Livestrong
Current:
Mood: Thinking over the weekend
Music: I Love You -Sarah McLachlan
This weekend was wonderful. While I went a bit bizzerk with Austin, it was only momentarily and I did not let it get to me. I just needed to talk to him about random things that were plaguing me and I was being too chicken to mention them. But his new affection for dip opened me right up. I am being less and less emotionally stunted though and while I feel like it is unfair to him, Austin dealing with the brunt of it all has helped so much. Mmy therapist agrees with me when I express how I feel that dealing with, and only with my emotionally unstable and illogical mother for so many years makes it harder for me at times to connect on more intimate levels with one person. But if we can make it through the mall, Austin and I will survive anything that I throw into the kinks. I cannot speak though for what he will pull out of his own ass ;+)~.
From what my grandmother told me tonight about her conversation with his mother, she apparently feels or thinks that I am distracting Austin from getting a job, and thus, performing up to his potential even, maybe. I don't think I am a deterrent for Austin to get a job. I would hope that my presence would encourage him to want to do better as his does for me. That is a whole other entry though, that may or probably won't be written, at least not publicly.
I saw my mother. Seems she hates how I am staying at my grandmother's. From what my grandmother told me, it sounds very much like my mother wants me to be at home with her so that I may be as miserable as she is. We didn't talk when I saw her at home, other than, "hello, goodbye." My grandmother and I spoke and I told told her how our miscommunication on times upset me greatly, and she admitted her fault. She does have much on her mind, but god help me that doesn't stop me from getting angry and really disliking her at times. I get so intensely angry though, verbally, I just get so frustrated how she only hears what she wants and forgets the rest.
My hopes for this week include: Austin having a working car and possible job leads that excite him so that he will do well because he wants to, not because he must. Also that I turn in an excellent Goverment project.
Long-term hopes include: The inevitable success and equal happiness of Austin and I, inside and outside of our relationship. Acceptance into a college of my choice. And that Austin will go to the prom with me.
XOXOA,
Chris=+)~
Mood: Thinking over the weekend
Music: I Love You -Sarah McLachlan
This weekend was wonderful. While I went a bit bizzerk with Austin, it was only momentarily and I did not let it get to me. I just needed to talk to him about random things that were plaguing me and I was being too chicken to mention them. But his new affection for dip opened me right up. I am being less and less emotionally stunted though and while I feel like it is unfair to him, Austin dealing with the brunt of it all has helped so much. Mmy therapist agrees with me when I express how I feel that dealing with, and only with my emotionally unstable and illogical mother for so many years makes it harder for me at times to connect on more intimate levels with one person. But if we can make it through the mall, Austin and I will survive anything that I throw into the kinks. I cannot speak though for what he will pull out of his own ass ;+)~.
From what my grandmother told me tonight about her conversation with his mother, she apparently feels or thinks that I am distracting Austin from getting a job, and thus, performing up to his potential even, maybe. I don't think I am a deterrent for Austin to get a job. I would hope that my presence would encourage him to want to do better as his does for me. That is a whole other entry though, that may or probably won't be written, at least not publicly.
I saw my mother. Seems she hates how I am staying at my grandmother's. From what my grandmother told me, it sounds very much like my mother wants me to be at home with her so that I may be as miserable as she is. We didn't talk when I saw her at home, other than, "hello, goodbye." My grandmother and I spoke and I told told her how our miscommunication on times upset me greatly, and she admitted her fault. She does have much on her mind, but god help me that doesn't stop me from getting angry and really disliking her at times. I get so intensely angry though, verbally, I just get so frustrated how she only hears what she wants and forgets the rest.
My hopes for this week include: Austin having a working car and possible job leads that excite him so that he will do well because he wants to, not because he must. Also that I turn in an excellent Goverment project.
Long-term hopes include: The inevitable success and equal happiness of Austin and I, inside and outside of our relationship. Acceptance into a college of my choice. And that Austin will go to the prom with me.
XOXOA,
Chris=+)~