what is wrong with me?!?!
http://www.chrismilk.com/42/
^ that. that right there. (feel free to go and watch after you read a lil of this..)
That has -disturbed- me. that is the best way i can put it. it stunned me, angered me, inspired me, but mostly it disturbed me from my comfortable little place of day dreams and wishes. I had such a huge emotional response to it. i cried and i cried a lot. i couldnt even comprehend why at first and i watched it over and over and over again. and i just cried. and shook my head.
afterwards i felt so lost, so stunned. it took me a bit to come back to planet earth... the director is Chris Milk (if you cant tell by the url) so i checked out some of his other work. like he did 'who's gonna save my soul' music vid for gnarls barkley, which i had previously seen and enjoyed... i digress...
anyway.
oh man... its just i can not accept the simplicity, the fragility that is represented in that movie at all! if there were one of me, i would want it to have so much more and you know what? at this point, there wouldnt be. and the things presented would probably mostly be negative things. i dont want this!
i want the overview of what i have done to show inspiration, and good and rising above what i was given and standing out against such a bad and negative backdrop, i dont want to blend in!
And what have i done? the only way i have stood out is by my calm demeanor and kind nature. which is great, dont get me wrong but i want to -change things- i want to inspire people, i want to have a positive impact and i want to learn and see the world and whatever else i am capable of seeing!
and its all possible.
so what in the world have i been doing? why have i been simply sitting here, just dreaming of the possibilities?! what -ever- made that acceptable in my mind?
this has been building up for a while really, a lot of elements are affecting this thought, this way of thinking as a whole but i feel like this is a breaking point for me...
i just can not even think of tomorrow being the end of my life and seeing all these opportunities i could have take, all these risks i could take. I could have loved louder, dreamed bigger, achieved more!its just not acceptable anymore...i have been putting off these things that i feel so strongly about and why? fear? fear of what? failure? thats always a possibility but thats not even how i think in a day to day basis! failure is just as possible as success so why am i sitting here...
its time that i take all these things that i have dreamed of, all these wishes i have never dared to voice, all these things that i know i have the potential to do... and do them...
because my story... is going to be a long one....and there are going to many people in it... and a lot of places as well.
^ that. that right there. (feel free to go and watch after you read a lil of this..)
That has -disturbed- me. that is the best way i can put it. it stunned me, angered me, inspired me, but mostly it disturbed me from my comfortable little place of day dreams and wishes. I had such a huge emotional response to it. i cried and i cried a lot. i couldnt even comprehend why at first and i watched it over and over and over again. and i just cried. and shook my head.
afterwards i felt so lost, so stunned. it took me a bit to come back to planet earth... the director is Chris Milk (if you cant tell by the url) so i checked out some of his other work. like he did 'who's gonna save my soul' music vid for gnarls barkley, which i had previously seen and enjoyed... i digress...
anyway.
oh man... its just i can not accept the simplicity, the fragility that is represented in that movie at all! if there were one of me, i would want it to have so much more and you know what? at this point, there wouldnt be. and the things presented would probably mostly be negative things. i dont want this!
i want the overview of what i have done to show inspiration, and good and rising above what i was given and standing out against such a bad and negative backdrop, i dont want to blend in!
And what have i done? the only way i have stood out is by my calm demeanor and kind nature. which is great, dont get me wrong but i want to -change things- i want to inspire people, i want to have a positive impact and i want to learn and see the world and whatever else i am capable of seeing!
and its all possible.
so what in the world have i been doing? why have i been simply sitting here, just dreaming of the possibilities?! what -ever- made that acceptable in my mind?
this has been building up for a while really, a lot of elements are affecting this thought, this way of thinking as a whole but i feel like this is a breaking point for me...
i just can not even think of tomorrow being the end of my life and seeing all these opportunities i could have take, all these risks i could take. I could have loved louder, dreamed bigger, achieved more!its just not acceptable anymore...i have been putting off these things that i feel so strongly about and why? fear? fear of what? failure? thats always a possibility but thats not even how i think in a day to day basis! failure is just as possible as success so why am i sitting here...
its time that i take all these things that i have dreamed of, all these wishes i have never dared to voice, all these things that i know i have the potential to do... and do them...
because my story... is going to be a long one....and there are going to many people in it... and a lot of places as well.