(no subject)
I don't want to exist anymore. All I am is a burden.
And that is the honest to god truth.
There are those who will undoubtedly read this and rejoice. Have fun with that, fucking cunts. Have some common fucking decency. Won't matter much to me soon anyway. I hope karma gives you cancer.
Nothing is going right. At all.
I am once again without a job. Uni....now there is a giant crock of fucking shit. That place is a joke, and a cruel one at that.
All this year, I have been busting my ass to be a good student. Despite the ever increasing lack of sleep, I showed up to every class I was required to show up to, barring sickness. And apparently, that is not good enough. As it stands right now, it looks like I'll be thrown out. Everything I care about, down the drain. All the expense, all the nights studying when I could have been out with friends, all the nights I could have spent with Rach etc. And for what?
I have no-one to talk to. Well, no-one that gives a fuck. My so called best friend? Most I have heard from her lately is a few txts. Kyle? Doesn't appear to give a fuck. Everyone else? Who knows, I get the feeling a lot of my so called friends are just mere satellites.
As for love? Pfft.
My heart no longer exists. Remember that episode of the simpsons where they depict monty burn's heart as a shrivelled black lump? Yep, thats me, but probably worse. Take away the duct tape, string and luck...and you'd be left with a pile of dust. I am simply incapable of love, or any feeling for that matter.
I eat very little, sleep even less. And yet for some strange reason unbeknown to me, I am gaining weight. Yay another factor towards depression.
As it stands, the way things are going? I'll be thrown out of uni, let myself down, let my parents down and have a massive bill to pay...for nothing. Thankfully, my savings *should* cover it and other things. At least I won't burden anyone that way.
To anyone and everyone I have hurt, I am sorry. I apologise for anything and everything. This is all I can give. I would say I'm a proud man, but he has long since departed. All I am is a burnt out shell, not worthy of anything. Forget I exist, probably the best way.
I have so few choices left, and the only one that seems to be the best is also the worst.
I just don't see any avenues left to me. I honestly don't know what to do anymore.
I'm sorry.