Fic: All is Lost (2/?)
Title: All is Lost Part 2
Author: thelightheat
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Will/Emma
Disclaimer: Not mine!
Spoiler Disclaimer: None!
Summary: Will expects a bright future, not for it to all come crashing down
Notes: I had a dream the other night about this and for some reason, I needed to write it.
Tissues will still be needed for Part 2!
When he closed the phone he tossed it in the passenger seat and then cried loud and hard on the steering wheel till the sun was high in the sky.
He arrived home the sun streaming through the windows, the house clean as a whistle. Emma insisted because they were going to be so busy with everything else. He parked the bags on the floor and went to the couch, laying out and turning on the TV, watching the baseball game but not having a clue what was happening.
He stayed there until it was dark, his legs and arms hurt and he couldn’t feel his neck. When he heard a knock on the front door, he slowly stood feeling the smell of hospital and vomit on his clothes. He opened the door slowly to reveal his neighbor and a casserole dish.
“Oh Will, I thought I saw you drive in. I just came to bring this lasagna for you.”
He took it from her, not opening the door all the way. She had a huge smile on her face and looked like all she wanted was to see the baby. He didn’t want her to be the first to know so he quietly thanked her and shut the door in her face.
He took the dish into the house and threw it into the sink, causing the glass to break a bit. He didn’t care as he reached into the fridge to get himself a beer. The fridge was stocked with healthy food and he found no beer in sight.
Annoyed that she did that without telling him he grabbed the fruits and vegetables, throwing them into the trash.
As he threw out the last of the apples, the phone rang. He went to it to find his parent’s calling. He didn’t want to tell anyone, not just yet as he let it go the answering machine. His father’s proud voice boomed through the house. “Hi Emma, Will. It’s just dad calling. I’m sure you’re at the hospital but I tried both your phones and didn’t get answer. We are so excited and we can’t wait to see the princess. Call us when you have a moment ok? Love you!”
As the message ended, Will went to the answering machine and pulled out the plug.
The pictures of their wedding day and trips they had taken were proudly displayed on the bookshelf and mantle. Without thought he took them and smashed them all against the wall, screaming. Glass bits were all over the floor and he wanted to walk through it, just so he could feel.
He walked down the hall to his bedroom and passed her room. The door was wide open and he couldn’t even take a glance as he shoved the door closed, wanting to install a lock so he couldn’t see it ever again. When he made it to his room he found the bassinet in the corner, a blanket draped over the edge.
There was no place to put it and he felt his stomach clench as the sight. Quickly he went into the bathroom, emptying what was still left in it. As he sat on the hard floor he thought of all the things that could have gone wrong in his life, nothing prepared him for this.
He stayed up until blackness turned into light. His eyes hurt and when he pushed himself up and head back into the living room, avoiding the bassinet, he saw his phone was vibrating. He looked to see it was Emma’s parents. He let it go to voicemail as he picked up the papers he received from the hospital.
He sat on the kitchen stool and went through them. The first call he made was to Shady Glen Funeral home.
“Hi my name is Will Schuester. My wife and daughter passed away 2 days ago at Memorial Hospital and I need to um, make arrangements.”
The woman on the other end was very matter of fact. “All right Mr. Schuester. I’m going to need you to make an appointment with our funeral director and he will help you with your options. Did either of them have a will?”
He read the other papers as he spoke, skimming about will’s. “Um, no. We talked about it but never made anything official.”
“Ok thank you sir. I think it would best that you come in and discuss this. We have something available Thursday at 3pm. Does that work?”
“That’s fine, thank you.”
The next call he made was to the hospital asking when the funeral home could take them. Everyone he spoke to was very quiet and to the point. After he was on the phone for a solid hour he felt tired and lost, confused and scared but most of all he felt like he was being stabbed over and over again in the heart.
After he saw he had ten missed calls he knew it was time. He picked up his cell phone and dialed his parents. It didn’t even ring as his father’s voice hit him in the face hard.
“Son! We were getting worried. I called all last night and all morning.”He climbed off the stool and walked to the couch where he sat on the edge.
He tried to speak without his voice breaking. “I know, it’s um, been crazy.”
He heard his mother in the background. “Mom wants to know when we can come. She’s been jumping off the walls since you texted us.”
Will closed his eyes and took a breath out. “You can’t.”
His father sounded concerned right away. “Oh, allright. Is everything ok?”
Will looked up to blink the tears away but they came anyway as he finally let his voice break.
“There were some um, complications…” He put a hand over his mouth as he took a deep breath in. He heard his mother pick up the phone.
“Oh honey. Is every one ok? Is Emma? The baby?”
He could no longer fight trying to be strong as he broke down, his hand barely keeping the phone by his ear.
“They’re gone mom. Both of them.”
He sobbed into the phone, dropping it to the floor when he could no longer hold it up. He could hear both his parents crying and then his father’s voice. “We are coming over. We’ll be there in 10 minutes.”
He cried into his hands until he felt his mother’s arms wrap around his back, his father on the floor in front of him trying to calm him. “Oh Will. I’m so sorry…”
His mother was crying too as his father grabbed him wrapping his arms tight around his neck, pulling him close. “It’s ok, it’s allright.”
Through choked sobs and tears he pulled away from his father. “What am I going to do? What am I going to tell her parents?”
“One day at a time. For now, you need to cry ok?”
They all huddled close for some time before his parents fell asleep on the couch. With his eyes wide open and brain racing he was able to get himself up off the couch and reach for his phone that his father had put on the counter.
He had another three missed calls from her parents. He knew he had to tell them before someone else did. Looking back to see his parents dead to the world, he took the phone and walked to the bathroom, closing the door quietly.
Wiping the dry tears away he dialed their number and it rang for awhile before he heard her mother’s cheery voice. “Will! Oh gosh, we have been waiting and waiting! So, I assume there’s a grandchild?”
He laughed to himself of how much Emma was like her mother. He stood against the sink and pinched the bridge of his nose, trying not to cry. “Mrs. Pillsbury…”
Emma’s mother sounded so cheery still. “Please, Edith.”
He took a deep breath in. “Edith, um, there were some problems before delivery…”
“Wait, what? But she’s fine right? Emma and the baby?”
He swallowed hard, having to tell ones that loved Emma since forever that they weren’t going to see her again. “No Mrs. Pillsbury. Emma, she…” He broke again as he slapped his hand down on the sink.
Edith started crying and he could hear her father in the background screaming. “The baby Will, the baby.”
“She’s gone. They both are.”
Will fell to the floor as he heard the howls of her parents on the other end. There wasn’t anything he could say as he cried again, kicking the tub, screaming himself. It wasn’t until he heard the loud knocks and then his father help him up that he realized he was having another attack.
He couldn’t feel anything as he was being dragged from the bathroom, his mother on the couch, sitting up crying. He was shaking as they laid him down and he felt sick again. He felt a warm blanket on top of him as he felt sharp needles sticking in his skin.
“She’s gone…no one…all gone…” His mother’s voice was close to his ear as she felt him stroke his face. “Will, it’s mom, I’m here ok? I’m here…”
Will felt his eyes drift close and then nothing.
He awoke to darkness. When he pulled the blanket off he noticed the light on in the kitchen and a mug by the sink. When he looked by the window he noticed his parents both in the recliner sleeping. He slowly stood and tried to put one foot in front of the other, his legs still wobbly and slow.
The glass had been cleaned up, the photos were back on the mantle. When he opened the fridge he noticed it was stocked with his favorites as he pulled out a beer, uncapping it. He took a sip and then realized how much he didn’t want it.
Next to the fridge was all his paperwork with a few notes written by his mother, noticing they were all organized by topic. The bags that were by the door were no longer and when he went to his room, he noticed the bassinet gone and the blanket at the end of the bed.
He turned on the light, causing him to wince at the harshness of the change to his eyes as he went into the closet, trying not to breathe in the scent of her on her clothes as he reached into the back for a square case.
He struggled a bit but eventually pulled it out of the closet. He placed it on the floor and opened it, finding a open spot where he could go through it. He started pulling out their homeowners policy, car insurance and then their life insurance. He poured over the document not knowing what to look for and not able to process what it even said. He just saw both their signatures at the bottom of the three page document, dated a day after they found out she was pregnant.
His father’s quite voice surprised him as his shoulder’s jumped. “Son, what are you doing?”
Will looked to see his father coming to sit next to him. “I’m looking over our life insurance.”
He sighed and took it from him. “Will, there’s no need to worry about that right now.” He gently rubbed his back. “Would you like something to eat? I can make some pasta.”
Just the thought of food made him sick. “Thanks dad but no. I think I’m going to just sit here.”
“Ok, but try to get some more sleep ok? You weren’t out that long.”
Will nodded and heard his father leave the room. He continued to pour over the documents until he came to their marriage license. He pulled it out and thought how no one looks at something like this until it’s needed. He carefully placed it back in the box and spent the whole night looking over things he wished he knew more about.
The next morning Will stumbled into the kitchen so tired he almost fell over. His parents helped him into the shower, even though he screamed and kicked like a child. He saw his mother crying as he fought them, telling them to leave.
He felt the sting of the cold water on his skin as he screamed out that he wanted to die.
As the water turned warm, his mother helping to wash off four days worth of hospital and grief he cried on the tile, his tears mixing with the water, making them disappear quickly down the drain.
When they helped him out and he got dressed again, the phone rang. His mother picked it up and closed the door to his bedroom as she spoke.
He pried the door open; upset she would keep a conversation from her and demanded to know what it was about.
“Mom, who was that?”
She turned, stunned by his anger. “It was the funeral home. Both Emma and Laura are there.”
“And you were going to keep this from me?”
His father was next to Will, hoping to calm him down. “Will, it’s all right. She just wanted to help you, we both do.”
He angrily broke away from his father. “You know what? I don’t need your help! I made an appointment with the funeral home; I found the life insurance policy. I know where everything is so all you have to do is show up at the funeral ok?”
His parents looked shocked and confused as his mother reached for him. “Will honey…”
Will passed by them both as he grabbed a jacket by the side closet and then his keys by the door. He stormed out before either of them could stop them but able to intercept him in the driveway as he felt his father’s hand grab a hold of his arm pulling him back.
“You’re not thinking, you’re tired, distraught and hurting.”
Will threw his arm up, releasing his father’s grip. “You don’t know.” His voice became angrier and angrier as he felt more and more alone.
“We don’t know but we need you to be here. We don’t want to have you hurt someone or god forbid yourself.”
Will angry, threw his keys down the ground and went back into the house, slamming the door.
Her parents arrived that evening. Will was in the bedroom, going through his clothes when he saw Mrs. Pillsbury in the doorway, tears in her eyes.
“Oh Will.”
She was hugging him immediately and he closed his eyes as she embraced him tight. When she pulled back she was crying, her hands cupping his face. “She loved you. She loved you from the minute she saw you.”
At a loss for words he nodded and they both went back to the living room where his parents were comforting her father as they looked at pictures on the mantle.
Her father, tall but slender took Will into a hug with his voice low and broken against his shoulder. “I’m so sorry Will.”
“Edith and Daniel, my husband made some pasta if you are hungry.”
They all looked to Will who looked shocked. “Will?”
He nodded no and retreated back down the hall.
He heard their voices speaking softly as he went through his closet, trying to find the perfect suit. Her obituary was going to be in tomorrow’s paper as he expected calls from school and his students.
Her clothes were still neatly next to his, taking up most of it. As he pulled out his navy blue suit and laid it on the bed his mother knocked on the door.
“Honey, you really should come and sit down.”
He looked at his mother, looking just as tired as he but still calm and collected. “Maybe in a bit. I’m just going through some stuff ok?”
She nodded and he watched her turn and leave slowly.
He never came to the table; instead he hid out in the bedroom, laying out every suit he owned trying to think of the one he should wear.
It wasn’t until Emma’s father knocked that he realized how dark it had gotten. “Hi Will, mind if I come in?”
Will extended his hand, not knowing what to expect. Mr. Pillsbury and he had a good relationship but they didn’t talk much.
He found a clear spot on the bed avoiding the blanket and suits. “When Emma told us she was pregnant we thought it was a joke. She told us that she wasn’t ever going to have kids…too messy.” Will watched as he looked down at his hands. “But then she met you and she just had all these dreams. Things I thought she would never want after she fell into the lagoon that day. Will…”
The tears formed again in his eyes as he smoothed down the red tie not wanting to look her father in the eye. “I just want to thank you, for everything you did for her, for giving her hopes and dreams…”
“Mr. Pillsbury…” His hand went up and he continued. “My little girl was a challenge at times; picky, stubborn you name it, but she was always giving, kind and happy. Thank you for bringing out the best in her.”
And without another word, Mr. Pillsbury stood and walked out the door as Will noticed him wiping his eyes.
Will spent the night on top of the bed, eyes open. When the sunlight filtered in he felt his body grow limp with exhaustion even though his eyes wouldn’t close for more than a few seconds. His mother found him curled up in a ball, a glass of juice in her hand.
“There’s been a few calls today. The school, some Glee kids. I told them you would call when you were ready. There’s some juice for you,ok?”
Will saw the glass of juice on the nightstand and winced thinking about drinking it. Emma hated orange juice and refused to have it in the house when she was pregnant.
When he finally got himself out of bed it was mid morning. He changed into some jeans and a t-shirt and walked into the living room to find his father on the phone with a lawyer.
“Yes Chris, Emma Schuester. My son and her drew up a policy nine months ago… Yes, please call us back, thank you.”
The phone dropped on the coffee table while his mother was reading the paper. They both looked up when he entered.
“Hi Will, do you want something to eat?”
He nodded no and sat down on the floor, his back propped up against the couch. It was silent for some time before his father spoke. “The school called. They saw Emma’s name in the paper. They’re giving you another week on top of your leave.”
He nodded silently and then looked back up to his mother. “So it’s in there?”
Without words she handed him the paper and when he saw her name he let out a breath, trying to keep his emotions at bay.
She was the headline, “Emma Schuester, thirty two, teacher and mother to be.” He started reading the article slowly but had to stop, putting it down and standing.
“Mom?”
He took a deep breath as he stood over his parents. “Do you mind, clearing out the um, room. Donate it, return it I don’t care. I just don’t want to see it.”
She stood and went to him. “Of course. I’ll have some people come over and take things away and down.”
The phone rang and his father answered. “Ok, thank you. Yes, one, we’ll be there.”
His father put the phone down and took his glasses off. “We have our final appointment at the funeral home at one. Your mother and I will…”
“No. I want to be there.”
They both nodded and spend the rest of the morning in silence as Will went to smooth his suits again.
When they arrived at the home with her parents as well, it was cloudy. For the first time in days Will was out of the house and forced to interact with strangers. The old man took their things and sat them down. Will couldn’t register caskets, flowers and music, all which seemed already chosen.
He found out his mother had done most of the arranging and even though he should be angry, he wasn’t. He didn’t know about size or price or what was best. All he knew was that had to see his wife and child buried in the ground.
As the man went over the plans for the funeral, Will found himself drifting further and further away. “Will?”
His mother’s voice brought him back. “Yeah?”
“I um thought it would be nice if Ave Maria would be sung, what do you think?”
“Sure, um, ok.”
As they talked and talked, Will kept fighting the reality that he was in reality and not in a dream.
They left the home and silently drove back to his house where there were flowers and food at the doorstep. Slowly they brought each one in as Will went to the bathroom feeling sick from the cereal he had a few hours before.
That evening they all got dressed for the wake. Will came out from his room in his best navy suit, his mother and father dressed in black. His mother kissed his cheek and held his hand waiting for her parents.
It was dark as they entered the home, a few people saying hello. They entered the biggest room to see chairs set up and a book to sign. His parents exchanged handshakes with a few people as Will refused to look in front of him, both caskets closed but there.
His mother approached him a few minutes later. “If you need some time, you can go up there.”
As he made eye contact with them for the first time he nodded no and saw both her parents kneeling, with her mother holding a rosary.
He watched the both of them in front of their daughter and grandchild weeping. He quietly walked out of the room to let them have their private time, finding his father reading over the card that was printed up. “Dad?”
He looked up. “Yeah Will.”
He wiped the tears sitting in his eyes. “How did you ever move on from Grandpa and Grandma’s deaths?”
“You give yourself time.” He felt his father’s hand gently on his shoulder. “You remember the good times. You lean on friends and family. But most of all you tell yourself it’s ok to be sad, upset and angry and you let it out.”
Will felt the tears coming. “But I don’t feel anything. I can’t sleep, eat or function.”
Gently his father turned him looked him in the eye. “One day. One day at a time. And you slowly learn to live again.”
Mrs. Pillsbury meek voice interrupted them. “Will, Gerald, you can come in.”
The wake was attended by many. Will shook hands with everyone from school and friends from high school. At the end of the night, with only a small stream of people left, the Glee kids came.
Rachel was first. “Mr. Schue, I’m sorry.”
He was fine until they showed up. When he saw every one of their faces pained and all the girls crying, he broke down as Finn caught him.
As he composed himself again, he found the Glee girls sitting quietly in the back. “Girls.” They turned and listened as he tried to articulate a very simple request. “Would you sing, at the funeral?”
They all looked to each other and nodded.”We would be honored Mr. Schue.”
“Thank you girls. Ave Maria would be the song.”
Mercedes replied for the group. “We will be there.”
With one last pained smile he waved goodbye to the girls and made his way back to sit with his parents, his mother gently rubbing his shoulder.
It was almost midnight when they arrive home with her parents going back to the hotel and his parents spend another night on the Aero Bed. Will changed into his sweats and tried to fall asleep to music but his eyes wouldn’t close. He was seriously sleep deprived but his brain wouldn’t shut down for more than 2 seconds.
He quickly changed into running clothes, put his sneakers on and went out the door. As he ran, trying to clear his mind and wear his body even more down all he could feel is pain in his chest and his breathing shallow. He looked down the pavement, counting the cracks, feeling himself go dizzy from looking down and counting. As he rounded the block for the third time he sped up until his legs couldn’t carry him. He collapsed on the neighbor’s grass, calling out to God.
“Why! Why did you take them from me?”
He rolled over and tried to stand up but feeling like had to throw up. He kneeled on the grass with his elbows propped up as he dry heaved, screaming.
When he finally found the strength again he stood and walked to his house where he found another basket of flowers off to the side. He gently picked them up and pulled out the card. On the front it said With Sympathy. On the inside he saw a handwritten note. “Will, I’m so sorry about Emma and your daughter. I hope you come back soon. I miss you. Love, Sue.” Seeing her note made him cry and he sat on the porch knowing he could never be the person he was before.
Next part coming soon (I hope!)
Thank you for all your comments!
Author: thelightheat
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Will/Emma
Disclaimer: Not mine!
Spoiler Disclaimer: None!
Summary: Will expects a bright future, not for it to all come crashing down
Notes: I had a dream the other night about this and for some reason, I needed to write it.
Tissues will still be needed for Part 2!
When he closed the phone he tossed it in the passenger seat and then cried loud and hard on the steering wheel till the sun was high in the sky.
He arrived home the sun streaming through the windows, the house clean as a whistle. Emma insisted because they were going to be so busy with everything else. He parked the bags on the floor and went to the couch, laying out and turning on the TV, watching the baseball game but not having a clue what was happening.
He stayed there until it was dark, his legs and arms hurt and he couldn’t feel his neck. When he heard a knock on the front door, he slowly stood feeling the smell of hospital and vomit on his clothes. He opened the door slowly to reveal his neighbor and a casserole dish.
“Oh Will, I thought I saw you drive in. I just came to bring this lasagna for you.”
He took it from her, not opening the door all the way. She had a huge smile on her face and looked like all she wanted was to see the baby. He didn’t want her to be the first to know so he quietly thanked her and shut the door in her face.
He took the dish into the house and threw it into the sink, causing the glass to break a bit. He didn’t care as he reached into the fridge to get himself a beer. The fridge was stocked with healthy food and he found no beer in sight.
Annoyed that she did that without telling him he grabbed the fruits and vegetables, throwing them into the trash.
As he threw out the last of the apples, the phone rang. He went to it to find his parent’s calling. He didn’t want to tell anyone, not just yet as he let it go the answering machine. His father’s proud voice boomed through the house. “Hi Emma, Will. It’s just dad calling. I’m sure you’re at the hospital but I tried both your phones and didn’t get answer. We are so excited and we can’t wait to see the princess. Call us when you have a moment ok? Love you!”
As the message ended, Will went to the answering machine and pulled out the plug.
The pictures of their wedding day and trips they had taken were proudly displayed on the bookshelf and mantle. Without thought he took them and smashed them all against the wall, screaming. Glass bits were all over the floor and he wanted to walk through it, just so he could feel.
He walked down the hall to his bedroom and passed her room. The door was wide open and he couldn’t even take a glance as he shoved the door closed, wanting to install a lock so he couldn’t see it ever again. When he made it to his room he found the bassinet in the corner, a blanket draped over the edge.
There was no place to put it and he felt his stomach clench as the sight. Quickly he went into the bathroom, emptying what was still left in it. As he sat on the hard floor he thought of all the things that could have gone wrong in his life, nothing prepared him for this.
He stayed up until blackness turned into light. His eyes hurt and when he pushed himself up and head back into the living room, avoiding the bassinet, he saw his phone was vibrating. He looked to see it was Emma’s parents. He let it go to voicemail as he picked up the papers he received from the hospital.
He sat on the kitchen stool and went through them. The first call he made was to Shady Glen Funeral home.
“Hi my name is Will Schuester. My wife and daughter passed away 2 days ago at Memorial Hospital and I need to um, make arrangements.”
The woman on the other end was very matter of fact. “All right Mr. Schuester. I’m going to need you to make an appointment with our funeral director and he will help you with your options. Did either of them have a will?”
He read the other papers as he spoke, skimming about will’s. “Um, no. We talked about it but never made anything official.”
“Ok thank you sir. I think it would best that you come in and discuss this. We have something available Thursday at 3pm. Does that work?”
“That’s fine, thank you.”
The next call he made was to the hospital asking when the funeral home could take them. Everyone he spoke to was very quiet and to the point. After he was on the phone for a solid hour he felt tired and lost, confused and scared but most of all he felt like he was being stabbed over and over again in the heart.
After he saw he had ten missed calls he knew it was time. He picked up his cell phone and dialed his parents. It didn’t even ring as his father’s voice hit him in the face hard.
“Son! We were getting worried. I called all last night and all morning.”He climbed off the stool and walked to the couch where he sat on the edge.
He tried to speak without his voice breaking. “I know, it’s um, been crazy.”
He heard his mother in the background. “Mom wants to know when we can come. She’s been jumping off the walls since you texted us.”
Will closed his eyes and took a breath out. “You can’t.”
His father sounded concerned right away. “Oh, allright. Is everything ok?”
Will looked up to blink the tears away but they came anyway as he finally let his voice break.
“There were some um, complications…” He put a hand over his mouth as he took a deep breath in. He heard his mother pick up the phone.
“Oh honey. Is every one ok? Is Emma? The baby?”
He could no longer fight trying to be strong as he broke down, his hand barely keeping the phone by his ear.
“They’re gone mom. Both of them.”
He sobbed into the phone, dropping it to the floor when he could no longer hold it up. He could hear both his parents crying and then his father’s voice. “We are coming over. We’ll be there in 10 minutes.”
He cried into his hands until he felt his mother’s arms wrap around his back, his father on the floor in front of him trying to calm him. “Oh Will. I’m so sorry…”
His mother was crying too as his father grabbed him wrapping his arms tight around his neck, pulling him close. “It’s ok, it’s allright.”
Through choked sobs and tears he pulled away from his father. “What am I going to do? What am I going to tell her parents?”
“One day at a time. For now, you need to cry ok?”
They all huddled close for some time before his parents fell asleep on the couch. With his eyes wide open and brain racing he was able to get himself up off the couch and reach for his phone that his father had put on the counter.
He had another three missed calls from her parents. He knew he had to tell them before someone else did. Looking back to see his parents dead to the world, he took the phone and walked to the bathroom, closing the door quietly.
Wiping the dry tears away he dialed their number and it rang for awhile before he heard her mother’s cheery voice. “Will! Oh gosh, we have been waiting and waiting! So, I assume there’s a grandchild?”
He laughed to himself of how much Emma was like her mother. He stood against the sink and pinched the bridge of his nose, trying not to cry. “Mrs. Pillsbury…”
Emma’s mother sounded so cheery still. “Please, Edith.”
He took a deep breath in. “Edith, um, there were some problems before delivery…”
“Wait, what? But she’s fine right? Emma and the baby?”
He swallowed hard, having to tell ones that loved Emma since forever that they weren’t going to see her again. “No Mrs. Pillsbury. Emma, she…” He broke again as he slapped his hand down on the sink.
Edith started crying and he could hear her father in the background screaming. “The baby Will, the baby.”
“She’s gone. They both are.”
Will fell to the floor as he heard the howls of her parents on the other end. There wasn’t anything he could say as he cried again, kicking the tub, screaming himself. It wasn’t until he heard the loud knocks and then his father help him up that he realized he was having another attack.
He couldn’t feel anything as he was being dragged from the bathroom, his mother on the couch, sitting up crying. He was shaking as they laid him down and he felt sick again. He felt a warm blanket on top of him as he felt sharp needles sticking in his skin.
“She’s gone…no one…all gone…” His mother’s voice was close to his ear as she felt him stroke his face. “Will, it’s mom, I’m here ok? I’m here…”
Will felt his eyes drift close and then nothing.
He awoke to darkness. When he pulled the blanket off he noticed the light on in the kitchen and a mug by the sink. When he looked by the window he noticed his parents both in the recliner sleeping. He slowly stood and tried to put one foot in front of the other, his legs still wobbly and slow.
The glass had been cleaned up, the photos were back on the mantle. When he opened the fridge he noticed it was stocked with his favorites as he pulled out a beer, uncapping it. He took a sip and then realized how much he didn’t want it.
Next to the fridge was all his paperwork with a few notes written by his mother, noticing they were all organized by topic. The bags that were by the door were no longer and when he went to his room, he noticed the bassinet gone and the blanket at the end of the bed.
He turned on the light, causing him to wince at the harshness of the change to his eyes as he went into the closet, trying not to breathe in the scent of her on her clothes as he reached into the back for a square case.
He struggled a bit but eventually pulled it out of the closet. He placed it on the floor and opened it, finding a open spot where he could go through it. He started pulling out their homeowners policy, car insurance and then their life insurance. He poured over the document not knowing what to look for and not able to process what it even said. He just saw both their signatures at the bottom of the three page document, dated a day after they found out she was pregnant.
His father’s quite voice surprised him as his shoulder’s jumped. “Son, what are you doing?”
Will looked to see his father coming to sit next to him. “I’m looking over our life insurance.”
He sighed and took it from him. “Will, there’s no need to worry about that right now.” He gently rubbed his back. “Would you like something to eat? I can make some pasta.”
Just the thought of food made him sick. “Thanks dad but no. I think I’m going to just sit here.”
“Ok, but try to get some more sleep ok? You weren’t out that long.”
Will nodded and heard his father leave the room. He continued to pour over the documents until he came to their marriage license. He pulled it out and thought how no one looks at something like this until it’s needed. He carefully placed it back in the box and spent the whole night looking over things he wished he knew more about.
The next morning Will stumbled into the kitchen so tired he almost fell over. His parents helped him into the shower, even though he screamed and kicked like a child. He saw his mother crying as he fought them, telling them to leave.
He felt the sting of the cold water on his skin as he screamed out that he wanted to die.
As the water turned warm, his mother helping to wash off four days worth of hospital and grief he cried on the tile, his tears mixing with the water, making them disappear quickly down the drain.
When they helped him out and he got dressed again, the phone rang. His mother picked it up and closed the door to his bedroom as she spoke.
He pried the door open; upset she would keep a conversation from her and demanded to know what it was about.
“Mom, who was that?”
She turned, stunned by his anger. “It was the funeral home. Both Emma and Laura are there.”
“And you were going to keep this from me?”
His father was next to Will, hoping to calm him down. “Will, it’s all right. She just wanted to help you, we both do.”
He angrily broke away from his father. “You know what? I don’t need your help! I made an appointment with the funeral home; I found the life insurance policy. I know where everything is so all you have to do is show up at the funeral ok?”
His parents looked shocked and confused as his mother reached for him. “Will honey…”
Will passed by them both as he grabbed a jacket by the side closet and then his keys by the door. He stormed out before either of them could stop them but able to intercept him in the driveway as he felt his father’s hand grab a hold of his arm pulling him back.
“You’re not thinking, you’re tired, distraught and hurting.”
Will threw his arm up, releasing his father’s grip. “You don’t know.” His voice became angrier and angrier as he felt more and more alone.
“We don’t know but we need you to be here. We don’t want to have you hurt someone or god forbid yourself.”
Will angry, threw his keys down the ground and went back into the house, slamming the door.
Her parents arrived that evening. Will was in the bedroom, going through his clothes when he saw Mrs. Pillsbury in the doorway, tears in her eyes.
“Oh Will.”
She was hugging him immediately and he closed his eyes as she embraced him tight. When she pulled back she was crying, her hands cupping his face. “She loved you. She loved you from the minute she saw you.”
At a loss for words he nodded and they both went back to the living room where his parents were comforting her father as they looked at pictures on the mantle.
Her father, tall but slender took Will into a hug with his voice low and broken against his shoulder. “I’m so sorry Will.”
“Edith and Daniel, my husband made some pasta if you are hungry.”
They all looked to Will who looked shocked. “Will?”
He nodded no and retreated back down the hall.
He heard their voices speaking softly as he went through his closet, trying to find the perfect suit. Her obituary was going to be in tomorrow’s paper as he expected calls from school and his students.
Her clothes were still neatly next to his, taking up most of it. As he pulled out his navy blue suit and laid it on the bed his mother knocked on the door.
“Honey, you really should come and sit down.”
He looked at his mother, looking just as tired as he but still calm and collected. “Maybe in a bit. I’m just going through some stuff ok?”
She nodded and he watched her turn and leave slowly.
He never came to the table; instead he hid out in the bedroom, laying out every suit he owned trying to think of the one he should wear.
It wasn’t until Emma’s father knocked that he realized how dark it had gotten. “Hi Will, mind if I come in?”
Will extended his hand, not knowing what to expect. Mr. Pillsbury and he had a good relationship but they didn’t talk much.
He found a clear spot on the bed avoiding the blanket and suits. “When Emma told us she was pregnant we thought it was a joke. She told us that she wasn’t ever going to have kids…too messy.” Will watched as he looked down at his hands. “But then she met you and she just had all these dreams. Things I thought she would never want after she fell into the lagoon that day. Will…”
The tears formed again in his eyes as he smoothed down the red tie not wanting to look her father in the eye. “I just want to thank you, for everything you did for her, for giving her hopes and dreams…”
“Mr. Pillsbury…” His hand went up and he continued. “My little girl was a challenge at times; picky, stubborn you name it, but she was always giving, kind and happy. Thank you for bringing out the best in her.”
And without another word, Mr. Pillsbury stood and walked out the door as Will noticed him wiping his eyes.
Will spent the night on top of the bed, eyes open. When the sunlight filtered in he felt his body grow limp with exhaustion even though his eyes wouldn’t close for more than a few seconds. His mother found him curled up in a ball, a glass of juice in her hand.
“There’s been a few calls today. The school, some Glee kids. I told them you would call when you were ready. There’s some juice for you,ok?”
Will saw the glass of juice on the nightstand and winced thinking about drinking it. Emma hated orange juice and refused to have it in the house when she was pregnant.
When he finally got himself out of bed it was mid morning. He changed into some jeans and a t-shirt and walked into the living room to find his father on the phone with a lawyer.
“Yes Chris, Emma Schuester. My son and her drew up a policy nine months ago… Yes, please call us back, thank you.”
The phone dropped on the coffee table while his mother was reading the paper. They both looked up when he entered.
“Hi Will, do you want something to eat?”
He nodded no and sat down on the floor, his back propped up against the couch. It was silent for some time before his father spoke. “The school called. They saw Emma’s name in the paper. They’re giving you another week on top of your leave.”
He nodded silently and then looked back up to his mother. “So it’s in there?”
Without words she handed him the paper and when he saw her name he let out a breath, trying to keep his emotions at bay.
She was the headline, “Emma Schuester, thirty two, teacher and mother to be.” He started reading the article slowly but had to stop, putting it down and standing.
“Mom?”
He took a deep breath as he stood over his parents. “Do you mind, clearing out the um, room. Donate it, return it I don’t care. I just don’t want to see it.”
She stood and went to him. “Of course. I’ll have some people come over and take things away and down.”
The phone rang and his father answered. “Ok, thank you. Yes, one, we’ll be there.”
His father put the phone down and took his glasses off. “We have our final appointment at the funeral home at one. Your mother and I will…”
“No. I want to be there.”
They both nodded and spend the rest of the morning in silence as Will went to smooth his suits again.
When they arrived at the home with her parents as well, it was cloudy. For the first time in days Will was out of the house and forced to interact with strangers. The old man took their things and sat them down. Will couldn’t register caskets, flowers and music, all which seemed already chosen.
He found out his mother had done most of the arranging and even though he should be angry, he wasn’t. He didn’t know about size or price or what was best. All he knew was that had to see his wife and child buried in the ground.
As the man went over the plans for the funeral, Will found himself drifting further and further away. “Will?”
His mother’s voice brought him back. “Yeah?”
“I um thought it would be nice if Ave Maria would be sung, what do you think?”
“Sure, um, ok.”
As they talked and talked, Will kept fighting the reality that he was in reality and not in a dream.
They left the home and silently drove back to his house where there were flowers and food at the doorstep. Slowly they brought each one in as Will went to the bathroom feeling sick from the cereal he had a few hours before.
That evening they all got dressed for the wake. Will came out from his room in his best navy suit, his mother and father dressed in black. His mother kissed his cheek and held his hand waiting for her parents.
It was dark as they entered the home, a few people saying hello. They entered the biggest room to see chairs set up and a book to sign. His parents exchanged handshakes with a few people as Will refused to look in front of him, both caskets closed but there.
His mother approached him a few minutes later. “If you need some time, you can go up there.”
As he made eye contact with them for the first time he nodded no and saw both her parents kneeling, with her mother holding a rosary.
He watched the both of them in front of their daughter and grandchild weeping. He quietly walked out of the room to let them have their private time, finding his father reading over the card that was printed up. “Dad?”
He looked up. “Yeah Will.”
He wiped the tears sitting in his eyes. “How did you ever move on from Grandpa and Grandma’s deaths?”
“You give yourself time.” He felt his father’s hand gently on his shoulder. “You remember the good times. You lean on friends and family. But most of all you tell yourself it’s ok to be sad, upset and angry and you let it out.”
Will felt the tears coming. “But I don’t feel anything. I can’t sleep, eat or function.”
Gently his father turned him looked him in the eye. “One day. One day at a time. And you slowly learn to live again.”
Mrs. Pillsbury meek voice interrupted them. “Will, Gerald, you can come in.”
The wake was attended by many. Will shook hands with everyone from school and friends from high school. At the end of the night, with only a small stream of people left, the Glee kids came.
Rachel was first. “Mr. Schue, I’m sorry.”
He was fine until they showed up. When he saw every one of their faces pained and all the girls crying, he broke down as Finn caught him.
As he composed himself again, he found the Glee girls sitting quietly in the back. “Girls.” They turned and listened as he tried to articulate a very simple request. “Would you sing, at the funeral?”
They all looked to each other and nodded.”We would be honored Mr. Schue.”
“Thank you girls. Ave Maria would be the song.”
Mercedes replied for the group. “We will be there.”
With one last pained smile he waved goodbye to the girls and made his way back to sit with his parents, his mother gently rubbing his shoulder.
It was almost midnight when they arrive home with her parents going back to the hotel and his parents spend another night on the Aero Bed. Will changed into his sweats and tried to fall asleep to music but his eyes wouldn’t close. He was seriously sleep deprived but his brain wouldn’t shut down for more than 2 seconds.
He quickly changed into running clothes, put his sneakers on and went out the door. As he ran, trying to clear his mind and wear his body even more down all he could feel is pain in his chest and his breathing shallow. He looked down the pavement, counting the cracks, feeling himself go dizzy from looking down and counting. As he rounded the block for the third time he sped up until his legs couldn’t carry him. He collapsed on the neighbor’s grass, calling out to God.
“Why! Why did you take them from me?”
He rolled over and tried to stand up but feeling like had to throw up. He kneeled on the grass with his elbows propped up as he dry heaved, screaming.
When he finally found the strength again he stood and walked to his house where he found another basket of flowers off to the side. He gently picked them up and pulled out the card. On the front it said With Sympathy. On the inside he saw a handwritten note. “Will, I’m so sorry about Emma and your daughter. I hope you come back soon. I miss you. Love, Sue.” Seeing her note made him cry and he sat on the porch knowing he could never be the person he was before.
Next part coming soon (I hope!)
Thank you for all your comments!