Drunken dating advice for guys that are stupid. (and are hopelessly beneath me)
Do you want to know what's funny? There's a joke in this somewhere just
for you! It's that I'm 5'3'', bald, scarred, hairy, and just made some
stupid big guy that must have been twice my size ENORMOUSLY eff'in'
jealous while I was singing karaoke at O'Malley's eariler.
I went with out to the bar to go party with Dez and her mom seeing as how BB has been really needing to get out of the house and have fun lately. I mean really people, divorce after decades of marriage isn't anything to shake a stick at. But anyways, we got there, I drank my brains out, sang a bunch of karaoke, everyone loved me as always, and after singing "Sweet Transvestite" from The Rocky Horror Picture Show, some chick that really liked my karaoke singing tried to pick up on me and hire the band to sing at some huge ass party she's throwing next month. The guy she was with got all pissed about her liking my singing and that I was waaaay more charming in the 5 minutes that I talked to her, than the 2 HOURS that he was. THAT's fucking hillarious. I even stood up where everyone could see me, danced a jig and laughed at the guy! (all the bouncers are my friends so all he could do was sit there and pout like a little girl) When the guy was leaving, he even tried to get the chick to leave with him, but she didn't want to and was wanting to stick around the karaoke bar longer, so he ended up leaving all pissed while I ended up seeing her and her friends to the parking lot when closing time came around.
I just don't fucking get it people. I kick ultimate ass mind you, but when it comes down to it, I'm a short, stumpy, hairy little man. You big, burly, iron-pumping, tight shirt wearing guys should at least give me SOME competition. Here's a tip for all of you jack-asses who spend HOURS in the gym, but are so insecure in yourselves and scared of little rock-star bastards like me: just be cool - that's it. Just chill and let the ladies know who you are. The ones that are interested will make themselves known in due time, if they don't, then they're not worth all the strutting and posturing in the world. Women don't take insecure, posturing, suck-ups seriously, at least not smart ones with any fucking pride in themselves.
So if you refuse to settle for loose, stupid ho's, just be cool and rock like me! Your dates will love and respect you that much more.
There's my public service announcement for the evening, I think it's time to go pass out on the couch.....
-mad
I went with out to the bar to go party with Dez and her mom seeing as how BB has been really needing to get out of the house and have fun lately. I mean really people, divorce after decades of marriage isn't anything to shake a stick at. But anyways, we got there, I drank my brains out, sang a bunch of karaoke, everyone loved me as always, and after singing "Sweet Transvestite" from The Rocky Horror Picture Show, some chick that really liked my karaoke singing tried to pick up on me and hire the band to sing at some huge ass party she's throwing next month. The guy she was with got all pissed about her liking my singing and that I was waaaay more charming in the 5 minutes that I talked to her, than the 2 HOURS that he was. THAT's fucking hillarious. I even stood up where everyone could see me, danced a jig and laughed at the guy! (all the bouncers are my friends so all he could do was sit there and pout like a little girl) When the guy was leaving, he even tried to get the chick to leave with him, but she didn't want to and was wanting to stick around the karaoke bar longer, so he ended up leaving all pissed while I ended up seeing her and her friends to the parking lot when closing time came around.
I just don't fucking get it people. I kick ultimate ass mind you, but when it comes down to it, I'm a short, stumpy, hairy little man. You big, burly, iron-pumping, tight shirt wearing guys should at least give me SOME competition. Here's a tip for all of you jack-asses who spend HOURS in the gym, but are so insecure in yourselves and scared of little rock-star bastards like me: just be cool - that's it. Just chill and let the ladies know who you are. The ones that are interested will make themselves known in due time, if they don't, then they're not worth all the strutting and posturing in the world. Women don't take insecure, posturing, suck-ups seriously, at least not smart ones with any fucking pride in themselves.
So if you refuse to settle for loose, stupid ho's, just be cool and rock like me! Your dates will love and respect you that much more.
There's my public service announcement for the evening, I think it's time to go pass out on the couch.....
-mad