in a nutshell
ok, last night.... lots of drinking, lots of friends, lots of laughs. i said a few things i shouldn't have said, but i was drunk and since i am an honest person anyways, having a body full of alcohol helped me to let go and say somethings i was afraid to say. i am hoping it didn't burn any bridges between any of my friends. i tried to send a text to a few people last night and i hope they got them because they never responded. sometimes, i just want to talk to someone about what is going on in my head right now, but i don't have anyone that i can confide in that would be interested in hearing it.
and my song for the year is "new york, new york." i think it's a sign to go up north soon.
ok, here's the summary for 2004. officially, the worst year of my life since 1988.
JANUARY- started the year broke and didn't get anything for summer for her birthday because of it.
FEBRUARY- i got a tattoo, but couldn't get summer a valentines gift. i am truly a terrible person.
MARCH- spring break in st. augustine. some of the best days in the entire year.
APRIL- joined amaurot.
MAY- "surprise" party at the drive in.
JUNE- summer told me to shape up or ship out.
JULY- i shipped out.
AUGUST- i fell apart more and more on a daily basis.
SEPTEMBER- played what would be my last show with amaurot and got my latest tattoo.
OCTOBER- started crushing on rebecca.
NOVEMBER- spent the majority of the month seeing a therapist and getting my life on track.
DECEMBER- financially fucked myself to the point to where i couldn't finish buying christmas gifts and then on christmas eve, i got 2 refund checks from uf totaling $2300.
so this year has to be better than the last. although it is going to start out just as bad. i have a lot of things i have to work out in my life and to be honest, i just don't know what to do aobut a few things. i lost the greatest relationship i ever had this past year and i am afraid of not finding someone as special as summer again. i have found someone that means a lot to me and i really do care a lot about her, but i know where she belongs and i refuse to complicate her life any further by placing an extra burden on her with my feelings for her. she needs to go home to be happy. and she loves another man anyways and i am happy for her. summer has fallen for steve and if she is happy, then i am happy for her. i want to find someone, too. and as of right now, i don't even care if it's not "the one." i just want to spend some time with someone romantically.
OK, ENOUGH!!!!! i have to go and begin making this year worth living.
if you are reading this, i love you.