(no subject)
i hate this test, it makes me feel so stupid. it's not that i cant grasp the material, it appears that i am having trouble thinking the way that the test people do. and although that might not necessarily be a bad thing, it does however affect my chances of passing the exam and actually being able to practice. i'm so frustrated with the test that i cant seem to sleep anymore. i sleep in shifts of 3-4 hours and then up for a few hours and then sleep another hour or two. i'm trying to study, trying to wrap my mind around their way of thinking, but it's not working. the practice questions aren't going very well, or as well as i had hoped they would. i'm losing confidence in myself. i dont know if i can pass this test. i'm doing my best to recover, but i cant seem to. i know i'm being hard on myself, and i know that i am an intelligent person, but a large part of me still worries that i'm not going to pass it. i dont want to repeat this horror again. i cant do this shit again. i dont know what i'll do. it's not as easy as just saying 'well i'll just take it again.' No. I can't. i know that i can be a great nurse, but i dont know if i can take this test. i've lost my confidence and my esteem has been shot. i'm trying. but i dont feel like i have anything left. and i dont want "I can't" be words that are dropping off my tongue or written, but that's how i feel right now. i dont want this fucking test to be what holds me back. i dont want it to prevent me from doing what i love. i dont want it to get the best of me. i dont know what this test is so difficult for me or why i cant concentrate enough to kick its ass. i dont have anymore time to dawdle around. i'm trying hard to prepare myself. im trying not to psych myself out. im trying to win back my confidence. maybe i'm just in a low time of sleep deprived frustration. im hoping i can get my act together come dec 20. i might be holing myself up for the next 2 weeks.