I Know You Want Me - Chapter Fifteen
Title: I Know You Want Me
Author: Sio & Maura
Rating: Hard NC-17
Length: 76,090
Spoilers: This is AU. No Beth. No Lucy. Puck/Rachel lasted for a few months instead of a week and Jesse is a bigger ass than canon. Also Santana's promiscuity implied in the canon is not in effect for this fic for reasons that will be made evident.
Pairing: Rachel/Santana, Puck/Quinn
Summary: Rachel's longed after someone since the first day they met, but will a big secret bring them together or destroy them?
Warnings (highlight to read): Gender Identity Disorder, pregnancy, angst, topping, language, voyeurism, dub-con, non-con, anal, oral, vaginal, public, fisting, size-kink, and talk of self harm
Chapter Fifteen
The last day of high school had finally arrived.
Rachel was so close to her due date that if finals weren't such a major part of her grades, she would have spent the time - as Santana would have preferred - at home, most likely in bed with her girlfriend's father keeping an eye on her just in case. Instead, she was sitting awkwardly at a desk next to Puck, hastily scratching out answers to the last exams of her high school career. It wasn't what Santana had wanted, but she felt she needed to do it so in the end, it had been allowed so long as Noah had been allowed to take his tests earlier and sit with her to be able to rush her to the hospital if necessary.
It was both ridiculous and sweet and the presence of her mohawked friend sitting protectively beside her made her smile every time she caught sight of him shifting in his chair out of the corner of her vision. Part of the smile was for him for taking the time to do this for them, but most of it was for Santana who had probably browbeaten him into offering. The baby kicked as if sensing that she was thinking about its other mother.
"Shh, little one," she murmured, stroking a hand over her belly, "we'll see your mami soon enough."
Even though it had been the last practice of the Cheerios for the seniors, Sue hadn't let up in the slightest. It had felt strange for Quinn, putting civilian clothes on after her shower, but it had been even stranger not seeing Santana or Brittany. Brittany at least made a sort of sense, having declared she was going to cheer her boyfriend on so he did "extra super great" on his finals, but not seeing her second in command sent the now former head cheerio on a search.
She found her out on the field still in her Cheerio uniform, lying on her back and staring up at the sky. Sighing, she walked over to stick a hand down and help up the other girl. "Santana, honestly, you know Sue will kill you if you get grass stains on that damn uniform before you turn it in. What in the world is going on with you lately? We're done today. This is it. Cheer up!"
Santana took the hand offered to her and instead of using it to get up she tugged and pulled her friend to the ground with her. "Just chillin'." She explained as she turned to look at the blonde now laying on her back in the warm grass. "I thought graduation would feel different. I thought I'd feel different about it." She shrugged and looked back up to the sky.
"Why?" Quinn looked over at her curiously, folding her hands behind her head, "You're still you. Still in that thing you've got going on with Manhands." She shrugged, shaking her head, "I really don't get that. Yes, I know you say she accepts you and all of that, but I'm sure other people would accept you too."
"I spent a really long time wanting that surgery. Saving every piece of money I got for my birthday or baptism to get fixed." She let out a frustrated sigh, "But, then all that got changed. In one day, I spent half that money on rent and trying to get a house furnished." She closed her eyes, "I made the responsible decision... I don't have to like it."
"Jesus, San!" Quinn rolled so she was lying on her side, practically leaning over the other girl, looking upset. "If you don't like it, why the hell did you do it? I'm sure Berry and her damn dads have money for whatever the hell she's doing with that kid!"
"Rachel and I are moving to New Orleans for college. I got accepted on a full athletic scholarship. Rachel got a partial scholarship." Santana chewed her lip for a moment. "Her dads don't even know that she's pregnant... She never sees them." After a few seconds she continued, "I just... I can't get the surgery when I don't know how long I'll be in recovery for. I know that there's a chance that I wont feel better about myself and I might get sicker from it. I can't be recovering for weeks when I have a baby, Quinn. It doesn't work like that."
Quinn flopped back down on her back with a sigh. "So... you're leaving. For this baby. With Rachel," she all but spat the name, "who you barely even like." She shook her head. "I don't understand anything you're doing anymore, Santana."
"I've been with Rachel for like six months, Quinn." Santana sighed, "I'm leaving so I can go to college, so Rachel can go to college and so I can get the baby the fuck out of this town." She snapped, "What the fuck, seriously, Quinn, I could ask the same as you. Are you staying in Lima with your loser boyfriend? Is that your plan?"
"W-what?" She sounded flustered, a light blush blossoming on her pale cheeks, "I... that's not. I'm getting out. I just... Santana, I don't get it. I get wanting to leave this place. But I don't get wanting to leave with Berry! I don't get why you're together! You're nothing like each other!"
"Maybe that's a fucking good thing, Quinn!" Santana yelled, "Fuck I mean you are my best friend, why can you get off my fucking ass about this?" She was pissed, she was at the point where she was done with Quinn's shit. "I'm having a fucking baby, Quinn. A child and what? You think I'm so pathetic and such a coward that I'd throw that away?"
"No!" Quinn sat up, her fingers tangling in her hair in frustration, but she couldn't face Santana, "I just don't understand! I don't understand why you're with her! Why not Brittany? Why... why not me before her? I'm trying, San, but I don't get it! Why is she so special? And stop using the baby as an excuse. I know you won't abandon a kid like your mom did. That's not the only reason you're with her is it?"
"You never wanted to be with me." Santana said sternly, "You never wanted me, Brittany never wanted me like I wanted her." She spoke carefully, "Brittany would have treated me like a freak if she knew. So when she dumped me for a real boy, I tried to not care. Rachel didn't care that I have a dick. She didn't care that I'm some lifetime special wrapped up into a living person. She didn't give a fuck. I'm having a kid with her and that makes her worth it. I don't know if I would have fallen for her before that but I love her so back the fuck off!"
"You never gave me a second look," Quinn muttered, a tiny edge of bitterness in her voice. Then what Santana was saying sunk in. She turned to look at her slowly, her jaw dropping in disbelief. "You... you love her? Like... you really love her?" She looked shocked, "Seriously?"
"Don't even pretend like you would have wanted to be with me. You're comfortable with me and I have a dick. That's all you would have wanted me for, sex without having to deal with the repercussions of a relationship with a guy. So please, don't ruin what we have for this." She sighed softly, "Look. I don't want you to hate her okay? She's annoying and OCD but I really think I love her so I need you to be okay."
She scoffed, "Seriously? That's all you think of me? Thanks." She shrugged with a little sigh, "Look, I don't hate her. I don't like her very much a lot of the time, but I've never hated her either. She just has this annoying habit of popping up to try and tell me how to live my life at the most bizarre times and before you got involved she kept stealing my boyfriends. But," she offered a wry smile, "if you love her, like for real, then okay I guess."
Santana reached out and took Quinn's hand. "Quinn, look me in the eyes and tell me that you actually wanted to be with me more than just because your my best friend." She looked into the girl's hazel eyes and raised her eyebrow.
Quinn could barely meet Santana's eyes, but she smiled wryly, "I never had the chance to find out. You had Brittany. Then you apparently went and fell for Rachel. I wasn't someone you considered like that. And that's okay," The smile softened, "because you're my best friend and now you're actually more like my sister than my sister. Which is great, because Franny is way too much like Daddy."
"You're the one who ran away from me when you were drunk the time in Puck's basement." Santana whispered, "Brittany was a mistake and Rachel is... well she happened and I stuck, okay? You have Puck, you actually care about him, so don't get caught up in all of this crap."
"I ran away from a threesome that I was very much not ready for, thank you very much." She teased. "But I think I'm already caught up in "all of this crap" and so is he." She looked at Santana with a little smile for a moment, "You know... I got accepted to the University of New Orleans too. No scholarship, but I've got my savings and there's always grants, plus it's like way cheaper than most of the other places I could go..."
"Do... you got it." Santana beamed, "Really?" Her eyes shown brightly as she tackled her friend. "Please, please come! Come with me!" She exclaimed as she hugged her friend and accidentally ended up straddling her waist. "Come to New Orleans. You can live in the townhouse we got, it's got a furnished second apartment. Please."
Quinn laughed, hugging Santana back. "I can't just let you go off alone with Berry, now can I? She might corrupt you and the kid into wearing argyle and animal sweaters if I did," she teased, looking up at her best friend, "Besides, Britt's staying here with Artie and who could you trust more than me to back you up on cheers? Some one has to be there to catch you, flyer."
Santana beamed and pulled Quinn into a tighter hug. "Thank you." She whispered, more relieved then she had ever been before. "I didn't want to leave you." She whispered softly, "I'm so freaking happy right now." She clutched onto the blonde, proving without a shadow of a doubt that she was terrified to leave what she knew, to live Lima.
Quinn shrugged, bashful at the display of affection from the normally standoffish Santana. "You and Berry might think you can handle a baby all by yourselves, but I figure that I'd need help in your shoes, so I guess you will too. And hey, my best friend's baby," she smiled teasingly, doing her best to show that she was going to try and be okay with everything, "I wanna meet them."
"You just wanna see how short the thing is." Santana teased, "I'm totally dressing it so that she does not put argyle or sweater with a damn unicorn on it." She said as she sat back on Quinn's thighs. "Do you think Puck will come down? I think he could find work if he wanted... that's if you wanna stay with him."
Quinn shrugged, propping herself up on her elbows. "I don't know. Sometimes I think he'll do anything Berry asks him though. Speaking of your baby's mom though," she looked nervous, "will she be okay with my coming along? I really don't want to put up with her bitching at me all the time..."
"Honestly. She's so scared that I'm gonna leave her or something that she'd be fine with anything." She sighed, "I don't get why she's so freaked. She's the one who's had a bunch of boyfriends and cheated on Finn with Puck and evidently me... I don't even get why she thinks I'm gonna leave."
"Well, Finn kind of asks to be cheated on with how he pushes everyone to cheat for him," her lips twisted in a wry smirk, acknowledging her own shortcomings, "but maybe she really likes you. You don't exactly have a reputation for staying with one person for a long time, S. Besides, I know you love her and all but does she?"
Santana shrugged, "You know why I don't stay with anyone for longer than a few weeks." She stated, rolling off Quinn and onto the grass, "Because I really didn't need any of those dickhead's who wanted to date me to find out I had a dick bigger than theirs, now did I?" She sighed, "I was so scared of anyone finding out and beating the fuck out of me or killing me like I saw on those movies and in the news..." Santana looked down at her hands. "Rachel found out and didn't care."
"I know that, S," Quinn sat up, crossing her legs, "but she doesn't. Or maybe she hasn't accepted it yet. It's hard to tell with her. But she doesn't really have the world's best relationship with women. I mean, I saw her mom basically tell her she didn't want her. That was really harsh."
"I know." Santana smiled softly, "That's why I love her, because even though all the shit that happened to her, she's still driven and amazing and wants to be the best mom ever." she looked down. "I need her to be okay with me because I need to be okay with me somehow. It's easier when she's around."
Quinn reached out and put a hand on Santana's shoulder, squeezing gently, "Well, if she makes anything easier for you then, weird as it still feels to see you two together - baby or no baby - I support you. I want to keep my best friend in my life. Also, you may not be aware of it, but Puck's got this bizarre notion that he gets to be Uncle Puck and the man in your kid's life." She rolled her eyes, "You should hear him go on about want to teach the kid to play football and stuff."
"You better watch that, bitch will wanna get a rock off in you and sperm you up to make another little Jew." She shuddered dramatically. "He can help me teach the baby a real sport, like soccer. Not football, or wrestling and god knows the kid will not be tall enough to play basketball." She smirked, "But I'm glad he's excited, Rachel needs him. And as long as he keeps his dick to you, I'm kosher."
"Ew, San. That is disgusting," She looked grossed out for a moment then just rolled her eyes. "Maybe you're ready to do the whole baby thing, but I'm not. And I am definitely not having a baby until I'm married. If Puck wants to be a part of that," she blushed slightly looking away, "then he'll have to get his act together."
"Awe my little girl wants to get married." She smiled and kissed the girl's cheek. "Good, because he's gots to be good enough for by bff to be with." She looked up at her and pushed the blonde hair back. "you look awkward without a pony." She noted.
"Oh thanks," Quinn shook her head with a fond smile, "and you better get outta that uniform before -"
"Sandbags, what are you doing on my field getting my uniform filthy with your graduated sweat?!" The words were accompanied by an angry squeal and click from the megaphone they were shouted through. "Get your ass into the locker room and return my togs of success before you dull them with your collegiately bound self!"
Santana laughed softly and hoisted herself off the ground. "Wait for me and we can take the Jews home?" Santana asked as she headed towards the locker rooms with a call over her shoulder. Santana jogged over to her coach, "Sorry, Coach, I just wanted some time on the field before giving it up."
"All I have to say to you, S, is that you had better not make me look bad in New Orleans. Hit the showers." Turning on her heel, the acerbic coach disappeared back towards her office.
It was totally weird to not be with Santana at school, Brittany thought as she wandered through the halls, peering into classrooms looking for her... Well, she thought Santana was her best friend, but ever since she'd started dating Artie - who was super sweet and let her ride in his lap which was totally awesome - the other girl had been harder and harder to find and even Lord Tubbington wasn't sure they were friends anymore. It was totally sad.
When she'd told Glee that she was dating Rachel after they both quit - she'd known it would be a bad thing and they'd totally lost Nationals again without Santana and Rachel - it'd hurt. How come she could be girlfriends with Rachel but not her? How come she could date her when she wouldn't date Brittany? It made her head and her heart hurt to think about it, so she tried not to most of the time.
But it was the last day of school and when they were tiny they'd pinkie promised to be together on the last day of school. Her face crumpled with worry and hurt the longer it was taking to find her friend. Maybe Lord Tubbington was right. Maybe her and Santana weren't friends anymore. It made her heart hurt and she didn't like it.
Then she saw her coming out of the locker room with wet hair and she could have smacked herself in the forehead. Of course Santana was in the locker room! It was the last practice of the year! Why hadn't she just looked there first?
"San! Hey, San!" Brittany waved, her previous troubles forgotten as she jogged down the hall towards her best friend with a bright smile, "I was so looking for you!"
Santana looked up, not expecting to see anyone but Rachel. She had changed into baggy jeans because after tucking all day in a skirt she was sore, and chafing. She saw Brittany whom she had been avoiding because she had fallen for the girl back in sophomore year; but she couldn't tell the ditzy blonde her secret in fear of everyone in the world knowing. Brittany had never pushed her beyond sweet lady kisses and Santana giving her pleasure, but when Brittany let it slip that she still wanted to sleep with boys, Santana's heart broke.
"Oh. Hey, Brits." Santana said softly as she adjusted her black tank top. "Did you finish your exam?"
"Yeah," Brittany replied, skipping up with a bright grin, "Artie helped me. Did you finish yours? I've been looking all over for you today. We promised to be together on the last day of school but I almost didn't find you in time. You were lost really good, San. You should have gotten directions from Lord Tubbington like I did." She held out a hand, pinkie extended to hook with Santana's the way they always had.
Santana sighed and took the girl's finger. "Yeah, I only had to take physics." She stated, "I have an A in the rest of the classes so I didn't need to take any. I just had to scream at the sophomores vying for head cheerio." She shrugged.
"Aw, that sounds like fun. Maybe I shoulda come to practice instead of taking tests." Her face screwed up for a moment then she shrugged, "Oh well. I drew pretty pictures on my tests so the teachers can be happy instead of frowny." She smiled at her friend, swinging their arms slightly as they walked down the hall. "I'm totally gonna miss this place. Do you think they'll let me come back and go to classes and Glee and stuff next year if I want?"
Santana knew Brittany's GPA, she also heard from Sue that Brittany was going to stay back. "Brit... You know that you might have to come back anyway right? You went to that meeting with your parents and Figgins, right?" She hated that Brittany would have to come back. "At least Artie will be here right?"
Brittany frowned, slowing to a stop. "So it's like not the last day of school today? San, am I a junior? I thought I was a senior like you..."
"Yeah, Brit." She sighed, "You get to come back and be a Cheerio and be in Glee next year. That's why you didn't win senior class president, because you're a junior." She squeezed the girl's hand and tried to smile. "Just me, Puck, Q and Rachel are graduating. Finn's a junior like you too."
"Oh wow, really?" Her eyes got wide, "Oh my gosh, San, do you think I could be head Cheerio next year like you and Q were? Cause that would be totally awesome and you and Q can like come and see us perform and stuff." She smiled brightly, not making the connection that if Quinn and Santana would be graduating, they would be gone.
"Maybe. But Q and I won't be able to come unless it's like Thanksgiving or Christmas… We're going to college out of state." She explained as she walked them towards the lockers. She twisted the lock with her fingers and popped it open, looking at the papers and cheerio merchandise cluttering it, "I'm not gonna be here."
Brittany's face fell, "But why not? We're supposed to be together forever! You always said so! Is it cause you're dating Rachie and the stork brought her Puck's baby?" She frowned, "Is that why you wouldn't date me? Because the stork didn't bring me a baby?"
"Brittany," Santana said sternly, "You. Didn't. Want. Me!" She stated, "You wanted a boy, you've always wanted a boyfriend. I can't be that and I won't, so you found one. I will be your friend forever but I need to go. I'm going to college. I got money to go to college out of state, Rachel is coming with me and so is Quinn." Santana ran her fingers through her damp hair. "The baby has nothing to do with it," She groaned, "I'm with Rachel now, you're with Artie, it's been that way for months."
"Because you didn't want me when I wanted you." Brittany huffed, pouting. "You're really going away, San? Like away away? To be with Rachie and the baby?" She looked sad, "Are you ever gonna come back?"
Santana rested her head against her locker as she groaned, "Look... We didn't work. I'm sorry about that, but you're my friend and yes, I will be back." She sighed as she pulled away and grabbed the garbage can that was across the hall. She put her arm into the locker and pulled out the contents and put it right in the trash. She was pissed and she couldn't get over it. Why does everyone want me now?, she thought looking down at the dark metal can. She tore down her schedule and pulled the pictures off and shoved them into her bag. "I'm having a baby, Brittany. I'm having a family with Rachel, just accept that!"
"I do accept it!" She scowled, her eyes bright with upset, "I do! I just..." she sighed, leaning against the lockers, "I'm gonna miss you a whole lot, San." She sniffed softly, "You and Rachie left Glee and it was like our family wasn't a family anymore." She picked at a flake of paint with one finger, "I thought I'd get to see the baby. Like an even tinier Rachie. But you never came back."
"It didn't feel like a family anymore okay," Santana sighed, "I don't want them as my family or anywhere near my family. You can come visit us, okay? And we'll be back at Christmas and Thanksgiving. We're staying here until she has the baby I think, so you can see it when it's born, okay? The baby needs to see it's Auntie Brittany."
"Can I? Can I really?" Brittany smiled big, leaning forward to wrap Santana in a big hug, "I'm gonna be the best Auntie Brittany ever! San?" She sounded a little uncertain, leaning back to look at her friend, "I know you don't like Artie and stuff, but can he come when I visit? He can give the baby rides on his magic chair." She looked hopeful.
"Yeah. If he wants. We're going to New Orleans so if robo-boyfriend wants to get on a plane... bring him down." She shrugged and finished cleaning her locker out. "Can... Can I call you when Rachel starts having the baby? You can come to the hospital?" She smiled and looked down bashfully.
"Yay!" She clapped her hands cheerfully, "And you have to call me! Best friends have to be there when babies are born. It's like a rule or something."
She smiled, reaching in the locker and pulling out Santana's Cheerios jacket. "Hey, can I have this? I'd like to wear it to remember you while you're gone, if that's okay. You can have mine if you want," she started tugging off her jacket. "We can trade so we each have something close to put on when we like need a bestie hug and stuff while we're far away."
She smiled and nodded taking the blonde's slightly larger jacket. "Thanks, Brit-Brit." Santana hugged the girl and held her tightly, "You can call me anytime you want, okay?" She whispered, "You just press the two button and there I am." She smiled and kissed the girl's cheek.
"I can't call you any time I want. Lord Tubbington will take my phone away again if I wake him up." Brittany deadpanned, "But I'll so call you when he's not sleeping."
She helped drag the trash can back across the hall. "You know, Sanny, it's so sad you and Rachie can't make lady babies together. They'd be so cute and tiny!" She grinned, "I so wish the stork brought her your baby instead of Puck's."
"Um..." Santana hesitated, knowing that she couldn't tell the blonde the truth. "Maybe if I wish hard enough it will look a little bit like me and have my nose..." She joked softly as she held Brittany's coat tightly. She heard a door opening down the hall and smiled when she saw her girlfriend waddle out with Puck following her.
Santana beamed and looked down at the floor bashfully as she walked up to her. "You look tired, baby." She whispered as she kissed Rachel softly. "How'd you do?"
"I believe I did sufficiently well enough to ensure at least a 4.0 average. A bit lower than the 4.5 I was hoping for, but acceptable given the circumstances." She smiled tiredly at her girlfriend, leaning slightly against her. "I am exceedingly tired though. Can we go home?"
"Hey, B, s'up?" Puck smiled lazily at the blonde.
"Sanny is going away after Rachie has her baby and it's sad but we traded jackets so we can have bestie hugs whenever we need them." She hugged the young man then Rachel, "Hi, Rachie. San says I get to meet the baby when they come out and be their Auntie Brittany."
Rachel smiled tiredly as she returned the hug, "Of course you do, Brittany. I hope you'll consider teaching them to dance when they're old enough, too. If you wish to continue talking though, may I please request that we continue the conversation in a location with a chair of some kind if not a bed? My feet are exceedingly sore."
"Oh my gosh, of course! My mom was all kinds of tired before my little sister was born. I'm sorry, you can so go home."
"Thanks Brit." Santana smiled and tangled her fingers with Rachel's. "Come on babe, let's get you and the baby home." She stated as she started escorting her to the parking lot. "Thanks Puck!" She called behind her and they walked out of the school. "I think you deserve a hot bath and a tasty dinner tonight? How does that sound?" She asked as she slowly brought her girl to the car and helped her inside.
Rachel relaxed back into the seat with a low, almost sensual groan of pleasure as she got off her feet. "That sounds absolutely divine, Santana, but can we perhaps skip the bath and just cuddle? I just really want to take a nap for the next week or so right now..."
"Okay," she smiled as she kissed her softly before closing the door and going to her side of the car. She slid in and drove home. It took a few minutes after they arrived but she finally got Rachel out of the car and settled in pajamas and the bed. She put on the third Harry Potter movie in the background and grabbed her ipad and began moving her fingers over the keys. "Wanna see what came for the house today?" she smiled as she held the photos of the couch and love seat set that had been delivered as well as pictures of the basic black furniture in the nursery. "We can pick out bedding and colors when we know what the baby is like."
Rachel smiled tiredly, fingers lightly brushing the images making the screen jiggle as her head rested against Santana's shoulder. "It looks lovely." She yawned, her eyes falling closed, "You're far too good to me. I..." The words trailed off into a confused jumble of syllables and a soft little snore as she fell asleep against her lover.
Santana smiled and laid down to continue to search on craigslist to find things they needed as Rachel slept by her side.