A Flawed Fragility: Chapter 30
Author: TheLadyHoll
Pairing: Andy/Miranda
Rating: M
Disclaimer: Yes, they are mine. I own them. Come to me my pretties and dance, DANCE I SAY. Or, more truthfully, not...
Chapter 30: Not Again
Couldn't find a good way to split this chapter up either - so it's two for the price of one! And who can resist a sale? Your feedback is everything, including the conscience to my muse. xxx - TLH
Finally, after the barrage of phone calls she had had to make, Andrea managed a fitful 3 hours of sleep before the foreign blare of her phone's alarm shocked her rudely awake. She had it set for the same time each morning, but she rarely needed it.
Normally, she would wake with Miranda's exit from the bed and watch sleepily as the editor got ready for the day, exacting the transformation from Miranda to 'Miranda Priestly, Editor in Chief'. Then, at 6:45, Miranda would lean over the bed and kiss the younger woman good morning before going to wake the twins if Andy didn't manage to coerce her back under the covers or pull her down with her.
But this morning, even though they weren't fighting anymore, Andy woke alone and in a cold bed with no warm Miranda imprint for her to snuggle into.
Visiting hours at NYP began at 7am for immediate family - or Andrea, as Miranda had made eminently clear before her departure last night. But when Andy called ahead and asked about Miranda's night, Dr. Jansen had assured her that everything had gone smoothly and that as of the moment she was still out cold and likely would be for the next hour or so.
Perfect, that meant Andy could finish getting the townhouse ready for Miranda's return and subsequent 'imprisonment'. Their bed was remade with fresh sheets, extra blankets were piled on the arms of the couches downstairs along with extra pillows so Miranda could 'nap' wherever she was in the house. Even in her office Andy found a way for Miranda to elevate her feet underneath her desk.
Her last job before she left the house was to leave a shopping list for Cara, albeit a strange one. In addition to their normal groceries, Andy had tried to think of all the cravings Miranda had had recently or foods she seemed to favour - which meant items like maraschino cherries and Cheez Whiz made their way onto the list.
Calling Nigel on her way to the hospital, Andy made sure everything was running smoothly at the Runway offices so she could answer correctly when Miranda inevitably asked. Opening the door to the Starbucks a block away from the hospital, Andy winced as she thought about what Miranda's reaction would be when the drugs were out of her system and she realized Andy had taken away her phone, even if just for the two days Dr. Jansen had ordered full rest and no work. Grabbing Miranda's decaf latte, Andy hoped, but highly doubted, that her peace offering would be enough, especially given the other surprise she had scheduled for this morning that she knew would not be welcomed.
It was just coming up to 8 o'clock by the time Andy made it onto the maternity floor. Checking her phone one last time to see that her plans were in place, she slipped through the door to Miranda's suite. Knowing the older woman had to wake soon if she wanted to prepare for the surprise visitor, Andy climbed carefully into the bed until she was practically nose to nose with the sleeping woman.
Kissing her lightly on her forehead, nose and cheeks, Andy couldn't help the grin that spread across her face as she watched the editor slowly wake.
"Good morning, beautiful," Andy murmured as Miranda became fully aware of her surroundings and tangled her feet with Andy's as though they were at home.
"Good morning, darling," Miranda replied, her voice throaty from the drugged sleep. "But I know what I must look like, and as an editor I can assure you beautiful is not the right word."
"You're right," Andy replied nonchalantly, looking away from Miranda so she didn't give herself away by smiling. "But ravishing, radiant, stunning and gorgeous in and of themselves sounded a little contrived even if they are patently true."
"What ever am I going to do with you, Andrea Sachs? You have completely taken over my world."
"Well," Andy said sitting up, "I hope that you'll hear me out when I tell you what I've arranged for this morning."
Miranda's brow furrowed but she let the younger woman continue. "I am always going to want to protect you, you know that. And I want you to know that I respect that you can make your own decisions. But I am asking you, as a favour to me, knowing we are going to spend the rest of our lives together and I don't want you ever to have any regrets, to speak to the person standing outside the door, and listen to what they have to say. Because it's going to affect how we go about the rest of our lives from this point.
Now Miranda was truly perplexed, but the young woman in front of her looked so earnest as she awaited Miranda's reaction that she nodded her head once in acquiescence, reaching out her hand simultaneously for her coffee which she had spotted on the bedside table and whose aroma was torturing her.
"Alright. I'll see whoever this person is. But darling, I'll need to clean up first, I can't see anyone looking like I do at the moment."
"I knew you'd say that, I brought your makeup bag from home and one of the silk Oscar robes you were given for your birthday last year."
Twenty minutes later, Miranda finally deemed her appearance 'ghastly, but understandable under the circumstances' and told Andy to let the mysterious visitor in.
Whatever Miranda had been expecting, it certainly wasn't Detective Benson from the Special Victims Unit.
"Good morning, Miranda,"
"I, Detective, is there something wrong. Has something happened with the case that I haven't been made aware of?"
"No," Andy spoke up in her place. "But I want you to listen to what she has to say about continuing with the trial."
"Andrea, this is ridiculous," Miranda hissed quietly, burning the young woman with her gaze as she felt her own cheeks flush with equal parts anger and embarrassment.
"Detective, I thank you for your concern, but this is a private family matter and will be handled as such. Andrea shouldn't have bothered you with this."
Miranda turned away from Olivia with an air of finality and in an unmistakeable sign of dismissal, but the brunette detective made no move to leave.
Andy groaned, dropping her head into her hands and rubbing her face frustratedly. "If you're going to talk about me as though I'm not here, I might as well go and get some more coffee. Good luck, Olivia."
Miranda's nostrils flared slightly in alarm as the younger brunette rose, but she felt her heart rate return to normal as Andy bent down over her shoulder to kiss her before she left.
"Can I get you anything while I'm gone, Detective? Coffee?"
"No, thanks, I'm good - trying to cut down," she smiled, "and I've told you, call me Olivia."
Andy nodded and smiled, shutting the door behind her as she went.
Now alone with the detective in the suddenly very large, very silent room, Miranda's stomach flopped anxiously, and it wasn't because of the babies.
There was another long silence before Olivia began to speak, it becoming more and more apparent that Miranda would not be the first one to break the tense silence. "Excuse me for saying so Miranda, but if you're going to marry her, she has every right to be concerned, or try to help by calling me. In fact I'd say she has every reason to."
"Detective Benson," Miranda's shoulders stiffened and then slumped slightly, and she finally met the other woman's gaze. "What Andrea doesn't realize, what I am coming to realize…is that I am old, too old, it has been cruelly shown to me, to be pregnant at 50; too old to carry these babies safely and if not too old, then God knows too tired to go through with a trial that only serves to bring up one of the worst experiences of my life and put my family through a hell I could have spared them in the first place by just giving Stephen the fucking money and signing the divorce papers the minute they came through."
Olivia raised her eyebrows slightly at the foul language coming from the editor but said nothing, letting the other woman continue.
"So I ask you," Miranda continued, although Olivia knew the question was a rhetorical one. "What is the 'right' thing to do in this situation. How do I ensure my family's safety, their well-being?"
Olivia moved the chair she was sitting on closer to the bed. "Miranda, the night you were attacked by your ex-husband…Your girls were in that house, Miranda. They were only a floor away. Can you think of what would have happened if they had come down the stairs while Stephen was there? He would know the best way to hurt you would be through them. Could you see him doing something like that?"
All the air in the room seemed to disappear and Miranda felt a cold vise clamp around her heart.
"He hurt Caroline and Cassidy too, Miranda. They had to see their mother beaten and broken, knowing it had been done to her by the man they were supposed to have considered a father. They came downstairs to find you unconscious and call for help themselves as they sat next to your body on the floor."
Olivia leaned even further in. "From the stories I've heard from Andy, you are the Earth, moon and stars to those girls. You are their hero. Now they've already seen their hero broken by this man, Miranda what kind of lesson are you teaching them if you don't fight? If you let him get away with this? What if it were Caroline or Cassidy who had been abused? Would you be alright with allowing their attacker to go free?"
The thought of Stephen's, or anyone's hands on one of her babies made Miranda feel physically ill, and closing her eyes so that the detective didn't see her panic, she began to take deep breaths, knowing she couldn't let her blood pressure rise.
Olivia looked on sympathetically, "I'm sorry if this seems a harsh approach, you have enough going on in your life without being harassed by a stranger you barely know, but you need to know Andy didn't do this to upset you. She asked me to speak with you because she knew you would think she was being over protective, and that I would tell you the truth as I've seen it over and over again in my time at SVU. And I swear to you, Miranda, the way to take your life back is to face your attacker and make him face what he's done. Not a single person I have ever met or dealt with has ever regretted testifying against their abuser, but I have met so many who waited too long or never took the chance and now live with the daily fear of meeting their attacker on the street or being vulnerable to another attack. So if you still won't do it for yourself, Miranda, do it for your girls and teach them that nobody has the right to hurt them, or make them feel like less of person."
Looking at how stiffly the older woman was holding herself and the way her eyes were bright with unshed tears as she looked away from the detective, Olivia removed her hand from where it had rested on Miranda's thigh over the blankets.
"Does this mean I can call ADA Cabot and tell her we still have a case?"
Miranda nodded once jerkily. "Could you call Andrea back please" she requested quietly, still not looking at the detective.
Olivia nodded before standing from the stool and leaving the room, only for Andy to burst in less than a minute later and seeing the devastated expression on Miranda's face even through her stoicism, climb up on the bed without a word.
Oh God, Miranda thought, it shouldn't feel this good to be back in Andrea's arms when they had only been apart for twenty minutes or so. She needed Andrea, and there were so few things she had 'trained' Miranda Priestly to need in order to save her from heartbreak or open herself up to attack. The gaping maw in her protective wall created by the exuberant young woman currently climbing across her lap was so large as to be unfixable - and Miranda knew that left her vulnerable. But that same hole and that same young woman let in the sun - and everything in Miranda that she had thought dead and gone came back to life under Andrea's care, and despite the crumbling battlements of her outer shell, she was whole.
Andy had climbed onto the bed as soon as she entered the room and saw Miranda's expression after speaking with Olivia, and she had Miranda wrapped in her arms before either woman could say anything.
Andrea leaned back slightly so she could see Miranda's face once more. "So there's going to be a trial?" A small sniff and a nod against her shoulder as Miranda pressed herself closer answered her question and Andy gathered her into a tighter embrace, rocking back and forth gently as she pressed her lips to the white crown and whispered reassurances.
"Do you forgive me?" Andy whispered as she drew away from the kiss. Miranda's reply was to pull the younger woman closer, wriggling into her embrace once more as though she were trying to fuse their bodies together and whispering "yes" before burying her head in Andy's shoulder, already worn from the morning's events.
Just then, Olivia re-appeared at the doorway. Not missing a beat as she continued to rock Miranda back and forth Andy raised her head and nodded before looking down once more at the woman in her arms. This…this was why she had called Olivia, having Miranda in her life was no longer a dream or some kind of bonus. It was real and it was vital and Andy was beginning to realize a side to her character that went immediately to the offensive if she thought one of 'her girls' was in any sort of trouble or in danger of being hurt.
Instead of leaving however, the detective stayed at the entrance to the room but with her back to the couple; only moving aside when a grim faced Dr. Jansen reappeared.
Miranda untangled herself from the younger woman's embrace and made to stand, but Dr. Jansen held up a hand. "No, no, stay sitting Miranda. Something has come up that may prevent your discharge this morning until we figure out how to handle it."
"That's my wife! My name is on those papers! If you don't let me in to see her I will own this hospital by end of day," a familiar voice roared and Miranda froze where she sat, not even reacting or responding to Andrea's attempts to comfort her. When she finally did speak, her voice was soft and deadly calm.
"How, may I ask, did my ex-husband gain entrance to this ward and by what means did he know I was here."
Dr. Jansen sighed and stepped forward, "I'm sorry to say it was one of my staff, Miranda. She hadn't been made aware of the unique circumstances surrounding your file and was foolish enough to think she could handle the situation herself without checking with a superior regarding the divulgement of confidential patient files."
"I wish to speak with this girl," Miranda's voice was still eerily calm, and even standing in a silk floral robe after spending the night in the hospital for a blood pressure scare, Miranda radiated a dangerous level of power that you could taste in the air like smoke.
Dr. Jansen returned after a moment with a shaking young woman who looked as though she were barely out of her teens.
Miranda bared her teeth in a dangerously false smile, taking a step forwards and folding her hands neatly underneath her belly.
Reading the plastic name tag pinned to the abhorrent pink scrubs with dancing cupcakes, she let her gaze slowly return to the girl's face.
"Janine, isn't it? Would you care to explain why you felt it appropriate to release my private information over the phone, regardless of who the person claimed to be?
He said that it was M-Miranda Priestly's husband calling. I'm so sorry Mrs. Priestly!"
At the word 'Mrs.' Miranda's lips curled back and her gaze veered back to the trembling nurse.
"Foolish girl! Have you no brain in that pretty little head of yours?" she hissed. "Or perhaps you live under a rock and have somehow altogether avoided every major media and news outlet as all of them have covered the trial against my EX-husband." Getting into her stride now, Andy knew there was no stopping her, and she only felt vaguely bad for the perky, fresh-faced nurse that reminded her somewhat of herself before her tenure at Runway.
"Perhaps I am being unreasonable in my expectation of privacy and discretion involving my personal information. Perhaps this is the norm and I am the ignorant one and this level of competency is what one should reasonably expect from a supposedly top-tier medical institution, in which I very much fear for the health of the general population if this is indeed the level of competency deemed acceptable to inflict upon the unsuspecting public."
Andy could see the editor was working herself up to a full tantrum, and much as the air-headed nurse largely deserved some of the vitriol Miranda was spewing, Andy also knew that Miranda was directing some of her anger and frustration at Stephen and the trial at the girl - which in addition to raising Miranda's blood pressure also wasn't entirely fair to the nurse, although Andy was admittedly tempted to let Miranda continue and get it out of her system…But no.
Miranda's hands were tightly clenched at her sides, and Andy stepped closer to the enraged editor, now nearly apoplectic with cold fury, and took one of the clenched fists between her own two hands, bringing it to her own chest to divert Miranda's laser-focus.
Getting into her stride, Miranda's glare fixed on Andy before softening and fluttering closed as she tried to control her breathing, focusing on the feel of Andrea's heartbeat against her fisted hands.
Dr. Jansen watched the private interaction and turned to face her erstwhile employee to allow for Miranda to regain her composure.
"Janine, I am not your immediate supervisor and therefore I do not have the authority to fire you. However it is within my scope of power to make requests of the director of this hospital. And so, if you have any interest whatsoever in keeping your job you will keep your mouth shut as you exit this building and any time after that if someone asks you about Miranda Priestly. Unless you would like your 15 minutes of fame to come with a rescinding of your license to practice medicine as a certified RN and a dual lawsuit on behalf of this hospital and the Priestly family. Detective Benson is waiting at the nurses' station with paperwork outlining the assurance of your silence regarding any detail of Miranda's private files which I highly recommend you sign - and after which she will escort you to your car."
The terrified girl nodded furiously before taking her purse from the doctor's outstretched hand and bolting down the hallway.
Now Dr. Jansen turned to the source of all the drama. Admittedly, standing in front of her with hair and makeup perfectly applied, Miranda Priestly was a damn sight more intimidating than the fragile figure lying in the hospital bed. But a patient was a patient, even if that patient was listed in the Forbes 500 and controlled the entire publishing industry, magazine and otherwise.
"Miranda, I cannot impress upon you enough the importance of keeping your blood pressure down. The extra pressure affects the blood vessels around the babies and any slight change can cause their condition to become unstable and aggravate the TTTS by causing further disparity in blood flow and nutrient distribution."
Blue eyes flashed dangerously before dulling, the gaze dropping from the OB/GYN towards the bulge mounding out beneath the neatly tied silk ribbon.
"When am I able to leave, doctor?"
"That might be more difficult than you think," Olivia appeared in the doorway once more, her face grim.
"Someone," she paused for a moment as each mind in the room came to the same conclusion. "Let it be known to the press Miranda had been admitted to the hospital, and the first swarm of vultures are already here. Security's working to move them out of the way of the doors, but I'm afraid the walk from the front doors to your car is going to be pretty intense. We managed to prevent Stephen from seeing Miranda because she was conscious and made it clear she wanted no contact, but on his way out he out on quite a show for the press playing the concerned father and ex-husband dealing with an unstable celebrity workaholic."
Miranda was still attached to several of the monitors, and the three other women watched as the lines surged upwards on the heart rate monitor - and upon closer inspection Andy could see the tell-tale muscle in Miranda's cheek pulsing and she realized the older woman was holding her breath - one of her infamous 'silent' tantrums or 'ice ages' as certain Runway employees dared to deign them.
Andy and Dr. Jansen both moved towards Miranda, but to their surprise, Detective Benson stepped in deftly from the side and got there first. Her voice was low and soothing but uncompromisingly firm as she ducked her head, forcing the older woman to meet her eyes as she talked.
"Miranda, this is why we have to go through with the trial. Haven't you said it is your job to mold public perception? Don't let Stephen take that away from you as well by distorting perception of facts and molding you into something to fit his own needs.
Miranda turned and walked over to the small sofa across from the bed, sitting to one side. Olivia took this as an invitation of sorts and went to sit down next to the older woman, whose posture was still ramrod straight.
Deciding to leave Miranda alone with the detective, Andy followed Dr. Jansen to the nurse's station to sign the discharge papers and pick up the blood pressure medication that had been deemed mild enough as to not harm the pregnancy.
"You know he can't hurt you any more, what is it that you're scared of Miranda?" Olivia sat near to the editor, but didn't reach out like she had before.
Miranda made a soft scoffing sound as though she were insulted at the implication that SHE was scared of something before falling silent again.
"Detective, you see women every day, coming from abusive relationships or marriages with their children alongside them." Miranda paused, her gaze slightly tortured as she looked up at the detective beseechingly.
"What if I can't love them?" Miranda whispered, staring determinedly down at her lap and worrying her rings.
"What do you mean?" Olivia cocked her head to the side. "What do you mean? I've seen how much you want these babies Miranda. You would have stopped fighting a long time ago if you didn't."
"Huh," Miranda snorted derisively. "I hardly call falling apart every 30 seconds and needing someone as much as, as I need Andrea could possibly be called fighting."
"But you are," Olivia pressed, "You are fighting for your babies' health when you follow the doctors' instructions to take it easy, even though 'taking it easy' is not, I would presume, an easy task for you. The definition of what it is to fight is different for everyone. Sometimes fighting can simply be getting out of bed in the morning, or in your case," she smiled, "staying in it".
"You're fighting for your happiness and for your family when you lean on Andrea, and you show the girls what a healthy relationship between adults looks like. And you're fighting Stephen by not giving in to his demands, because you don't want your girls to grow up in a world where they believe money can make people and problems go away; because while they might for the short term, their ghosts linger far after to shape our decisions. If this had happened, God forbid, to Caroline or Cassidy, would you want them to feel that their own well-being and happiness isn't worth the trouble of going through a trial?"
"Detective," Miranda began to speak, only to pause for a long moment as she debated internally whether or not to reveal to yet another person one of the many cracks and flaws that were otherwise hid beneath the glossy, polished veneer of 'Miranda Priestly'.
"You said you've dealt with countless victims," she struggled with the word, knowing that by using it she applied it to herself as well, "Women, oftentimes with children fathered by their attacker, married, known or otherwise. And in that number, surely women that found themselves pregnant by their attacker and for whatever the reason or circumstance, kept the baby. What I'm asking is how…do they…are they ever," she fumbled with the words until exhaustion and emotion made her blurt out what she was really thinking.
"What if I can't love them?"
Olivia saw the desperation and agony of the question flash across the older woman's features as she subconsciously wrapped her arms around her abdomen and her struggle to return her features to some semblance of neutrality so that the intense fear that filled her being didn't show.
"I'm terrified that I'm going to look at these innocent babies and all I'll be able to see is Stephen and have them be a constant reminder."
"These babies aren't a reminder of something that happened in the past, Miranda. They're a reason to move forward and a promise that there is life and happiness in your future. Do you look at your daughters and think of their father's infidelities or the dissolution of your first marriage and the pain it caused you?"
"Of course not," Miranda replied huskily.
"Have you talked to Andy about this? Does she know you've been feeling this way?"
Miranda closed her eyes, her mouth set grimly. "I'm afraid neither of us has been very good lately at talking or listening to one another…and I'm equally fearful she's finally realized what she's gotten herself into, the life she's trapped herself in by agreeing to marry me."
"If you believe that to be true, Miranda, then perhaps your fears are correct and you shouldn't be together in any way…But my God, Miranda. What I've seen, both in the precinct, the court, and now in the hospital…that girl loves you more than anything. There is nothing of herself she wouldn't give to save you one moment of pain, even if she herself is sometimes the cause of it."
Olivia reached out to Miranda. "This is all new to her, the press, kids, more kids on the way, a fiancée? While it's stressful for you, in one sense it's still familiar. For her, feeling as though she needs to protect you and not knowing how - all while dealing with these aspects of her 'new' life? That's a lot of stress on her as well. And you can't ask her not to feel responsible, or protective, because that's not the way 'real' love works. And in many ways, I think this is the first relationship for both of you that doesn't just have moments of, but is based in real love. She doesn't want to put that stress on you so she falls back into 'assistant' mode just as you revert to the 'ice queen' when you feel unsure in a situation. So if she's not talking, it's because she's taken on the role of your protector, and there is nothing you could do or say otherwise that can change that. She may go overboard, but there's a halfway point that you two have to figure out where to meet. You have to let her show you what you mean to her because she knows the emptiness and falseness of words just as surely as you do, being in the journalism and publishing industries."
Standing once more by the window, Miranda ducked her head in acknowledgement of the detective's words but didn't meet her eyes, instead leaning against the glass and looking out over the city.
Seeing that this was all the emotional outpouring the editor was planning for the day, Olivia stood to leave, and had just turned the door handle when a whispered 'thank you' met her ears that came from the other end of the darkened room.
The door opened immediately following Detective Benson's departure and Miranda gave a huff of frustration at the revolving door her supposedly 'private' hospital suite had become for any and all manner of nurse or doctor or law enforcement official or PR representative. But it wasn't any of those, although she could hear the deep boom of Leslie's voice from the hallway where she waited, having arrived during Miranda's conversation with Olivia. It was a familiar figure who came through the door, and Miranda found herself flying towards the younger woman and connecting their lips violently as Andrea's back hit the door.
Andy had caught Miranda by the waist as she had thrown herself at her, and now her grip tightened and lengthened as she automatically opened her arms to hold Miranda close as the older woman pressed herself against Andy as though she could fuse their bodies into one
"Hey, hey, what's the matter?" Andy managed to ask, pulling her close again and rubbing circles on her back as she calmed enough to lift her head from the younger woman's chest. Brown eyes took her breath away even as she paused to regain it before taking the brunette's lips again, less forcefully this time, but with the same desperation of purpose.
"I'm sorry," she croaked out hoarsely. "I, I let you take the blame, Andrea because I was so scared of being the one responsible for hurting my family - again. I'm sorry." She looked into the younger woman's eyes once more. "I love you, Andrea. Only you and ever only you and you need to know that regardless of any future events or any foolish behaviour on my part. I love that you take such care with me, and the babies, and that you love the girls like they were your own…"
Overwrought, and still breathless from the kiss Miranda paused, and Andy took the opportunity to break in.
"Miranda, the girls - Cass, Caro…they ARE my own. From the minute you placed that ring on my finger if not the minute I answered the phone the night Stephen attacked you…You are my family, Miranda. You never have to worry that I will look elsewhere or choose otherwise. I shut the door on my own parents because I thought there was a chance they might do or say something to hurt you or the girls. I'm not leaving, Miranda. I'm not leaving because I'm already home.
Fuelled by hormones and sheer, dumb exhaustion that made her limbs feel as though they were made of lead, Miranda tried to stop the silent tears that streamed unchecked down her face. Meeting Andy's lips once more, Miranda moved to hide her face in her favourite spot on Andy's shoulder. "I'm sorry darling, I - "
"No, no, no, listen to me. No more apologies, not for this. I was immature and insensitive and I acted like a spoiled brat, martyring myself when I didn't get my way. And maybe if I had dealt with it like an adult, you could have avoided some of the stress and pressure I know has been building at work by finding refuge at home. But with the girls with their father, and me not being a partner to you you didn't have anyone to lean on so you fell."
Now Miranda glared at Andy, "That isn't true, Andrea. Dr. Jansen warned us from the beginning that this was a possibility, it is NOT because of you and it certainly isn't your fault."
"Maybe, maybe not," Andy replied evenly. "And I have to live with not knowing if it was me or my actions that brought this about or made it worse…but Miranda," Andy tightened her hold slightly and traced her fingertips over the flower patterns on the silk covering Miranda's stomach. "I don't ever want you to hurt, because of me or because of anything else. If I could draw a circle around you that no one else could get through I would."
"Darling, that's a beautiful thought, but I'm afraid it's not a realistic one. A certain amount of pragmatism has to go into a relationship lest it turn a Gatsby-esque imitation of a life where none of us reaches that green light."
"Whatever that green light is, Miranda, whatever you're searching for…just please tell me, tell me what's going on in your head so that I can share that load with you, even if I don't fully understand it. Miranda Priestly, you are a beautiful enigma, and no matter how long I live I don't dare to think that I'll ever be able to 'solve' you completely. But I so desperately want to spend that time and that life trying if you would let me. You ask if I want this? I gave you my answer when you gave me this ring. And that circle I mentioned earlier? When I said I wished I could put one around you? Well this is the best I can do."
And with that, Andy held up an engagement ring that would have left even 'THE' Miranda Priestly breathless, considering the real Miranda was having trouble breathing even thinking about the possibility that Andrea was proposing despite the fact they had talked about it previously. Tiny glittering diamonds were so intricately woven and twisted together that surrounding the larger 2 and a half carat, pear-cut center stone, the ring looked as though it were frosted until it tapered to smooth, gleaming platinum.
"Andrea…" Miranda paused, unsure how to phrase the question delicately. "What, how m -"
"Everything, Everything I own, because I know, and I trust that this is going to work. That we are going to be together and that neither of us will ever let the other fall again. I'm all in."
"It's not a matter of again, Andrea, because I've never felt like this. No one, no one has ever done for what you have. Not only today and with this ring, but all along. You knew, even before I did, what I wanted and what I needed and you chose for yourself as well as for me. And whether or not it was the right choice for you, it was always exactly what I didn't know I was looking for. I've always been looking for something, something better, something more. But I look at you and I'm at peace, I'm content - not merely satisfied, but hopelessly grateful. So yes, Andrea, I will marry you, because nothing could make me happier than being able to call you my wife."
Andy registered briefly in the moments before that pouncing on a woman who was in the hospital was likely not the brightest of ideas, but that knowledge didn't stop her in that moment. Nothing could have as she fitted the ring past her knuckle before she threw herself towards Miranda.
"Oh my God, it's like something out of Looney Tunes!" Dr. Jansen exclaimed from the door, Miranda's monitors all showing dramatic increases in heart rate and decreased oxygen levels and lung function.
"What is it with you two?"
Breaking apart from their embrace and the somewhat more than slightly suggestive positions they were in given that Andy was still crouched over Miranda, one knee between her legs to balance herself as the older woman pulled her head down so that their lips could meet.
"I leave the room for two seconds and you set her heart rate monitor off by kissing her?
"Umm," Andy looked slightly sheepish whereas Miranda merely raised a gloating eyebrow as she rubbed her stomach in lay satisfied circles while she listened to the young woman try to explain.
"Umm…We're engaged?"
"Weren't you already engaged?"
"Ehh…"
"Partly…" Miranda offered with a regal tilt of her head before her features cracked into a smile, completely charmed as Andy brought Miranda's left hand to her lips.
"I was," Andy held up her left hand to show her ring. "And now I've returned the favour."
Dr. Jansen whistled through her teeth as she examined the glittering pave band. "Your sense of romantic aesthetic needs a little work kid," she leaned over to peer at the ring Miranda was happily flaunting. "But I'll give you credit for the ring, it's a beauty."
"It reminded me of a compass point - " Andy's gaze returned to Miranda's as she spoke. "And no matter where or what angle you or anyone looks at it, it's always going to point to home and to my heart's true desire."
"Really Andrea, I hope you don't write such dross in your columns," Miranda sniffed, trying to cover her tears with the cutting comment.
But Andy only laughed and leaned in to kiss Miranda once again, causing the older woman to turn her head back to face the younger woman, unable to deny herself the pleasure of kissing Andrea.
"Nope, I save all that for you."
"Hmph…as you should."
"My God, would you two give it a rest? You're going to give ME high blood pressure if you continue at this rate." Dr. Jansen just shook her head and signed off on Miranda's chart, slipping the clipboard back over the foot of the bed. "Take her home, Andy."
"What about the press?"
"Is Stephen still here?" Miranda questioned the doctor, glancing in the direction of the nurses' station as though she could see through the wall to where her former husband had thrown a fit less than an hour ago and where her current, and only - ever to be fiancée was at the moment paying the hospital fees.
"Security escorted him from the building after he raised his voice. I instructed them to send him out through the back doors, but after so many years of chasing after 'Brangelina' and the like it would seem the press have finally caught on to that particular trick.
Miranda nodded, her gaze still distant as she worried the hem of her blouse, tugging it down over her stomach repeatedly.
"I'll call you this evening to check in, and we can schedule an at-home visit for the day after tomorrow to make sure your body is responding to the treatment and the medications properly. But if you start cramping again, you need to come into the hospital immediately. The meds are designed to help lower your blood pressure, and if they work too well you may find you're feeling dizzy or lightheaded so be extremely careful around the stairs while taking this and no 4 inch Pradas. Do I make myself clear?"
"Absolutely," a voice came from the door and Miranda turned to find Andy leaning against the doorframe. She grinned at Miranda, "Ready to go home gorgeous?"
Miranda scoffed, but her hands moved away from the hem of her shirt and she was holding herself less stiffly than before, Dr. Jansen noted with approval. Maybe this could have a happy ending after all, she mused as she watched the silent interaction between the two women.
"Now, as to how we're going to get you out of here…" A rather wicked grin formed on Dr. Jansen's lips. "I think I have a solution to that."
Comment! Please?
Pairing: Andy/Miranda
Rating: M
Disclaimer: Yes, they are mine. I own them. Come to me my pretties and dance, DANCE I SAY. Or, more truthfully, not...
Chapter 30: Not Again
Couldn't find a good way to split this chapter up either - so it's two for the price of one! And who can resist a sale? Your feedback is everything, including the conscience to my muse. xxx - TLH
Finally, after the barrage of phone calls she had had to make, Andrea managed a fitful 3 hours of sleep before the foreign blare of her phone's alarm shocked her rudely awake. She had it set for the same time each morning, but she rarely needed it.
Normally, she would wake with Miranda's exit from the bed and watch sleepily as the editor got ready for the day, exacting the transformation from Miranda to 'Miranda Priestly, Editor in Chief'. Then, at 6:45, Miranda would lean over the bed and kiss the younger woman good morning before going to wake the twins if Andy didn't manage to coerce her back under the covers or pull her down with her.
But this morning, even though they weren't fighting anymore, Andy woke alone and in a cold bed with no warm Miranda imprint for her to snuggle into.
Visiting hours at NYP began at 7am for immediate family - or Andrea, as Miranda had made eminently clear before her departure last night. But when Andy called ahead and asked about Miranda's night, Dr. Jansen had assured her that everything had gone smoothly and that as of the moment she was still out cold and likely would be for the next hour or so.
Perfect, that meant Andy could finish getting the townhouse ready for Miranda's return and subsequent 'imprisonment'. Their bed was remade with fresh sheets, extra blankets were piled on the arms of the couches downstairs along with extra pillows so Miranda could 'nap' wherever she was in the house. Even in her office Andy found a way for Miranda to elevate her feet underneath her desk.
Her last job before she left the house was to leave a shopping list for Cara, albeit a strange one. In addition to their normal groceries, Andy had tried to think of all the cravings Miranda had had recently or foods she seemed to favour - which meant items like maraschino cherries and Cheez Whiz made their way onto the list.
Calling Nigel on her way to the hospital, Andy made sure everything was running smoothly at the Runway offices so she could answer correctly when Miranda inevitably asked. Opening the door to the Starbucks a block away from the hospital, Andy winced as she thought about what Miranda's reaction would be when the drugs were out of her system and she realized Andy had taken away her phone, even if just for the two days Dr. Jansen had ordered full rest and no work. Grabbing Miranda's decaf latte, Andy hoped, but highly doubted, that her peace offering would be enough, especially given the other surprise she had scheduled for this morning that she knew would not be welcomed.
It was just coming up to 8 o'clock by the time Andy made it onto the maternity floor. Checking her phone one last time to see that her plans were in place, she slipped through the door to Miranda's suite. Knowing the older woman had to wake soon if she wanted to prepare for the surprise visitor, Andy climbed carefully into the bed until she was practically nose to nose with the sleeping woman.
Kissing her lightly on her forehead, nose and cheeks, Andy couldn't help the grin that spread across her face as she watched the editor slowly wake.
"Good morning, beautiful," Andy murmured as Miranda became fully aware of her surroundings and tangled her feet with Andy's as though they were at home.
"Good morning, darling," Miranda replied, her voice throaty from the drugged sleep. "But I know what I must look like, and as an editor I can assure you beautiful is not the right word."
"You're right," Andy replied nonchalantly, looking away from Miranda so she didn't give herself away by smiling. "But ravishing, radiant, stunning and gorgeous in and of themselves sounded a little contrived even if they are patently true."
"What ever am I going to do with you, Andrea Sachs? You have completely taken over my world."
"Well," Andy said sitting up, "I hope that you'll hear me out when I tell you what I've arranged for this morning."
Miranda's brow furrowed but she let the younger woman continue. "I am always going to want to protect you, you know that. And I want you to know that I respect that you can make your own decisions. But I am asking you, as a favour to me, knowing we are going to spend the rest of our lives together and I don't want you ever to have any regrets, to speak to the person standing outside the door, and listen to what they have to say. Because it's going to affect how we go about the rest of our lives from this point.
Now Miranda was truly perplexed, but the young woman in front of her looked so earnest as she awaited Miranda's reaction that she nodded her head once in acquiescence, reaching out her hand simultaneously for her coffee which she had spotted on the bedside table and whose aroma was torturing her.
"Alright. I'll see whoever this person is. But darling, I'll need to clean up first, I can't see anyone looking like I do at the moment."
"I knew you'd say that, I brought your makeup bag from home and one of the silk Oscar robes you were given for your birthday last year."
Twenty minutes later, Miranda finally deemed her appearance 'ghastly, but understandable under the circumstances' and told Andy to let the mysterious visitor in.
Whatever Miranda had been expecting, it certainly wasn't Detective Benson from the Special Victims Unit.
"Good morning, Miranda,"
"I, Detective, is there something wrong. Has something happened with the case that I haven't been made aware of?"
"No," Andy spoke up in her place. "But I want you to listen to what she has to say about continuing with the trial."
"Andrea, this is ridiculous," Miranda hissed quietly, burning the young woman with her gaze as she felt her own cheeks flush with equal parts anger and embarrassment.
"Detective, I thank you for your concern, but this is a private family matter and will be handled as such. Andrea shouldn't have bothered you with this."
Miranda turned away from Olivia with an air of finality and in an unmistakeable sign of dismissal, but the brunette detective made no move to leave.
Andy groaned, dropping her head into her hands and rubbing her face frustratedly. "If you're going to talk about me as though I'm not here, I might as well go and get some more coffee. Good luck, Olivia."
Miranda's nostrils flared slightly in alarm as the younger brunette rose, but she felt her heart rate return to normal as Andy bent down over her shoulder to kiss her before she left.
"Can I get you anything while I'm gone, Detective? Coffee?"
"No, thanks, I'm good - trying to cut down," she smiled, "and I've told you, call me Olivia."
Andy nodded and smiled, shutting the door behind her as she went.
Now alone with the detective in the suddenly very large, very silent room, Miranda's stomach flopped anxiously, and it wasn't because of the babies.
There was another long silence before Olivia began to speak, it becoming more and more apparent that Miranda would not be the first one to break the tense silence. "Excuse me for saying so Miranda, but if you're going to marry her, she has every right to be concerned, or try to help by calling me. In fact I'd say she has every reason to."
"Detective Benson," Miranda's shoulders stiffened and then slumped slightly, and she finally met the other woman's gaze. "What Andrea doesn't realize, what I am coming to realize…is that I am old, too old, it has been cruelly shown to me, to be pregnant at 50; too old to carry these babies safely and if not too old, then God knows too tired to go through with a trial that only serves to bring up one of the worst experiences of my life and put my family through a hell I could have spared them in the first place by just giving Stephen the fucking money and signing the divorce papers the minute they came through."
Olivia raised her eyebrows slightly at the foul language coming from the editor but said nothing, letting the other woman continue.
"So I ask you," Miranda continued, although Olivia knew the question was a rhetorical one. "What is the 'right' thing to do in this situation. How do I ensure my family's safety, their well-being?"
Olivia moved the chair she was sitting on closer to the bed. "Miranda, the night you were attacked by your ex-husband…Your girls were in that house, Miranda. They were only a floor away. Can you think of what would have happened if they had come down the stairs while Stephen was there? He would know the best way to hurt you would be through them. Could you see him doing something like that?"
All the air in the room seemed to disappear and Miranda felt a cold vise clamp around her heart.
"He hurt Caroline and Cassidy too, Miranda. They had to see their mother beaten and broken, knowing it had been done to her by the man they were supposed to have considered a father. They came downstairs to find you unconscious and call for help themselves as they sat next to your body on the floor."
Olivia leaned even further in. "From the stories I've heard from Andy, you are the Earth, moon and stars to those girls. You are their hero. Now they've already seen their hero broken by this man, Miranda what kind of lesson are you teaching them if you don't fight? If you let him get away with this? What if it were Caroline or Cassidy who had been abused? Would you be alright with allowing their attacker to go free?"
The thought of Stephen's, or anyone's hands on one of her babies made Miranda feel physically ill, and closing her eyes so that the detective didn't see her panic, she began to take deep breaths, knowing she couldn't let her blood pressure rise.
Olivia looked on sympathetically, "I'm sorry if this seems a harsh approach, you have enough going on in your life without being harassed by a stranger you barely know, but you need to know Andy didn't do this to upset you. She asked me to speak with you because she knew you would think she was being over protective, and that I would tell you the truth as I've seen it over and over again in my time at SVU. And I swear to you, Miranda, the way to take your life back is to face your attacker and make him face what he's done. Not a single person I have ever met or dealt with has ever regretted testifying against their abuser, but I have met so many who waited too long or never took the chance and now live with the daily fear of meeting their attacker on the street or being vulnerable to another attack. So if you still won't do it for yourself, Miranda, do it for your girls and teach them that nobody has the right to hurt them, or make them feel like less of person."
Looking at how stiffly the older woman was holding herself and the way her eyes were bright with unshed tears as she looked away from the detective, Olivia removed her hand from where it had rested on Miranda's thigh over the blankets.
"Does this mean I can call ADA Cabot and tell her we still have a case?"
Miranda nodded once jerkily. "Could you call Andrea back please" she requested quietly, still not looking at the detective.
Olivia nodded before standing from the stool and leaving the room, only for Andy to burst in less than a minute later and seeing the devastated expression on Miranda's face even through her stoicism, climb up on the bed without a word.
Oh God, Miranda thought, it shouldn't feel this good to be back in Andrea's arms when they had only been apart for twenty minutes or so. She needed Andrea, and there were so few things she had 'trained' Miranda Priestly to need in order to save her from heartbreak or open herself up to attack. The gaping maw in her protective wall created by the exuberant young woman currently climbing across her lap was so large as to be unfixable - and Miranda knew that left her vulnerable. But that same hole and that same young woman let in the sun - and everything in Miranda that she had thought dead and gone came back to life under Andrea's care, and despite the crumbling battlements of her outer shell, she was whole.
Andy had climbed onto the bed as soon as she entered the room and saw Miranda's expression after speaking with Olivia, and she had Miranda wrapped in her arms before either woman could say anything.
Andrea leaned back slightly so she could see Miranda's face once more. "So there's going to be a trial?" A small sniff and a nod against her shoulder as Miranda pressed herself closer answered her question and Andy gathered her into a tighter embrace, rocking back and forth gently as she pressed her lips to the white crown and whispered reassurances.
"Do you forgive me?" Andy whispered as she drew away from the kiss. Miranda's reply was to pull the younger woman closer, wriggling into her embrace once more as though she were trying to fuse their bodies together and whispering "yes" before burying her head in Andy's shoulder, already worn from the morning's events.
Just then, Olivia re-appeared at the doorway. Not missing a beat as she continued to rock Miranda back and forth Andy raised her head and nodded before looking down once more at the woman in her arms. This…this was why she had called Olivia, having Miranda in her life was no longer a dream or some kind of bonus. It was real and it was vital and Andy was beginning to realize a side to her character that went immediately to the offensive if she thought one of 'her girls' was in any sort of trouble or in danger of being hurt.
Instead of leaving however, the detective stayed at the entrance to the room but with her back to the couple; only moving aside when a grim faced Dr. Jansen reappeared.
Miranda untangled herself from the younger woman's embrace and made to stand, but Dr. Jansen held up a hand. "No, no, stay sitting Miranda. Something has come up that may prevent your discharge this morning until we figure out how to handle it."
"That's my wife! My name is on those papers! If you don't let me in to see her I will own this hospital by end of day," a familiar voice roared and Miranda froze where she sat, not even reacting or responding to Andrea's attempts to comfort her. When she finally did speak, her voice was soft and deadly calm.
"How, may I ask, did my ex-husband gain entrance to this ward and by what means did he know I was here."
Dr. Jansen sighed and stepped forward, "I'm sorry to say it was one of my staff, Miranda. She hadn't been made aware of the unique circumstances surrounding your file and was foolish enough to think she could handle the situation herself without checking with a superior regarding the divulgement of confidential patient files."
"I wish to speak with this girl," Miranda's voice was still eerily calm, and even standing in a silk floral robe after spending the night in the hospital for a blood pressure scare, Miranda radiated a dangerous level of power that you could taste in the air like smoke.
Dr. Jansen returned after a moment with a shaking young woman who looked as though she were barely out of her teens.
Miranda bared her teeth in a dangerously false smile, taking a step forwards and folding her hands neatly underneath her belly.
Reading the plastic name tag pinned to the abhorrent pink scrubs with dancing cupcakes, she let her gaze slowly return to the girl's face.
"Janine, isn't it? Would you care to explain why you felt it appropriate to release my private information over the phone, regardless of who the person claimed to be?
He said that it was M-Miranda Priestly's husband calling. I'm so sorry Mrs. Priestly!"
At the word 'Mrs.' Miranda's lips curled back and her gaze veered back to the trembling nurse.
"Foolish girl! Have you no brain in that pretty little head of yours?" she hissed. "Or perhaps you live under a rock and have somehow altogether avoided every major media and news outlet as all of them have covered the trial against my EX-husband." Getting into her stride now, Andy knew there was no stopping her, and she only felt vaguely bad for the perky, fresh-faced nurse that reminded her somewhat of herself before her tenure at Runway.
"Perhaps I am being unreasonable in my expectation of privacy and discretion involving my personal information. Perhaps this is the norm and I am the ignorant one and this level of competency is what one should reasonably expect from a supposedly top-tier medical institution, in which I very much fear for the health of the general population if this is indeed the level of competency deemed acceptable to inflict upon the unsuspecting public."
Andy could see the editor was working herself up to a full tantrum, and much as the air-headed nurse largely deserved some of the vitriol Miranda was spewing, Andy also knew that Miranda was directing some of her anger and frustration at Stephen and the trial at the girl - which in addition to raising Miranda's blood pressure also wasn't entirely fair to the nurse, although Andy was admittedly tempted to let Miranda continue and get it out of her system…But no.
Miranda's hands were tightly clenched at her sides, and Andy stepped closer to the enraged editor, now nearly apoplectic with cold fury, and took one of the clenched fists between her own two hands, bringing it to her own chest to divert Miranda's laser-focus.
Getting into her stride, Miranda's glare fixed on Andy before softening and fluttering closed as she tried to control her breathing, focusing on the feel of Andrea's heartbeat against her fisted hands.
Dr. Jansen watched the private interaction and turned to face her erstwhile employee to allow for Miranda to regain her composure.
"Janine, I am not your immediate supervisor and therefore I do not have the authority to fire you. However it is within my scope of power to make requests of the director of this hospital. And so, if you have any interest whatsoever in keeping your job you will keep your mouth shut as you exit this building and any time after that if someone asks you about Miranda Priestly. Unless you would like your 15 minutes of fame to come with a rescinding of your license to practice medicine as a certified RN and a dual lawsuit on behalf of this hospital and the Priestly family. Detective Benson is waiting at the nurses' station with paperwork outlining the assurance of your silence regarding any detail of Miranda's private files which I highly recommend you sign - and after which she will escort you to your car."
The terrified girl nodded furiously before taking her purse from the doctor's outstretched hand and bolting down the hallway.
Now Dr. Jansen turned to the source of all the drama. Admittedly, standing in front of her with hair and makeup perfectly applied, Miranda Priestly was a damn sight more intimidating than the fragile figure lying in the hospital bed. But a patient was a patient, even if that patient was listed in the Forbes 500 and controlled the entire publishing industry, magazine and otherwise.
"Miranda, I cannot impress upon you enough the importance of keeping your blood pressure down. The extra pressure affects the blood vessels around the babies and any slight change can cause their condition to become unstable and aggravate the TTTS by causing further disparity in blood flow and nutrient distribution."
Blue eyes flashed dangerously before dulling, the gaze dropping from the OB/GYN towards the bulge mounding out beneath the neatly tied silk ribbon.
"When am I able to leave, doctor?"
"That might be more difficult than you think," Olivia appeared in the doorway once more, her face grim.
"Someone," she paused for a moment as each mind in the room came to the same conclusion. "Let it be known to the press Miranda had been admitted to the hospital, and the first swarm of vultures are already here. Security's working to move them out of the way of the doors, but I'm afraid the walk from the front doors to your car is going to be pretty intense. We managed to prevent Stephen from seeing Miranda because she was conscious and made it clear she wanted no contact, but on his way out he out on quite a show for the press playing the concerned father and ex-husband dealing with an unstable celebrity workaholic."
Miranda was still attached to several of the monitors, and the three other women watched as the lines surged upwards on the heart rate monitor - and upon closer inspection Andy could see the tell-tale muscle in Miranda's cheek pulsing and she realized the older woman was holding her breath - one of her infamous 'silent' tantrums or 'ice ages' as certain Runway employees dared to deign them.
Andy and Dr. Jansen both moved towards Miranda, but to their surprise, Detective Benson stepped in deftly from the side and got there first. Her voice was low and soothing but uncompromisingly firm as she ducked her head, forcing the older woman to meet her eyes as she talked.
"Miranda, this is why we have to go through with the trial. Haven't you said it is your job to mold public perception? Don't let Stephen take that away from you as well by distorting perception of facts and molding you into something to fit his own needs.
Miranda turned and walked over to the small sofa across from the bed, sitting to one side. Olivia took this as an invitation of sorts and went to sit down next to the older woman, whose posture was still ramrod straight.
Deciding to leave Miranda alone with the detective, Andy followed Dr. Jansen to the nurse's station to sign the discharge papers and pick up the blood pressure medication that had been deemed mild enough as to not harm the pregnancy.
"You know he can't hurt you any more, what is it that you're scared of Miranda?" Olivia sat near to the editor, but didn't reach out like she had before.
Miranda made a soft scoffing sound as though she were insulted at the implication that SHE was scared of something before falling silent again.
"Detective, you see women every day, coming from abusive relationships or marriages with their children alongside them." Miranda paused, her gaze slightly tortured as she looked up at the detective beseechingly.
"What if I can't love them?" Miranda whispered, staring determinedly down at her lap and worrying her rings.
"What do you mean?" Olivia cocked her head to the side. "What do you mean? I've seen how much you want these babies Miranda. You would have stopped fighting a long time ago if you didn't."
"Huh," Miranda snorted derisively. "I hardly call falling apart every 30 seconds and needing someone as much as, as I need Andrea could possibly be called fighting."
"But you are," Olivia pressed, "You are fighting for your babies' health when you follow the doctors' instructions to take it easy, even though 'taking it easy' is not, I would presume, an easy task for you. The definition of what it is to fight is different for everyone. Sometimes fighting can simply be getting out of bed in the morning, or in your case," she smiled, "staying in it".
"You're fighting for your happiness and for your family when you lean on Andrea, and you show the girls what a healthy relationship between adults looks like. And you're fighting Stephen by not giving in to his demands, because you don't want your girls to grow up in a world where they believe money can make people and problems go away; because while they might for the short term, their ghosts linger far after to shape our decisions. If this had happened, God forbid, to Caroline or Cassidy, would you want them to feel that their own well-being and happiness isn't worth the trouble of going through a trial?"
"Detective," Miranda began to speak, only to pause for a long moment as she debated internally whether or not to reveal to yet another person one of the many cracks and flaws that were otherwise hid beneath the glossy, polished veneer of 'Miranda Priestly'.
"You said you've dealt with countless victims," she struggled with the word, knowing that by using it she applied it to herself as well, "Women, oftentimes with children fathered by their attacker, married, known or otherwise. And in that number, surely women that found themselves pregnant by their attacker and for whatever the reason or circumstance, kept the baby. What I'm asking is how…do they…are they ever," she fumbled with the words until exhaustion and emotion made her blurt out what she was really thinking.
"What if I can't love them?"
Olivia saw the desperation and agony of the question flash across the older woman's features as she subconsciously wrapped her arms around her abdomen and her struggle to return her features to some semblance of neutrality so that the intense fear that filled her being didn't show.
"I'm terrified that I'm going to look at these innocent babies and all I'll be able to see is Stephen and have them be a constant reminder."
"These babies aren't a reminder of something that happened in the past, Miranda. They're a reason to move forward and a promise that there is life and happiness in your future. Do you look at your daughters and think of their father's infidelities or the dissolution of your first marriage and the pain it caused you?"
"Of course not," Miranda replied huskily.
"Have you talked to Andy about this? Does she know you've been feeling this way?"
Miranda closed her eyes, her mouth set grimly. "I'm afraid neither of us has been very good lately at talking or listening to one another…and I'm equally fearful she's finally realized what she's gotten herself into, the life she's trapped herself in by agreeing to marry me."
"If you believe that to be true, Miranda, then perhaps your fears are correct and you shouldn't be together in any way…But my God, Miranda. What I've seen, both in the precinct, the court, and now in the hospital…that girl loves you more than anything. There is nothing of herself she wouldn't give to save you one moment of pain, even if she herself is sometimes the cause of it."
Olivia reached out to Miranda. "This is all new to her, the press, kids, more kids on the way, a fiancée? While it's stressful for you, in one sense it's still familiar. For her, feeling as though she needs to protect you and not knowing how - all while dealing with these aspects of her 'new' life? That's a lot of stress on her as well. And you can't ask her not to feel responsible, or protective, because that's not the way 'real' love works. And in many ways, I think this is the first relationship for both of you that doesn't just have moments of, but is based in real love. She doesn't want to put that stress on you so she falls back into 'assistant' mode just as you revert to the 'ice queen' when you feel unsure in a situation. So if she's not talking, it's because she's taken on the role of your protector, and there is nothing you could do or say otherwise that can change that. She may go overboard, but there's a halfway point that you two have to figure out where to meet. You have to let her show you what you mean to her because she knows the emptiness and falseness of words just as surely as you do, being in the journalism and publishing industries."
Standing once more by the window, Miranda ducked her head in acknowledgement of the detective's words but didn't meet her eyes, instead leaning against the glass and looking out over the city.
Seeing that this was all the emotional outpouring the editor was planning for the day, Olivia stood to leave, and had just turned the door handle when a whispered 'thank you' met her ears that came from the other end of the darkened room.
The door opened immediately following Detective Benson's departure and Miranda gave a huff of frustration at the revolving door her supposedly 'private' hospital suite had become for any and all manner of nurse or doctor or law enforcement official or PR representative. But it wasn't any of those, although she could hear the deep boom of Leslie's voice from the hallway where she waited, having arrived during Miranda's conversation with Olivia. It was a familiar figure who came through the door, and Miranda found herself flying towards the younger woman and connecting their lips violently as Andrea's back hit the door.
Andy had caught Miranda by the waist as she had thrown herself at her, and now her grip tightened and lengthened as she automatically opened her arms to hold Miranda close as the older woman pressed herself against Andy as though she could fuse their bodies into one
"Hey, hey, what's the matter?" Andy managed to ask, pulling her close again and rubbing circles on her back as she calmed enough to lift her head from the younger woman's chest. Brown eyes took her breath away even as she paused to regain it before taking the brunette's lips again, less forcefully this time, but with the same desperation of purpose.
"I'm sorry," she croaked out hoarsely. "I, I let you take the blame, Andrea because I was so scared of being the one responsible for hurting my family - again. I'm sorry." She looked into the younger woman's eyes once more. "I love you, Andrea. Only you and ever only you and you need to know that regardless of any future events or any foolish behaviour on my part. I love that you take such care with me, and the babies, and that you love the girls like they were your own…"
Overwrought, and still breathless from the kiss Miranda paused, and Andy took the opportunity to break in.
"Miranda, the girls - Cass, Caro…they ARE my own. From the minute you placed that ring on my finger if not the minute I answered the phone the night Stephen attacked you…You are my family, Miranda. You never have to worry that I will look elsewhere or choose otherwise. I shut the door on my own parents because I thought there was a chance they might do or say something to hurt you or the girls. I'm not leaving, Miranda. I'm not leaving because I'm already home.
Fuelled by hormones and sheer, dumb exhaustion that made her limbs feel as though they were made of lead, Miranda tried to stop the silent tears that streamed unchecked down her face. Meeting Andy's lips once more, Miranda moved to hide her face in her favourite spot on Andy's shoulder. "I'm sorry darling, I - "
"No, no, no, listen to me. No more apologies, not for this. I was immature and insensitive and I acted like a spoiled brat, martyring myself when I didn't get my way. And maybe if I had dealt with it like an adult, you could have avoided some of the stress and pressure I know has been building at work by finding refuge at home. But with the girls with their father, and me not being a partner to you you didn't have anyone to lean on so you fell."
Now Miranda glared at Andy, "That isn't true, Andrea. Dr. Jansen warned us from the beginning that this was a possibility, it is NOT because of you and it certainly isn't your fault."
"Maybe, maybe not," Andy replied evenly. "And I have to live with not knowing if it was me or my actions that brought this about or made it worse…but Miranda," Andy tightened her hold slightly and traced her fingertips over the flower patterns on the silk covering Miranda's stomach. "I don't ever want you to hurt, because of me or because of anything else. If I could draw a circle around you that no one else could get through I would."
"Darling, that's a beautiful thought, but I'm afraid it's not a realistic one. A certain amount of pragmatism has to go into a relationship lest it turn a Gatsby-esque imitation of a life where none of us reaches that green light."
"Whatever that green light is, Miranda, whatever you're searching for…just please tell me, tell me what's going on in your head so that I can share that load with you, even if I don't fully understand it. Miranda Priestly, you are a beautiful enigma, and no matter how long I live I don't dare to think that I'll ever be able to 'solve' you completely. But I so desperately want to spend that time and that life trying if you would let me. You ask if I want this? I gave you my answer when you gave me this ring. And that circle I mentioned earlier? When I said I wished I could put one around you? Well this is the best I can do."
And with that, Andy held up an engagement ring that would have left even 'THE' Miranda Priestly breathless, considering the real Miranda was having trouble breathing even thinking about the possibility that Andrea was proposing despite the fact they had talked about it previously. Tiny glittering diamonds were so intricately woven and twisted together that surrounding the larger 2 and a half carat, pear-cut center stone, the ring looked as though it were frosted until it tapered to smooth, gleaming platinum.
"Andrea…" Miranda paused, unsure how to phrase the question delicately. "What, how m -"
"Everything, Everything I own, because I know, and I trust that this is going to work. That we are going to be together and that neither of us will ever let the other fall again. I'm all in."
"It's not a matter of again, Andrea, because I've never felt like this. No one, no one has ever done for what you have. Not only today and with this ring, but all along. You knew, even before I did, what I wanted and what I needed and you chose for yourself as well as for me. And whether or not it was the right choice for you, it was always exactly what I didn't know I was looking for. I've always been looking for something, something better, something more. But I look at you and I'm at peace, I'm content - not merely satisfied, but hopelessly grateful. So yes, Andrea, I will marry you, because nothing could make me happier than being able to call you my wife."
Andy registered briefly in the moments before that pouncing on a woman who was in the hospital was likely not the brightest of ideas, but that knowledge didn't stop her in that moment. Nothing could have as she fitted the ring past her knuckle before she threw herself towards Miranda.
"Oh my God, it's like something out of Looney Tunes!" Dr. Jansen exclaimed from the door, Miranda's monitors all showing dramatic increases in heart rate and decreased oxygen levels and lung function.
"What is it with you two?"
Breaking apart from their embrace and the somewhat more than slightly suggestive positions they were in given that Andy was still crouched over Miranda, one knee between her legs to balance herself as the older woman pulled her head down so that their lips could meet.
"I leave the room for two seconds and you set her heart rate monitor off by kissing her?
"Umm," Andy looked slightly sheepish whereas Miranda merely raised a gloating eyebrow as she rubbed her stomach in lay satisfied circles while she listened to the young woman try to explain.
"Umm…We're engaged?"
"Weren't you already engaged?"
"Ehh…"
"Partly…" Miranda offered with a regal tilt of her head before her features cracked into a smile, completely charmed as Andy brought Miranda's left hand to her lips.
"I was," Andy held up her left hand to show her ring. "And now I've returned the favour."
Dr. Jansen whistled through her teeth as she examined the glittering pave band. "Your sense of romantic aesthetic needs a little work kid," she leaned over to peer at the ring Miranda was happily flaunting. "But I'll give you credit for the ring, it's a beauty."
"It reminded me of a compass point - " Andy's gaze returned to Miranda's as she spoke. "And no matter where or what angle you or anyone looks at it, it's always going to point to home and to my heart's true desire."
"Really Andrea, I hope you don't write such dross in your columns," Miranda sniffed, trying to cover her tears with the cutting comment.
But Andy only laughed and leaned in to kiss Miranda once again, causing the older woman to turn her head back to face the younger woman, unable to deny herself the pleasure of kissing Andrea.
"Nope, I save all that for you."
"Hmph…as you should."
"My God, would you two give it a rest? You're going to give ME high blood pressure if you continue at this rate." Dr. Jansen just shook her head and signed off on Miranda's chart, slipping the clipboard back over the foot of the bed. "Take her home, Andy."
"What about the press?"
"Is Stephen still here?" Miranda questioned the doctor, glancing in the direction of the nurses' station as though she could see through the wall to where her former husband had thrown a fit less than an hour ago and where her current, and only - ever to be fiancée was at the moment paying the hospital fees.
"Security escorted him from the building after he raised his voice. I instructed them to send him out through the back doors, but after so many years of chasing after 'Brangelina' and the like it would seem the press have finally caught on to that particular trick.
Miranda nodded, her gaze still distant as she worried the hem of her blouse, tugging it down over her stomach repeatedly.
"I'll call you this evening to check in, and we can schedule an at-home visit for the day after tomorrow to make sure your body is responding to the treatment and the medications properly. But if you start cramping again, you need to come into the hospital immediately. The meds are designed to help lower your blood pressure, and if they work too well you may find you're feeling dizzy or lightheaded so be extremely careful around the stairs while taking this and no 4 inch Pradas. Do I make myself clear?"
"Absolutely," a voice came from the door and Miranda turned to find Andy leaning against the doorframe. She grinned at Miranda, "Ready to go home gorgeous?"
Miranda scoffed, but her hands moved away from the hem of her shirt and she was holding herself less stiffly than before, Dr. Jansen noted with approval. Maybe this could have a happy ending after all, she mused as she watched the silent interaction between the two women.
"Now, as to how we're going to get you out of here…" A rather wicked grin formed on Dr. Jansen's lips. "I think I have a solution to that."
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