. . after the storm
I was flipping through my wilderness journals tonight, and I found one of the poems I wrote while I was there - while I could still express myself both verbally and through poetry. Now it seems like I can't do either.
After The Storm
The clouds are rolling in
Becoming darker every day
I can feel the tension
Brewing in the storm
Every single drop of rain
Holding a meaning of its own
Falling to the earth
Crashing to its death
Though the liquid drop lives on
Moisture nourishing the flowers
Bringing all to life
Serenity and beauty
But only after the storm
More wilderness journal stuff...
This is what people said about me during one of our groups...
Jane said that I was a shy girl, but really funny. Sometimes scared to talk. Fearful of what people will say. Inspirational. Optimistic. When I express my feelings, people listen. Amazing insight. Smart. She also said that I need to know what I want and what I need to work on. She also said that although I hide sometimes, that I'm an awesome girl.
Emi said that I'm positive and generally optimistic. I'm a willing and strong individual. Sometimes self-conscious. Willing and open to growth. Smart and intellectual. Thoughtful, inspirational, and respectable.
Natalie said that I'm smart, very nice, and understanding. Creative. She told me that I will succeed. I was a good leader. Really strong. Good listener. Willing to help people out and get things finished. I was improving on expressing my feelings. Funny. She said that I was a great role model and an awesome girl.
Coleen told me that I was an awesome girl. Really strong and really smart and insightful. Caring and compassionate. Funny. That I was beginning to get to know myself and becoming more open. That I had really good taste in music. Creative. She also said that I would go far in life.
I found another poem. It doesn't have a title, though...
Do they know what's best for me?
Or am I doing what is right?
Questions racing through my mind
Time and time again
I've never had to leave
Everything that I once knew
Once... now twice
Leaving what I know
Leaving what I knew
It's what's best for me
Or that's what I've been told
I guess I'll have to face the facts
I wasn't walking the best path
But I'm being guided by those that love
And all will be well in the end
HAHAHA! I just found the best feedback group I had! Okay, no, but what Tara said REALLY stood out! It made me laugh so hard! Feedback groups, for those who don't know, were therapy groups where my cabin mates would give me feedback. Everyone had a feedback groupd when they trasitioned to different levels in the program.
Emi said that we had a connection at first. She also stated that we are name twins. I'm lots of fun, unique, and genuine. Comfortable with mysef. I know how I function. I'm good at being calm and thinking things through. I had positive energy and good taste in music. Construtively, she said that I needed to show more leadership and take charge. She also said that she loved me.
Lauren said that I'm totally cool. Very genuine and real. She said that I had opened up, and I was embracing the situation. I had good communication skills. I was a goood leader. I didn't follow the crowd. I had awesome taste in music. She also made it a point to tell me that I was a computer geek. She said that I had stepped up a lot. She told me that I should express my feelings more. She also said she loved me.
Maria said that she loved me. She said that I talked a lot. I was a sweet girl, and I always held people accountable.
Tara (instructor) told me that I had changed a lot (she was there my first day and my last). She told me that I was doing a good job at taking dumps (HAHA! That's what got me laughing! None of the girls would crap their first week or two at wilderness [Yes, it's possible to hold it in that long.]. So once we started getting comfortable and taking daily craps, we were cheered on!). I was doing a great job at being a leader, and I had stepped up a lot. I was into bow-drilling, and I had a lot of motivation. She also told me that I shouldn't be afraid of hurting peoples' feelings sometimes.
Jeremy (instructor) told me that he had only known me for one day, but he could already see that I was stepping up a lot. I was doing well and had good communications skills. I was afraid to hurt people. I had a natural energy. He also said that he was excited to get to know me.
Awww. Sometimes I need to flip through these journals just to remember how wonderful that place was... no matter how much I hated it and wanted to leave at the beginning.
More poetry...
Seveteen
Seventeen never seemed so bad
Losing everything that I once had
Sick of fighting when I'll always lose
Brought down by what I choose
Time flies when you're having fun
Should I stay, or should I run?
Thoughts running through my mind
Often fearful of what I'll find
Lots of anger boiling inside
The only thing to do is hide
So many changes in once glance
Knowing that this might be my last chance
There was one poem that I wrote that I really, really liked. I liked it so much that I pinned it up on my bulletin board at my boarding school in Costa Rica. I know it's somewhere, but it's going to be difficult for me to find. If I do find it one day, I'll be sure to post it.
Gah, I wish that I could be the way I was at wilderness.
I doubt that anyone has made it this far through my entry. I'm posting one of my last journal entries before I left the wilderness program now, then I'm off to bed.
03/07/2004 - 61st Day
So, today was an interesting day. We went on a BEASTLY hike. I'm really sleep. We stole the toilet seat from the boys' cabin, climbed to the tippy-top of Haystack Mountain, and we then tied the toilet seat to the highest point of Haystack. Of course, we signed our names on the toilet seat before tying it to the tree. Haha, it was pretty amusing. I miss Micha and Joel a lot. Wow, I hope that Tara comes to my graduation. Man, I need a shower like crazy. I'm stinky. Gross. So, Natalie and I get our Hawk feast tonight. Yay to that. I'm so tired, and I'm being completely random. See? I'm feeling a little out of it. Bah, I still have to do an assignment. My back hurts, but my feet hurt even more. Eck. Hmmm, what more is there to say? I'm way tired. My feet hurt SO much, man. I gotta go to sleep! Jeremy just gave me a story to read. I wonder what it's about? Holy crap. I feel like shit. My head hurts and all of that fun stuff. Oh, I just want to have a great sleep. I'm so excited about going to bed. Adios.
Although I might have seemed miserable, I really wasn't. I was having the time of my life! I wish I was still so excited about bedtime! It's 12:30AM, and if I don't get to bed very soon, I won't get enough sleep. Sooo, I hope you enjoyed my random entry of poetry and journal stuff from my wilderness program. *Waves* It made me feel a little better... a little less worthless than I've felt recently.
XOXO's, Emily
After The Storm
The clouds are rolling in
Becoming darker every day
I can feel the tension
Brewing in the storm
Every single drop of rain
Holding a meaning of its own
Falling to the earth
Crashing to its death
Though the liquid drop lives on
Moisture nourishing the flowers
Bringing all to life
Serenity and beauty
But only after the storm
More wilderness journal stuff...
This is what people said about me during one of our groups...
Jane said that I was a shy girl, but really funny. Sometimes scared to talk. Fearful of what people will say. Inspirational. Optimistic. When I express my feelings, people listen. Amazing insight. Smart. She also said that I need to know what I want and what I need to work on. She also said that although I hide sometimes, that I'm an awesome girl.
Emi said that I'm positive and generally optimistic. I'm a willing and strong individual. Sometimes self-conscious. Willing and open to growth. Smart and intellectual. Thoughtful, inspirational, and respectable.
Natalie said that I'm smart, very nice, and understanding. Creative. She told me that I will succeed. I was a good leader. Really strong. Good listener. Willing to help people out and get things finished. I was improving on expressing my feelings. Funny. She said that I was a great role model and an awesome girl.
Coleen told me that I was an awesome girl. Really strong and really smart and insightful. Caring and compassionate. Funny. That I was beginning to get to know myself and becoming more open. That I had really good taste in music. Creative. She also said that I would go far in life.
I found another poem. It doesn't have a title, though...
Do they know what's best for me?
Or am I doing what is right?
Questions racing through my mind
Time and time again
I've never had to leave
Everything that I once knew
Once... now twice
Leaving what I know
Leaving what I knew
It's what's best for me
Or that's what I've been told
I guess I'll have to face the facts
I wasn't walking the best path
But I'm being guided by those that love
And all will be well in the end
HAHAHA! I just found the best feedback group I had! Okay, no, but what Tara said REALLY stood out! It made me laugh so hard! Feedback groups, for those who don't know, were therapy groups where my cabin mates would give me feedback. Everyone had a feedback groupd when they trasitioned to different levels in the program.
Emi said that we had a connection at first. She also stated that we are name twins. I'm lots of fun, unique, and genuine. Comfortable with mysef. I know how I function. I'm good at being calm and thinking things through. I had positive energy and good taste in music. Construtively, she said that I needed to show more leadership and take charge. She also said that she loved me.
Lauren said that I'm totally cool. Very genuine and real. She said that I had opened up, and I was embracing the situation. I had good communication skills. I was a goood leader. I didn't follow the crowd. I had awesome taste in music. She also made it a point to tell me that I was a computer geek. She said that I had stepped up a lot. She told me that I should express my feelings more. She also said she loved me.
Maria said that she loved me. She said that I talked a lot. I was a sweet girl, and I always held people accountable.
Tara (instructor) told me that I had changed a lot (she was there my first day and my last). She told me that I was doing a good job at taking dumps (HAHA! That's what got me laughing! None of the girls would crap their first week or two at wilderness [Yes, it's possible to hold it in that long.]. So once we started getting comfortable and taking daily craps, we were cheered on!). I was doing a great job at being a leader, and I had stepped up a lot. I was into bow-drilling, and I had a lot of motivation. She also told me that I shouldn't be afraid of hurting peoples' feelings sometimes.
Jeremy (instructor) told me that he had only known me for one day, but he could already see that I was stepping up a lot. I was doing well and had good communications skills. I was afraid to hurt people. I had a natural energy. He also said that he was excited to get to know me.
Awww. Sometimes I need to flip through these journals just to remember how wonderful that place was... no matter how much I hated it and wanted to leave at the beginning.
More poetry...
Seveteen
Seventeen never seemed so bad
Losing everything that I once had
Sick of fighting when I'll always lose
Brought down by what I choose
Time flies when you're having fun
Should I stay, or should I run?
Thoughts running through my mind
Often fearful of what I'll find
Lots of anger boiling inside
The only thing to do is hide
So many changes in once glance
Knowing that this might be my last chance
There was one poem that I wrote that I really, really liked. I liked it so much that I pinned it up on my bulletin board at my boarding school in Costa Rica. I know it's somewhere, but it's going to be difficult for me to find. If I do find it one day, I'll be sure to post it.
Gah, I wish that I could be the way I was at wilderness.
I doubt that anyone has made it this far through my entry. I'm posting one of my last journal entries before I left the wilderness program now, then I'm off to bed.
03/07/2004 - 61st Day
So, today was an interesting day. We went on a BEASTLY hike. I'm really sleep. We stole the toilet seat from the boys' cabin, climbed to the tippy-top of Haystack Mountain, and we then tied the toilet seat to the highest point of Haystack. Of course, we signed our names on the toilet seat before tying it to the tree. Haha, it was pretty amusing. I miss Micha and Joel a lot. Wow, I hope that Tara comes to my graduation. Man, I need a shower like crazy. I'm stinky. Gross. So, Natalie and I get our Hawk feast tonight. Yay to that. I'm so tired, and I'm being completely random. See? I'm feeling a little out of it. Bah, I still have to do an assignment. My back hurts, but my feet hurt even more. Eck. Hmmm, what more is there to say? I'm way tired. My feet hurt SO much, man. I gotta go to sleep! Jeremy just gave me a story to read. I wonder what it's about? Holy crap. I feel like shit. My head hurts and all of that fun stuff. Oh, I just want to have a great sleep. I'm so excited about going to bed. Adios.
Although I might have seemed miserable, I really wasn't. I was having the time of my life! I wish I was still so excited about bedtime! It's 12:30AM, and if I don't get to bed very soon, I won't get enough sleep. Sooo, I hope you enjoyed my random entry of poetry and journal stuff from my wilderness program. *Waves* It made me feel a little better... a little less worthless than I've felt recently.
XOXO's, Emily