"Showoff..."
Current:
Mood: Rushed to finish projects that are so not even due
Music: Beautiful -B. Spears -Boys
So in Goverment I have Martin. I must say as well that I really like this woman. Just to make me shine a little more I am putting in extra extra effort into our 'virtues of america" booklet. Wonderful charcoal drawings of national landmarks representing justice, unity, defense.... I so want to be the teacher's pet this year... it makes me sick.
Austin called me today and left me a message on my voicemail telling me he loves and misses me which caused the inescapable and completely welcome warm fuzzies and pulling at my heart. He cares, but as he said," Chris and I are both so high-maintainence that we both ...something along the lines of piss each other off." Which totally proves my point. God how I hope he hated this trip and wants to stay in this area. God how I hope he found something from this trip that he loves and can attain, job or car. I really believe that Austin could find much he likes about this area despite what his mother says if he just looked. He knows what bad there is here, he has seen it, but I would like him to find some good, for me, but so much more for him.
I love Austin deeply. I was hurt by things I heard about him partying the night before he left, and speaking of how of the three of them, HE would be the one to nail a mutual fried of ours first. Considering their history, that really hurts me. I spoke to her about Austin and I realized once again that I must endure all of this because this is what I really want. Not the hurt, worry, jealousy, feelings of irrationality, but the connection, the love, the passion, the lovesickness, the butterflies, the enduring feeling that I would give anything and everything for one day more, and then the next. I have never felt more in control of my life then I have in the past two weeks. Combined with school and my determination, I really am going where I want to in life, and I am trying my hardest to take what I want, and prove what I deserve. I need and deserve Austin in my life. That is as much a compliment to him as myself. I think that is love. When even in positive thoughts of one's self you end up complimenting your love. At least, one of the signs of it.
XOXOA,
Chris=+)
Mood: Rushed to finish projects that are so not even due
Music: Beautiful -B. Spears -Boys
So in Goverment I have Martin. I must say as well that I really like this woman. Just to make me shine a little more I am putting in extra extra effort into our 'virtues of america" booklet. Wonderful charcoal drawings of national landmarks representing justice, unity, defense.... I so want to be the teacher's pet this year... it makes me sick.
Austin called me today and left me a message on my voicemail telling me he loves and misses me which caused the inescapable and completely welcome warm fuzzies and pulling at my heart. He cares, but as he said," Chris and I are both so high-maintainence that we both ...something along the lines of piss each other off." Which totally proves my point. God how I hope he hated this trip and wants to stay in this area. God how I hope he found something from this trip that he loves and can attain, job or car. I really believe that Austin could find much he likes about this area despite what his mother says if he just looked. He knows what bad there is here, he has seen it, but I would like him to find some good, for me, but so much more for him.
I love Austin deeply. I was hurt by things I heard about him partying the night before he left, and speaking of how of the three of them, HE would be the one to nail a mutual fried of ours first. Considering their history, that really hurts me. I spoke to her about Austin and I realized once again that I must endure all of this because this is what I really want. Not the hurt, worry, jealousy, feelings of irrationality, but the connection, the love, the passion, the lovesickness, the butterflies, the enduring feeling that I would give anything and everything for one day more, and then the next. I have never felt more in control of my life then I have in the past two weeks. Combined with school and my determination, I really am going where I want to in life, and I am trying my hardest to take what I want, and prove what I deserve. I need and deserve Austin in my life. That is as much a compliment to him as myself. I think that is love. When even in positive thoughts of one's self you end up complimenting your love. At least, one of the signs of it.
XOXOA,
Chris=+)