Is it me?

[themartini]

Last night Amanda came to visit and the first thing that she said was, "Wow you've changed, you're so mellow, not that it's a bad thing or anything." I chose not to drink and had only one shot and she stated that everyone is trying to lose weight but urged me to have fun. It wasn't about that or anything like that. Well last night I was still feeling pretty sick but the main reason was that I didn't desire to drink. Amanda didn't stay w/ us and I guess I understand that it's really hott in the dorm and that it wouldn't have been comfortable but I'm sure that wasn't the case... it's just that she didn't have fun. Maybe I've forgotten how to be a good hostess or maybe I'm a cranky sick person. I don't know. But what I really wanted more than anything was to talk to Amanda and to catch up. I hope that we're not growing in seperate directions. She was roomie and that to me was a term of endearment. I wonder if she'll call me later.

I don't feel like old self but I'm not too upset by it, I just don't know where this all came from. I would go and speak to someone say a therapist about it to have validation from a profesional that I'm a) not crazy and b) going through a phase. I just don't have fun anymore going out to a club. I have fun at swing and really like all the guys there. I've even managed to talk Kirk into coming along. Which reminds me Kirk and I went and saw "Snakes on a Plane" which was an odd movie.

I feel healthy, fit and that I look good now. I enjoy cooking for myself and also paying attention to portion size. It's odd I used to crave sugar and chocolate but now that it's been replaced by whole grains and veggies, I really don't crave it any longer.