. And yet somehow they do, practices becoming increasingly intense and high-strung, but no one punches anyone else or walks out (unless it’s to get more snacks).
-
The day of the festival dawns bright and hot, but the horizon is already getting muggy by the time the whole group manages to meet up outside Yeouido station. There are hardly any other people there, the main festival not beginning until some time after noon, so the concrete square where the huge stage is set up seems rather abandoned.
They get checked in and are led up on stage to go through sound checks and basic rules. When that’s done, however, they’re let free into the festival grounds and told to hang around until their set is up. Jiho collapses onto a bench in a groggy mess, hanging half off and almost immediately falling asleep. Jaehyo makes a long-suffering look, but takes responsibility and agrees to look after him, while the rest make to disperse.
They all stand around awkwardly for a moment, figuring out where to go next. Taeil hangs around at the fringe of the group, keeping half an eye on Jihoon and sidling in the opposite direction if possible. He feels on edge, so filled with anxious energy he can hardly keep still, half with nerves for the competition and half with something else he doesn’t want to identify.
As the rest of the group decides to check out the stalls being set up near the festival entrance, Taeil slips off alone around the edge of the stage structure and makes for the huge half-pipe and ramps set up on the far side of the square, one of the few places full of people this early. All of the skaters are still practicing, throwing crazy tricks they’ll never land in competition or just lazing at the edge of the pipe and exchanging jokes.
He stays for a long time, tucked into a corner near the edge of the snack booth, watching as the competition begins and more people arrive. Of his friends, he only sees Yukwon for a second as he skirts the edge of the competition grounds, watching the tricks with professional interest. For some reason, Taeil doesn’t call out to him as he passes close by, just watches him go.
Finally the main festival stage starts up and Taeil heads back to the preparation area, the nerves of performing finally overwhelming everything else. His body seems to thrum with pre-show adrenaline already, so his breath stops short when someone comes barreling around the corner of the artist’s caravan and knocks him into the aluminum side.
Before he can look to see who it is, they’ve wrapped two large hands around the tops of his arms and swung him around, pulling him in the direction from which he came. Taeil looks up to see it’s Jihoon, expression incredibly nervous and something else he can’t recognize. The sudden shock of the realization allows Jihoon to pull him forward a couple of steps, before Taeil manages to regain his senses and pulls at the hands.
“What are you doing? I need to get my stuff.” Taeil slips out of Jihoon’s grasp and goes for the corner again but is pulled up short when Jihoon throws his arms around Taeil’s middle and drags him back against his chest.
Taeil’s heartbeat skyrockets, body flushing hot and he considers kicking Jihoon in the leg to get away. Instead he just says, in a voice higher for his nervousness, “What are you doing, you idiot?”
He feels Jihoon shift behind him, arms wrapping tighter around his middle. “Don’t go back there, hyung. Just trust me.”
Taeil bats at the hands grasping him, more to quell the beating of his heart than for actual effect. “Why not? My stuff’s back there. And we need to prepare.”
He moves to duck under Jihoon’s arms but Jihoon seems to anticipate it, bending over and then using his not-inconsiderable height advantage to pick Taeil up around the waist. Taeil makes an unseemly grunt and flails appropriately for a moment at the pressure and warmth of Jihoon’s chest at his back, as well as at the soft humph of breath that Jihoon lets out against the nape of his neck. His heart beat is so fast it feels like he might pass out, breaths difficult to take. Flailing for a minute doesn’t seem to do anything, so Taeil just gives up and accepts the fact that he is now staring at the sky and he is going to die in Jihoon’s arms.
“Okay, fine,” Taeil says, letting his arms drop from where they’ve been clutching at Jihoon’s sleeves. “Fine. I give up.”
Jihoon’s deep voice is right in his ear and reverberating through his back as he says, “Really? You won’t go back there?”
“No. Now, will you let go of me? My ribs feel crushed.”
Jihoon seems to consider this for a moment, before he carefully places Taeil back on the ground and lets go. Taeil hears him say, “Hyung, let’s go to where the others-” before Taeil dashes away from him and turns the corner of the artist’s caravan.
His eyes lock onto what has to be the oddest thing he has ever seen and he stutters to an abrupt stop, brain racing to figure out what is going on. There is a surprised sound from behind him, but he doesn’t consider it. “Minhyu-?” he starts to ask before there is a hand clapped over his mouth and an arm around his waist again.
This time when he’s picked up Jihoon actually carries him away, and Taeil is so shocked that he lets him. When Jihoon sets him down a minute and many duck-waddling steps later, Taeil is still in a state of semi-shock.
“Was that-?”
“Yes,” Jihoon says, dropping his hands onto Taeil’s shoulders. Taeil looks up at him, catching the same strange expression pulling at Jihoon’s lips, the look he couldn’t decipher before. “It’s Minhyuk and Kyung.”
Taeil merely stares. “And they were-.”
Jihoon nods emphatically.
“Wha…” The word falls out of his mouth half-formed as his mind tries to get around this strange concept. Not because Minhyuk and Kyung is weird, per se, but because it essentially destroys every thought he’s had about Jihoon and Minhyuk these past couple of weeks in a millisecond. His heart feels light, as if he’s no longer waiting for some inevitable tragedy to occur, as if Jihoon might- “Are you okay?” he asks abruptly, watching as Jihoon’s features fall from unreadable to simply confused.
Jihoon’s eyebrows furrow and the hands on Taeil’s shoulders fall slightly down his arms. “What? Why? Why wouldn’t I be?”
Taeil stutters for an answer that doesn’t involve his assumptions. “I mean… after seeing that.”
That seems like the wrong answer as the look on Jihoon’s face flattens and his voice is quite different than before as he says, “Is that what you think? Do you really think that low of me, hyung?”
This conversation seems to be going in an entirely different direction than he thought. “What are you talking about?”
“I can’t believe you would think- I don’t have a problem with gay guys, okay?” Jihoon stares at Taeil for a second, before his gaze suddenly drops to the floor and he bites his lip. “I mean, especially when I…”
“That’s not even what I meant! Wait, what?” Taeil is getting more and more confused by the second. He throws his arms in the air and Jihoon’s hands fall away from him. “Especially when you what?”
Jihoon shifts back and forth on his feet uncomfortably, looking briefly into the distance as he asks, “First, what did you mean, then, really?” Jihoon switches his gaze to match Taeil’s again.
“I just meant,” Taeil says, feeling his face flame red in embarrassment, “that I thought you might think it weird that it was Kyung and Minhyuk, okay? Not because they’re both guys but because they’re our friends and I didn’t-”
“But didn’t you see it coming?” Jihoon looks frankly disbelieving. “They’ve been like this for weeks. Weeks, I swear.”
That makes Taeil actually stop and consider, but even as his perception of the past couple of weeks shifts, he still can’t coalesce the idea of two of his longtime friends and the image of Kyung pushing Minhyuk up against the wall. It doesn’t seem to make much sense, but he has been focusing on just Minhyuk and Jihoon for a long time and ignoring everything else. It might begin to make sense, eventually.
“Not really, no,” Taeil says slowly, “I haven’t really noticed. But what were you-”
A moment before he finishes the question Jiho, of all people, races around the back corner of the artist’s caravan, slamming into Jihoon’s back with a flurry of energy that is not unlike a small tornado.
“Guys! What are you doing back here, hanging out like two losers?” Jiho grabs both of their shoulders and shakes them roughly, eyes just a bit wild again. “We need to go. Go! The show starts in less than 10 minutes- let’s go, let’s go-” he shakes them again until Taeil slaps his hand lightly.
“Okay, we get it. We’re going, okay?” Taeil pushes past the two of them just as Jiho asks, “Where’s Minhyuk and Kyung? I’ve been looking for them everywhere!”
Taeil whips around, opening his mouth to make up some excuse, any excuse, but Jihoon beats him to it, waving him away with two big hands. “Don’t worry about it, hyung, I’ll get them. They’re around here somewhere.”
Jiho nods and grabs Taeil’s shoulder, hurrying them off in the direction from which he came. “Don’t be late or you’re dead to me,” Jiho calls over his shoulder as Jihoon disappears around the corner and Jihoon flashes him a thumbs up.
Taeil wants to go back, to continue the conversation, to know what Jihoon meant and why he looked the way he did- but there’s no time. No time to ask, no time to answer, just the surge of nervousness coming up his chest in a way that is not entirely unlike sick, with the knowledge that the performance is ahead and that thought blocks out every other one.
-
The stage is a blur- skies are a cool blue over the haze, but it’s blazingly hot up on stage above the crowd, in the direct sunlight. The crowd isn’t huge, but the people in front are loud and enthusiastic, surging towards the stage the longer they’re up there. Taeil loses track of time, not even aware of what he’s really doing, trying so hard not to think so much and just going with it all as the energy of their music booming from the speakers and his through his very bones seems to fill the whole world.
His perception dims until he is just looking at one person in the crowd, a head above the others, the snack cart in the distance, a flag someone is using as a blanket, the faces of his bandmates, the long, drawn-out seconds as he pours his heart and throat into his solo.
And then it’s over, energy overflowing as the crowd cheers and surges, hands flying back and forth over their heads. He can’t stop the ridiculous smile he gives, how he wants to scream and run, spin endlessly, fly, because he feels like he can, like he could just jump off the edge of the stage and instead of being caught by a bunch of grabbing hands, heavy with the weight of his own gravity, he’d take off with the force of his happiness.
There are hands grabbing at him then, pulling him away from the edge of the platform that he hadn’t even realized he’d gone over to. He follows the rest of the band offstage as the cheers of the crowd trail behind and through the pounding in his ears he can tell that they’re shouting their name, somehow they know who they are and there is nothing, absolutely nothing that can compare to this.
At the back of the stage they rush together as a group, Jiho wrapping his arms around Jaehyo and Kyung and the rest falling into line until they are pressed together in a tight circle. Jiho, strangely enough, doesn’t even seem to have anything to say, can’t seem to make a word form past the ridiculous grin that has taken over his face. It doesn’t matter, because everyone else is sporting similar looks and then one of them laughs and they all break into excited chatter. From far off Taeil can see Kyung pull Minhyuk close, the image filling him with a strange sort of happiness, and then Jihoon hooks an arm around Taeil’s waist and he can’t concentrate anymore.
Jihoon smells slightly like sweat and the warmth of leather, skin hot from jumping around the festival stage and Taeil is sure he can’t smell like anything good. But Jihoon just looks down at him with a smile and Taeil puts his arm as far over Jihoon’s shoulders as he can, grabbing at the sun-warmed jacket as though it will ground him, feeling even more ridiculously happy.
They are ushered offstage then by the coordi-ahjusshis and stagehands who rush to hastily rearrange the set, the rest of the group somehow pulling ahead and staggering down the stairs in a general mess of laughter.
And there’s a moment as they descend from the stage where the two of them are shielded from the group, the next performers, the workers, the crowd out front. Just for a moment, they’re alone and Taeil doesn’t know what he’s doing, just that he’s still protected from all of his fears by so much adrenaline, that he feels amazing and Jihoon is squeezing his waist lightly and he just knows.
“Jihoon,” he murmurs, pulling on Jihoon’s jacket until Jihoon stops and looks down at him again with that stupid smile on his wide mouth. They’re alone and before he can stop himself, before he can think too much or too long, he arches up onto his toes and kisses Jihoon lightly on the mouth.
Through his half-open eyes, Taeil can see Jihoon freeze as if stunned and his whole body pauses, one arm locked in position around Taeil’s waist and neck slightly bent down. There’s hardly a returning pressure on his mouth, just the slight stutter of air from Jihoon’s nose across Taeil’s cheek as if he’s holding back his breath. The moment stretches to incredibly painful lengths and it is amazing how quickly the heat of adrenaline drains away from him to be replaced by sheer, cold panic as Jihoon continues to do nothing.
Taeil pulls away, dropping back onto his heels, hardly aware through his incredibly quick descent into numbness the slight tightening movement of Jihoon’s arm around his waist, the inch-long dip of Jihoon’s head towards him. All he can see is the absolutely blank look on Jihoon’s face, his slightly open mouth, the fact that Jihoon is not saying anything, not looking happy- nothing.
The frozen feeling of numbness is being quickly shoved through and out of him as embarrassment poleaxes him, absolutely shatters whatever happiness he had before, heat sluicing through his skin and making his arms shake. It’s only then that he realizes his arm is still on Jihoon’s shoulder, hand only inches away from Jihoon’s face. It’s apparent that Jihoon realizes it at the same moment and something pulls them apart, makes Taeil drop his arm and the hand around Taeil’s waist lifts away until they are only standing closely, silence agonizing.
His heart, so close to his throat, begins to slide down his chest, but is stopped as Jihoon puts his hand back on Taeil’s arm. Jihoon grasps tightly for a moment, opens his mouth to say something, eyes flickering over Taeil’s reddening face. If Taeil could feel more put on display, more checked and found wanting than at that moment, he can’t remember and doesn’t want to. Jihoon abruptly turns, hand dropping, and walks away.
Taeil follows him numbly, sure that his thoughts are racing somewhere but he’s not even aware of them at the moment. It’s unfair to have such a crap response to such things, such a short leap to face-flaming embarrassment, and it is so, so much worse as he feels his eyes prick with tears. This cannot be happening to him, but it is, so he does the only logical thing and finds his sunglasses in a pocket where he keeps them for moral support. He’s thankful for the sudden shade that they provide, cooling his rising tears somewhat, and it’s just when he looks up that he realizes Jihoon has stopped and is looking back at him.
“What?” he manages to eke out, except it comes out as a garbled sound that is not in the least like Korean.
Jihoon’s face is also red, just a slight tinge on his puffy cheeks and Taeil can’t stop himself from the completely inappropriate clench of his heart at the sight.
“Taeil-hyung!” Someone yells from what seems far away and Taeil jerks, eyes focusing on a frantically waving Kyung standing at the edge of the preparation tents. “Jihoonie, let’s go!” and Jihoon turns back around at that, raising a large hand in response.
They make their way over to the preparation tents, Taeil trailing behind Jihoon in awkward silence as they duck inside and are immediately jumped upon by Jiho. Taeil actually staggers backwards at the assault and nearly falls over, only just stopped by a hand on his back. He realizes it’s not Jiho’s when their leader pulls back and puts his hands on Taeil and Jihoon’s shoulders and the pressure remains for a moment more before disappearing.
“They want to sign us!” Jiho shouts so loudly Taeil cringes, even as his heart swoops a little at the idea.
He can hardly access happiness through his wildly oscillating thoughts and he wonders, vaguely, if it is healthy to feel so much at once. "That's great," he says in the largest voice he can manage, which is still quite pitifully small. No one seems to notice, though.
Thankfully Jiho turns to bounce around the tent and Jaehyo comes over to explain that some big talent scout had come up to them after the set and offered Jiho his card, saying they were interested in hearing more of their work. The idea is amazing, absolutely gobsmacking, and if he wasn’t so overwhelmed by what he just did he would probably be bouncing around the tent, too.
As it is, he just watches his friends celebrate and tries to smile when they look at him, only taking off his sunglasses when the threat of wet eyes has fully passed and his face is no longer the color of gochujang. Because there is no way something like this can’t be celebrated, Jiho drags them out and buys them all beers from a nearby convenience store. They settle into the park next to the festival grounds and toast and drink, the rest of them too hyper by half to notice anything wrong with Taeil.
Jihoon does a better job of covering it up, manages to act excited and chase after Yukwon when the latter steals his drink, though he sits as far away from Taeil as he can. Taeil tries not to look at him, but it’s difficult not to let his eyes stray that way, and it just makes it worse when he realizes Jihoon won’t look at him, either.
Eventually the overwhelming embarrassment fades to be replaced by a dull, insistent ache. He can’t taste the beer Jiho hands him, barely sips at it, can’t even imagine touching any of the food they’ve bought. When an appropriate amount of time has passed, when everyone is no longer running around like maniacs and the sun is low in the sky, Taeil manages to beg off going to dinner and insists he needs to go home.
Minhyuk, especially, looks suspicious at this, but everyone else just complains a bit and then lets him go, too caught up in their own happiness.
It’s only when he has started down the road to the subway entrance that he hears a scuffle behind him. He looks over his shoulder and sees Jihoon following him a couple paces back. Taeil stops fully and turns around, waiting for whatever Jihoon wants to say but he says nothing, just stops as well, looking around awkwardly.
Now that the embarrassment has faded and the overwhelming surge of emotions is past him, Taeil feels adrift and can’t even dredge up modicum of feeling to deal with this. If Jihoon wants to follow him, fine. There’s nothing he can do, nothing he can think of to say when it is so obvious what Jihoon feels. Maybe Jihoon is going to explain to him why he can’t do it, why they should put it past them for the good of the band and give this chance at being signed more significance than Taeil’s feelings, and he knows that Jihoon would be right, knows he would agree. He just needs to wait until Jihoon says it because the very same words are stuck in his throat, unable to be vocalized.
He makes it to the subway entrance and goes down the stairs, not surprised when Jihoon follows him through the turnstiles and down yet another set of stairs to the platform. They stand a couple of feet apart, Jihoon just a little behind Taeil and Taeil tries hard not to watch their reflection in the glass doors separating the platform from the tracks.
They get on the train together, taking seats in the mostly empty carriage, and for once Taeil curses Jihoon’s ridiculous height, his long limbs unable to be pressed into the tight seats. Jihoon’s leg brushes up against his, elbows matching Taeil’s as he tries to scrunch into his seat, and Taeil wishes he had the energy to stand if only so he wouldn’t feel slightly crushed against the partition.
The ride is silent, Taeil too stripped of feeling to be awkward, too tired to even put his headphones in or close his eyes and try to sleep. They change lines, once, twice, Jihoon trailing after Taeil as they make the transfers and Taeil never tries to lose him, just trusts that Jihoon is following.
Finally they get to his stop, the sky completely dark by the time they make it up the endless staircases and onto the nearly empty street. His apartment is so close and Jihoon hasn’t said a word yet, he doesn’t know if that’s good or bad. Jihoon follows him into the elevator, and Taeil is sure that this is it, there’s really nowhere else for Jihoon to follow him to, he needs to speak or leave and the thought of the latter actually manages to make his heart pang through the general ache. He didn’t think his first interest in someone- his first like, lame as it might sound- would end like this, but he supposes it was inevitable. Everyone needs to experience heartbreak, or something. He just wishes it was over sooner.
But Jihoon just steps out of the elevator after him, waits for him as he unlocks the door and steps inside. Before Jihoon can follow him inside, Taeil turns around and puts his hand on the doorframe, blocking the way. He looks up at Jihoon expectantly, because if Jihoon can’t manage to do it, well, then, Taeil will try to make him because as much as he doesn’t want to admit it, it has to be done. Even if some of the same words are caught in his throat, unable to be vocalized.
It’s only then that it turns awkward, the moment stretching silent and long. Only now does Jihoon turn a fetching shade of red that makes Taeil flush in unintended commiseration. He doesn’t know how he can still feel things after everything that’s passed, but there’s nothing else to be said for his growing discomfort.
Finally, Jihoon says, in a small voice that is both incredibly embarrassed and uncompromisingly proud, “You know… that was my first kiss.”
Taeil feels a bit like- no, a lot like- someone has just smacked him with a baseball bat and he is surprised at the intensity of his relief, confusion, whatever it is that tries to knock his knees from under him because what is Jihoon saying and why is it not terrible-
Jihoon shuffles back and forth in Taeil’s shocked silence, eyes catching on Taeil’s before dropping abruptly. “So, er, sorry that I sucked, or something. I know I sucked, okay? I’ve practiced with my hand before but I don’t know how much- if that even counts.” Taeil is struck by the absurdity of the statements above, feels laughter bubbling in his throat and swallows it harshly down. “I was really surprised, and if you want then you can teach me- or, um, I don’t know, tell me what to do and I can do it, I just didn’t know what I was supposed to do when you did that and it-” and here Jihoon steps closer, reaching out for Taeil but not touching him, still unsure. “It really surprised me, really, really surprised me but I swear I can try harder-”
Taeil just stares at Jihoon, because is this a joke? hardly sounds like a good question to ask someone when they’ve just admitted you took their first kiss.
“That’s not-” he starts to say, before he realizes he has no idea what he wants. “No, I mean, you can’t- you don’t do it like that.” Jihoon stares at him and Taeil feels compelled to keep talking. “I can’t explain it to you, I don’t know how, because you just- do- I mean, I don’t know?”
Taeil hates to admit it but Jihoon is slightly better off than he is in the explaining-things department and that is embarrassing and he is going to die alone.
And then Jihoon is right in front of him, warm hands catching suddenly at Taeil’s cheeks and sliding back into his hair. The gesture would seem so smoothly romantic except for the tremor in Jihoon’s hands, the fragile expression on his face, how he seems frozen in position then, unsure of what to do next. Taeil’s heart squeezes abruptly and his whole body feels hot, and he is infinitely surprised that he does not fall over.
“Okay?” Jihoon asks softly, shifting so the front of his jacket brushes by Taeil’s chest, and Taeil is shocked at the thrum that goes through him with the touch, the idea that they are so close. “If that’s not how you do it, then… how?” Taeil can’t answer, words caught in the back of his throat, and he just follows his overwhelming urge to grab the sides of Jihoon’s jacket, scrunching the leather up in his palms.
Jihoon’s face is only inches away from his now, and Taeil struggles to come up with something that would make this continue, would draw Jihoon closer. And yet Jihoon nudges in a little more without any encouragement, nose brushing past Taeil’s and he arches up towards him, feeling the soft skin of Jihoon’s cheek under the tip of his nose.
Jihoon inhales softly, the air around their faces cold and then they seem to exhale at the same time, breath mixing warmth around them. Taeil’s mouth seems to seek out Jihoon’s, eyes half-closed at the overwhelming reality of Jihoon’s presence, the slide of leather under his hands as he goes to touch Jihoon’s face lightly. The hands in Taeil’s hair slide around the nape of his neck and he feels his own hands caress the soft skin of Jihoon’s cheeks, the tips of his fingers just edging by the short hairs at his hairline.
Jihoon shifts perceptibly in, dark eyes nearly shut, dark lashes barely touching, his breath so close Taeil can feel the slight hitch in the air between them. Anticipation claws at him, catching his breath up in it, before he pushes up ever so slightly and their lips brush. Jihoon’s fingers clench marginally at the back of his neck and his body seems to jerk forward a couple of millimeters without much seeming conscious thought. Taeil lets out a muffled murmur, turning his head just a bit and allowing their mouths to fully connect.
He doesn’t know what he’s doing, has no idea past the general of what makes a good kiss, can do nothing but lean in and try. It’s nice, the press of their lips against each other, smooth and firm and soft all at once but it doesn’t seem enough. Taeil pulls back, just enough so he can lick at his lips a bit and he feels Jihoon resisting his distance, so he just laughs a little, whispering “Wait,” before he leans back in. It’s better when it’s more slick, lips moving against each other slowly, mouths open and warm.
Sometimes their mouths snitch against each other, teeth caught awkwardly on the other’s lip. Their rhythms don’t match up at first, Taeil turning his head too far to the side. Jihoon opens his mouth first, a little too wide over Taeil’s lips and it’s funny, nearly, Taeil opening his mouth to laugh and Jihoon catching it as if that’s what he meant, not that he’s complaining. But it’s slow, exploratory, easy for them to make mistakes and keep going, because Taeil is holding onto Jihoon’s front, Jihoon rubbing the nape of his neck softly and despite everything, it’s good.
It’s so, so much better when Jihoon is responding, when Jihoon is sliding arms around his back and pulling him farther in to his chest, when Jihoon is making a soft sound at the back of his throat, when Jihoon is pulling Taeil’s lip in between his own and sucking at it, when he is smiling against his lips. It is so much better and Taeil is happy, ridiculously, overwhelmingly, is amazed he’s not being crushed by this happiness.
Finally Jihoon pulls back a little, just to press his forehead against Taeil’s and Taeil tries to look at him but it makes his eyes cross, they’re so close.
“You’re cute,” Jihoon whispers, hands squeezing Taeil’s sides.
“I like you,” Taeil says, and that wasn’t what he was going to say, but there it is. He wants to be embarrassed, to hide his face in Jihoon’s jacket, but Jihoon just smiles hugely as if this is the best thing he’s heard today.
“So I wasn’t bad?” he jokes, winking a little though it just makes the side of his face scrunch up. “At the kissing?”
Taeil has to laugh, even as he tries to sound serious. “That’s not what you’re supposed to say!”
“Okay, okay,” Jihoon concedes, pretending to pull a thinking expression for a second before his hands come up to cup Taeil’s cheeks, and he’s pressing in, still a little nervous and off-center, and his mouth is warm on Taeil’s again as he whispers his confession against Taeil’s lips.
Taeil might be able to imagine a slightly different future after all.
끝끝끝끝끝끝끝끝끝끝끝끝끝끝끝끝끝끝끝끝끝끝끝끝끝끝끝끝끝끝끝끝끝끝끝끝끝끝끝끝끝끝끝끝끝끝
Disclaimer: I really like Block B. Even if I make fun of them for being derps and idiots and make it seem like I don't really like Zico or his endearingly annoying qualities that seem to infect all that surround him, I do. Also Taeil is a cutie especially now even though I wrote this with his Freeze!/Wannabe era in mind (when MTV Match Up was first aired) and he was so chronically shy and anxious, yet Jihoon was still his biggest fangirl. I think he thinks he's a bit cuter now, but who knows? Boy needs to listen to some "What Makes You Beautiful" and LOOK IN A MIRROR. *squishes his cheeks* Also, Minhyuk/Kyung was totally what I assumed to be a crack pairing bc it was the one I had never seen before but as soon as I started writing it MINKYUNG STARTED POPPING UP EVERYWHERE. I now support this genius.
One day I will be entirely happy with this fic but that day is sadly not until next week.
-EXTRA SCENE
Taeil thinks it’ll be awkward when they meet the next morning at Jiho’s house, especially when Jihoon all-but-bounds out of his spot on the couch to jump on Taeil and nearly knock him back onto the stairs. After Jihoon has righted him, he presses a fast kiss onto Taeil’s lips that he’s not expecting and he nearly loses his balance again. He freezes when realizes a moment after Jihoon has pulled away that everyone is looking at them.
No one looks particularly surprised, though, and it’s only Jiho who throws his hands over his face and cries, “Gross, guys! My eyes will never recover!”
He flops over onto Jaehyo who just pats him on the head unsympathetically and says, “If you didn’t want this to happen, you shouldn’t have planned on it.”
Jiho frowns before he rolls off of Jaehyo’s lap onto the floor, where he waves one hand around at the rest of the group and cautions, “Don’t ask me to set any of you guys up. My genius has brought me enough pain already.”
ps thank you to emmyxogast for the icon~ fav moment ever
Pairing: Taeil/Jihoon (TaePyo), mentions of others (cannot be mentioned due to storyline, MinKyung), others totally up to your wild imaginations
Group: Block B
Rating: PG?
Summary: Lee Taeil is not what anyone would call a beauty, so he doesn't know what to do when he meets his biggest fangirl: Pyo Jihoon.
-
They’re all due to meet after lunch for another rehearsal and for one of the first times, Taeil doesn’t want to see his friends. It’s not that he doesn’t like them- he does- but the idea of seeing Jihoon again pins him to the chair, leaving him painfully breathless with the possibilities that Minhyuk’s text presents.
But as he is so obviously a masochist, he gets dressed and heads to Jiho’s anyway, hoping to not be sick all over the bus like he feels, but also wishing for the excuse to go home and lie in bed all day. He’s the first one to arrive besides Jaehyo, who must have stayed over if his form- sprawled face-down in the middle of the basement floor- is any guide. The rest straggle in and eventually Jiho wakes up enough to promise them some ramen before they start if everyone will help (and stop complaining).
Taeil is lazing on the couch where he’s escaped from the preparations for a while when Jihoon finally arrives, last and certainly the worst off. He looks torn up from last night, still wearing sunglasses that he removes slowly, wincing in the bright light from the small windows near the ceiling. Taeil shifts uncomfortably under his gaze, sick feeling rising as he swings his legs from the couch and almost makes to stand. But without a word, Jihoon crosses the room to crawl onto the couch and lay his head in Taeil’s lap, long legs hanging over the opposite armrest.
Taeil doesn’t know how to react, especially when Jihoon squirms into a more comfortable position and lets out a groan, covering his eyes with his hand.
“Good morning,” Jihoon says, voice gruff.
“Hey,” Taeil says, a lot more softly than he had originally intended. He wants to be mad, to dramatically push Jihoon off the couch, but the will to deny Jihoon seems caught in the same region as his unfounded anger, caged in somewhere by that ridiculous jealousy. That, and the warmth of Jihoon’s head in his lap is too good to give up.
“It’s good you left early yesterday-” Jihoon’s sentence cuts off into a whine as there’s a crash of plates from the kitchen above that reflects what’s happening in Taeil’s insides.
He doesn’t know if he wants to hear what Jihoon has to say- if it has to do with Minhyuk, with Jiho- he is so confused by Jihoon that his response sounds odd to his own ears, word tripping out despite his best effort. “Why?”
Jihoon coughs a bit, rolling more into the couch, warm hand landing on the curve of Taeil’s hip. It’s ridiculous that he can feel the heat of the touch through the multiple layers, but Jihoon’s hand is large and the fingers splay over his hip, engendering a surge of warmth up Taeil’s side.
Jihoon’s eyes are still closed as he replies, “My train was canceled early ‘cause some drunk opened the emergency doors and got onto the tracks.”
“Was it you?” Taeil asks a little too pointedly, but its edge is tempered by the hand that finds itself falling onto the top of Jihoon’s head, roughing up his soft hair a little. Taeil glares at the hand. Traitor, he thinks, but his anger is strangely absent.
Jihoon drops his hand from his eyes and peers up at Taeil, smile catching on the edge of his mouth. He tilts his head up into Taeil’s caressing hand in a manner not unlike a stupidly large puppy. “No-o, it just took me two hours to get home on the bus. And then they stopped and I had to walk. Then Ma gave me a three hour lecture, too. I have a curfew now. I can’t be out past dark!”
Taeil laughs in spite of himself, up until Jihoon turning his face fully into Taeil’s stomach, throwing his arms around Taeil’s middle to hide his distressed face. The image from above is entirely inappropriate, but the beginnings of desire still curl through him as Jihoon nuzzles his face into his lap, arms drawing Taeil inexplicably closer.
Jihoon can’t know what he’s doing, or else he wouldn’t be doing it, right? Taeil thinks, desperate for any excuse as the laugh dies abruptly in his throat.
“Come save me, hyung! Don’t leave me alone!” The reverberations of Jihoon’s voice as he clutches Taeil makes a flash of curious electricity run up his spine and he squirms, but Jihoon just hugs tighter, pinning Taeil to the couch cushions. “You don’t understand, Mokdong is so boring. So boring. I’m going to die- I can’t live there alone.” Jihoon groans slightly, arms dipping further around Taeil’s waist even as his body begins to relax. “So tired, why are you so comfy,” Jihoon mumbles. Taeil is quite sure he is having some sort of heart attack as his body begins to react with terrible timing.
He’s just grabbing Jihoon’s shoulders- to push him off, okay, off, trauma so much trauma about to occur- when Jaehyo trundles down the stairs with a huge dish of steaming ramen. Taeil freezes, eyes going wide as Jaehyo’s mouth falls open and he pauses for an agonizingly long second, before abruptly turning around. Unfortunately, this just as Jiho appears on the steps behind him.
“OH, DEAR GOD!” Jiho spots the pair of them and yells at what must be the top of his very high voice, stopping in his tracks. Jaehyo accidentally slams into him and drops his dish in a crash that makes Jihoon jerk around to almost fall off the couch, hands still clutching at Taeil’s sides. Taeil isn’t quite sure if he should be happy that Jihoon’s face is now out of his stomach or if the situation just got a million times worse. He curses Jiho in his head and hopes that that, at least, covers everything, especially as the others start coming down the stairs.
“MY EYES!” Jiho continues, throwing his hands over his face and leaping backwards up several steps as soup base and noodles go everywhere. “MY PRECIOUS EYES!” Jihoon turns fully over from Taeil’s lap to see what the commotion is about and falls onto the floor with a rather impressive thump and groan.
Taeil wants to stand and run, anywhere, everywhere, but he’s embarrassingly turned on and therefore remains frozen, tied to the couch. He resists the urge to pull his legs up to his chest, feeling his face flame red as the rest of the group filters by the great mess and into Jiho’s room with more dishes. Jaehyo kicks Jiho into action to stop moaning like he’s going to die and clean up, and Kyung comes to sit next to Taeil on the couch. He gives Taeil a leering smile that Taeil pretends to ignore, and thankfully stays silent to the oblivious Jihoon who just curls up in a ball on the floor and groans in considerable pain.
Jihoon remains on the floor despite Taeil’s best telepathic efforts to get him to return to the couch (he’ll take the discomfort that Jihoon brings over the greasy smirk Kyung is giving him, any time, any day). Instead, Minhyuk throws himself next to a now-sitting-up Jihoon and drops his head onto Jihoon’s shoulder as if already exhausted.
The intimacy of the action reminds Taeil of the night before so sharply it’s as if someone has punched him in the heart and the lingering heat of Jihoon is replaced by a flash of cold. Taeil suddenly decides to forgo the budaejjigae that Yukwon brought down on the principle of conserving his voice, though in reality he’s suddenly not hungry anymore.
Taeil really does pull his legs up to his chest then and pretends he isn’t glaring at the backs of their heads while doing his utter best to burn Minhyuk’s hair off with his eyes.
-
Things rapidly go from quite confusing to really weird after that. Whether this is consciously Taeil’s doing or merely a side effect of his increasingly ambivalent moods, he can’t tell.
He attempts to avoid Jihoon, though the reality of such a thing is quite a bit more difficult than the theory. The avoidance is less to do with Jihoon himself and more to do with trying to preserve Taeil’s sanity and calm through the next couple of days until the inevitable after-competition breakdown can occur. No one ever tells him what really happened between Jihoon and Minhyuk in the noraebang bathroom, not that he ever asks, and it’s a lot easier to ignore the idea when he’s not around Jihoon (or Minhyuk). He’s never thought himself as particularly possessive before, but the image of Minhyuk and Jihoon pressed up against each other makes something ugly claw at his stomach, so he attempts to see them as little as possible.
Considering they have practice every day, several hours a day, this does not seem like the best of plans, nor does it go down with any sense of success.
The stress seems to be getting to everyone, though, and it all manifests in different ways. Kyung eats endless sweets and drinks enough coffee to cut a hole through his stomach, though Taeil suspects he’s so immune to its effects by now that he just makes it so he’ll have something to do. Jiho stays up to ridiculous hours and refuses to sleep or even slow down. Jaehyo sneaks a sleeping pill into his guksu on the night before the competition when Jiho’s ramblings have reached rather incomprehensible levels and his eyes are looking downright wild, though this merely has the effect of sending Jiho to the floor where he lolls around for hours in fits of groaning and slow, surreal raps, before he curls tightly around Jaehyo’s leg and passes out.
Yukwon disappears for hours at a time- whenever they’re not practicing, he’s out somewhere on his board, skating increasingly faster rings around the neighborhood until Jiho’s neighbor’s dog chases him, the dog barking and Yukwon screaming somewhat desperately, down the street. Forced inside, he sits on the couch and spins his skateboard’s wheels with his palms until Minhyuk gets so fed up he steals it while Yukwon is in the bathroom and hides it in the pantry under all the ramen.
Minhyuk gets snappish despite his normally-calm nature, slapping Kyung’s hands when he reaches out for another chocopie, yelling at Jihoon for leaving his socks on top of the soundmixer (that part is gross, Taeil is secretly glad Minhyuk says something), glowering at Jaehyo when the latter spends a minute or two too long in the toilet during one of their breaks. Kyung attempts to placate him at meals, offering him the first slice of kimchijeon or first bowl of stew but the looks Minhyuk gives him are frankly terrifying.
And as for Jihoon, he gets clingy. This wouldn’t be such a problem, Taeil thinks, if he wasn’t so clingy with everyone. Like a particularly huge koala bear, Jihoon seems intent on throwing himself over everyone’s shoulders, wrapping his body around people’s arms, lying across everyone’s legs, resting his head on people’s laps- everyone except for Taeil, it seems. But that might be because Taeil has taken to hiding during breaks, curled up in a corner somewhere playing games on his phone and trying very hard to ignore anything involving Jihoon. So, really, he shouldn’t blame Jihoon for clinging to everyone else. But he does.
The one bastion of sanity in their group is Jaehyo, the one that manages to corral them into practicing, makes their meals when Jiho’s mother is at work or is looking particularly murderous at their antics, and keeps them all from killing each other. But even he can’t control everyone all the time and Taeil seriously suspects they won’t make it through the last couple of days without going completely insane. And yet somehow they do, practices becoming increasingly intense and high-strung, but no one punches anyone else or walks out (unless it’s to get more snacks).
-
The day of the festival dawns bright and hot, but the horizon is already getting muggy by the time the whole group manages to meet up outside Yeouido station. There are hardly any other people there, the main festival not beginning until some time after noon, so the concrete square where the huge stage is set up seems rather abandoned.
They get checked in and are led up on stage to go through sound checks and basic rules. When that’s done, however, they’re let free into the festival grounds and told to hang around until their set is up. Jiho collapses onto a bench in a groggy mess, hanging half off and almost immediately falling asleep. Jaehyo makes a long-suffering look, but takes responsibility and agrees to look after him, while the rest make to disperse.
They all stand around awkwardly for a moment, figuring out where to go next. Taeil hangs around at the fringe of the group, keeping half an eye on Jihoon and sidling in the opposite direction if possible. He feels on edge, so filled with anxious energy he can hardly keep still, half with nerves for the competition and half with something else he doesn’t want to identify.
As the rest of the group decides to check out the stalls being set up near the festival entrance, Taeil slips off alone around the edge of the stage structure and makes for the huge half-pipe and ramps set up on the far side of the square, one of the few places full of people this early. All of the skaters are still practicing, throwing crazy tricks they’ll never land in competition or just lazing at the edge of the pipe and exchanging jokes.
He stays for a long time, tucked into a corner near the edge of the snack booth, watching as the competition begins and more people arrive. Of his friends, he only sees Yukwon for a second as he skirts the edge of the competition grounds, watching the tricks with professional interest. For some reason, Taeil doesn’t call out to him as he passes close by, just watches him go.
Finally the main festival stage starts up and Taeil heads back to the preparation area, the nerves of performing finally overwhelming everything else. His body seems to thrum with pre-show adrenaline already, so his breath stops short when someone comes barreling around the corner of the artist’s caravan and knocks him into the aluminum side.
Before he can look to see who it is, they’ve wrapped two large hands around the tops of his arms and swung him around, pulling him in the direction from which he came. Taeil looks up to see it’s Jihoon, expression incredibly nervous and something else he can’t recognize. The sudden shock of the realization allows Jihoon to pull him forward a couple of steps, before Taeil manages to regain his senses and pulls at the hands.
“What are you doing? I need to get my stuff.” Taeil slips out of Jihoon’s grasp and goes for the corner again but is pulled up short when Jihoon throws his arms around Taeil’s middle and drags him back against his chest.
Taeil’s heartbeat skyrockets, body flushing hot and he considers kicking Jihoon in the leg to get away. Instead he just says, in a voice higher for his nervousness, “What are you doing, you idiot?”
He feels Jihoon shift behind him, arms wrapping tighter around his middle. “Don’t go back there, hyung. Just trust me.”
Taeil bats at the hands grasping him, more to quell the beating of his heart than for actual effect. “Why not? My stuff’s back there. And we need to prepare.”
He moves to duck under Jihoon’s arms but Jihoon seems to anticipate it, bending over and then using his not-inconsiderable height advantage to pick Taeil up around the waist. Taeil makes an unseemly grunt and flails appropriately for a moment at the pressure and warmth of Jihoon’s chest at his back, as well as at the soft humph of breath that Jihoon lets out against the nape of his neck. His heart beat is so fast it feels like he might pass out, breaths difficult to take. Flailing for a minute doesn’t seem to do anything, so Taeil just gives up and accepts the fact that he is now staring at the sky and he is going to die in Jihoon’s arms.
“Okay, fine,” Taeil says, letting his arms drop from where they’ve been clutching at Jihoon’s sleeves. “Fine. I give up.”
Jihoon’s deep voice is right in his ear and reverberating through his back as he says, “Really? You won’t go back there?”
“No. Now, will you let go of me? My ribs feel crushed.”
Jihoon seems to consider this for a moment, before he carefully places Taeil back on the ground and lets go. Taeil hears him say, “Hyung, let’s go to where the others-” before Taeil dashes away from him and turns the corner of the artist’s caravan.
His eyes lock onto what has to be the oddest thing he has ever seen and he stutters to an abrupt stop, brain racing to figure out what is going on. There is a surprised sound from behind him, but he doesn’t consider it. “Minhyu-?” he starts to ask before there is a hand clapped over his mouth and an arm around his waist again.
This time when he’s picked up Jihoon actually carries him away, and Taeil is so shocked that he lets him. When Jihoon sets him down a minute and many duck-waddling steps later, Taeil is still in a state of semi-shock.
“Was that-?”
“Yes,” Jihoon says, dropping his hands onto Taeil’s shoulders. Taeil looks up at him, catching the same strange expression pulling at Jihoon’s lips, the look he couldn’t decipher before. “It’s Minhyuk and Kyung.”
Taeil merely stares. “And they were-.”
Jihoon nods emphatically.
“Wha…” The word falls out of his mouth half-formed as his mind tries to get around this strange concept. Not because Minhyuk and Kyung is weird, per se, but because it essentially destroys every thought he’s had about Jihoon and Minhyuk these past couple of weeks in a millisecond. His heart feels light, as if he’s no longer waiting for some inevitable tragedy to occur, as if Jihoon might- “Are you okay?” he asks abruptly, watching as Jihoon’s features fall from unreadable to simply confused.
Jihoon’s eyebrows furrow and the hands on Taeil’s shoulders fall slightly down his arms. “What? Why? Why wouldn’t I be?”
Taeil stutters for an answer that doesn’t involve his assumptions. “I mean… after seeing that.”
That seems like the wrong answer as the look on Jihoon’s face flattens and his voice is quite different than before as he says, “Is that what you think? Do you really think that low of me, hyung?”
This conversation seems to be going in an entirely different direction than he thought. “What are you talking about?”
“I can’t believe you would think- I don’t have a problem with gay guys, okay?” Jihoon stares at Taeil for a second, before his gaze suddenly drops to the floor and he bites his lip. “I mean, especially when I…”
“That’s not even what I meant! Wait, what?” Taeil is getting more and more confused by the second. He throws his arms in the air and Jihoon’s hands fall away from him. “Especially when you what?”
Jihoon shifts back and forth on his feet uncomfortably, looking briefly into the distance as he asks, “First, what did you mean, then, really?” Jihoon switches his gaze to match Taeil’s again.
“I just meant,” Taeil says, feeling his face flame red in embarrassment, “that I thought you might think it weird that it was Kyung and Minhyuk, okay? Not because they’re both guys but because they’re our friends and I didn’t-”
“But didn’t you see it coming?” Jihoon looks frankly disbelieving. “They’ve been like this for weeks. Weeks, I swear.”
That makes Taeil actually stop and consider, but even as his perception of the past couple of weeks shifts, he still can’t coalesce the idea of two of his longtime friends and the image of Kyung pushing Minhyuk up against the wall. It doesn’t seem to make much sense, but he has been focusing on just Minhyuk and Jihoon for a long time and ignoring everything else. It might begin to make sense, eventually.
“Not really, no,” Taeil says slowly, “I haven’t really noticed. But what were you-”
A moment before he finishes the question Jiho, of all people, races around the back corner of the artist’s caravan, slamming into Jihoon’s back with a flurry of energy that is not unlike a small tornado.
“Guys! What are you doing back here, hanging out like two losers?” Jiho grabs both of their shoulders and shakes them roughly, eyes just a bit wild again. “We need to go. Go! The show starts in less than 10 minutes- let’s go, let’s go-” he shakes them again until Taeil slaps his hand lightly.
“Okay, we get it. We’re going, okay?” Taeil pushes past the two of them just as Jiho asks, “Where’s Minhyuk and Kyung? I’ve been looking for them everywhere!”
Taeil whips around, opening his mouth to make up some excuse, any excuse, but Jihoon beats him to it, waving him away with two big hands. “Don’t worry about it, hyung, I’ll get them. They’re around here somewhere.”
Jiho nods and grabs Taeil’s shoulder, hurrying them off in the direction from which he came. “Don’t be late or you’re dead to me,” Jiho calls over his shoulder as Jihoon disappears around the corner and Jihoon flashes him a thumbs up.
Taeil wants to go back, to continue the conversation, to know what Jihoon meant and why he looked the way he did- but there’s no time. No time to ask, no time to answer, just the surge of nervousness coming up his chest in a way that is not entirely unlike sick, with the knowledge that the performance is ahead and that thought blocks out every other one.
-
The stage is a blur- skies are a cool blue over the haze, but it’s blazingly hot up on stage above the crowd, in the direct sunlight. The crowd isn’t huge, but the people in front are loud and enthusiastic, surging towards the stage the longer they’re up there. Taeil loses track of time, not even aware of what he’s really doing, trying so hard not to think so much and just going with it all as the energy of their music booming from the speakers and his through his very bones seems to fill the whole world.
His perception dims until he is just looking at one person in the crowd, a head above the others, the snack cart in the distance, a flag someone is using as a blanket, the faces of his bandmates, the long, drawn-out seconds as he pours his heart and throat into his solo.
And then it’s over, energy overflowing as the crowd cheers and surges, hands flying back and forth over their heads. He can’t stop the ridiculous smile he gives, how he wants to scream and run, spin endlessly, fly, because he feels like he can, like he could just jump off the edge of the stage and instead of being caught by a bunch of grabbing hands, heavy with the weight of his own gravity, he’d take off with the force of his happiness.
There are hands grabbing at him then, pulling him away from the edge of the platform that he hadn’t even realized he’d gone over to. He follows the rest of the band offstage as the cheers of the crowd trail behind and through the pounding in his ears he can tell that they’re shouting their name, somehow they know who they are and there is nothing, absolutely nothing that can compare to this.
At the back of the stage they rush together as a group, Jiho wrapping his arms around Jaehyo and Kyung and the rest falling into line until they are pressed together in a tight circle. Jiho, strangely enough, doesn’t even seem to have anything to say, can’t seem to make a word form past the ridiculous grin that has taken over his face. It doesn’t matter, because everyone else is sporting similar looks and then one of them laughs and they all break into excited chatter. From far off Taeil can see Kyung pull Minhyuk close, the image filling him with a strange sort of happiness, and then Jihoon hooks an arm around Taeil’s waist and he can’t concentrate anymore.
Jihoon smells slightly like sweat and the warmth of leather, skin hot from jumping around the festival stage and Taeil is sure he can’t smell like anything good. But Jihoon just looks down at him with a smile and Taeil puts his arm as far over Jihoon’s shoulders as he can, grabbing at the sun-warmed jacket as though it will ground him, feeling even more ridiculously happy.
They are ushered offstage then by the coordi-ahjusshis and stagehands who rush to hastily rearrange the set, the rest of the group somehow pulling ahead and staggering down the stairs in a general mess of laughter.
And there’s a moment as they descend from the stage where the two of them are shielded from the group, the next performers, the workers, the crowd out front. Just for a moment, they’re alone and Taeil doesn’t know what he’s doing, just that he’s still protected from all of his fears by so much adrenaline, that he feels amazing and Jihoon is squeezing his waist lightly and he just knows.
“Jihoon,” he murmurs, pulling on Jihoon’s jacket until Jihoon stops and looks down at him again with that stupid smile on his wide mouth. They’re alone and before he can stop himself, before he can think too much or too long, he arches up onto his toes and kisses Jihoon lightly on the mouth.
Through his half-open eyes, Taeil can see Jihoon freeze as if stunned and his whole body pauses, one arm locked in position around Taeil’s waist and neck slightly bent down. There’s hardly a returning pressure on his mouth, just the slight stutter of air from Jihoon’s nose across Taeil’s cheek as if he’s holding back his breath. The moment stretches to incredibly painful lengths and it is amazing how quickly the heat of adrenaline drains away from him to be replaced by sheer, cold panic as Jihoon continues to do nothing.
Taeil pulls away, dropping back onto his heels, hardly aware through his incredibly quick descent into numbness the slight tightening movement of Jihoon’s arm around his waist, the inch-long dip of Jihoon’s head towards him. All he can see is the absolutely blank look on Jihoon’s face, his slightly open mouth, the fact that Jihoon is not saying anything, not looking happy- nothing.
The frozen feeling of numbness is being quickly shoved through and out of him as embarrassment poleaxes him, absolutely shatters whatever happiness he had before, heat sluicing through his skin and making his arms shake. It’s only then that he realizes his arm is still on Jihoon’s shoulder, hand only inches away from Jihoon’s face. It’s apparent that Jihoon realizes it at the same moment and something pulls them apart, makes Taeil drop his arm and the hand around Taeil’s waist lifts away until they are only standing closely, silence agonizing.
His heart, so close to his throat, begins to slide down his chest, but is stopped as Jihoon puts his hand back on Taeil’s arm. Jihoon grasps tightly for a moment, opens his mouth to say something, eyes flickering over Taeil’s reddening face. If Taeil could feel more put on display, more checked and found wanting than at that moment, he can’t remember and doesn’t want to. Jihoon abruptly turns, hand dropping, and walks away.
Taeil follows him numbly, sure that his thoughts are racing somewhere but he’s not even aware of them at the moment. It’s unfair to have such a crap response to such things, such a short leap to face-flaming embarrassment, and it is so, so much worse as he feels his eyes prick with tears. This cannot be happening to him, but it is, so he does the only logical thing and finds his sunglasses in a pocket where he keeps them for moral support. He’s thankful for the sudden shade that they provide, cooling his rising tears somewhat, and it’s just when he looks up that he realizes Jihoon has stopped and is looking back at him.
“What?” he manages to eke out, except it comes out as a garbled sound that is not in the least like Korean.
Jihoon’s face is also red, just a slight tinge on his puffy cheeks and Taeil can’t stop himself from the completely inappropriate clench of his heart at the sight.
“Taeil-hyung!” Someone yells from what seems far away and Taeil jerks, eyes focusing on a frantically waving Kyung standing at the edge of the preparation tents. “Jihoonie, let’s go!” and Jihoon turns back around at that, raising a large hand in response.
They make their way over to the preparation tents, Taeil trailing behind Jihoon in awkward silence as they duck inside and are immediately jumped upon by Jiho. Taeil actually staggers backwards at the assault and nearly falls over, only just stopped by a hand on his back. He realizes it’s not Jiho’s when their leader pulls back and puts his hands on Taeil and Jihoon’s shoulders and the pressure remains for a moment more before disappearing.
“They want to sign us!” Jiho shouts so loudly Taeil cringes, even as his heart swoops a little at the idea.
He can hardly access happiness through his wildly oscillating thoughts and he wonders, vaguely, if it is healthy to feel so much at once. "That's great," he says in the largest voice he can manage, which is still quite pitifully small. No one seems to notice, though.
Thankfully Jiho turns to bounce around the tent and Jaehyo comes over to explain that some big talent scout had come up to them after the set and offered Jiho his card, saying they were interested in hearing more of their work. The idea is amazing, absolutely gobsmacking, and if he wasn’t so overwhelmed by what he just did he would probably be bouncing around the tent, too.
As it is, he just watches his friends celebrate and tries to smile when they look at him, only taking off his sunglasses when the threat of wet eyes has fully passed and his face is no longer the color of gochujang. Because there is no way something like this can’t be celebrated, Jiho drags them out and buys them all beers from a nearby convenience store. They settle into the park next to the festival grounds and toast and drink, the rest of them too hyper by half to notice anything wrong with Taeil.
Jihoon does a better job of covering it up, manages to act excited and chase after Yukwon when the latter steals his drink, though he sits as far away from Taeil as he can. Taeil tries not to look at him, but it’s difficult not to let his eyes stray that way, and it just makes it worse when he realizes Jihoon won’t look at him, either.
Eventually the overwhelming embarrassment fades to be replaced by a dull, insistent ache. He can’t taste the beer Jiho hands him, barely sips at it, can’t even imagine touching any of the food they’ve bought. When an appropriate amount of time has passed, when everyone is no longer running around like maniacs and the sun is low in the sky, Taeil manages to beg off going to dinner and insists he needs to go home.
Minhyuk, especially, looks suspicious at this, but everyone else just complains a bit and then lets him go, too caught up in their own happiness.
It’s only when he has started down the road to the subway entrance that he hears a scuffle behind him. He looks over his shoulder and sees Jihoon following him a couple paces back. Taeil stops fully and turns around, waiting for whatever Jihoon wants to say but he says nothing, just stops as well, looking around awkwardly.
Now that the embarrassment has faded and the overwhelming surge of emotions is past him, Taeil feels adrift and can’t even dredge up modicum of feeling to deal with this. If Jihoon wants to follow him, fine. There’s nothing he can do, nothing he can think of to say when it is so obvious what Jihoon feels. Maybe Jihoon is going to explain to him why he can’t do it, why they should put it past them for the good of the band and give this chance at being signed more significance than Taeil’s feelings, and he knows that Jihoon would be right, knows he would agree. He just needs to wait until Jihoon says it because the very same words are stuck in his throat, unable to be vocalized.
He makes it to the subway entrance and goes down the stairs, not surprised when Jihoon follows him through the turnstiles and down yet another set of stairs to the platform. They stand a couple of feet apart, Jihoon just a little behind Taeil and Taeil tries hard not to watch their reflection in the glass doors separating the platform from the tracks.
They get on the train together, taking seats in the mostly empty carriage, and for once Taeil curses Jihoon’s ridiculous height, his long limbs unable to be pressed into the tight seats. Jihoon’s leg brushes up against his, elbows matching Taeil’s as he tries to scrunch into his seat, and Taeil wishes he had the energy to stand if only so he wouldn’t feel slightly crushed against the partition.
The ride is silent, Taeil too stripped of feeling to be awkward, too tired to even put his headphones in or close his eyes and try to sleep. They change lines, once, twice, Jihoon trailing after Taeil as they make the transfers and Taeil never tries to lose him, just trusts that Jihoon is following.
Finally they get to his stop, the sky completely dark by the time they make it up the endless staircases and onto the nearly empty street. His apartment is so close and Jihoon hasn’t said a word yet, he doesn’t know if that’s good or bad. Jihoon follows him into the elevator, and Taeil is sure that this is it, there’s really nowhere else for Jihoon to follow him to, he needs to speak or leave and the thought of the latter actually manages to make his heart pang through the general ache. He didn’t think his first interest in someone- his first like, lame as it might sound- would end like this, but he supposes it was inevitable. Everyone needs to experience heartbreak, or something. He just wishes it was over sooner.
But Jihoon just steps out of the elevator after him, waits for him as he unlocks the door and steps inside. Before Jihoon can follow him inside, Taeil turns around and puts his hand on the doorframe, blocking the way. He looks up at Jihoon expectantly, because if Jihoon can’t manage to do it, well, then, Taeil will try to make him because as much as he doesn’t want to admit it, it has to be done. Even if some of the same words are caught in his throat, unable to be vocalized.
It’s only then that it turns awkward, the moment stretching silent and long. Only now does Jihoon turn a fetching shade of red that makes Taeil flush in unintended commiseration. He doesn’t know how he can still feel things after everything that’s passed, but there’s nothing else to be said for his growing discomfort.
Finally, Jihoon says, in a small voice that is both incredibly embarrassed and uncompromisingly proud, “You know… that was my first kiss.”
Taeil feels a bit like- no, a lot like- someone has just smacked him with a baseball bat and he is surprised at the intensity of his relief, confusion, whatever it is that tries to knock his knees from under him because what is Jihoon saying and why is it not terrible-
Jihoon shuffles back and forth in Taeil’s shocked silence, eyes catching on Taeil’s before dropping abruptly. “So, er, sorry that I sucked, or something. I know I sucked, okay? I’ve practiced with my hand before but I don’t know how much- if that even counts.” Taeil is struck by the absurdity of the statements above, feels laughter bubbling in his throat and swallows it harshly down. “I was really surprised, and if you want then you can teach me- or, um, I don’t know, tell me what to do and I can do it, I just didn’t know what I was supposed to do when you did that and it-” and here Jihoon steps closer, reaching out for Taeil but not touching him, still unsure. “It really surprised me, really, really surprised me but I swear I can try harder-”
Taeil just stares at Jihoon, because is this a joke? hardly sounds like a good question to ask someone when they’ve just admitted you took their first kiss.
“That’s not-” he starts to say, before he realizes he has no idea what he wants. “No, I mean, you can’t- you don’t do it like that.” Jihoon stares at him and Taeil feels compelled to keep talking. “I can’t explain it to you, I don’t know how, because you just- do- I mean, I don’t know?”
Taeil hates to admit it but Jihoon is slightly better off than he is in the explaining-things department and that is embarrassing and he is going to die alone.
And then Jihoon is right in front of him, warm hands catching suddenly at Taeil’s cheeks and sliding back into his hair. The gesture would seem so smoothly romantic except for the tremor in Jihoon’s hands, the fragile expression on his face, how he seems frozen in position then, unsure of what to do next. Taeil’s heart squeezes abruptly and his whole body feels hot, and he is infinitely surprised that he does not fall over.
“Okay?” Jihoon asks softly, shifting so the front of his jacket brushes by Taeil’s chest, and Taeil is shocked at the thrum that goes through him with the touch, the idea that they are so close. “If that’s not how you do it, then… how?” Taeil can’t answer, words caught in the back of his throat, and he just follows his overwhelming urge to grab the sides of Jihoon’s jacket, scrunching the leather up in his palms.
Jihoon’s face is only inches away from his now, and Taeil struggles to come up with something that would make this continue, would draw Jihoon closer. And yet Jihoon nudges in a little more without any encouragement, nose brushing past Taeil’s and he arches up towards him, feeling the soft skin of Jihoon’s cheek under the tip of his nose.
Jihoon inhales softly, the air around their faces cold and then they seem to exhale at the same time, breath mixing warmth around them. Taeil’s mouth seems to seek out Jihoon’s, eyes half-closed at the overwhelming reality of Jihoon’s presence, the slide of leather under his hands as he goes to touch Jihoon’s face lightly. The hands in Taeil’s hair slide around the nape of his neck and he feels his own hands caress the soft skin of Jihoon’s cheeks, the tips of his fingers just edging by the short hairs at his hairline.
Jihoon shifts perceptibly in, dark eyes nearly shut, dark lashes barely touching, his breath so close Taeil can feel the slight hitch in the air between them. Anticipation claws at him, catching his breath up in it, before he pushes up ever so slightly and their lips brush. Jihoon’s fingers clench marginally at the back of his neck and his body seems to jerk forward a couple of millimeters without much seeming conscious thought. Taeil lets out a muffled murmur, turning his head just a bit and allowing their mouths to fully connect.
He doesn’t know what he’s doing, has no idea past the general of what makes a good kiss, can do nothing but lean in and try. It’s nice, the press of their lips against each other, smooth and firm and soft all at once but it doesn’t seem enough. Taeil pulls back, just enough so he can lick at his lips a bit and he feels Jihoon resisting his distance, so he just laughs a little, whispering “Wait,” before he leans back in. It’s better when it’s more slick, lips moving against each other slowly, mouths open and warm.
Sometimes their mouths snitch against each other, teeth caught awkwardly on the other’s lip. Their rhythms don’t match up at first, Taeil turning his head too far to the side. Jihoon opens his mouth first, a little too wide over Taeil’s lips and it’s funny, nearly, Taeil opening his mouth to laugh and Jihoon catching it as if that’s what he meant, not that he’s complaining. But it’s slow, exploratory, easy for them to make mistakes and keep going, because Taeil is holding onto Jihoon’s front, Jihoon rubbing the nape of his neck softly and despite everything, it’s good.
It’s so, so much better when Jihoon is responding, when Jihoon is sliding arms around his back and pulling him farther in to his chest, when Jihoon is making a soft sound at the back of his throat, when Jihoon is pulling Taeil’s lip in between his own and sucking at it, when he is smiling against his lips. It is so much better and Taeil is happy, ridiculously, overwhelmingly, is amazed he’s not being crushed by this happiness.
Finally Jihoon pulls back a little, just to press his forehead against Taeil’s and Taeil tries to look at him but it makes his eyes cross, they’re so close.
“You’re cute,” Jihoon whispers, hands squeezing Taeil’s sides.
“I like you,” Taeil says, and that wasn’t what he was going to say, but there it is. He wants to be embarrassed, to hide his face in Jihoon’s jacket, but Jihoon just smiles hugely as if this is the best thing he’s heard today.
“So I wasn’t bad?” he jokes, winking a little though it just makes the side of his face scrunch up. “At the kissing?”
Taeil has to laugh, even as he tries to sound serious. “That’s not what you’re supposed to say!”
“Okay, okay,” Jihoon concedes, pretending to pull a thinking expression for a second before his hands come up to cup Taeil’s cheeks, and he’s pressing in, still a little nervous and off-center, and his mouth is warm on Taeil’s again as he whispers his confession against Taeil’s lips.
Taeil might be able to imagine a slightly different future after all.
끝끝끝끝끝끝끝끝끝끝끝끝끝끝끝끝끝끝끝끝끝끝끝끝끝끝끝끝끝끝끝끝끝끝끝끝끝끝끝끝끝끝끝끝끝끝
Disclaimer: I really like Block B. Even if I make fun of them for being derps and idiots and make it seem like I don't really like Zico or his endearingly annoying qualities that seem to infect all that surround him, I do. Also Taeil is a cutie especially now even though I wrote this with his Freeze!/Wannabe era in mind (when MTV Match Up was first aired) and he was so chronically shy and anxious, yet Jihoon was still his biggest fangirl. I think he thinks he's a bit cuter now, but who knows? Boy needs to listen to some "What Makes You Beautiful" and LOOK IN A MIRROR. *squishes his cheeks* Also, Minhyuk/Kyung was totally what I assumed to be a crack pairing bc it was the one I had never seen before but as soon as I started writing it MINKYUNG STARTED POPPING UP EVERYWHERE. I now support this genius.
One day I will be entirely happy with this fic but that day is sadly not until next week.
-EXTRA SCENE
Taeil thinks it’ll be awkward when they meet the next morning at Jiho’s house, especially when Jihoon all-but-bounds out of his spot on the couch to jump on Taeil and nearly knock him back onto the stairs. After Jihoon has righted him, he presses a fast kiss onto Taeil’s lips that he’s not expecting and he nearly loses his balance again. He freezes when realizes a moment after Jihoon has pulled away that everyone is looking at them.
No one looks particularly surprised, though, and it’s only Jiho who throws his hands over his face and cries, “Gross, guys! My eyes will never recover!”
He flops over onto Jaehyo who just pats him on the head unsympathetically and says, “If you didn’t want this to happen, you shouldn’t have planned on it.”
Jiho frowns before he rolls off of Jaehyo’s lap onto the floor, where he waves one hand around at the rest of the group and cautions, “Don’t ask me to set any of you guys up. My genius has brought me enough pain already.”
ps thank you to emmyxogast for the icon~ fav moment ever