Oops, I verbally vomited....
It's hard to keep up a chipper, happy-go-lucky front when you feel anything but.
I've tried to though, for the sake of everyone else's well-being. I want to be the one to cheer people up whenever they're feeling sad or angry. However, I can no longer hold back. I need to vent, or else I may end up imploding.
I'm gonna take the time now to apologize in advance if any of the following sounds like the same regurgitated BS I've spewed in the past. To those who have known me for awhile, you know what I peak of.
ANYWAYS....
I am at a crossroads in my life and I simply don't know which way to go.
I work at a job which I don't particularly like. I can handle the job itself; it's some of the people I work with that make it somewhat difficult at times. But after working there for over seven years, it pays well enough to the point where my husband and I can live fairly comfortable lives. I have learned to tune out the negative bullshit (which, if I let it get to me, tends to permeate my spirit) and do my job. I feel lonely there for the most part, but I'm there to work, not to stir up drama right?
Ever since I was a little girl, I've always stated that I wanted to work with animals when I grew up. However, with each passing year my passion to want to do that has waned. I'm not even sure if it's still there anymore. I'm 25 years old. The economy is still in the crapper as I type this. Should I still follow a fading childhood dream or do something else that will guarantee myself, my husband and whatever children we may have financial security?
And what the hell do you do when you're told by two good friends that you may have "potential" at something else entirely?
This third thing is an idea that I've never even begun to entertain, even in my wildest dreams. But the seed was planted. I rattled it around in my brain. I did some online research. Rattled it around in my brain some more. Thought about how I was gonna bring this up to Dave.
Then I had a realization.
I wouldn't even be doing this if it weren't for said friends telling me I may have potential. Which got me to thinking: "Am I going through all this because I REALLY want to do it? Or is it only because I was told by others that I could possibly do it?"
I believe the latter to be true.
There are a few things about me that you need to know:
I am almost always unsure of what I should do. Cos with just about every decision I make, I take into account how others may be affected. If I deem making a certain choice to be too selfish, I back away from it. I do not live for myself. I live for others. Cos in the end, they are what matter most to me.
I find it hard for me to try and better myself both physically and mentally. Cos I get the feeling that either way, people will still love me. So why bother trying? (this ties in with me living for others and not myself)
I am weary of seeking professional help. I do not waish to become dependent on prescription medication to make me better. And I do not want to waste my money venting to someone who could quite frankly care less about how I feel. Cos knowing my general luck, I would get stuck with that kind of person.
So this is where I stand as we speak. Should I stay where it is stagnant yet safe? Do I try to rediscover a passion that may or may not still be in my heart? Or do I take the ultimate chance and step outside my comfort zone, with no visible safety net whatsoever?
Given my personality traits, this is not an easy choice to make. But a choice needs to be made soon. I'm not getting any younger, you know?
OK, I'm done vomiting.
Now will someone kindly get me a rag so I can clean up this god awful mess?? =P
I've tried to though, for the sake of everyone else's well-being. I want to be the one to cheer people up whenever they're feeling sad or angry. However, I can no longer hold back. I need to vent, or else I may end up imploding.
I'm gonna take the time now to apologize in advance if any of the following sounds like the same regurgitated BS I've spewed in the past. To those who have known me for awhile, you know what I peak of.
ANYWAYS....
I am at a crossroads in my life and I simply don't know which way to go.
I work at a job which I don't particularly like. I can handle the job itself; it's some of the people I work with that make it somewhat difficult at times. But after working there for over seven years, it pays well enough to the point where my husband and I can live fairly comfortable lives. I have learned to tune out the negative bullshit (which, if I let it get to me, tends to permeate my spirit) and do my job. I feel lonely there for the most part, but I'm there to work, not to stir up drama right?
Ever since I was a little girl, I've always stated that I wanted to work with animals when I grew up. However, with each passing year my passion to want to do that has waned. I'm not even sure if it's still there anymore. I'm 25 years old. The economy is still in the crapper as I type this. Should I still follow a fading childhood dream or do something else that will guarantee myself, my husband and whatever children we may have financial security?
And what the hell do you do when you're told by two good friends that you may have "potential" at something else entirely?
This third thing is an idea that I've never even begun to entertain, even in my wildest dreams. But the seed was planted. I rattled it around in my brain. I did some online research. Rattled it around in my brain some more. Thought about how I was gonna bring this up to Dave.
Then I had a realization.
I wouldn't even be doing this if it weren't for said friends telling me I may have potential. Which got me to thinking: "Am I going through all this because I REALLY want to do it? Or is it only because I was told by others that I could possibly do it?"
I believe the latter to be true.
There are a few things about me that you need to know:
I am almost always unsure of what I should do. Cos with just about every decision I make, I take into account how others may be affected. If I deem making a certain choice to be too selfish, I back away from it. I do not live for myself. I live for others. Cos in the end, they are what matter most to me.
I find it hard for me to try and better myself both physically and mentally. Cos I get the feeling that either way, people will still love me. So why bother trying? (this ties in with me living for others and not myself)
I am weary of seeking professional help. I do not waish to become dependent on prescription medication to make me better. And I do not want to waste my money venting to someone who could quite frankly care less about how I feel. Cos knowing my general luck, I would get stuck with that kind of person.
So this is where I stand as we speak. Should I stay where it is stagnant yet safe? Do I try to rediscover a passion that may or may not still be in my heart? Or do I take the ultimate chance and step outside my comfort zone, with no visible safety net whatsoever?
Given my personality traits, this is not an easy choice to make. But a choice needs to be made soon. I'm not getting any younger, you know?
OK, I'm done vomiting.
Now will someone kindly get me a rag so I can clean up this god awful mess?? =P