(no subject)
Some time ago...
I wrote about such longings, such desires, such jealousy... all and any cruel intentions that could provoke such dismal thoughts... My question was simply, "Why?" (Why does it turn out this way...)
A question that can't easily be answered.....
What is it in certain people... that others don't have? Why is it to some, you can mean the world? And to others, mean nothing more but a mere acquaintance... and be completely content with staying in such a way? Why is beauty in the eye of the beholder?
Questions I already know the answers for... and some that even asnwer THEMSELVES.
I feel blinded by my inqiquites.... My selfish wants and desires... when I KNOW where my "real" focus should reside... but does not. For I want for my love to be returned in such a way, that I would give to her...
Now...
It seems so distant... yet SO CLOSE.... everyday I see, the more it aches inside of me... emotions pulled out of my heart from memories of mere sightings of her... I can't take it! What I desire seems that of such a lost cause.. but yet, I hold onto that cause... for the hope that one day I'll fly away with it... take it to new heights...
So would you call me naive? love-struck? silly? flat out dumb? I WOULD...
I'm often reminded of how young my heart is yet... and the guilt of knowing I should "let it go" kills me just as much as wanting such a love in the first place.... it doesn't seem probable... at least not yet..
I suppose im impatient... who knows? just another thing I'll have to learn over my years...
So i've decided I really like this color. o_O lol