. . break away
As always, my dad acted like all was fine and dandy this evening when he came home. It just bugs me that he can yell at me for something that is completely out of my control, really upset me, and act like nothing happened the next day. I just don't understand him. Another unresolved issue between us. Just what I need. There is no doubt in my mind that something like this will repeat itself within the next week or maybe two. He'll yell at me for something that isn't my fault, I'll try to explain to him why he is being out of line, he'll ignore me, I'll be pissed off and do something irrational (self-harm for example), I won't forget, and he'll act like it never happened a few hours or the next day later. I don't understand how he can ignore it. Then he bitches at me because I'm in a bad mood when I'm really not in a bad mood, I'm just still mad at him for a very good reason. He asked me how we could stop Jackson from chewing up the toilet paper. I said, "You know what, dad, you know the answer to that. It's really simple. You answer that question. Go ahead." He kept asking me what we could do, though, over and over again without answer his own question. He knew the answer. CLOSE THE DOORS! Is it really that difficult to shut the doors? If he gets that upset that the dog chews up the toilet paper, he should have the motivation to close the door behind him. It's that freaking simple. He tried to tell me that we needed to punish Jackson for chewing up the toilet paper, and I tried my best to explain to him that we never catch Jackson in the act. If we did, we could make a loud noise or something that might keep him from doing it again. But, no, we don't catch him in the act. If we scolded him two hours later, he wouldn't understand why we were yelling at him. He would have no idea. He would probably be thinking, 'Oh, ummm, I'm standing here. Is it bad to stand here?'. He just wouldn't understand. I don't know why it's so difficult for my dad. He's a surgeon. He's supposed to be smart, but he's so freaking stupid sometimes! Gah. I wasn't finished with the issue, but I dropped it because I know that he thinks it's over. Like I said, another unresolved issues. There are so many. He just drops it. He's always the one yelling at me, though, so it's harder for me to drop it. I just hate being yelled at when I haven't done anything wrong. He has these outrageous expectations. Like when he expected me to see that the house-keeper had moved the dog gate in front of the elevator door while I was leaving my room and going straight upstairs. What does he want me to do? Look right and left (there's the garage door and elevator door, not much to look at) while I'm making my way out of my room and up the stairs which are three feet away from my door? Does he expect me to have a pair of eyes upstairs on Jackson while I'm downstairs in my room? Am I supposed to have some vision of Jackson chewing up the toilet paper while I'm downstairs and he's on the third floor? I just don't understand what that man wants from me. And I don't understand why he doesn't realize that what he expects of me is outrageous and completely foolish. *Breathes* So, although I'm still pissed off at him, I have to put on that fake smile and happy face just so he doesn't go around saying, "Well, aren't you in a bad mood today?" or "Gosh, Emily, you're being rotten today." He tells me that I'm in a bad mood when I'm trying to clear the air with him. What an idiot. If he keeps this up, I'll be in the insane asylum before you know it. No joke...
I'm absolutely exhausted. I'm getting seven or eight hours of sleep, so I'm not quite sure why I'm so tired. Maybe I'm just emotionally tired, and that's making my physically tired. I don't know. School was boring today. I mean, I'm glad that I don't really have to talk to anyone or participate in class like everyone else, but it's kind of boring. I do math the entire time. From 11:45AM to 2:15PM. At least it's easy math so far. I just work on the computer the entire time and take these little quizzes. They have really refreshed my memory. I forgot how to do a lot of that stuff, but after five minutes, it's as simple as it was when I first learned it. I bet I could pass the G.E.D. test right now. Seriously. I'm going to sign up for the October test while I still can. Those test days fill up way too quickly! I lost my chance to take the one at the end of September. So, right, early October is the best I can do.
Mmmm, okay. I think I'll go to bed as soon as I can. I'm definitely going to try to get into bed before 12AM. *Crosses Fingers*
XOXO's, Emily
I'm absolutely exhausted. I'm getting seven or eight hours of sleep, so I'm not quite sure why I'm so tired. Maybe I'm just emotionally tired, and that's making my physically tired. I don't know. School was boring today. I mean, I'm glad that I don't really have to talk to anyone or participate in class like everyone else, but it's kind of boring. I do math the entire time. From 11:45AM to 2:15PM. At least it's easy math so far. I just work on the computer the entire time and take these little quizzes. They have really refreshed my memory. I forgot how to do a lot of that stuff, but after five minutes, it's as simple as it was when I first learned it. I bet I could pass the G.E.D. test right now. Seriously. I'm going to sign up for the October test while I still can. Those test days fill up way too quickly! I lost my chance to take the one at the end of September. So, right, early October is the best I can do.
Mmmm, okay. I think I'll go to bed as soon as I can. I'm definitely going to try to get into bed before 12AM. *Crosses Fingers*
XOXO's, Emily