(no subject)
so what to say. it's easter. some smiley guy just won a green jacket. i've been thinking on this recent criticism lately- some people have seemed to notice that i don't take much, including myself, seriously. for instance, let's take satuurday night at east end- carol says, "yes, well everyone must be feeling religious this weekend." scottie, "yeah maybe so, have you guys seen the passion yet?" "not me.." i squeeze in "no i haven't." she answers, "i'm just enjoying my three days in hell like jesus did." scottie's eyes flare up, "holy shit man." carol stifles a laugh, "jesus christ." "i'm just waiting for the lightning to strike." scottie tells me. josh laughs "chad shoulda got hit by lightning a long time ago." "lightning was zues's thing."
anyway, at first i blew it off, it's not a fault, it's a perfectly rational way to look at things, i mean i could spend my time laughing or i could spend my time worrying and fretting and so on... i take things in a comical light, keep my sense of humor alert, my eyes open, my mood elated- tho sometimes it sours and i get sick of the irony. is it a fault? is it a blessing? how do i go about taking myself seriously? do i keep a tough look in my eye? do i walk with an air of confidence? demand respect from those around me? shove my foot in any door that comes across my wandering aim? a firm handshake? a slow rational train of thought? goals recognized and either accomplished or in the process of?
whatever. i got some kisses the other night. this indiffence act works. sorry girls but you may have lost another good man.
no really it's not as bad i make it sound. it's just that promised myself a while ago i would never get involved with a girl just because i was sick of being alone, that i would only attempt such things if i was certain that there was an oppurtunity for advancement so to speak. but i thought i knew just recently, actually i was absolutely certain, and well it seems i didn't, it seems i wasn't. so where does that leave my old philosophy? in shambles, worthy of nothing but the trashcan. i'm freefalling. ug.
anyway, at first i blew it off, it's not a fault, it's a perfectly rational way to look at things, i mean i could spend my time laughing or i could spend my time worrying and fretting and so on... i take things in a comical light, keep my sense of humor alert, my eyes open, my mood elated- tho sometimes it sours and i get sick of the irony. is it a fault? is it a blessing? how do i go about taking myself seriously? do i keep a tough look in my eye? do i walk with an air of confidence? demand respect from those around me? shove my foot in any door that comes across my wandering aim? a firm handshake? a slow rational train of thought? goals recognized and either accomplished or in the process of?
whatever. i got some kisses the other night. this indiffence act works. sorry girls but you may have lost another good man.
no really it's not as bad i make it sound. it's just that promised myself a while ago i would never get involved with a girl just because i was sick of being alone, that i would only attempt such things if i was certain that there was an oppurtunity for advancement so to speak. but i thought i knew just recently, actually i was absolutely certain, and well it seems i didn't, it seems i wasn't. so where does that leave my old philosophy? in shambles, worthy of nothing but the trashcan. i'm freefalling. ug.