and sometimes what you say/ isn't what you speak
I guess it shouldn't matter so much, you know? It shouldn't matter. FACT: Prom sucked.
FACT: No one cares.
The girls are all asleep in the other room, the way I should be, and yet it seems that I've no need for it. Well, it's not the need that I lack, but once again, the ability.
I don't want to sleep tonight because I'm afraid of what I'll see behind my eyes.
I talked to Beth tonight---it was a lovely surprise to see her, I will admit---and she and I figured some stuff out. It was good to talk about, but I guess it was a sure-fire way to make me too introspective to feel the need to participate. And I was honestly too crowd-sensitive, too, if I'm being brutally honest... I couldn't have handled more than a few short minutes in the room, in contact with so many people. I mean, even when I was sitting in the hall I was hyperaware, honing in on things I didn't need to know about.
It kinda sucked, too, because I didn't have a date. That's not even really it, though... it was just really awkward, being in a group with four other couples. And the one person who went stag was... well, not a person that I thought I'd be interested in. I mean, we get along all right, but...
My whole group wants us to hook up, but when I asked him if he wanted to hang out sometime he kinda hedged and said he was going to get drunk that day. And he, I guess, doesn't want to ask me... I'm not surprised. I mean, I've only had one person ever be interested in me, and look at who he turned out to be when I wasn't watching!
I'm pissed, too, and hurt, because every time I went to dance with a group of friends, they'd all just up and leave me there, sitting alone... Another good reason to stop dancing, I suppose.
And my sleepover fell through, pretty much. Oh, I mean, Mandi, Lena, and Kelli stayed, but... Christina (whom I didn't expect to stay but was hoping for) and Devin (and Becky, if you want to get technical, though she only said she would try) just up and left.
But, what the hell.
It shouldn't matter so much, you know? It shouldn't matter.
The thoughts in my mind
Command my lips to say I hate you
The thoughts in my mind
Command my hands to cut your silken flesh
The thoughts in my mind
Command my feet to stomp your head
The thoughts in my mind have one question
When will this ever end?
Chorus
Not much to the life I live
Same four walls
I have nothing left to give
Please take it all away
Same four walls
The thoughts from my mind
Feel the pain as rats claw at my flesh
The thoughts from my mind
Feel the joy as the needle hits my vein
The thoughts from my mind
Smell the stench as shit runs down my leg
The thoughts from my mind ask for sanity
Now for this I beg
Chorus (altered 1)
Not much to the life I live
Same four walls
I have nothing left to give
Please take it all away
Same four walls (2x)
My mind
Is like today
Damp, dark, dreary
As the rain falls outside, beating
Going the ground
I can feel it
Slipping away
Dying
Dying, around decay
Dying, like my soul
From the inside out
I can only pray
It won't be long
it won't be long now
It can't be long
It can't be long now
Help me
Where do I go from here?
The thoughts from my mind
Command my lips to say I hate you
The thoughts from my mind
Command my hands to cut your silken flesh
The thoughts from my mind
Command my feet to stomp your head
The thoughts from my mind have one question
When will I be dead?
Chorus (altered 2)
This is the life I have to live
Same four walls
I have nothing left to give
Please take it all away
This is the life I have to live
Same four walls
I have nothing left to give
Please take it all away
Same four walls (4x)
There's nothing left for me....