summer:people
Since today was my official last day of summer I will reflect on it;I will break it up into two entries:Events and people
It was probably the best summer I ever had, even though I have had my suckest moments this summer. My summer had everything from the undescribable, amazing feelings to the "holy fuck I wanna die" feelings. I have matured so much more, and I have found myself a little bit more.
I met this amazing guy this summer. Nothing too serious happened between us, but at the same time things did happen. I want so much more, but it will not happen for many reasons. I have never felt this way about a guy. It is undescribable and amazing and I never want those feelings to end. Whenever I knew I was going to see him, even for 5 minutes, my heart felt like it was about to jump out, it beated that fast, I had a smile on my face, and I would have so much energy even if I didn't sleep at all that day. He made all the pain I felt inside disappear. When things actually did happen between us, I must have been on cloud nine. I remember everything that happened, everything said, every look. It hurt a lot when I realized I would never see/talk to him again, until out of the blue, he texts me on sunday. we talk he gives me his yahoo messenger name, and he came into pizza market. I am wicked confused, because one part of me says that he wouldn't just message me for nothing, but another part says that this is not what he is looking for. We already had a convo about us, and even though some circumstances changed, some haven't. Or maybe I am just another girl to him, that he likes the attention I give him. All I know is how I feel when I see him,talk to him, remember him. He was the first guy(outside family and my mom's friends) to ever tell me I was beautiful and hot. For the first time ever I felt like I was worth it, I felt pretty. I wanted to be the best, even if he wasn't there.
Brittany, a girl I worked at Nadeau's with, has got to be one of the coolest girls around. I feel like she has taken me in. There was not a day that went by, that she didn't say I was beautiful or gorgeous. And I'm not saying that is what made her awesome, but she made me feel like I was. I went through a tough time in the winter with my looks, and to have someone tell you that kinda makes you look at yourself harder. She and I have somewhat the same home life. She didn't get along with her dad, her mom kicked her out at 19, etc. On my last day at nadeaus, she bought me a cake. I could tell her anything and I could count on her to listen. If I liked girls, she would probably be on my crush list. She always knew how to make me smile.
Then there is my relationship with my mother. It will never be like it was before dave, before my eating disorder, before my shoplifting incident. We will never have that wicked tight, fought over stupid things relationships anymore. Now its more like we pretend we are close, and then she gets mad and we fight badly and then we end up finding things out that we don't want to. I am so ready to move out, and I am finding any way possible to do so. I love her to death, but I am 17 years old. I am old enough to chose who I wanna date, who I wanna hang with, when I wanna hang out, etc. Her and I teeter totter every day. One moment we can't stand each other, the next she wants to be my best friend. So much shit happened this summer that I don't know if we can take another blow.
So much is going through my mind, but I can't organize it.
MY THS friends: As senior comes upon us, I just want to let you all know how much I love and miss you. I want so much to say I am going back senior year. I want to graduate with the bestest people I have known and love. I never really had strong friends until freshmen year, when we were all new to a small school. I would love to say that I was transfering back, but I guess that won't happen. I have nothing but love,gratitude, and fond memories of you guys and good luck, have fun and congradulations we made it this far.
Class of 2007!
goodbye summer of '06
it is just but a memory now :(
It was probably the best summer I ever had, even though I have had my suckest moments this summer. My summer had everything from the undescribable, amazing feelings to the "holy fuck I wanna die" feelings. I have matured so much more, and I have found myself a little bit more.
I met this amazing guy this summer. Nothing too serious happened between us, but at the same time things did happen. I want so much more, but it will not happen for many reasons. I have never felt this way about a guy. It is undescribable and amazing and I never want those feelings to end. Whenever I knew I was going to see him, even for 5 minutes, my heart felt like it was about to jump out, it beated that fast, I had a smile on my face, and I would have so much energy even if I didn't sleep at all that day. He made all the pain I felt inside disappear. When things actually did happen between us, I must have been on cloud nine. I remember everything that happened, everything said, every look. It hurt a lot when I realized I would never see/talk to him again, until out of the blue, he texts me on sunday. we talk he gives me his yahoo messenger name, and he came into pizza market. I am wicked confused, because one part of me says that he wouldn't just message me for nothing, but another part says that this is not what he is looking for. We already had a convo about us, and even though some circumstances changed, some haven't. Or maybe I am just another girl to him, that he likes the attention I give him. All I know is how I feel when I see him,talk to him, remember him. He was the first guy(outside family and my mom's friends) to ever tell me I was beautiful and hot. For the first time ever I felt like I was worth it, I felt pretty. I wanted to be the best, even if he wasn't there.
Brittany, a girl I worked at Nadeau's with, has got to be one of the coolest girls around. I feel like she has taken me in. There was not a day that went by, that she didn't say I was beautiful or gorgeous. And I'm not saying that is what made her awesome, but she made me feel like I was. I went through a tough time in the winter with my looks, and to have someone tell you that kinda makes you look at yourself harder. She and I have somewhat the same home life. She didn't get along with her dad, her mom kicked her out at 19, etc. On my last day at nadeaus, she bought me a cake. I could tell her anything and I could count on her to listen. If I liked girls, she would probably be on my crush list. She always knew how to make me smile.
Then there is my relationship with my mother. It will never be like it was before dave, before my eating disorder, before my shoplifting incident. We will never have that wicked tight, fought over stupid things relationships anymore. Now its more like we pretend we are close, and then she gets mad and we fight badly and then we end up finding things out that we don't want to. I am so ready to move out, and I am finding any way possible to do so. I love her to death, but I am 17 years old. I am old enough to chose who I wanna date, who I wanna hang with, when I wanna hang out, etc. Her and I teeter totter every day. One moment we can't stand each other, the next she wants to be my best friend. So much shit happened this summer that I don't know if we can take another blow.
So much is going through my mind, but I can't organize it.
MY THS friends: As senior comes upon us, I just want to let you all know how much I love and miss you. I want so much to say I am going back senior year. I want to graduate with the bestest people I have known and love. I never really had strong friends until freshmen year, when we were all new to a small school. I would love to say that I was transfering back, but I guess that won't happen. I have nothing but love,gratitude, and fond memories of you guys and good luck, have fun and congradulations we made it this far.
Class of 2007!
goodbye summer of '06
it is just but a memory now :(