(no subject)
i read somewhere i was "one of those that never leaves". yeah. i guess. i'm going to be getting a different name, but it really doesn't matter because i don't "blog" too often any more. um.
my mother his having half of her leg cut off on wednesday. i have to be blunt like that. it's going to be gone. "amputated" is the correct term for it, yeah, but it doesn't seem real to me. i'm from kansas. i guess it's just not simple enough for me. harsh enough. i don't know. i try to pretend that it isn't going to happen. i am ashamed because i try to not look her in the eye. i'm sure she thinks it's something against her, but i have so much pain in my heart for her. and i just don't want her to see that. i only want for her to be well and happy. in all honesty, part of me doesn't believe she ever will, and that hurts even worse. it's sad watching your parents age.
my babies!:
i'm not sure where december will take us. there is so much going on behind the scenes of every situation and conversation and that's too much to deal with at times. steven and i have set some goals for our finances and i'm hoping it will work out as well as possible. we'll see, i guess. i'm trying to find some work from home type jobs, and i'm not talking about crafts. i'm not into that. as much as that whole crunchy mother side of me would like to be, i'm not. yeah.
i need somewhere safe to write. this isn't it. but that's my update for now. if you want to be added onto the new journal (if/when i make one) let me know. it wont be pretty. but it never is.
my mother his having half of her leg cut off on wednesday. i have to be blunt like that. it's going to be gone. "amputated" is the correct term for it, yeah, but it doesn't seem real to me. i'm from kansas. i guess it's just not simple enough for me. harsh enough. i don't know. i try to pretend that it isn't going to happen. i am ashamed because i try to not look her in the eye. i'm sure she thinks it's something against her, but i have so much pain in my heart for her. and i just don't want her to see that. i only want for her to be well and happy. in all honesty, part of me doesn't believe she ever will, and that hurts even worse. it's sad watching your parents age.
my babies!:
i'm not sure where december will take us. there is so much going on behind the scenes of every situation and conversation and that's too much to deal with at times. steven and i have set some goals for our finances and i'm hoping it will work out as well as possible. we'll see, i guess. i'm trying to find some work from home type jobs, and i'm not talking about crafts. i'm not into that. as much as that whole crunchy mother side of me would like to be, i'm not. yeah.
i need somewhere safe to write. this isn't it. but that's my update for now. if you want to be added onto the new journal (if/when i make one) let me know. it wont be pretty. but it never is.