Special Effex-or
I had my follow-up with my doctor last night to see how my meds were going. I came in crying because Kevin had been in my office just an hour beforehand and was telling me that Winter should get spanked for not wearing any of her new clothes. It pissed me off because the REASON she's not wearing them is because SHE FEELS BAD. Spanking her is just going to make it worse. Fuck that. We just needed to talk about it, find out how to make her clothes feel comfortable for her and get her used to it, and feel GOOD about herself.
So he started talking about how she really needs to take care of herself (meaning her weight) blah blah blah and that pissed me off, too. And I told him that him getting onto her about that was making her insecure and I didn't want her to go through the same stuff I did. Third grade was when I started developing. Third grade is when people started telling me I was fat at school, reinforcing what my relatives told me every time we saw them. NO. And I told him I didn't want to hear him ever talk to her about "taking care of herself" again. That was part of what I hated when I was with him. I have gained, officially, 100 pounds. 100 pounds ago, I was wearing a size 14 and feeling pretty excited about it. 100 lbs ago, he was still telling me that he was "concerned about my health" and would like to see me lose some weight. Not for him. For me. Because I was too fat. 100 lbs ago, when I was chubby but not like morbidly obese.
Fuckin'. Bullshit.
But anyway, that's what got me crying in the first place. I cried for like two hours or something. It was awful. I was still crying but trying really hard not to when I got to the doctor's office, so he was all concerned my medicine wasn't working. And I told him my meds were just fine, but I'd just broken up with Kevin and then he came back around because I needed the car and reminded me WHY I broke up with him and I just couldn't stop crying.
So he started asking me how I feel and I told him how mostly I just hate everything, I don't fit in at work, I hate my job, but I am starting to recognize my panic attacks, etc. etc. and pull out of them.
He prescribed me Effexor. I don't think I agree with being prescribed another antidepressant just because I broke up with a boyfriend and he's still making me feel shitty. I mean, yeah, I've been super-whiny, but that's expected, right? Especially when you have no friends in a shitty town that reminds you of another shitty town that was shitty? Dammit. I don't know if it's the Effexor but I'm super-pissy this morning. Which I guess is better than morbidly depressed and just wanting to lie in bed and sleep forever, but uuuuuuugh.
I don't know. I feel like I need to kick something. Or bite something. Where is a pinata when you need one? I think I need to crochet a new VooDude.
So he started talking about how she really needs to take care of herself (meaning her weight) blah blah blah and that pissed me off, too. And I told him that him getting onto her about that was making her insecure and I didn't want her to go through the same stuff I did. Third grade was when I started developing. Third grade is when people started telling me I was fat at school, reinforcing what my relatives told me every time we saw them. NO. And I told him I didn't want to hear him ever talk to her about "taking care of herself" again. That was part of what I hated when I was with him. I have gained, officially, 100 pounds. 100 pounds ago, I was wearing a size 14 and feeling pretty excited about it. 100 lbs ago, he was still telling me that he was "concerned about my health" and would like to see me lose some weight. Not for him. For me. Because I was too fat. 100 lbs ago, when I was chubby but not like morbidly obese.
Fuckin'. Bullshit.
But anyway, that's what got me crying in the first place. I cried for like two hours or something. It was awful. I was still crying but trying really hard not to when I got to the doctor's office, so he was all concerned my medicine wasn't working. And I told him my meds were just fine, but I'd just broken up with Kevin and then he came back around because I needed the car and reminded me WHY I broke up with him and I just couldn't stop crying.
So he started asking me how I feel and I told him how mostly I just hate everything, I don't fit in at work, I hate my job, but I am starting to recognize my panic attacks, etc. etc. and pull out of them.
He prescribed me Effexor. I don't think I agree with being prescribed another antidepressant just because I broke up with a boyfriend and he's still making me feel shitty. I mean, yeah, I've been super-whiny, but that's expected, right? Especially when you have no friends in a shitty town that reminds you of another shitty town that was shitty? Dammit. I don't know if it's the Effexor but I'm super-pissy this morning. Which I guess is better than morbidly depressed and just wanting to lie in bed and sleep forever, but uuuuuuugh.
I don't know. I feel like I need to kick something. Or bite something. Where is a pinata when you need one? I think I need to crochet a new VooDude.