Everything in Life...I learned from Video Games
Many months ago in a boring weather class, I decided it was time to take stock of what exactly I've learned in my almost 20 years on the planet. After brainstorming for a while...it occured to me, everything I ever needed to know about life could be learned from the various video games I've played. And so, now, I share these words of wisdom with you.
Everything I know, I learned from:
Elder Scolls IV: Oblivion
-If you can see it, chances are I can shoot it
-Guards rarely miss
-You can deliver a killing blow without lifting a finger
-18 ft tall spiders can't hurt you, but a mountain lion WILL kick your ass
-Jygallag is a name to be feared, DO NOT laugh
-Information is never, and I mean NEVER free
-Be careful where you pitch your tent
-Singing plants are all the rage, and a great source of income
-Deer are your only friends
-Horses are expendable
-If the enemy can't see you, it will hurt them that much more
-Duchess of Dementia will always sound cooler than Duke of Mania
-Oblivion is HOT
-A good archer has great vision and accuracy; a great archer can zoom in
-The beggars know everything
-Guild chests are trans-dimensional
-Everyone can spot a stolen item
-The pretty little dress she's wearing is probably better armor than your raiment
-Don't piss off the little old dude with the staff
-Enjoy the View
Half-Life
-There is something around, behind or inside EVERYTHING, and it will kill you
-There are an infinite number of ways to die…you will find a new one
-The term "bone-crunching" comes complete with its very own sound effect
-Every dumbass deserves a second chance, and a ladder
-Behind every box, every stairwell, every door and around every corner, there is a headcrab with your name on it
-"River Guide" rarely applies to water
-Sometimes, even your weapon needs some TLC
-There is no substitute to the crowbar
-Be careful where you point the rocket launcher
-The presence of med kits and ammo most often means your ass is toast
-Ant lions are, by far, the smartest creatures around
-Gravitygun + anything = a weapon
-Amidst modern and alien weaponry, the 16th century crossbow is still #1 in our hearts
-Nothing is as easy as it looks
Swat IV
-"Looks clear" and "Is clear" are two entirely different things…learn the difference
-Bang and clear! That's what she said
-Shoot first, sort it out later
-No matter what you do, it's never going to be good enough for the one's in charge
-Optiwand everything…multiple times…carefully
-Check behind the door…just because you can't see it, doesn't mean it can't kill you…brutally
Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2
-Every problem in the universe can be solved with Akimbo shotguns from the 19th century
-The use of futuristic technology is cheating (Heartbeat sensor= pussy pad)
-The use of outdated technology is not cheating, until you have two of them (Model 1887 Akimbo)
-6 inch thick walls do not constitute good cover. A chicken cage? Absolutely
-Chickens are cold blooded
-Enemies have different colored heartbeats
-He who lags, lasts
Everything I know, I learned from:
Elder Scolls IV: Oblivion
-If you can see it, chances are I can shoot it
-Guards rarely miss
-You can deliver a killing blow without lifting a finger
-18 ft tall spiders can't hurt you, but a mountain lion WILL kick your ass
-Jygallag is a name to be feared, DO NOT laugh
-Information is never, and I mean NEVER free
-Be careful where you pitch your tent
-Singing plants are all the rage, and a great source of income
-Deer are your only friends
-Horses are expendable
-If the enemy can't see you, it will hurt them that much more
-Duchess of Dementia will always sound cooler than Duke of Mania
-Oblivion is HOT
-A good archer has great vision and accuracy; a great archer can zoom in
-The beggars know everything
-Guild chests are trans-dimensional
-Everyone can spot a stolen item
-The pretty little dress she's wearing is probably better armor than your raiment
-Don't piss off the little old dude with the staff
-Enjoy the View
Half-Life
-There is something around, behind or inside EVERYTHING, and it will kill you
-There are an infinite number of ways to die…you will find a new one
-The term "bone-crunching" comes complete with its very own sound effect
-Every dumbass deserves a second chance, and a ladder
-Behind every box, every stairwell, every door and around every corner, there is a headcrab with your name on it
-"River Guide" rarely applies to water
-Sometimes, even your weapon needs some TLC
-There is no substitute to the crowbar
-Be careful where you point the rocket launcher
-The presence of med kits and ammo most often means your ass is toast
-Ant lions are, by far, the smartest creatures around
-Gravitygun + anything = a weapon
-Amidst modern and alien weaponry, the 16th century crossbow is still #1 in our hearts
-Nothing is as easy as it looks
Swat IV
-"Looks clear" and "Is clear" are two entirely different things…learn the difference
-Bang and clear! That's what she said
-Shoot first, sort it out later
-No matter what you do, it's never going to be good enough for the one's in charge
-Optiwand everything…multiple times…carefully
-Check behind the door…just because you can't see it, doesn't mean it can't kill you…brutally
Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2
-Every problem in the universe can be solved with Akimbo shotguns from the 19th century
-The use of futuristic technology is cheating (Heartbeat sensor= pussy pad)
-The use of outdated technology is not cheating, until you have two of them (Model 1887 Akimbo)
-6 inch thick walls do not constitute good cover. A chicken cage? Absolutely
-Chickens are cold blooded
-Enemies have different colored heartbeats
-He who lags, lasts