Comments | thenewhellmouth: Shadows and Dust.

_fallen_muse_ in thenewhellmouth

Shadows and Dust.

Mar 04, 2005 02:55

Your face, as no other face,
Populates remembered dreams.
Your arms, as no other place:
Landscape to remembered dreams.
Your heart, as no other heart.
Your eyes, as no other eyes,
In you each dream must start.
With you the real world dies
And my life thereafter lies
Only in remembered dreams.It’s odd y’know, how a man can be incinerated, ( Read more... )

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the_golden_girl March 4 2005, 05:39:26 UTC

Nope. It was nothing really. Just a single dirty rat scampering off in a hurry. Letting it's twitchy nose carry it to food. I mused to myself, Wonder how long until the hunter becomes the hunted?, and kept on walking. I had a lot of morbid thoughts as of late. I don't know exactly why, and I never once questioned them.

To do so was like questioning my sanity and I was sane. Wasn't Aren't I?! Ugh! I really wasn't in the mood for this. I'm on my way to a demon bar to intimidate the evil beings there and I was psychoanalyzing myself in the middle of nowheres-ville! Cheah, just great doing Buffy. So, keep on in my walk, I ignored the beeps of cars passing by. A small sense of fear overtook me. To know I wasn't up to par was frightening. I wanted to know what was happening to me, really know, but I couldn't face the others or myself with asking them for help ( ... )

_fallen_muse_ March 6 2005, 04:20:51 UTC

"But I continue learning. I never meant to do those things to you.."

I love the song, first time I heard it, it touched m’deeply, y'know? Made m’think, ‘s hard to achieve with mosta todays excuse fer music. Made m’think of Buffy an' me, an' realised jus how close to home it really was.

I hurt her a lot, did a lotta really bad stuff. Granted she was'n exactly peaches ‘n cream back, but I shoulda done better, I shoulda helped her, not let her use me. I shoulda loved her enough to say no.

But I needed her touch, needed to feel her in my arms, needed the fantasy at least that one day, she might be able to love me.

An so I let it happen, I let her hurt herself because she hated herself.

The mem’ries sweep back in as they always do, ‘specially when I sing one o’ the songs for her. Yeah one, meanin I have more, lots more, all from the heart. But I remember her eyes, her smile, the scent of her hair, other more carnal scents of hers, her blood, her arousal, just the mem’ry makes me tingle, and the want ache all the more ( ... )

the_golden_girl March 6 2005, 04:24:47 UTC

I couldn't let go of the image of Spike. Not now. Not before. I remembered everything about him. The outline of his cheekbones, the feel of his arms when they flexed to wrap around my smaller body, the feel of his words that were whispered into my ears those times where fucking would be reduced heightened to love making. His fingertips playing across my face. His eyes staring down at me adoringly ( ... )

_fallen_muse_ March 6 2005, 04:58:23 UTC

The vast, unknown. The impassable gulf between us, of space and time. The distance ( ... )

the_golden_girl March 6 2005, 05:05:34 UTC

I had to be dreaming; again.

He was never there unless it was brought on by extreme tiredness that an hour of sleep would fade away. That, or it was brought on by nightmares of him in pain. All those he had taken down were tormenting him. Killing him all over. Repeatedly. It broke my heart to think such a good man, yes man, was down there being tormented.

I had known that was where Angel was sentenced.

I knew now that it was where Spike had to have been sent. Though, I still thought of him there. Well, until I felt his hands on my face, his lips against my forehead and his concerned voice feathering across my skin as if he had breath. That last one could have been my imagination. He was holding me and for a second, I wondered if I had gone to Hell with him? It would have been just as poetic as drowning in the tub. "Spike." I could feel so much life being regained in that second. My body fighting to sit up, but I couldn't. It just felt so nice to be in someones arms after so long. And most of all, his arms. Spike's and no one elses ( ... )

_fallen_muse_ March 6 2005, 05:25:32 UTC

Well that answered my earlier ponderin. She didn’ know the amulet would kill me. I wasn’ sure whether to be happy about that. Hmm, mind bogglin, instead of mullin that over I focus on that fact that Buffy, my Slayer, is in my arms, granted we have an audience but I dun care, let ‘em watch, not like it’s a fancy show or sumthin, just a man holdin the woman he loves.

"S'funny, I thought Cleveland was Hell?"

I tease her softly, then hold her a little closer, unable to get enough of her being here, where I want her most. I stroke a fingertip over her lips, making that 'shh' noise to shush her, stop her begging for forgiveness. 'Cause A. she doesn need to beg for it 'cause I’d give it unconditionally, an B. she doesn bloody well need it, 'cause she aint dun nothing wrong. But I can’t help but be gentle in the way I shush her, she looks so fragile, she feels so fragile, an it scares the hell out of me ( ... )

the_golden_girl March 6 2005, 05:40:47 UTC

And he had to go make a crack that Cleveland was hell. Though, he seemed right. It felt like hell constantly. "It is the last hellmouth. But it being hell, I'm not so sure. Would fit if it was hell, though. I led everyone to it." That was said darker than I'd intended it to be. It was true, though. This just might as well be hell since everyone had followed my lead here, and it figures, here Spike was. Angel and crew on their way ( ... )

_fallen_muse_ March 6 2005, 06:01:24 UTC

"Back on the self hate trip hmm? Seem to recall havin a chat with you ‘bout that ( ... )

the_golden_girl March 6 2005, 06:48:18 UTC

"Back on the self hate trip hmm? Seem to recall havin a chat with you ‘bout that."Tracing along the rim of the front of the cap, I look across at him with a pout. One that I wasn't sure if it was meant to be sensual or not, because I felt it was. Stopping the tracing of the hat, I look back down to it, aware that Spike had slipped into the booth across from me and was waiting a response ( ... )

_fallen_muse_ March 8 2005, 00:24:01 UTC

"Well we should sort out movin it outta there, or re-educatin the soddin thing so it knows what it needs to hate you for an what it doesn't. You need to stop beatin on yerself for stuff that's not yer fault. An no arguments."

Christ, I'm back in her life five mintues an already I'm bossin her about. But on sayin that it's clear she needs it, no-one seems to have taken the time to make sure shes okay, or mebbe she hasn let um? Either way it's now my job to put her back together again. I dunno, all my hard work back in Sunnydale gone cos I died, I should get overtime pay for this or sommin.

An whats with the pout? Shes just temptin me to kiss her, cos that's what I wanna bloody do. The hurt, fragility in her eyes, the sexy lil pout. I just wanna steal her away from the world, go somewhere I can keep her wrapped in my arms, safe and protected, and kiss those cupid bow lips till the cows come home… 'Till the cows come home', what a stupid phrase, prob'ly thought up by a yank ( ... )

the_golden_girl March 8 2005, 02:26:17 UTC

No arguements? This was no doubt Spike. In my dreams he was more docile and not so damn hostile in making me think a certain said way. Hmph. Leave it to him to make it so I can't argue, but of course I add in, "I won't argue. Just keep it to myself ( ... )

_fallen_muse_ March 8 2005, 03:46:28 UTC

Course I knew she’d tack on a soddin ‘but’ there somewhere, she always has to get the last word, and I always let her cos we’d both be going on for hours. I can be just as stubborn and brick- headed as she can, when I feel like it ( ... )

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