Back In the Day...
...there was a tribe of cavemen. Okay, there were several tribes of cavemen. But we are talking about one tribe in particular. And they lived in a most hostile environment, what with all those dire wolves and sabre-toothed tigers and cave lions and cave bears and wooly rhinoceroses. As tool-using primates, they made spears and clubs with which to beat these prehistoric mammals across their prehistoric (and often pointy) heads.
But what was different about this tribe was, they had another defense.
Where most cave-individuals of the human sort had hair, these had bristles. So sharp were they, one might almost call them spines. And should the very pointy (and hungry) prehistoric mammals find themselves with a meal made of one of them, they would also find themselves with a mouthful of spines.
And over the decades, they bred with other humans as back then they were not nearly so particular about such trivial things as body hair. And the spines became slowly less prickly. And they were my ancestors.
This is my theory, anyway. Either that, or was an unfortunate incident once upon a time involving steel wool, because my legs are ridiculous. I have a Venus razor. Four heads for the razor cost me $12. If I were to shave every day as society likes to tell me I should, I would be spending upwards of $50 a month on razors, as the most I can get out of one head is one or two effective shaves. The purpose of which is entirely defeated after 12 hours, because the wires I call my leg-hair are ALREADY COMING BACK. So I shave about once a week if I'm feeling generous.
I am trying an Experiment.
I pluck a LOT. I have an obsession with hair and the fact that it should not be anywhere on my body except my head and my arms. I pluck stray hairs. I pluck the occassional freaky mutant hair that is just suddenly 3 inches long overnight. I pluck a hair if it looks a little thicker than the other hairs. Or the one that's just a little longer than the rest. Etc. etc. etc. I generally have tweezers in my pocket. It's a terrible habit, and I hate that I spend so much time every day just obsessively plucking. I often imagined a device that was like MegaTweezers, that would just pluck all the hairs so they'd stay gone longer than 12 hours.
It exists, and it is actually called an epilator. I bought an Emjoi Gently Silken Epilator from amazon because it was not $80. Basically, it's got a rotating head covered with little tweezer-clamp thingies. You run it across your legs and it yanks hairs out. I tried it out last night.
Now, it takes a minute to get used to. Having many hairs ripped out of your skin in rapid succession is shocking and painful. But eventually your brain gets sick of hearing from your legs that yes, yet another hair is missing! IT'S NOT A SURPRISE ANYMORE OMG! And it just shuts down that set of nerves so it doesn't have to listen.
It also takes a long time. I haven't shaved in... I don't even know, whatevs. But it's been a while! I am Yeti, see my pelt sort of thing. And you can only take so much violent ripping of hairs from flesh before you have to take a break. BUT! Those hairs that were yanked from their roots? Are still gone. And the best part? NO RAZOR BURN.
Maybe I've just got super-sensetive skin, but I never get nice-looking legs when I shave. There is razor burn. If I use shaving gel, there are hives. I use my soap, and there's still razor burn. That is non-existent here. Also, there's no hair left behind to grow into stubble after a mere 12 hours. AND! I will not be spending $12 every month (at minimum) on new heads for a razor. So I think this violent ripping of hairs from the flesh is worth it. And I will get used to it.
Kevin watched me last night and kept wincing. "Is it worth it?"
OMG YES! Especially since the end-result is I won't be sitting around with tweezers obsessively plucking at my body all the time.
But what was different about this tribe was, they had another defense.
Where most cave-individuals of the human sort had hair, these had bristles. So sharp were they, one might almost call them spines. And should the very pointy (and hungry) prehistoric mammals find themselves with a meal made of one of them, they would also find themselves with a mouthful of spines.
And over the decades, they bred with other humans as back then they were not nearly so particular about such trivial things as body hair. And the spines became slowly less prickly. And they were my ancestors.
This is my theory, anyway. Either that, or was an unfortunate incident once upon a time involving steel wool, because my legs are ridiculous. I have a Venus razor. Four heads for the razor cost me $12. If I were to shave every day as society likes to tell me I should, I would be spending upwards of $50 a month on razors, as the most I can get out of one head is one or two effective shaves. The purpose of which is entirely defeated after 12 hours, because the wires I call my leg-hair are ALREADY COMING BACK. So I shave about once a week if I'm feeling generous.
I am trying an Experiment.
I pluck a LOT. I have an obsession with hair and the fact that it should not be anywhere on my body except my head and my arms. I pluck stray hairs. I pluck the occassional freaky mutant hair that is just suddenly 3 inches long overnight. I pluck a hair if it looks a little thicker than the other hairs. Or the one that's just a little longer than the rest. Etc. etc. etc. I generally have tweezers in my pocket. It's a terrible habit, and I hate that I spend so much time every day just obsessively plucking. I often imagined a device that was like MegaTweezers, that would just pluck all the hairs so they'd stay gone longer than 12 hours.
It exists, and it is actually called an epilator. I bought an Emjoi Gently Silken Epilator from amazon because it was not $80. Basically, it's got a rotating head covered with little tweezer-clamp thingies. You run it across your legs and it yanks hairs out. I tried it out last night.
Now, it takes a minute to get used to. Having many hairs ripped out of your skin in rapid succession is shocking and painful. But eventually your brain gets sick of hearing from your legs that yes, yet another hair is missing! IT'S NOT A SURPRISE ANYMORE OMG! And it just shuts down that set of nerves so it doesn't have to listen.
It also takes a long time. I haven't shaved in... I don't even know, whatevs. But it's been a while! I am Yeti, see my pelt sort of thing. And you can only take so much violent ripping of hairs from flesh before you have to take a break. BUT! Those hairs that were yanked from their roots? Are still gone. And the best part? NO RAZOR BURN.
Maybe I've just got super-sensetive skin, but I never get nice-looking legs when I shave. There is razor burn. If I use shaving gel, there are hives. I use my soap, and there's still razor burn. That is non-existent here. Also, there's no hair left behind to grow into stubble after a mere 12 hours. AND! I will not be spending $12 every month (at minimum) on new heads for a razor. So I think this violent ripping of hairs from the flesh is worth it. And I will get used to it.
Kevin watched me last night and kept wincing. "Is it worth it?"
OMG YES! Especially since the end-result is I won't be sitting around with tweezers obsessively plucking at my body all the time.