I want freedom, it only costs my soul... but, is it really freedom?
Forecast:
Music: Whatever a gay boy plays while alone at his granparents house on their bitchin' computers.
Weather: Sublime
Daisy Day, started hellacious, ended well. Enough said, except that my mother and I had some nasty "disagreements" in which I ended up telling her to fuck off, and, while visually expressing this, unintentionally expressed it to campus police, whether or not they were amused, I do not know, because I never took the time to ask...whew.
Recently, I have developed some peace that internally that is helping me to survive more efficiently from day to day. I am starting to function on a somewhat average or "normal" basis. Before, I tried to shut everything out of my life that I couldn't bare on my shoulders, tying it up within itself, unrecognizable. Gratefully, everything that goes up, must come down, and undone. Emotions, are no exception I find.
The Want. The isatiable need to progress, supercede and dominate have led me to the want to find motivation to sate my desires. True, most are purely selfish, but, being vainglorious isn't always detrimental. For so long no I have been half living my life in order to avoid distress and complications for my family. True, much I have done that "inconveniences" them, but nothing that was insuperable to their master plan, simply "inconvenient." Their complaints and proclamations that I am not fulfilling my potential contradicts their needs of simplicity. To succeed and more importantly exceed their expectations, which, trully, won't so much exceed as merely surpass, to do so though, a great amount of inconveniences would have to be taken on on their part, this, they are less than eager to do. Sooooo, I am saying screw it, I am going to be eager and menial, and self centered, and I will do damned well in the process, isn't that how all true success it accomplished? Well, it is for me.
Also, I had to write a poem in the form of one written by Langston Hughes... ugh, so here it is:
I will tell You:
Life, for me, has been no bleu sky.
It had clouds in it, black
and deep, where silver linings
were tarnished black.
And true,
the SUn shone through,
Deceiving.
Heat, blistering on my
exposed shoulders,
on which is carried
the weight of My World.
But I trudged on, teeth grit,
a pseudo smile.
And Skin, toughened, darkened, blacker than
Those base clouds;
and when Rain comes,
My head will not ebb into the mire, nor will
I allow myself to drown, in mere
Droplets of Pain.
Rather, I face forth, UNbowed,
UNbroken, UNdefeated, UNetc.
I moved on.
I move On
Music: Whatever a gay boy plays while alone at his granparents house on their bitchin' computers.
Weather: Sublime
Daisy Day, started hellacious, ended well. Enough said, except that my mother and I had some nasty "disagreements" in which I ended up telling her to fuck off, and, while visually expressing this, unintentionally expressed it to campus police, whether or not they were amused, I do not know, because I never took the time to ask...whew.
Recently, I have developed some peace that internally that is helping me to survive more efficiently from day to day. I am starting to function on a somewhat average or "normal" basis. Before, I tried to shut everything out of my life that I couldn't bare on my shoulders, tying it up within itself, unrecognizable. Gratefully, everything that goes up, must come down, and undone. Emotions, are no exception I find.
The Want. The isatiable need to progress, supercede and dominate have led me to the want to find motivation to sate my desires. True, most are purely selfish, but, being vainglorious isn't always detrimental. For so long no I have been half living my life in order to avoid distress and complications for my family. True, much I have done that "inconveniences" them, but nothing that was insuperable to their master plan, simply "inconvenient." Their complaints and proclamations that I am not fulfilling my potential contradicts their needs of simplicity. To succeed and more importantly exceed their expectations, which, trully, won't so much exceed as merely surpass, to do so though, a great amount of inconveniences would have to be taken on on their part, this, they are less than eager to do. Sooooo, I am saying screw it, I am going to be eager and menial, and self centered, and I will do damned well in the process, isn't that how all true success it accomplished? Well, it is for me.
Also, I had to write a poem in the form of one written by Langston Hughes... ugh, so here it is:
I will tell You:
Life, for me, has been no bleu sky.
It had clouds in it, black
and deep, where silver linings
were tarnished black.
And true,
the SUn shone through,
Deceiving.
Heat, blistering on my
exposed shoulders,
on which is carried
the weight of My World.
But I trudged on, teeth grit,
a pseudo smile.
And Skin, toughened, darkened, blacker than
Those base clouds;
and when Rain comes,
My head will not ebb into the mire, nor will
I allow myself to drown, in mere
Droplets of Pain.
Rather, I face forth, UNbowed,
UNbroken, UNdefeated, UNetc.
I moved on.
I move On