Life in 07...
I've been working some shit out in my head for the past couple of weeks. I don't exactly know where all this shit will end up, but who does? All I know is that I'm finally moving from the spot that I was stuck to for so damn long. Which makes me happy.
The most work I've been doing...the hardest work...has been working on repairing the brand new rip down the middle of my heart. Repairing that shit after Nelson was hard...repairing it after Cyle flicked it around was hard...but this one was the hardest, I think.
Timma...no one has ever made me laugh so damn hard and cry so damn much. It's not his fault though. It's not like I can blame my pain on him, just because feelings weren't reciprocated. But damn, he left one hell of a wound. I tried to fill the would and forget all about him with Chris, but...let's face it. I didn't give two shits about Chris. Never did. I just wanted him as a way to forget...and as a way to prove that I wasn't completely unwanted. That's where life had to bitchslap me in the back of the head and say "Yes you are!" and I had to get rid of Chris a little before my birthday.
I thought that my birthday couldn't get any worse...wrong. That's when I found out about Mauxe and Tim. And that is when the wound he left got a fucking grenade shoved in it and everything went to hell. Again, I had to deal with someone liking Mauxe instead of me. And again, I had to deal with this pain that only your best friend can cause. But somehow, I managed to pull myself back up, dust off the shit that's built up inside of me, and limp along.
Have I gotten 100% used to their relationship? Hell no. Will I ever? I don't know. But I am tired of letting it interfere with my friendships with the two. I don't want to feel this way anymore. And just forgetting about it is the only way I CAN deal.
My life blows, but I have amazing friends that make this shithole seem like heaven. And I'm not going to let myself lose them.
^v^Kristi^v^
The most work I've been doing...the hardest work...has been working on repairing the brand new rip down the middle of my heart. Repairing that shit after Nelson was hard...repairing it after Cyle flicked it around was hard...but this one was the hardest, I think.
Timma...no one has ever made me laugh so damn hard and cry so damn much. It's not his fault though. It's not like I can blame my pain on him, just because feelings weren't reciprocated. But damn, he left one hell of a wound. I tried to fill the would and forget all about him with Chris, but...let's face it. I didn't give two shits about Chris. Never did. I just wanted him as a way to forget...and as a way to prove that I wasn't completely unwanted. That's where life had to bitchslap me in the back of the head and say "Yes you are!" and I had to get rid of Chris a little before my birthday.
I thought that my birthday couldn't get any worse...wrong. That's when I found out about Mauxe and Tim. And that is when the wound he left got a fucking grenade shoved in it and everything went to hell. Again, I had to deal with someone liking Mauxe instead of me. And again, I had to deal with this pain that only your best friend can cause. But somehow, I managed to pull myself back up, dust off the shit that's built up inside of me, and limp along.
Have I gotten 100% used to their relationship? Hell no. Will I ever? I don't know. But I am tired of letting it interfere with my friendships with the two. I don't want to feel this way anymore. And just forgetting about it is the only way I CAN deal.
My life blows, but I have amazing friends that make this shithole seem like heaven. And I'm not going to let myself lose them.
^v^Kristi^v^