Volcano!!!!!!!!!
"No no, I believe it's only actually 5% juice."
"Are you serious, because it tastes like it came right off the vine."
"No, get me a bottle, I'll prove it."
One-Eyed Phil and I were at the helm, talking when it happened.
"Fuck shit mother fucker shit fuck," our navigator with turrets ran up to the helm, with a spy glass in hand.
"What can we do for ye, lad," I asked.
"Cock shit, the ship, mother god dammit, in front, fuck fuck FUCK." He dropped the spyglass and it broke. "Ass poop dung god shit."
"Out with it boy," I yelled.
"STOP THE SHIP," he screamed. The entire crew started scurrying all over the deck.
"What be the matter with ye, boy? I ought to have ye keel hauled. I be the captain."
"Jack, look," One-Eyed Phil interrupted me. It seemed that the ship had stopped just before sailing into a shower of falling molten rock.
"Be that a volcano? Right on the beach like that," I asked.
"Captain, captain, look at this," the professor said, running up to the helm. "I've checked all my maps of this area, none show any mountains where that volcano is standing. That volcano has to be at least 100 to 150 feet tall... or whatever system of measurement we pirates use. It would take millions of years for a mountain like that to form. The point I'm trying to make here is that, out of date as my books are, that mountain still would be recorded."
"Are ye trying to tell me that volcano just popped up out of nowhere, lad?"
"Well, I'm a man of science, but, it's synonymous with all the other misfortunate events that have befallen us. The deaths of our cockswain and gunner, the spoooooky ghosts... I think it may be that buttsex curse."
"That stupid buttsex tool we got from the ninjas, I don't care about that thing anymore, just throw it overboard, let the smelly Hawaiians deal with it."
"No, no, no, we don't know if that'll stop the curse. Captain, I have to read up on this curse more, but all my books are out of date."
"Well we can't just turn around to get you more books, we have to shove ONWARD."
"Listen, Captain, it's only a matter of time before..."
"Listen up buckos," One-Eyed Phil interrupted again. "I may know of a place that be on the way. An old friend of mine, Jolly Joe Goldstein be ownin' a theme park right at the mouth of Devil's Throat... it be an island where sailors can stop and get more supplies and repairs after the long voyage over to the Pacific."
"Can we trust him," I asked.
"Aye, Jolly Joe be a pirate like us. Only instead of stealing people's money by pillaging and plundering, he rips them off through a closed-market economy... he be a jewish pirate."
"Can we stop there then," the professor asked. "There's bound to be a bookshop."
"Ye said theme park, right? That means corn dogs and silly hat shops," I asked.
"Aye," One-Eyed Phil replied.
"Then onward to Jolly Joe's Island. Tell the wenches if they be good, they can get one Olde-Timey Photo each."
"Are you serious, because it tastes like it came right off the vine."
"No, get me a bottle, I'll prove it."
One-Eyed Phil and I were at the helm, talking when it happened.
"Fuck shit mother fucker shit fuck," our navigator with turrets ran up to the helm, with a spy glass in hand.
"What can we do for ye, lad," I asked.
"Cock shit, the ship, mother god dammit, in front, fuck fuck FUCK." He dropped the spyglass and it broke. "Ass poop dung god shit."
"Out with it boy," I yelled.
"STOP THE SHIP," he screamed. The entire crew started scurrying all over the deck.
"What be the matter with ye, boy? I ought to have ye keel hauled. I be the captain."
"Jack, look," One-Eyed Phil interrupted me. It seemed that the ship had stopped just before sailing into a shower of falling molten rock.
"Be that a volcano? Right on the beach like that," I asked.
"Captain, captain, look at this," the professor said, running up to the helm. "I've checked all my maps of this area, none show any mountains where that volcano is standing. That volcano has to be at least 100 to 150 feet tall... or whatever system of measurement we pirates use. It would take millions of years for a mountain like that to form. The point I'm trying to make here is that, out of date as my books are, that mountain still would be recorded."
"Are ye trying to tell me that volcano just popped up out of nowhere, lad?"
"Well, I'm a man of science, but, it's synonymous with all the other misfortunate events that have befallen us. The deaths of our cockswain and gunner, the spoooooky ghosts... I think it may be that buttsex curse."
"That stupid buttsex tool we got from the ninjas, I don't care about that thing anymore, just throw it overboard, let the smelly Hawaiians deal with it."
"No, no, no, we don't know if that'll stop the curse. Captain, I have to read up on this curse more, but all my books are out of date."
"Well we can't just turn around to get you more books, we have to shove ONWARD."
"Listen, Captain, it's only a matter of time before..."
"Listen up buckos," One-Eyed Phil interrupted again. "I may know of a place that be on the way. An old friend of mine, Jolly Joe Goldstein be ownin' a theme park right at the mouth of Devil's Throat... it be an island where sailors can stop and get more supplies and repairs after the long voyage over to the Pacific."
"Can we trust him," I asked.
"Aye, Jolly Joe be a pirate like us. Only instead of stealing people's money by pillaging and plundering, he rips them off through a closed-market economy... he be a jewish pirate."
"Can we stop there then," the professor asked. "There's bound to be a bookshop."
"Ye said theme park, right? That means corn dogs and silly hat shops," I asked.
"Aye," One-Eyed Phil replied.
"Then onward to Jolly Joe's Island. Tell the wenches if they be good, they can get one Olde-Timey Photo each."