Urinary Urinals
So. I've got the dreaded Urinary Tract Infection. And for you squeamish people out there: I'll say it again: URINARY! And again: URINARY!!!!! And just for the Hurrah of it: UUUURRRRRRIIIIINNNNNNAAAAARRRRYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!
No kidding, Kids. I've got the burning. Let me lament on this: First of all, it's cold as a bum's gonads in an Alaskan winter in my bathroom. So, going *tinkle* isn't all that pleasant of an experience in the first place. In fact, I avoid that meat-freezer as much as possible (hint: could be why I have The URINARY infectious problem. Could be.)
So, sitting on my ice-berg seat is a problem in itself. I've gotta warm that mother up a bit. You know, swish about and heat it up with some good ol' butt warmth. If I were really grody, I'd probably blow hot air on it first....Hmmm....that's not actually a bad idea. Hair-drying the seat first! Yeah!
Anyway, so, I finally muster all my courage and settle atop the seat. It's still frigid cold, mind you. And, then, the B-U-R-N-I-N-G. Oh, Dear God! Why can't my toilet and my....ermmm....you know....hoo-hoo (or whatever silly G-rated name that can be inserted here) trade temperatures????
Why can't my toilet BURN? I wouldn't mind a few blisters on my ass! Really, I wouldn't! And a nice-cool, well you know. Why CAN'T THIS BE?
Anyway, I'm sure none of you want to hear about my URINAL problems. Which brings me to another subject: urinals. Strange creatures, they are. I mean, MEN pull down their pants (or un-zip them, whatever; I'm not really sure how this goes) and PEE in front of strangers? Is that not just downright WEIRD??? Who ever came up with the urinal conception, anyway? Why not just go into a stall and do the pee-pee dance? Why in front of other men? WHY?
If I were Pat Robertson, I'd think it was all part of the "Gay Agenda". You know, hoards of men crowded into a small space, holding their.....
Ehhh. Nevermind. I'm sure you're following my train of thought. Or not.
Onto other subjects, Bonnie is Today's Personal Hero!
Look! Lookity-look-look!
http://www.dymphna.net/randomquotage/lebowskiquotes.shtml
And for even MORE Dude-laden fun, go here:
http://www.alansmind.com/lebowskiquiz.php (Which Lebowski Character are you?)
And now! For The Big Moment: I am:
According to the "Which Big Lebowski character are you?" quiz:
Why don't you check it out? Or we cut of your Johnson![/quote]
Now! Go have fun with The Dude! Because I'm The Lady and I SAID so! Do it NOW! Or else I'll unleash all my URINARY tract infectious Ghouls on your ass!
***************************************************
Oh, and if any of you would mind giving me a tutorial in how to do that super-duper-neato thing where you put in links and they come up all blue with my own little title of the linkage, that would be so, so super cool. (I'll even think about asking my UTI ghouls to take it easy on you.)
No kidding, Kids. I've got the burning. Let me lament on this: First of all, it's cold as a bum's gonads in an Alaskan winter in my bathroom. So, going *tinkle* isn't all that pleasant of an experience in the first place. In fact, I avoid that meat-freezer as much as possible (hint: could be why I have The URINARY infectious problem. Could be.)
So, sitting on my ice-berg seat is a problem in itself. I've gotta warm that mother up a bit. You know, swish about and heat it up with some good ol' butt warmth. If I were really grody, I'd probably blow hot air on it first....Hmmm....that's not actually a bad idea. Hair-drying the seat first! Yeah!
Anyway, so, I finally muster all my courage and settle atop the seat. It's still frigid cold, mind you. And, then, the B-U-R-N-I-N-G. Oh, Dear God! Why can't my toilet and my....ermmm....you know....hoo-hoo (or whatever silly G-rated name that can be inserted here) trade temperatures????
Why can't my toilet BURN? I wouldn't mind a few blisters on my ass! Really, I wouldn't! And a nice-cool, well you know. Why CAN'T THIS BE?
Anyway, I'm sure none of you want to hear about my URINAL problems. Which brings me to another subject: urinals. Strange creatures, they are. I mean, MEN pull down their pants (or un-zip them, whatever; I'm not really sure how this goes) and PEE in front of strangers? Is that not just downright WEIRD??? Who ever came up with the urinal conception, anyway? Why not just go into a stall and do the pee-pee dance? Why in front of other men? WHY?
If I were Pat Robertson, I'd think it was all part of the "Gay Agenda". You know, hoards of men crowded into a small space, holding their.....
Ehhh. Nevermind. I'm sure you're following my train of thought. Or not.
Onto other subjects, Bonnie is Today's Personal Hero!
Look! Lookity-look-look!
http://www.dymphna.net/randomquotage/lebowskiquotes.shtml
And for even MORE Dude-laden fun, go here:
http://www.alansmind.com/lebowskiquiz.php (Which Lebowski Character are you?)
And now! For The Big Moment: I am:
According to the "Which Big Lebowski character are you?" quiz:
Why don't you check it out? Or we cut of your Johnson![/quote]
Now! Go have fun with The Dude! Because I'm The Lady and I SAID so! Do it NOW! Or else I'll unleash all my URINARY tract infectious Ghouls on your ass!
***************************************************
Oh, and if any of you would mind giving me a tutorial in how to do that super-duper-neato thing where you put in links and they come up all blue with my own little title of the linkage, that would be so, so super cool. (I'll even think about asking my UTI ghouls to take it easy on you.)