Trusting You to Catch Me - Chapter Twenty-Four
Title: Trusting You to Catch Me
Author: Sio & Maura
Rating: NC-17
Length: 143,383
Spoilers: Everything up to On My Way and then deviating from there with minor Big Brother references.
Pairing: Santana/Quinn, Brittany/Santana/Quinn/Rachel friendship, mentions of Brittany/Santana, some Finn/Rachel (not positive)
Summary: Following her accident, Quinn experiences the gamut of emotion: denial to acceptance to healing and everything in between. But through it all are her friends patiently helping her with caring and friendship and maybe more.
Warnings (highlight to read): eating disorders, severe accident recovery, graphic sex, verbal abuse, minor violence, family issues, cheating, body image issues
Chapter 24
They all knew the day was coming when they'd have to pack their things back into Santana's car - well, Quinn and Rachel's things - and leave again. That didn't make it any easier for the odd little family unit facing their first real separation since they'd formed. Or for the little girl who'd quickly grown attached to all three of them.
"I don't want you to go!" Alejandra sobbed brokenly as she clung to Rachel. "Don't go! Stay! Stay with me!"
"Alejandra, I wish I could, but I have to go to school," Rachel tried, nearing tears herself as she looked desperately to Santana for help. "I won't be gone forever. I'll come back and visit. I promise."
"No! It's not fair! I only just got you!" The little girl sobbed desolately into her neck.
Santana watched from where she was leaning on her car as she waited for Quinn to say goodbye to her mother. She pushed off the car and moved to Rachel and Alejandra. "Alle, you need to let Rachel go. She's going to be back soon, okay."
"Don't wanna let her go," she whimpered, but let herself be transferred to Santana's arms by a grateful Rachel who quickly turned away to carefully blot at her eyes before her emotions got the better of her. "Don't want everyone to go away, Tana."
"I'll be back in a day and a half," she whispered as she rubbed the girl's back. "Rachel will be at school in New York City, but she will come back here soon okay?"
"No," Alejandra whined into her neck, clinging to her. "I wanna go with you. Take me with you, Tana. Don't leave me."
"You can't come, Allie," Santana said as she looked at her sister. "I'll be home soon, someone has to stay here and take care of mom? Right?"
"But I wanna go with you," she pouted, hugging her neck tightly. "I wanna go with you and Rach and Quinn."
"I know you do," she said softly as she moved to sit her on the hood of the car, still holding her. "But, you need to stay here with your mom and let me drop them off at school. There's no more room in the car and it's not safe enough to bring you, plus you have your gymnastics class tomorrow. You don't wanna miss that do you?"
"Nuh-uh." She sniffled, pulling a hand away to wipe at her face. "I'm gonna miss Rach and Quinn, Tana. You're coming back? Promise? You're not going away?"
"I'm coming back," she whispered. "I'm gonna come back for you. Plus all my stuff's still here and I live here with you, remember?" She smiled and booped her nose. "You're my little sister."
"Can I sleep in your bed till you come back?" she asked softly, looking up at Santana with big eyes and tear-stained cheeks.
"Sure." She smiled. "I even left my favorite blanket on it." She leaned down and whispered, "It's under my pillow." She pulled away and pushed the girl's hair back out of her face. "You gonna be strong and help your mom and be a good girl?"
Alejandra nodded sadly. "I'll be good. Please come home soon, Tana."
"I promise," she whispered as she looked up and at her mother, knowing how familiar this conversation would feel to both of them. "I'll be home soon."
"Okay," she whispered, hugging Santana again before sliding off the car and running over to where Quinn was kneeling on the ground to give her a big hug as Daniella came over after hugging Rachel goodbye.
The woman looked at her daughter for a long moment before pulling her into a hug. "I messed up horribly with you, but you still turned into a wonderful young woman that I'm proud to call my daughter, Santana," she whispered by her ear. "Drive safe and come home soon, okay?"
Santana hugged her back and closed her eyes. "I'll be home soon," she said softly as she pulled away and moved to scoop up her sister give her one last hug before handing her off to their mom and going to check on Rachel. "You good? Overwhelming Lopez family time?"
"I'm okay." She sniffed, wiping at her eyes before smiling up at Santana. "Your family is lovely, Santana, not overwhelming in the slightest. I don't think I've ever felt welcomed more in anyone's house but my fathers' back in Lima. Thank you."
"Hey, man, two siblings for the price of one." She winked as she looked over to her girlfriend and her sister. "I'm gonna say goodbye to you later. We need to go dump Quinn's shit off then drive to NYC for the night then I'll deal with that emotional wrecking ball."
"I'm not exactly looking forward to it myself," Rachel whispered, swallowing down her emotional reaction to smile up at Santana. "But no need to dwell on it now, right?" she asked with her eyes suspiciously shiny.
"Yeah," she said softly. "Get in the car and I'll get Q," she whispered before pulling away and moving over to her girlfriend. "Alright, tiny. Time to let Quinn go."
"Next time, I want to come too," Alejandra pouted, kissing Quinn's cheek and letting her go so the blonde could straighten up.
"Maybe we'll all go somewhere together next summer for a vacation," Quinn offered, ruffling her hair with a smile as she accepted Santana's help up. "You and your mom and Santana and Rachel and I. Maybe even our friend Brittany too."
"Yay!" Alejandra smiled and hugging Santana once more before going back to her mom. "Bye," she called sadly as she watched Santana help Quinn into the car.
They had been on the road for nearly two hours before they got to Yale. Santana looked in wonder at the buildings as she followed the signs to what would be Quinn's dorm. "Holy shit, this place is mad old," Santana said, gaping up at all the old stone buildings as she drove.
"That's kind of the point," Quinn remarked dryly. "Generally brand new colleges don't have an Ivy League rep for a reason."
Rachel was looking out the windows with a weird mix of excitement for her friend and sadness because it was just one step closer to having to say goodbyes she wasn't sure she was ready for. "It does have a certain charm that will likely complement your quiet good looks well, Quinn."
"Classic and clean." Santana smiled and leaned over and kissed her girlfriend. "Let's get you a good claim on a bed and dump your stuff before heading to New York? Sound good?"
"Yeah." Quinn nodded, smiling at her as she pulled away. "Sounds good. I want one more night with everyone before I surrender myself to academia for the next nine months."
She nodded and parked in the handicapped parking space at Quinn's building and hung the blue pass on the rearview mirror. "Alright, what room are you in babe?" she asked as she looked over to the girl as she held her welcome package.
She opened the envelope and pulled out her key as Rachel got out with her wheelchair. "One oh seven, looks like. At least it's first floor, benefits of being semi-crippled still, I guess."
"Hell, yes." She smiled and got out and helped her into the chair. "I'm so proud of you, have I told you that lately?"
"Yes." She smirked up at her as she got settled. "Now put my duffle on my lap so I don't look like a complete tool to my family around all these new people. Can't let you two carry everything," she teased.
Santana put the girl's duffle bag on her the blonde's lap and grabbed one of the boxes off the roof once she unhooked them. "Rach? Grab the stuff from the back seat?"
"Already taken care of," comes a voice muffled from being buried in Quinn's bedspread stuffed on top of the box in her arms. "I think I need a seeing eye person to guide me though."
Quinn's eyebrows rose comically and she had to bite her lip but she just barely kept from laughing. "You know, you can take two trips, Rachel."
"We'll have to anyway," Santana shrugged as she grabbed another bag and locked her car as she grabbed Rachel's arm and followed Quinn into the building and down the hall. Quinn unlocked the door and wheeled inside and saw that no one else had moved in yet. Santana got in and looked around, "Nice digs, babe." She looked around the furnished common room then around to the doors, "Which room is yours?"
"Doesn't look like anyone's here, so I guess I get to pick?" Quinn offered uncertainly, looking around. "My information says I'm in a single room, so I suppose my suite mate is probably the same?"
"Can we just pick somewhere so I can set this down?" Rachel's muffled voice came plaintively over her armload.
Santana moved over to the rooms and opened the two over on the side, "Window? I think you should have the room with the window." She smiled as she looked to Quinn. "The other's like a cave."
"I trust your judgement." Quinn smirked at her, wheeling in her direction after grabbing the hem of Rachel's appallingly bright red coat to tug her along.
"Looks better than the two people over in that third room that have to share," she said as she brought the box in and put it on Quinn's bed. "I'm really excited it's a single. Is that a bad thing?"
"You just want in my dress at school," she teased, leaning up for a kiss after tossing her duffle on the bag. "I don't know what's so bad about that though."
"Not involved in this pairing girl in the room!" Rachel protested, dropping her load on the bed. "Can you please avoid talking about having sex with each other while I am physically present at the very least?"
"Maybe," Santana teased as she winked at her lover. "I'm gonna go get some more of your stuff." She smiled and headed out of the room and back to the car. Quinn just shook her head and wheeled around her room.
"It's not that bad... Put some pictures of you and San up? Posters?" she mused as she looked at the bookshelf awkwardly placed over her desk. "Could be nice."
"I'll assist if you'd like to decorate before we go." Rachel smiled, trying to delay heading to New York for a little longer.
"We could do that." She smiled as she saw Santana come in with more of her things. "You want to help me make my bed up?"
"If you tell me which box has the sheets, I can do it," she offered, as she moved to clear the bed off onto the desk. "Which set would you care to use first?"
"The purple ones." She smiled as she got out of her chair and pointed to the box. She pulled her duvet out of another box that contained her pillows. "They match my pillowcases," She stated as she pulled them out.
"I noticed," Rachel said, getting the sheets out and awkwardly started struggling with the bed pushed up against the wall to get the far corners of the fitted sheet tucked.
"This is the smallest bed I've ever seen," Quinn pointed out as she tucked in her sides, "I'm gonna fall out of it so often." She sighed and threw the sheet on it and helped Rachel spread it out.
"No, those beds in New York where Mr Schue tried to get all six of us girls to share were small," Rachel replied. "This is just a long twin. You'll be fine. I'm sure of it."
"Please don't fall out of bed," Santana said as she put box labeled food on the shelf. "I don't want to have to come get you because you need to go back to the doctor for your back," she added as she looked over. "I have your non-perishable food box here... is that okay for now?"
"Yeah, that's fine. If I need to use my chair more, I'll just move it. Or," she smirked at Santana, "get my big strong girlfriend to move it when she visits."
Santana stuck her tongue out at her. "Maybe, you just want me to refil it with tasty snacks for you."
"Ooh, could you?" Quinn smiled brightly as she smoothed the bedspread down. "That'd be amazing. Really."
"Seriously, you two?" Rachel asked with a huff. "Do I need to go wait in the car while you burn off the incipient sexual tension you have building?"
"No, we did that last night... and this morning in the shower." Santana smirked, "Don't you worry."
"Okay." Rachel rolled her eyes and turned her back on them. "I very much did not need to know that particular detail."
"Are you sure?" Quinn smirked with a glance at Santana. "I'm sure San could regal you with tales of her skills."
She nodded as she helped Quinn unpack some of her books out of one of the boxes. "I'm quite talented, if you'd like to know."
"I don't!" Rachel turned bright red and scurried out to the car to make sure nothing was forgotten on the last trip up.
"She's so easy to embarrass." Santana laughed as she leaned over and kissed her girlfriend, "I love you so much and really am glad I get another two nights with you."
"That's cause you never believed she could be into you," Quinn teased, smiling at her. "Glad you skipped that for this though," she waggled her brows, gesturing at herself. "I'm glad I get them too. I'm not looking forward to the third morning though." She smiled wanly.
"Let's not think about that," she whispered. "Just let's finish up here and head to the city to help Rachel move in and then check out New York and have some pizza."
"And what happens to her?" she asked softly, reaching for Santana's hand as she lowered herself back into her chair. "She's annoying sometimes still, but she's our friend. I don't know if she's going to take being dropped at her dorm really well..."
"We're spending the night with her, Q..." She looked at her. "I don't wanna leave her at all... so I wanna spend the night if we can. Then we can come here in the morning."
"Sure we can." She nodded. "I'm just," she shrugged, sighing softly, "I'm actually worried about the hobbit being alone in New York. God, you remember Nationals junior year. She's really innocent sometimes and I don't want anything to happen to her."
"I'm hoping she has a good roommate," Santana sighed, "I'm worried too... She's family, ya know? We have to make sure we visit as much as possible okay?"
"Yeah, I mean, I get first dibs on you, but I do not want to hear about her hooking up with some ass like Finn or, worse, Puck."
"She's smarter than that." Santana smiled. "I promise."
Quinn raised an incredulous brow. "You do remember she dated both of those lunkheads and actually fell for Finn's crap for the longest time, right? And you remember what she's like drunk too? Now tell me you're not worried about our hobbit in New York with no one to watch out for her."
"Do you want me to go to Brown or just camp out under her bed?" She raised her eyebrow. "I'm not okay leaving.... Either of you."
"Stop it." She slapped at Santana's arm lightly. "I'm just worried about her and well, it's stupid, but I'm kinda gonna miss having her around all the time... you too." She sniffed softly and looked at the ground, trying to control herself.
"Let's focus on Rachel today," she said as the girl came back in. "Alright, car empty of Yale stuff?"
"It appears that way," she murmured with an almost sad little smile, setting the box with Quinn's desk supplies in the desk. Her fingers slipped slowly from the cardboard with something like regret. "I guess it's time to head to New York now then." She tried mustering up the bright smile that her favorite city deserved, but it was hard because she was already feeling the pangs of watching them go. It was still slightly strange accepting they really had become her best friends and she really wasn't ready to let go yet.
"Well, yeah, but we have to get there so we can hit the town tonight." Santana smiled.
"Yeah." She smiled wanly, heading out. "I'll be in the car."
Santana sighed, and looked at her lover. "She's upset..." She looked down. "I don't know how to fix it."
"I'll probably be upset too when we're heading back here." Quinn smiled sadly, tugging Santana down to sit in her lap as she wheeled out of the room back towards the car. "You're kind of hard to say goodbye to, Santana Lopez."
"Good thing you're just saying see you later," she said softly. "I don't wanna go.. but I need to be strong for you two.."
"Don't be all macho and stupid," she scoffed, hugging her with one arm. "Maybe we gotta be for Rachel cause she's an overemotional, dramatic mess on good days," she teased, "but I fully expect crying and not wanting to let go on both our parts when it's our turn. Got it?"
"Yes, ma'am. But we have tonight and a night by ourselves tomorrow before that," she whispered against Quinn's neck. "Let's go spend time with her, okay?"
"Yeah, now stop acting like this is forever. Like you'll be able to stay away from your crazy ass sister for more than a couple weeks," she smirked, heading down the hall. "I signed up to be in love with Santana Lopez the badass not the Berry clone."
"Shut up," she said softly as she let Quinn pushed them over to the car. She helped Quinn inside the backseat before folding up the chair and sliding into the driver's seat. "You guys hungry or wanna just fly for a bit and get real food in the city?"
"I'm craving some real New York style pizza," Quinn smiled, buckling up before turning to help Rachel settle in her chair. "Then crashing Rach's dorm to show them how we do it in Lima Heights, right?" she added with a wink to Santana.
"Neither of you actually live in Lima Heights," Rachel reminded them with an eye roll, but a little smile turned up the corner of her lips at the effort. "And if you don't mind a little exploring I did find a small pizzeria near the campus which is exceedingly vegan friendly according to reviews."
"Hell yes!" Santana smiled, as she turned on the car and started to drive. "I'm very excited about this, I fucking love New York and this time we aren't stuck with the stupid glee club."
"It wasn't that bad being here with Glee," Rachel mumbled, looking out the window as they drove out of town and back toward the highway.
"You bailed on us," Santana pointed out. "Quinn wouldn't sleep with me, I was fighting with B, and we lost..." she stated, "Fail for me."
"Oh," she breathed, leaning on the window. "Yes, I suppose nothing good did come of New York for you with Glee."
Santana reached over and took Rachel's hand and linked their fingers together. "Wanna blast Disney songs and sing?"
Rachel looked down at their linked hands then back up with a small smile. "Thank you for the offer, but I'm aware your tolerance for such things is limited and I'd rather not aggravate it. Besides, I would think given my ability to perform most any song Mr Schue could come up with would reassure you as to my ability to appreciate and sing along with anything currently playing."
The darker girl pouted and poked her iPod anyway and put her shuffle on, which was why the first song that came on was Moves like Jagger. Santana beamed and shook her shoulders with the beat.
"Oh God, that song," Quinn groaned as Rachel tried to muffle a giggle. "How could anyone think that's a good proposal song?"
"Someone who proposed in a pool?" Santana called between singing as she handed Rachel her iPod, giving her permission to play with the radio.
"Hey! I thought we did exceptionally well on that song!" Rachel pouted, scrolling through the iPod half heartedly.
"Yes, we did." Santana smiled. "Despite the humiliation of bathing suits and having to see our glee mates in them."
"They weren't that bad," Quinn smirked. "I thought you looked cute in your fifties chic bathing dress."
"Aww, baby, gay for me even then." She winked in the mirror as she pulled onto the highway.
Several hours, a near parking incident and some heavy lifting later, Rachel was moved into her new dorm. Santana had collapsed on the bed out of sheer exhaustion from driving to two cities and hauling boxes. Quinn shook her head as she wheeled over to Rachel who was looking out the window in the common room onto the busy Manhattan street below. "I'm proud of you, Rachel. I always knew you'd be here."
"Thanks," she sighed softly, pressing her hand against the glass. "I... wish the two of you didn't have to go tomorrow," she whispered softly, her jaw working.
"I wish that too... we should have all gone to school somewhere together," she said as she got out of the chair and moved next to Rachel. "But, we can't be that codependent. You'll be amazing here, I know it, you know it, and San knows it."
"It's just," she looked over at Quinn with a little smile, "really lonely here by myself. I've always had someone with me when I came here. My dads. Glee... now... it's just me."
"You're not alone, you have a sister, who's drooling over your pillow right now, and me who are a phone call and a train away," Quinn reminded her. "You'll have your roommate and your classmates will be as ridiculous as you are and you'll love them. You're going to have the whole city of New York to keep you company."
"Mmm," she nodded, looking out the window again. "Sometimes... I really miss Finn though," she whispered.
"You'll find someone who respects you... He may have loved you, but you wouldn't be here right now if you stayed with him. You'd be in Lima in the Hummel's basement."
"I suppose." She shrugged, sighing softly. "I still miss it though. Being wanted like that." She bit her lip before admitting quietly, "It's hard being around the two of you sometimes because of it. Please don't misunderstand, I'm happy you're together, honestly. I just... it's hard."
"I know, I felt the same when around Santana and Brittany." Quinn sighed. "Why do you think I dated so many losers? I didn't wanna be alone. I get it, Rachel. I do."
"I can't tell Santana that," she murmured, looking at Quinn sadly. "She wouldn't understand. I'll try not to date losers just because it's hard though I'd argue that Noah wasn't precisely a loser and Sam certainly wasn't though his family suffered financial hardship."
"I dated them because I didn't want to be alone... not because I wanted them." she looked up at her friend. "I wanted to date Santana even though it was scary. She waited until I was ready and that's how I knew it was right." Quinn rubbed Rachel's arm. "Look... Go on dates. Have sex as long as you use birth control and you want to. Have fun. It's college, Rach. But, watch your heart okay? You have way too much of it and I hate to see you get hurt by some stupid person again."
"Isn't getting hurt part of love?" she asked softly, turning to wrap her arms around Quinn and hug her tight. "I'm going to miss you so much."
Quinn hugged her back. "Love is different from dating and hanging out with people. Love is hard and messy," she said as she rested her chin on Rachel's shoulder. "I'm gonna miss you too, Berry."
"Please take care of Santana," she whispered into her neck. "Make sure she eats. You're gonna see her so much more than me, which is right, but I'm still worried about her. I... I told her mom. About her problem. And she's gonna be so mad at me when she finds out, but that's okay as long as she gets better."
The blonde sighed. "I'm so scared to leave her," she whispered. "You're so much stronger than she is... I'm scared that she's going to revert and not let her mom help and she won't tell us when something's wrong."
"She probably will but we'll know if we pay attention. I'm not stronger though." She pulled away with a little sigh, trying to smile. "I'm just much better at hiding that things bother me. I got lots of practice in school."
"You're stronger than you give yourself credit for. You saved Santana's life." She smiled. "You know that, right? You made it through school with a smile and pride despite all the shit we put you through. You're kinda a force to be reckoned with."
Rachel did smile at that. "If only you could see inside my head sometimes, Quinn. I don't think you'd say such silly things then. But... did we want to go out and explore or just... stay here and sleep?"
"Yeah, let's go wake up sleeping beauty and head out." She smiled before slowly moving back over to Rachel's bed with the girl's help. She moved to lay on her girlfriend and laughed when Rachel began tickling the sleeping girl.
"Stop," Santana grumbled, trying to curl into herself. "Rape!" she yelled as she started coming out of sleep.
"Honestly, Santana, I don't believe that is an argument you can use against the person pinning you to the bed," Rachel pointed out primly, "but I would highly appreciate it if you did not besmirch my name by painting me as a rapist of all things before the year even officially starts."
She stuck her tongue out and rubbed her eyes. "Time to get up?" she asked with a yawn as she let Quinn pull her up and run her fingers through her hair. "Wanna go out and hit the town? And find me coffee?"
"I suppose," Rachel shrugged. "You're lucky my roommate transferred at the last minute or I could have problems letting you stay."
"Score." She smiled and got up and pulled on her shoes. "Q? You walking or rolling?"
"Much as I'd love to walk, I think I should roll for tonight." She smiled, moving back to her chair. "Want to keep my strength up for tomorrow," she added with a wink.
"Ew," Rachel commented as she grabbed her sweater and purse before pushing Quinn out the door followed by a laughing Santana.
Leaving Rachel the next morning after a night of pizza and nearly falling asleep in a jazz club was almost as hard as everyone had expected. With possibly more tears from the emotional little brunette as she waved at them from the door of her dormitory. But as they pulled onto the off-ramp for New Haven, Quinn felt her heart clench in her chest as she realized how soon she'd be having to do the same to the girl she loved.
"I wonder if anyone else's here yet," she murmured, trying to distract herself with trivialities.
"Maybe," Santana said softly. "But, we can just work on your room and then go to Ikea if you want... or like Target to get you a mini-fridge or something."
"I think I can get by without a mini-fridge for a while." She chuckled. "Can we just... stay in my room tonight?"
"Of course, baby... We can do whatever you want," she said as she clutched the steering wheel. "But it's only like four in the afternoon, I just wanted to see if you wanted to get anything done while we had the car."
Quinn took a breath and let it out slowly to calm herself. "I want to do things involving the car a lot less than I want to just spend time with you, Santana."
"Okay." Santana nodded as she pulled back onto the Yale campus and parked in the lot near Quinn's dorm. She closed her eyes for a moment after turning off the car and took a deep breath. "We... We can do this. We can..."
"I know we can." She smiled sadly, reaching across the console to hold Santana's hand. "I'm just going to miss you more than anything when you go. I know you're not far and there's a regular train between here and Providence, but I've gotten used to being able to curl up with you at night or turn around to tell you something."
She nodded and brought Quinn's hand up to kiss it. "Come on, let's do this in your room... I don't wanna cry in my car."
She nodded, unbuckling and getting out to lean heavily on her cane while Santana got the wheelchair out of the backseat. Settling in it with a sigh, she let the other girl push her in. "I'm not exactly looking forward to it myself," she joked weakly. "At least you've got pictures to... console yourself with."
"If I looked better... You could take photos of me," she said softly, "You can have anything you want."
"Not in a dorm room," she protested. "I don't want to share you with anyone, Santana. Not even by accident. And you're beautiful..."
"You can put them in your computer," She joked, "I have them on mine so my sister doesn't see them." She pushed Quinn into the building and towards her room.
"But I don't want a photo of that," she whispered, looking up at Santana as they headed through the clearly populated common room after unlocking the door and into Quinn's room. "I have photos... I just want you with me when it comes to stuff like that."
"I want to be with you too," she whispered as she put the last of the bags on Quinn's floor and watched Quinn move from her wheelchair to her bed. "I don't want to leave you. I don't... I don't know how to be without you."
Quinn reached for her once she was settled in the bed. "You do and it's not forever. I'll be on the train Friday afternoon to come home to you. Every week." She smiled wanly.
Santana moved and straddled Quinn's legs on the bed and settled her body on the girl's. She rested her head on Quinn's shoulders and held her around the chest. "I've been with you every day since you got hurt... Especially since I got kicked out."
"You'll still be with me, even if I'm not right beside you." She wrapped her arms around her and held her close. "It's not like I'm breaking up with you or going to start cruising for people to... hook up with or whatever." She nuzzled the top of Santana's head, breathing in the scent of her shampoo. "I'll call you every night," she whispered.
"You better," Santana mumbled. "Because I'm needy and I'm gonna annoy the shit out of you by texting you all day."
"You'd better text me all day." She laughed waterily, reaching up to wipe at her eyes. "I don't want you getting swept off your feet by some Women's Studies major."
Santana pulled back and looked like she was going to vomit. "Ew... Don't even think that. I would never! I hate those kind people, they're all preachy vegans!" She stopped and looked at Quinn's face. "I'm not preachy."
"Well," Quinn smiled slightly, "most of the time you're not. And what was that about vegans?" she raised a brow, silently reminding Santana of how her food choices had fallen in line with Rachel's more and more the longer they were around each other.
"I said about veganism... I'm not preachy about it," she said with a huff, "I don't want anyone to talk to me or try to take me away from you."
"It'll happen." She smirked, shaking her head as she watched her girlfriend. "You're beautiful and they'll try. I'm not really worried though," she tangled their fingers together, keeping her eyes on Santana's face, "because I know you love me. And you're crazy loyal like that."
She nodded slowly. "I don't want anyone but you," she whispered. "You're it..."
"You too for me, baby," she whispered, looking up at her as she pulled a hand up to kiss it. "You can't lose me as long as you love me as much as I love you. I kind of need you in my life, you know."
She sniffed and nodded sadly. "Promise me you'll make friends here?" she whispered as she laid her head down against the girl's shoulder. "Please make friends."
"I'll try," she promised, nodding with her hands gently resting on Santana's back again, "but I think I've already found the best friends I'll have with you and Britt and Rachel... of all people," she teased. "Will you do the same?"
"It's harder for me... I don't have to live on campus." She swallowed and ran her fingers on Quinn's neck. "You live here and you need to make friends with your classmates and dormmates."
"Not that different." She shrugged, starting to run her hands up and down the girl's back. "You'll have classmates too and I want you to have people you can talk to and hang out with that aren't your crazy little sister. Just... don't replace me, Britt, and Rachel, okay?"
"I couldn't," she whispered. "You're my family," she said with a faint quiver in her voice, like she was on the edge of tears. "You... You're my girlfriend..."
"No kidding," she tried joking, "but I meant as your best friends. I think we count as that, right? I mean, you and Rachel are practically a package deal since she bought you that guitar in Toronto."
"Totally best friend, you, Rachel and Britt," she said softly and she pressed a kiss to the girl's neck. "I love you, Quinn Fabray."
"I love you too," she whispered, letting her eyes close to enjoy the feeling. "Just... remind me a lot, okay? That we're more than the best friend in the pictures I've got?"
"So much more," she whispered. "You're my world, okay?"
She nodded. "Just remind me, okay?" She smiled with her eyes shining suspiciously in the sun coming in through the window. "I think I'll need you to remind me so I don't get too scared..."
Santana reached in her back pocket and pulled out the velvet bag and sat back on Quinn's thighs. "Maybe this will help?"
Quinn looked between the bag and the girl sitting on her. "I'm not really sure how a bag will remind me that you love me," she tried with a tiny, disbelieving smile.
"No, idiot." She laughed. "Open the bag."
Still looking entirely confused, she eases the drawstring holding the bag open and reaches inside to pull out a slender gold chain. "Pretty," she whispers before the locket attached finally slips from the bag. "San," she gasps softly as she sees it, "this is beautiful. Where... when?"
"I've had it since Toronto," she said softly. "I got it before our date and I wanted to give it to you to remind you of me," she said as she put her hands on the girl's hips. "Do you like it?"
She nodded, unable to take her eyes off the locket gently spinning at the end of the chain. "I love it," she whispered. She swallowed with a slightly self-deprecating laugh. "And to think all I thought to give you was dirty photos of myself..."
"You know that I love those," she whispered and leaned down and kissed her girlfriend's lips, before unhooking the chain's clasp and slipping it around the girl's neck and fastening it. She pulled her hands away and ran her fingers over her shoulders. "So beautiful."
Quinn swallowed softly, glancing down at the locket then back up at Santana. "I should have gotten you something like this," she whispered, her heart clenching in her chest. "I should have gotten you something to wear that would remind you..."
Santana shrugged. "You can get me something for our one year anniversary if you want to." She smiled hopefully, liking the idea of being together that long. "Don't fret about that stuff, Q. I saw it and I thought of you."
"It's beautiful," she whispered, sadly, reaching to her chest to pull it up so she could look at it. "I should have thought about this though. I could have gotten you something. Now you've got a guitar from Berry and just some photos on your computer from me. Not even anything real..."
"You love me," Santana whispered. "That's real. You're everything I've ever wanted, Quinn," she said as she ran her fingers against Quinn's scalp and smiled. "You're my heart and... You gave me your heart."
"Yeah, but you gave me something to remind me." She bit her lip, thinking before reaching under the pillow and pulling out a familiar stuffed figure. "Take Mister Lamb," she mumbled, pushing her childhood toy at her girlfriend with a blush covering her cheeks. "I know it's not the same, but you need something to remind you too and he's always been good to me..."
"He's your baby," she said as she held him in her hands next to her heart. "Are you sure?"
"Yeah." She nodded with a shy smile, holding up the locket. "I've got something better to hold onto at night now."
Santana cuddled the lamb against her chest and tried to not cry at the thought of being without Quinn. "I don't want to leave."
"I don't want you to go," she admitted, "but we need to learn to function without each other for a little while. And... I'm definitely looking at Brown for my graduate school if you stay there."
She nodded and pushed Quinn back down against the bed and curled up on her body. "Okay."
"We can do this," Quinn whispered, stroking her fingers through Santana's hair. "Like hell we're gonna let Rachel Berry be stronger or better than us, right?"
Santana nodded. "Maybe if it's bad I can re-apply to Yale next year," she whispered as she let herself be comforted by the beat of Quinn's heart.
"Maybe, but I'm pretty sure the housing department won't let us live together if you do and that would suck a lot more than you being two hours away." She kissed the top of her head. "If it's too bad, maybe I can apply to Brown..."
"You always wanted to go to Yale, Quinn," Santana said softly, "don't change your plans because I'm needy... I'll just come by more often."
"What if I changed my plans because I'm needy?" she asked with a tiny smile. "You're not the only one who's gonna be lonely here, baby."
"I know," she whispered and nuzzled her lover. "Can... can we just stay like this and not talk for a little while?" she asked softly as she closed her eyes and clung to Quinn.
"Yeah," she whispered, cuddling Santana close against her chest with a quiet sigh.
"No!" Santana cried softly as she turned and wrapped her arms around her lover tightly and cried softly into her neck. "I don't have to leave yet," she said her voice trying to fend off the obvious sobs but not wanting to break down fully.
Quinn bit her lip, but held onto the tears that wanted to come as she rubbed Santana's back and tried to calm her down. "I know you don't want to, San. I wish you didn't have to, but school starts at Brown soon and... you don't want to break your promise to Allie, do you?"
She nodded against Quinn's chest and bit her bit and tried to control her emotions. "Do... Do good here, okay? Make it worth it." She sniffled as she rubbed her eyes and looked down, "I'm so proud of you."
"You too." Quinn hugged her tight, leaning against the car so she wouldn't have to sit in the chair while she said goodbye. "I'm proud of you too, San. And I'll be on the three forty train Friday afternoon so you'll be there to pick me up, right?"
"Yes," she whispered. "I'll drive you back on Sunday afternoon and go spend the night with Rachel before heading home on Monday since I don't have class until Tuesday afternoon.' She whispered and kissed Quinn deeply. "I love you so much."
"Love you too and you're really spending Sunday night with Rachel?" she teased. "Should I be jealous?"
"I'm spending Friday and Saturday night with you," she replied. "I don't wanna leave her out you know?" Santana whispered as she wiped her eyes. "Just... be careful about your back. Use the chair and take help if you need it."
"I will if you promise to eat at least a little three times a day even if you're stressed." Quinn's smile was a mix of concern and love that only Santana got most days - the only exceptions being the rare times Rachel did something ridiculously sweet but also incredibly stupid to try and make Santana smile over the summer.
"I can try," Santana whispered. "I can try hard but I hope you won't be mad if I fail," she said honestly and brought her hands up to cup Quinn's face.
"Not mad, just scared for you, baby," she whispered, kissing her softly. "I want you to be around for a long time. Need someone to push me around if things get bad again when I'm older, right?" She smiled wanly. "Still love me if I'm old and gray in a chair?"
"Yes," she whispered against her lips. "Still love me if I get really fat and unsexy?" she asked softly, one of her true fears coming out.
Quinn laughed softly. "Yes. But you could never be unsexy to me, baby. Not even if you weighed twice as much as you do now. You'll just be cuddlier."
Santana laughed sadly and nodded. "I love you, baby. I'll call you when I get back to Providence, okay?" she said pulling away and shuffling her feet awkwardly.
"You better. I won't be able to sleep tonight unless I know you're home safe getting little monkey cuddles." She kissed her. "Besides, I'm calling you before I go to sleep to say good night. Got it?"
"I love you more than anything in the world, Quinn Fabray," Santana stated before kissing her again and opening her car door. "I'll see you Friday."
"I'll be looking for you," she whispered, pushing off the car to lean on her cane. "And San?" she added, leaning in the window after Santana got in the car. "If things get too bad and you need someone, you know you can come to me or even Rachel if that's what you need. Right? You're not alone. Okay, baby?"
"Neither are you," she whispered and kissed Quinn one more time. "I'll see you later, okay?" She turned on her car and took a breath.
"Yeah. Drive safe, baby. I love you." Quinn smiled at her, stepping carefully back so Santana could pull away. "See you later."
"Bye, I love you too," Santana said as she pulled away and out of of the parking lot and towards the highway trying to fend off the tears that had started the minute she glanced up and saw Quinn getting smaller in her rearview mirrors.