I Know You Want Me - Chapter Eleven
Title: I Know You Want Me
Author: Sio & Maura
Rating: Hard NC-17
Length: 59,109
Spoilers: This is AU. No Beth. No Lucy. Puck/Rachel lasted for a few months instead of a week and Jesse is a bigger ass than canon. Also Santana's promiscuity implied in the canon is not in effect for this fic for reasons that will be made evident.
Pairing: Rachel/Santana, Puck/Quinn
Summary: Rachel's longed after someone since the first day they met, but will a big secret bring them together or destroy them?
Warnings (highlight to read): Gender Identity Disorder, pregnancy, angst, topping, language, voyeurism, dub-con, non-con, anal, oral, vaginal, public, fisting, size-kink, and talk of self harm
Chapter Eleven
"Noah Puckerman, while I appreciate your inviting me upon your excursion tonight while our romantic partners are elsewise engaged with each other, I will not allow you to make me party to some... some," Rachel scowled at the young man standing in the bed of his truck, carefully unbolting the street sign, "juvenile delinquency!"
Puck just ducked his head back around the sign to raise a brow at her. "Dude, I'm like known for this shit." He pointed at her with the crescent wrench he'd been using to twist the nut off the carriage bolt, "Don't go acting like you didn't know. And hey, I'm totally lightening up just for you, Princess. I haven't even looked at a beer tonight."
Rachel scowled, sitting back against the cab of the truck and folding her arms so the rested on her baby bump. "I had better not be arrested. How would I explain that to this little one if their mama and uncle got arrested for... for hijacking a street sign?"
"Hijacking a street sign?" He shook his head and ducked back around the sign to keep unbolting, "Seriously, Rach, we gotta teach you a better way to talk. That kid's gonna be born completely confused if you keep up with that bizarre shit. Just be glad I didn't decide to take you tagging."
Rachel gasped, eyes wide, "Noah, please tell me you don't do that!"
Puck rolled his eyes, "Babe, seriously have you seen the wall outside the rec centre?" He smiled when Rachel nodded, "Your baby momma did that pretty number. Her art skills are bitchin'." He smiled and focused on fixing the wrench to take down the sign.
Rachel huffed and looked away, "Santana's artistic talents notwithstanding, there is no cause for us to be engaged in such behavior. It's bad enough you were in juvenile detention due to your misguided attempt to abscond with the automatic teller machine from the 7-11 in our junior year."
He jumped up on the mailbox and made quick work of taking down he sign. "Look, I wanted to get you and San a baby present and what's better than a merge sign." he took down the sign like a pro and threw it to the ground before hopping down off the box. The change in his jeans pocket clattered as he did so.
"Be careful!" Rachel sat up straight, scrambling over to peer over the wall of the bed at him, "I am trained in first aid, but I'm afraid in my condition I won't be of much use if you're actually harmed, Noah, and Quinn would never forgive me if I allowed you to come to injury while in my company!"
"Calm down." He popped up and climbed back over with the sign. "Happy getting knocked up." He presented her the sign with a lopsided smile. "Like it?"
Rachel looked between the sign and Noah for a couple of long moments of jaw-dropped silence before she finally huffed a sigh and ran her fingers over his mohawk. "No matter what anyone else - or your rap sheet - may say, I still think you're the sweetest man I know, Noah Puckerman." She looked at the sign again, her lips twisting in a wry smile, "Even if your methods are occasionally somewhat suspect."
He smirked, "You know it Jew-Babe." He hoisted the sign up and carried it back to the car. He threw it into the back of his truck and got in. "Where to now? Burger? Strip club?" He wiggled his eyebrows as he looked over to the girl.
"Noah, you can truly be disgusting sometimes." Rachel huffed climbing down out of the bed of the truck and getting in with him. "Do you honestly believe it would be appropriate to take a pregnant girl to a strip club?"
"I don't know. Don't know any preggo chicks other than you." he shrugged, "Quinn won't go with me... Girlfriends are kinda annoying, dude. All she wants to go is talk and not let me into her pants."
Rachel raised a brow, "Noah, Santana and my relationship notwithstanding, you aren't honestly focusing all of your effort into getting into Quinn's pants again are you? After that scare in sophomore year, I highly doubt she'll allow it again before marriage."
"No, I mean I really like her, she's like the coolest chick other than you and San..." He sighed and looked at his friend before turning on the car. "I just... I have needs." He pulled out of the street they stole the sign from and started driving in silence. "Look, I really like her and she lets me get to touching sometimes but... like I just wanna make sure she likes it and whatever."
"Well," Rachel nibbled on her lower lip and stroked her belly as she thought about it, "you might not like to hear this, but... talk to her. Women find it very appealing when their significant other is willing to discuss things and perhaps even more importantly to listen to what they're telling you."
"You're telling me Santana actually talks. And listens to you?" He was confused, he had known Santana for years and she never talked about real stuff to him.
Rachel's lips twisted in a wry grin. "Noah, didn't I just get finished informing you that the relationship Santana and I share is not exactly typical? But... she does sometimes. And when she does, I feel it is my responsibility as her partner to listen to her and try to understand what she's telling me."
He nodded, "I still have no fucking idea how you two happened... But watching y'all fuck was the first time I ever felt like I was intruding on something..." he admitted.
"I didn't even notice you leave, to be honest." She blushed, ducking her head so her hair swept down to hide her face, "I'm afraid I was doing all I could to block out that you were there and...and I never want her to feel like less than the beautiful woman I know she is."
"I get that... But isn't it hard? Or weird?" He asked, not meaning to offend her. "Like, she's a dude. She's lying to everyone and she won't take responsibility for what she did. She got you knocked up and she won't publicly admit it."
Rachel scowled, immediately defensive as soon as he started calling Santana a guy. "First of all - and I wish to make this completely and impeccably clear to you, Noah Puckerman - Santana, my girlfriend - is not now, nor has she ever been a dude. She is entirely, one hundred percent female no matter what mistake may have been made with her biology." Her voice came out hissing as she forced it between clenched teeth. "I do not wish to hear you ever refer to her as male in my presence again! And second, perhaps you don't understand the difficulties in simply being gay in this town, but I do and I most certainly do not blame her for wanting to keep the truth about us and this child a secret until we are away from this benighted town once and for all! So, no, Noah. To answer your question it is neither difficult or weird to be there for her in whatever capacity she desires or requires of me."
Puck focused back on driving, his jaw tight from getting yelled at. "I..." He sighed, "I've always been there for her, but I'm sorry, it's really hard for me to understand what the hell is happening." He looked over with a shrug. "She told me our entire relationship that she was a girl, but then she goes and get you pregnant and it just doesn't add up. If she hates her dick so much why does she use it?" He cracked his neck, "I'm not that smart, I'm not gonna pretend to get it..."
"Because," Rachel's lips tightened even as her words soften and she stared out the window trying to push down how guilty she felt every time, "because I forced her to... It was so wrong of me... I hate myself for not realizing what I was doing to her at the time."
"I doubt you could force Santana into anything," he assured her. "Look, I don't get ya'll, but Santana isn't staying with you 'cuz you're baking her seed in your vag." He reached over and held the girl's hand. "Don't dwell on that okay?"
Rachel glanced over at him with pained eyes but she smiled. "Thank you for saying so, Noah, but I know I hurt her by desiring her sexually and it bothers me. I just... I can't seem to make her believe that she's a girl to me. I," she swallowed, looking down at their hands, before continuing softly, "I love her, but I can't make her truly happy..."
"Why do you think that?" He asked, his eyes glancing over to her. "Just because she needs to learn to deal with her problems doesn't mean she can't love you or she won't be happy with you."
Rachel shrugged, refusing to meet his gaze. "I don't know. I just... I know she's unhappy the... way she is. She's been talking about a surgery that could remove her," she nodded towards his lap, "you know. But, if I can't make her feel good when I touch her or...or when she touches me, then how am I anything more than just a friend who also happens to be the birth mother of her child?" She sighed, leaning her head against the window. "I can't make her complete or change that she's shaped the way she is. I'm just not enough for her to be really happy, Noah. No matter how much I may wish I was."
He look pained for a moment, just the thought of loosing his manhood making him wince. "Look, San will come around... I promise she'll work through this. That operation costs so much money, she and her dad? They ain't got it after all the medical shit she's gone through." He informed the girl. "She might think it will help her be happy to not have it, but I'm pretty sure she'll still be fucking depressed, angry and feel like a freak."
She sighed, her lips twisting in a sad excuse for a smile. "I wish I could have your optimism, Noah. All I know is she hates that part of herself and no matter what I do, I can't make her realize she's perfect to me just the way she is. Because she's Santana Lopez and there is no one in this world like her."
"She is pretty badass," he smiled as they pulled into the Lopez house. "If they're having a naked pillow fight, I get to take a video before you go crazy."
Rachel's jaw dropped in shock, "A...a naked pillow fight? Noah! While I cannot deny Quinn's tendency towards pugilistic pillows, I highly doubt that either of our girlfriends would engage in such behaviors while nude!"
"You never know with those two." He smiled, his brain obviously engaged in the thoughts of the two cheerios naked and pillow fighting. "They both enjoy to be semi clothed and are freakishly comfortable with each other. When we were little the three of us used to chill and we'd be naked like all the time, that's how Q and I found out about little Santana... not that at five any of us cared. Her dad came home in the play room once and saw three naked kids covered in paint and just shook his head." Puck smiled fondly, "He popped our asses in the bath and told us that Sanny was born a little boy but is just like Quinn."
He got out of the car and came over to Rachel's door to help her out, "And neither of us ever questioned that."
Rachel put her hands on his shoulders and let him lift her out of his truck. "It's things like that that make me entirely envious that I didn't get to know any of you until the fifth grade when my fathers moved us here. I feel like I missed out on so many opportunities to be friends with everyone instead of an outsider looking in."
"Would have been cool, Jew-babe." He smiled and escorted her to the house.
Santana and Quinn had decided on a full fledged girls' night after they woke up following Puck dropping Quinn off when he picked up Rachel for a Jewish friend time and temple. Santana was barely awake when Quinn crawled into the spot Rachel had just been in Santana's bed. She flopped down and fell back to sleep with her dark haired teammate with their partners looking on. Once Puck assured Rachel that the passed out cheerleaders was a normal thing and that they'd wake up at some point, they left the two girls to sleep.
A few hours later Santana groaned as she woke up, getting up and heading down to the kitchen where she noted that it was well into the late afternoon. She stretched and grabbed the package of bacon out of the fridge and turned on the broiler in the oven. She quickly put the pork on a baking sheet and slid it in the oven as she grabbed a loaf of bread and a tomato and quickly went about creating BLTs. When the blonde Cheerio woke up to the aroma of bacon wafting into her nose, she padded down to the kitchen to see Santana hunched over the counter reading a baby book while the bacon cooked.
"Do I really smell bacon? Or are you just a sexy bacon fairy haunting my dreams like an evil temptress?" The blonde yawned, rubbing her eyes with a smile as she padded into the room. "What are you studying so hard?"
The darker girl looked up and raised an eyebrow over her black rimmed glasses, "Sexy bacon fairy." She replied before marking her page and closing the book to pull the bacon out of the oven. She went about grabbing the bread and toppings and quickly assembled the food, sliding the bacon onto them and and the finished plate to the blonde. "Eat." She said firmly, as she poured two mugs of coffee and sat down at the island. She yawned and took a bite out of her food, "And I'm reading a book about babies. Rachel bought the whole store I think."
Quinn took a seat at the island and bit into her sandwich with a moan of delight. "Oh, this is heavenly. Can I stay over here all the time? Daddy doesn't approve of my eating like this at home," she mumbled around her second bite before realizing Santana had answered her question. She nearly laughed when it finally sank in. "Jesus, San! Just because she bought out the local stock in baby books doesn't mean you have to actually read any of them."
"Your daddy is a douche and you should totally live with me." Santana smiled and began to eat her own meal. She chewed and shook her head, "Well, I sure as hell ain't going to a parenting class. Them bitches be crazy. All hateful, hippy freaked chicks with armpit hair and no bra. So I'll read the damn book and stay in my house with my bacon and BFF." She said sternly as she tossed the book back on the counter where it came from.
Quinn nearly choked on her sandwich, "Parenting class?! San you're not seriously thinking of keeping this kid are you? What about college? What about getting out of here?"
Santana sighed, "Still leaving. Still gonna go to school as long as I get a cheer and academic scholarship. And yes, Q; We're keeping the baby." She knew her friend wouldn't be happy. years of promising to go to college together, to get out of Lima together were torn down by a simple mistake. "I know you're mad, but you and I can still do all the stuff we talked about growing up."
Quinn glowered at her food, shaking her head, her sandwich in ruins forgotten on the plate. "I don't understand you anymore, S. What happened to my best friend? What happened to getting out of here together and never coming back?"
"Do you even have a way to support a baby, San? And what are you going to do with Rachel?" She looked up, looking more frustrated and hurt then angry, "You're really going to throw everything away because of a selfish little girl?"
"I have savings and I'll get a job." Santana said quickly, "We're still getting out of here, Quinn. You and me... but now we grew up. You can't look me in the eye and tell me that you're not thinking of finding a way for Puck to get out of here too, can you? You and I both know he's not going to college, so tell me Quinn if your boyfriend doesn't leave, will you?" She shook her head, "She might be selfish, but I'm not throwing my life away. I'm not letting anyone throw their life away. I don't want her to get an abortion, but I also don't think I could live with the thought of someone else raising my kid."
Quinn looked away with a sigh - she knew there was no reasoning with the stubborn girl once she had her mind made up. "You're only seventeen, Santana. Have you just... decided this is it for you? Rachel Berry and a baby she forced on you?"
"I got her pregnant." Santana said simply. "It's my job to take care of it."
Quinn's lips thinned as she pressed them together. "And who's going to take care of you, Santana?" She fidgeted, her fingers ripping the remains of her sandwich into tiny shreds in agitation. Finally she huffed out a sigh and shook her head. "Whatever, San. If you're so determined to do this, I guess my only choice is to support you, even if I think you're throwing your future away. But don't you dare come crying to me about how miserable you are in a few years, cause I'm just gonna remind you of right now and how I told you it was a bad idea."
"Not only my future is ruined okay? Rachel is now stuck with this situation which I'm not sure she knows how to handle. She should be a star, now she's almost an 18 year old mother." Santana started cleaning up to cover the fact she was unsure about what she was doing. "Honestly Quinn, do you really think I'm ever going to be happy with anything? Becasue more and more, I think it's a lie people tell to try to make me think that this right now is the worst."
Santana turned to look at Quinn, "In five months I'm going to be 18... The age that every doctor told me I could become who I really want to be at. But, now I'm confused. I have this penis that has a mind of it's own that, even though I hate using it or looking at it, clouds my judgment when it comes to sex. So what do I do? Do I go through with the surgery and become a glorified barbie doll who can't have sex and can't feel sex because the surgery can't make me into a girl...? Or do I keep it? It's not like ether way is better. One way I put my family into more debit, the other way I make myself even more unhappy."
Quinn rested her chin on her palm as she watched Santana move around the room. "Do you think this baby is going to make you happy, S? I just want to know that you believe you're doing the right thing here. Rachel," she shook her head, "Let's be honest. With that voice unless she stops trying completely, she's going to be a star. Maybe it will take a little longer now, but neither of us can deny she's going to get out of here and be amazing." She offered a wry smile. "She seems quite taken with you right now and if you let her, I wouldn't be surprised if she pulls you along with her. But... San, you have to think of yourself too."
"Maybe..." She sighed, "Maybe... I don't wanna think for myself right now. Maybe, I'm okay with following Rachel where ever she wants to go... Maybe that will make me happy." She said, licking her lips and struggling to find her voice. "I'm just tired of being different. Needing to have everything be hidden and lies. I just want to have this kid and focus on that."
"Whatever, San," Quinn sighed, getting up to help clean up, "I get not wanting to lie and hide and all that. I do. I may not really understand how you feel about everything, but," she let her hand rest on Santana's shoulder, "I want you to be happy, S. I might not like Rachel very much or like what she did to you or the reason this child exists... But if she makes you happy, then ok."
The darker girl nodded and washed her hands, "I believe I was promised a movie marathon. I have the following: Buffy, Charmed, Boy meets World, and pretty much anything on Netflix." She grabbed the two liter bottle of grape soda from her fridge and pointed at the box of popcorn. "Also, get to popping blondie."
Quinn laughed, grabbing the box and pulling out a bag. "Now there's my best friend! And extra butter, mmm. I think your girlfriend might have a problem with it but I love it." She tossed the bag in the microwave after unwrapping it, setting the machine running. "I vote for Charmed. It's been too long since I've watched it with my BFF."
"Sounds awesome." Santana smiled, leaning over and kissing Quinn's cheek. "I'll go set it up, bring the popcorn in when it's ready." The other girl headed out of the kitchen and put the soda down on the living room table. She looked around and grabbed her Charmed boxset and put the DVD into the player. Once everything was set up she plopped down on the couch and kicked her legs up and waited for her friend.
A few minutes later, Quinn came out with a big bowl full of popcorn and rummaged in her bag before coming up with a big box of milk duds which she held up as she came in to drop on the sofa nearly on Santana's legs. "Milk duds?" she asked, shaking the box.
"Hell yes, woman!" Santana exclaimed, wiggling her finger out for the box. "Mmm chocolate carmel goodness." She smiled and grabbed the box and popped it open and put one into her mouth. "We're gonna have to work out so hard next week." She reminded her captain as she watched Quinn begin eating the popcorn.
"Mmhmm," Quinn replied, tossing a handful of greasy buttered popcorn in her mouth and crunching, "but so worth it. Now, come on, woman! You lured me here with promises of Charmed!" She slapped Santana's legs, smirking, "Where is it?"
Santana pressed play and watched the screen as the opening credits rolled. She leaned forward and grabbed the soda and cracked the seal and took a long drink before resting it back on the table. She ate a handful of popcorn and settled in for a calorie filled afternoon.
Quinn reached for the bottle and took a healthy swig before setting it back and leaning against Santana's shoulder with a content sigh. "Extra butter popcorn, Milk Duds, soda pop, and old tv shows with my BFF. And, most importantly, no Sue. Saturdays don't get much better than this."
"Mm. Totally." Santana replied, resting her head on Quinn's shoulder.
Rachel opened the door with the key Santana's father had given her and let Puck in. "Santana, Quinn, we're..." she stepped into the living room, a discarded soda bottle spinning away after her toe hit it as her jaw dropped in shock seeing the two cheerleaders sprawled on each other hands and faces greasy with butter and chocolate, "home... Oh my gosh, what happened here?"
The mohawked boy just shook his head and grabbed the bottle and put up on the counter. "This is nothing, I once came over after they won nationals and they had literally fallen asleep in a box of pizza." He smiled fondly, "they are grosser then most of the football players I know." He grabbed the box of milk duds and popped a few in his mouth. He looked down at Quinn who's head was resting in Santana's lap with a hand full of popcorn still clutched between her fingers. "God she's sexy."
"Absolutely filthy and covered in disgusting animal byproducts?" Rachel raised a brow at her friend, "I wonder about your standards sometimes, Noah." But even with her deriding his clear affection for the greasy blonde, she couldn't help the soft smile as she picked a couple of pieces of popcorn from Santana's hair and brushed it from her face.
A stray fiber of popcorn accidentally got inhaled as Santana softly snored. She awoke with a start coughing and holding her hand to her chest as she tried to sneeze. She let out a loud sneeze, causing Quinn to wake up.
"The hell, San!" Quinn grumbled as she sat up, her handful of popcorn falling to the floor. Quinn looked up and saw her boyfriend and Rachel. "Why is the hobbit looking at us like that?"
"You two are utterly disgusting," Rachel huffed, stepping back and crossing her arms, trying to make it look as if she hadn't been as lovestruck as Puck with Quinn when it came to Santana. "Did you eat anything healthy today?"
"Tomatoes on BLTs." Quinn offered up with a smug grin as she leaned over and lightly kissed Puck with butter covered lips. Santana finished coughing and took a drink of the soda.
"It's girls' day." Santana shrugged and stood up, ignoring the dull stomach ache that occurred when she did. "We do our thing on girls' day."
"Apparently." Rachel scoffed, picking up a discarded bag of popcorn. "I suppose if I assist you in cleaning up, we won't have to attempt an explanation to your father, Santana." She looked around with an expression of vague nausea. "And I'll prepare something suitable as a meal for all of us once we finish."
Santana looked sick at the thought of more food. "No more," she shook her head and ran her hands over her stomach. Moving closer to Rachel, she hugged her from behind and kissed her cheek. "You look cute when you're mad."
Rachel blushed at the kiss, then realized that the slick feeling on her cheek was butter when the smell hit her nose and promptly paled and looked nauseous. "Santana... did you just... on me? Butter?" She sounded faint, her hand slapping over her mouth as she tried to quell the urge to be sick.
"It's not like it's real butter it's all chemicals anyway." Santana shrugged, trying to ignore the fact Quinn was cracking up at Rachel's reaction.
"I know I just," she coughed slightly at the bile surging up in her throat, "it smells like... Oh my gosh, I'm going to be ill..." Rachel suddenly darted off to the bathroom down the hall, the door slamming shut and the muffled sounds of vomiting coming through it.
"Fuck." Santana whispered, "I suck so hard." she looked at her two friends confused about what to do.
Puck just rolled his eyes and threw an arm around Santana's shoulders. "Don't worry so much. You shoulda seen her reaction when Hudson tried to kiss her after eating a burger last year. Besides, it ain't your fault. She said she was feeling a little queasy earlier. Probably from being in the truck with me all day."
Santana sighed and went into the kitchen and washed her face and hands. She worked on cleaning up and hiding all the evidence of the bacon and butter fest from earlier in the day. She sighed and watched quietly as Puck and Quinn whispered closely. She was upset that she'd never have the same kind of relationship that her friends had. She rested her hand on the fridge as she opened the door and grabbed two beers and threw one to Puck. "Quinn, are you still not drinking?"
"No, just soda for me, San." Quinn tossed her a wry smirk, "One of us with a license needs to stay sober after all."
Rachel came out of the bathroom looking entirely sheepish. "I'm very sorry, sweetheart." She leaned up, awkward with her advanced pregnancy, and kissed Santana's cheek, "I'm afraid Noah's driving leaves something to be desired compared to yours."
"I'm sorry. I didn't realize you were so sensitive to smell." Santana sighed and slid Quinn's soda to her. "Do you want some tea? Or water or something." She pulled off the cap of her bottle and took a long swig. Her dad hated when she stole his beer, but he was also away for he weekend and she could get Puck to replace it before Monday. "I'm sorry..." She looked down at her feet, honestly feeling bad that she caused Rachel to throw up.
"Tea would be nice," Rachel smiled softly, ignoring Quinn and Puck to focus on her girlfriend as she gently ran her fingers along the girl's arm. "And, Santana, I didn't even know I was so sensitive to smell until that moment. Please don't feel bad."
"Okay." Santana shrugged and went to the kettle and flicked it on. She went about brewing green tea for Rachel and avoided turning around and looking at her best friends who had taken to making out on the couch. "They think we're gross?" Santana smirked as she nodded towards her friends. She moved out of their line of vision and curled her finger for Rachel to come over to her.
Rachel cocked her head to the side and followed her lover across the room with a tiny smile. "What do you have in mind, beautiful?"
The darker girl wrapped her fingers around Rachel's belt loops and pulled the girl's close. She leaned in and pressed her lips to the shell of the diva's ear with a smile. "I just wanted to touch you." She captured Rachel's earlobe between her lips with a smile.
Rachel shivered and slid her hands around Santana's waist. As soon as the other girl's hands were on her, her lips brushing her skin, her body relaxed, the tension of the day flowing out of her as she sighed softly, her eyes closing. "I missed you today," she whispered.
Santana kept kissing down Rachel's neck as she listened to her girlfriend speak. "I missed you too." She pulled away with a smile, "I don't like being without you and the baby. My head doesn't shut up. When you're here though? It's quiet." She rested her head against Rachel's with a sigh.
"I don't like being without you either," Rachel admitted, tracing little patterns on Santana's sides with her thumbs. "It's like I can't relax unless you're near. And I think our little one is happier with you too."
She slid a hand over to Santana's, tugging it until she managed to place the slightly larger hand of her partner on her stomach. "See?" she whispered softly, feeling the baby move inside her.
Santana's eyes went wide. "It's..." She looked up then back down at the other girl's stomach. "It's moving... I can feel it moving, Rachel." Her eyes were brimming with tears, she looked down at the bump and stroked her fingers over it. "Hi, baby." She whispered, her voice carrying loud enough to make Santana think that the baby might hear it.
Rachel smiled, biting her lip to try and keep the tears filling her eyes from falling at her lover's response, gently stroking her fingers through Santana's hair. "I know. It's amazing, isn't it? Our baby, Santana..."
The thumbs of the darker girl smoothed over Rachel's stomach gently, she could feel the slight movements under the hardened bump. "Does it feel weird? Having something moving around inside?" She asked as she continued to stroke the girl's skin.
"A little," Rachel admitted, watching Santana's fascination with a smile, "but in a good way. I know they're okay when they move."
"When who moves?" Puck asked coming around the corner, grinning when he sees how close the two girls are, "Whoa, gonna get some girl on girl action on or what?"
Quinn slapped the back of his head as she came up behind him, straightening her shirt, "Don't be an ass, Puck. What's going on, S?"
Santana backed up a little when her friends came into the room. "What? Oh..." She looked over at Quinn with a shrug. "The baby is moving and it feels cool. I hadn't felt it before." She smiled and pulled her hands away and shoved them into her pocket. "And Puck?" She raised her eyebrow, "Shut up. You two were just humping on my couch."
When Santana pulled away, it was like the tension came back with a vengeance. Rachel sighed and stepped back. "I'm a little tired so I'm going to go lie down for a little, okay, Santana?" She smiled weakly and turned to walk back to Santana's room.
"Okay..." Santana said softly as she watched Rachel walk away. She rolled her neck and sighed, "I swear to you, nothing I do is right." She took a long swig of her beer and closed her eyes for a moment trying to figure out what went wrong. She didn't wanna dwell on her issues with Rachel so she turned back to Puck and Quinn. "Are you two staying over? My spare room is open for you."
"Dude, why the hell did you jump off Rach? Just cause we walked in?" Puck looked confused, feeling defensive of the tiny pregnant girl walking away. "I thought you were cool with her and all this shit by now."
Quinn just shook her head, making her way over to the stove to shut off the whistling kettle.
"Look I got startled and whatever, back off." Santana grumbled and started fixing Rachel's tea. "Are you staying over or what?"
"Yeah, I'm staying." Puck ran his hand over his mohawk with a grimace, "Rach'll go ballistic on me if she finds out I drove home after drinking. I'll crash on the couch, though. My girl can have the bed."
Quinn looked at him, startled. "Are you sure?"
He shrugged, "Yeah. Look, I know I can be clueless and stuff, but Rach had a point when she said I don't listen. And well," he scratched at his head, looking off awkwardly, "this is me trying to listen for once."
Santana smiled and grabbed a package of rice crackers for Rachel from the shelf. "Good boy," She stated walking over and kissing his cheek. "Quinn, you have pajamas in the room and, Puck, you know where the blankets and whatever are for the couch, right?" He nodded and smiled.
"You two be good, no humping on my couch!" Santana called back over her shoulder after she kissed Quinn's cheek and picked up Rachel's tea and crackers and headed up to her room. She slid into the bedroom and closed the door behind her.
"Rachel?" She called out into the mostly dark room. "I brought your tea and some rice crackers for you..." She offered as a peace offering.
"Santana?" Rachel reached over an tapped on the bedside light, peering over at her girlfriend. Now that she was away from the other two, the tiredness and tension she was feeling from keeping up appearances around them was more evident. She smiled wearily at Santana, "Thank you, sweetheart. You didn't have to."
"I'm sorry for pulling away.. I'm still... I'm still new to being with someone." She moved closer to the girl and sat on the bed and put the drink and snack down. "I'm just... I was startled, I didn't hear them coming in I was so focused on the baby and I just got startled."
"It's okay," Rachel murmured with a quiet smile, reaching out to gently stroke her fingers over Santana's hand, "I really was tired. It's surprisingly exhausting spending an entire day with Noah lately. But, if you'd like an uninterrupted moment," she settled back in the bed, tugging up her tank top to reveal the swell of her abdomen, "your child has been restless since you first touched my stomach a little bit ago and spoke to them."
She smiled softly, encouraging Santana to touch the tight skin, "I think they already know your voice, Santana. They are going to love you so much, beautiful girl..."
<>p>The proud mother leaned over and pressed her lips to the soft skin of her child's current home. She kissed it several more times before resting her head on Rachel's stomach and smiling when she heard he soft heartbeat from Rachel echoing in her lover's belly. After a few moments of silence, Santana began speaking softly in Spanish to the bump. She was whispering gentle words of love, telling the baby that they'd always be there for it, always love them no matter what.
"Rachel?" Santana whispered after she finished talking to the baby. "What... What if I end up feeling like my mom did with me? Or you feel like that."
"Not possible," Rachel answered with a sleepy yawn. "I already love this child more than Broadway. And," she yawned again, "just seeing how anxious you are makes me think that it is possible you do as well. No matter what, Santana, we are going to love and do our absolute best to care for this little one when they come out to meet us." She stroked tired fingers through her lover's hair. "I know we're not perfect. But we'll do our best, right?"
"I know... I just don't really know how to be a mom... I mean, neither do you, we didn't have moms in our life to show us..." Santana got up and quickly stripped down to her boyshorts and tank top and crawled in bed behind Rachel. "I just don't wanna be like my mom. I don't wanna abandon my kid or you."
"I don't want to be like my mom either, Santana," Rachel whispered tiredly, snuggling back into her lover embrace. "I don't want to disappear, then manipulate our child into finding me... only to abandon them again when they get the chance to start to know me. We're not going to be anything like our mothers, beautiful. We are going to be better."
Santana held the mother of her child closer, "I don't think we could be worse, so there is always that." she sighed.
Rachel took one of Santana's hands and moved it so it was resting over their child. "We're going to be better, Santana. I know it."