(no subject)
i'm sorry i hate sad entries but this is going to be one:
i dont want to be entirely self sufficient. i want people to love me and to know that i need them and i want to be able to give myself up completely. but i feel like whenever i try to, whenever i let my guard down even for a second, i end up getting hurt and then that makes me completely lose my faith in everything. people always tell me that i need to trust people but how can i when all people do when i try to get close to them is hurt me? i'm not trying to bitch and moan i jus dont know what to do? open up and just be hurt more and more and more? or say, hey, being open nust hruts me, just accept that you're going to be alone forever? i feel like i can do that second one... but its just annoying because whenever i'm really close, and really good with that, something happens to make me believe that i could at some point have a chance with someone. but you what? i can't. fuck you.
the irony is there is nothin gin particular that sparked this.
i dont want to be entirely self sufficient. i want people to love me and to know that i need them and i want to be able to give myself up completely. but i feel like whenever i try to, whenever i let my guard down even for a second, i end up getting hurt and then that makes me completely lose my faith in everything. people always tell me that i need to trust people but how can i when all people do when i try to get close to them is hurt me? i'm not trying to bitch and moan i jus dont know what to do? open up and just be hurt more and more and more? or say, hey, being open nust hruts me, just accept that you're going to be alone forever? i feel like i can do that second one... but its just annoying because whenever i'm really close, and really good with that, something happens to make me believe that i could at some point have a chance with someone. but you what? i can't. fuck you.
the irony is there is nothin gin particular that sparked this.