A Flawed Fragility: Chapter 29 (for the 5th Annual Poke the Dragon Ficathon) Part 2

[theladyholl]

Author: TheLadyHoll
Pairing: Andy/Miranda
Rating: M
Disclaimer: Yes, they are mine. I own them. Come to me my pretties and dance, DANCE I SAY. Or, more truthfully, not...

Chapter 29: Pressured (Pt. 2)


"Get out."

Miranda's voice was hoarse, but the edge was unmistakeable as her tone iced over and any camaraderie there had been between the two women moments before was gone, replaced by a cold fury Andy knew to be fueled by fear.

Dr. Jansen inclined her head gracefully, even as she kept Miranda's stare evenly and left the room, Andy hot on her heels from her place at the door where she'd been listening silently to the exchange after she had moved off the bed so Dr. Jansen could adjust it properly for Miranda to lay on her side.

"Well that went less than optimally."

"Because you didn't think that would upset her?!"

"Andy, there's a time for kid gloves and there's a time for the blunt truth. If we hadn't gotten her pressure down when we did, her water could have broken or we would have had to induce labour as the only way to stop the preeclampsia, and you would be in there right now holding her hand as she was forced to give birth to two dead infants and praying she didn't go into an eclamptic seizure before she could deliver them."

In her mind, Andy saw Miranda's face, contorted in pain as she pushed, her hands tightly entwined with Andy's as she sat behind her only to have her grip slacken and the doctor to place a still, too still, too small bundle of blankets into her arms.

Andy shook her head to clear the picture from her head and turned her focus to the vending machine she was now attempting to purchase a no doubt disgusting cup of coffee from.

When she came back, she paused at the door. The drugs had finally knocked Miranda out and she was sleeping, peacefully for the moment. She hadn't realized how much she'd missed even watching the older woman sleep.

Andy's coffee was lukewarm by the time Dr. Jansen returned with Miranda's test results, and the doctor paused beside the young woman who was still standing in the middle of the room, lost in her own thoughts.

"I forget who she is," Andy spoke in a low voice, her gaze never moving from the unconscious form. "What she's done to become 'Miranda Priestly'…She's right, I am young, and naïve and inexperienced in so many ways she's not. But I know, more than anything else and in a way that is never going to change, that I love her. That is my truth. It's what I know for sure, apart from anything else."

"Andy, the page I received just now at the nurse's desk… I'm being called to the stand. Stephen's lawyer sent over the paperwork this morning. They want me to testify that Miranda's actions and behaviour during this pregnancy have put their children at risk and show her to be an unfit mother.

Andy immediately thought of Caroline and Cassidy and their decision to extend their stay with their father and felt sick to her stomach. If the press or if Stephen were to find out that particular fact, they might as well hand the trial to them. It was killing Miranda that her babies were hurting, but at the same time she knew she had to do what was best for her other babies, whose condition was so much more tenuous and whose fates indeterminate.

"What are you going to say?" Andy asked in a low tone, leaning against the railing of the bed and looking straight ahead, avoiding the other woman's gaze.

"The truth," Dr. Jansen replied shortly. "I can't and won't commit perjury and endanger all of my mothers and clients by losing my license and my practice."

Andy bit back a sob, her cheek twitching even as she continued to stare resolutely forward.

"Andy, I don't blame Miranda for this. The odds are stacked against her a million ways, least of all herself. I always try to have hope, but given the circumstances surrounding this pregnancy I was not optimistic about its success. She has been incredibly strong throughout an incredibly difficult couple of months, and there isn't a single doubt in my mind that's due in considerable part to your presence in her life. So do I think these babies are going to be born into a loving home and a safe environment? Absolutely. If you ask me, these babies couldn't be born to a set of parents who would love them more, or who would do more for them."

Dr. Jansen laid her hand on Andy's forearm. "I promise you, Andy, that we are going to do everything possible so that Miranda is able to carry these babies as close to term as possible and these babies are born healthy to a healthy mother. So in giving you the long answer, no I will not perjure myself on the stand. I will tell the truth as I have seen it to be in my interactions with the defendant."

"Thank you," Andy turned to the other woman, eyes brimming with tears she stubbornly refused to let fall. She'd done enough of that over the last 48 hours.

"Hey, beautiful," Andy whispered as the blue eyes flickered open, lashes still wet with tears dark against the too pale cheeks. "How are you feeling?"

"Andy," Miranda whispered, holding the younger woman's palm to her cheek and sighing as her eyes fluttered closed once more before flying open.

"The babies. Andrea, the babies, I can't feel them. What happened to the babies?" the older woman's panic showed on the surrounding heart monitors and Dr. Jansen somehow managed to be at the door in seconds.

"How are they?" Miranda demanded, her eyes flicking quickly between the monitor and the auburn haired doctor.

"Your babies are fine, Miranda," Dr. Jansen soothed, her voice gentle now as she tried to reassure the scared and exhausted mother as Andy crawled up on the bed and behind her, wrapping Miranda in her arms. "See?" she pointed to a dual screen monitor. "Two heartbeats, completely in line with what we've seen with their development so far. The medication just knocked them out too," she gave a small smile.

Miranda's gaze stayed resolutely on the monitors while Andy reached around Miranda and laid her hands on the bump. Dizzy again, but this time with the relief of Andrea's touch, Miranda clung to the brunette form as though trying to climb into her as she entwined their bodies while maintaining her outwards mask of cool indifference.

Miranda felt her racing heart slow as her tired mind registered everything around her. Andrea. Andrea was here. She hadn't left. Her babies were still inside her. Something tugged at her wrist and she looked down to see an IV port and tubing in her right arm.

"How's the headache, Miranda? Any improvement?"

"Better," Miranda replied, her voice still thick with sleep and drugs as she accepted the glass of water Andrea was now offering from the side table and brought it to her lips although her hand shook slightly.

"Good, it should continue to ease up as your blood pressure continues to go down. That's one of the signs of developing eclampsia, an excruciating headache or searing pain caused by the sheer volume of blood being forced to your head. The other factor you'll need to watch out for that you're already aware of is swelling of the feet, face and extremities and the dizziness or vertigo."

"But onto you, Miranda, because that's what's going to affect them most and give them the best chance at survival from here on out."

Miranda stiffened slightly at the insinuation and being reminded of their earlier conversation before she had ordered the woman out of the room.

"Are you feeling any more contractions?" Dr. Jansen studied a pattern on one of the screens and pressed lightly on the sides of Miranda's stomach, satisfied as she felt the muscle pliant underneath her fingers.

"Today, along with a sedative to control your blood pressure, we gave you a mixture of saline and other nutrients to treat the dehydration and anemia along with an injection of terbutaline to stop the contractions and a mild steroid to promote maturity in the babies' lungs in case they are born prematurely. The biggest factor in whether or not these babies make it is your ability to stay calm and rested and keep your blood pressure under control. Pre-eclampsia is not a condition you mess around with, and we don't want to have to deliver these babies early to save your life."

"So what happens next?" Andy queried.

"Since it's already 11, we're going to play it safe and keep Miranda overnight and monitor her and the babies to make sure her blood pressure continues to go down and the babies haven't suffered any lasting damage from the episode. Then tomorrow, Miranda, I'll sign off on your release from the hospital provided you agree to a week of bed rest."

"A week? But surely if my blood pressure has returned to an acceptable level I can resume my regular activities."

"Your regular activities are what put you here today, Miranda. You live a high-stress lifestyle, it sounds like both your work and personal life are in some turmoil, and at 26 weeks the babies are going to hit a growth spurt soon that your body will find nearly impossible to accommodate, given your stature and a diagnosis of TTS."

Miranda still didn't look entirely convinced, and her lips pursed slightly even as she wriggled back into her warm, cushion whose hands immediately resumed their gentle petting. She looked down at her swollen stomach, placing her hands on it as she felt a stirring that meant the sedative was beginning to fully wear off in her bloodstream.

She turned to Andrea, hiding her face from Dr. Jansen as uncertain tears threatened to fall. "I, Andrea, the board is reviewing me. Irv finally convinced them, I, I can't leave now…" Hidden from anyone but her, Miranda's eyes begged Andrea to understand.

"What kind of bed rest are you suggesting?" Andy turned her gaze back to the doctor.

"I want complete bed-rest for the first day or so. That means no work, period, and only getting out of bed to use the bathroom. After that, we can reduce the restriction to spending part of the time on the couch with your feet up, and not being on your feet longer than 30 minutes. For the last three days you can begin to work from home and stay on your feet for longer periods of time so long as they're not swollen, adding in light yoga or short walks to avoid blood clots from forming in your legs. By the end of the week, if your blood pressure has remained satisfactory, with no major fluctuations, I'll allow you to go back to work with the promise that you will take breaks when you need them and have and USE the option to nap or rest for an hour in the middle of the day and take the time to eat a proper lunch." Dr. Jansen listed off the conditions for Miranda's bed rest.

"Does that sound doable?"

Miranda inclined her head gently in assent, although by the set of her lips she wasn't overly happy with the conditions set. Dr. Jansen caught this and began speaking again as she scribbled something on her clipboard.

"Otherwise, I am perfectly comfortable to mandate a week of strict bed-rest, part of it in-hospital."

"That won't be necessary, Doctor," Miranda relented slightly, her hands still protectively encircling her stomach. "While I can't say the same for myself, the well-being of my children comes before anything else."

"We'll make it work," whispered Andy.

"I know I've made the rules fairly specific," Dr. Jansen continued, watching the interaction between the two women, "but the primary concern really is that Miranda's blood pressure not rise above a certain range. If it does, it puts her at risk for stroke, or blood clots or a heart attack or even a seizure, and we've already seen by today's events that the babies aren't able to tolerate that kind of stress. Once we get that under control, it will be safe for you to resume your normal activities," she shot a look at Miranda. "And by normal, I mean a modified work schedule and light exercise."

Glancing once more at the clock, Dr. Jansen surveyed the two women occupying the bed; the protective stance the younger woman had taken as she wrapped herself around the smaller form, and the way the lines in the latter's face smoothed out at the younger's touch and the tense lines in her body eased as she let herself be comforted, wrapped in the embrace.

"Miranda, I'm going to prescribe another round of IV fluids for you - the same combination as when you were admitted so I can be sure you're able to get some sleep tonight. I can't imagine you would otherwise," she raised a questioning eyebrow and Miranda nodded.

"Now you know the sedative's going to make you really groggy, and because of the fluid you'll likely need to use the bathroom during the night. So if you need to use the restroom, you MUST, and I mean MUST call the nurse's station by pressing the call button so that they can help you."

Miranda recoiled slightly and pushed herself further into Andy's embrace.

Dr. Jansen put a hand up. "Hear me out," she explained, "the sedative is going to make you groggy and disoriented, even more so if you wake while the full dose is still circling through your bloodstream. You'll be lightheaded and unsteady on your feet, and the last thing you need in your condition is a bad fall."

Miranda felt Andy's hands curl around her belly protectively, followed by a flare of warmth inside as soft, red lips pressed themselves to the back of her neck.

"Now there's a handrail in the bathroom, so I'm not going to insist that a nurse be with you inside the bathroom, but you'll absolutely need help detaching yourself from the IV and monitors and have someone there to help you across the room because, like I said, you'll be unsteady on your feet."

Miranda looked over at Andy, but Dr. Jansen intervened as she read the unspoken question in the air.

"Miranda, Andy can't stay with you tonight. For the most part, you'll be unconscious and won't even know she's there. For another thing, she's not going to get a wink of sleep tonight if she stays here and I think today has already aged her 5 years."

"That's unacceptable," Miranda tried to keep the wobble out of her voice. Andrea couldn't leave, she'd only just gotten her back. And Miranda couldn't even think of spending the night alone in the hospital, left to worry and wonder until she was so overwrought that another high blood pressure episode was almost inevitable. No, it was unacceptable that she not be in Andrea's arms tonight.

Andy was equally displeased with the doctor's decree. It had been her plan from the moment she stepped inside the hospital doors to get Miranda in her arms again and stay sentry through the night, a contingency monitor in addition to the bank that flanked Miranda's bedside. She wouldn't go against the doctor in front of Miranda though. It was imperative that Miranda listen to Dr. Jansen and follow her orders, so Andy couldn't be seen opposing or overstepping.

"I'll let you say your goodbyes then, I'll be back in about twenty minutes, Miranda, to change your IV. For some reason, my staff have all become mysteriously occupied with other tasks…" Dr. Jansen raised a knowing eyebrow, looking at Miranda and smirking before she left the room.

"Oh God, Miranda, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have yelled at you outside the restaurant. I've been so stupid and so angry for no reason -". The words spilled out of Andy's mouth as soon as the doctor had left and they were alone, but was quickly cut off by Miranda, who although her head still felt as if it were filled with bricks was determined to end the argument that had brought all this about in the first place.

"Would you stop blaming yourself for everything! My God, Andrea the fate of the universe does not rest on your shoulders nor are you responsible for the actions of another. Both of us let this stupid fight escalate into something truly hurtful and I was so focused on being angry with you that I neglected to recognize the signs for what they were."

Miranda raised her eyes with some degree of pain to look at the monitors - concentrating especially hard on the little wavy lines and pulses next to the letters A and B. "Or are you just apologizing because you're worried about the babies?"

"Miranda, I'm worried about YOU, I'm worried about my FAMILY. I don't want anything to happen to you OR the babies because of some stupid fight we're having…Do you know what that would do to me if it was my fault you were sick or hurt? That is exactly what I promised to prevent when I accepted this ring."

"I also recall you saying we were bound to hurt each other…"

"And I was right," Andy smiled sadly, picking up one of Miranda's hands and holding it to her forehead and then to her mouth. "And more than anything I wish that I wasn't right, or that I could promise we will always be happy but I can't, I won't lie to you Miranda because I need your trust. I need you to trust in me, and to trust in my love for you enough so that you know that everything I do, I do thinking of you, and our girls, and our baby boy and baby girl right here. Even when I'm not thinking at all and mess up and…"

"Andrea-" a warm voice cut her off now. "You're rambling…And I do, trust you that is, certainly more than I've ever trusted anyone else before. The presence of others has always been an irritating distraction, save for my girls, and on rare occasions, my ex-husbands and Nigel. But you Andrea, when I'm with you, when I'm in your arms, when I wake in the middle of the night and you've managed to roll me into an inescapable embrace and tangle of arms and legs…I don't feel the panic I always have, or feel smothered or trapped. I feel safe and sure. You often speak as though I'm the strong or the dominant one in this relationship. But you hold so much power, and I'll admit that scares me at times - but its power I have willingly given to you."

Her tone lightened slightly and she smiled wryly. "And power is not something Miranda Priestly relinquishes without a fight in most cases."

Andy's smile dimmed, and Miranda grew concerned. "Darling, what is it? Did I say someth-?"

"No! No, no, not at all," Andy pressed her lips to Miranda's temple before letting her head drop to Miranda's shoulder as she cursed herself for her next words.

Relieved for a moment until she realized there was still something that was distressing the younger woman, Miranda shifted in their embrace so that she could look Andrea in the eye.

"What is it?" she repeated, her voice soft now but the tone was different. Past being simply wary, Miranda's expression was cautiously grim.

Andy glanced back over at the monitors and sighed, rubbing her temples with one hand now as though she were the one with the headache and Miranda understood.

"Come here," she commanded, pulling Andrea down with a hand at her collar until they were lying nearly side by side on the cramped hospital bed. "I promise you, Andrea, I'll tell you to stop if I feel ill, and you can hear the monitors."

Miranda then placed Andy's free hand on her belly so she could feel the gentle movements of the babies and nestled her head underneath the brunette's chin so that she could hear the comforting rhythm of her heartbeat.

"When you said cases," Andy started, "I, earlier I spoke with Dr. Jansen and she told me that when she stepped out, she stopped at the nurses' desk to pick up any mail or messages." She paused, biting her lip nervously until she could feel Miranda growing impatient with the silence before continuing reluctantly.

"Stephen is calling Dr. Jansen to the stand. He wants her to testify that you are a danger to yourself and the babies and that your actions throughout the pregnancy indicate an inability to take care of a child or make the proper decisions regarding its welfare.

At this point, Andy stopped and looked down at Miranda. The editor had pressed her face even more firmly into Andrea's neck, a muscle jumping spasmodically in her neck and her grip tightening to an almost painful embrace as she stiffened in the younger woman's arms.

But Andrea also noticed that despite the reddened pallor of her face, Miranda was also taking deep breaths, breathing in through her nose and exhaling slowly through her mouth and Andy watched as the monitor printout showed a spike in blood pressure but was decreasing bit by bit. Andy began to move her hand where Miranda placed it on her belly and felt her sigh and some of the tension leave her body.

"I'm sorry…"

"No," Miranda interrupted her before she could finish her apology. "You needed to tell me, and I would have been angrier if you hadn't."

At that moment, Dr. Jansen burst back into the room, having been alerted when Miranda's heart rate monitor had registered a major spike. "What the hell?" The redhead looked between the two women for answers.

Miranda had startled when the doctor had burst in again, but she soon settled back against Andrea, all but hiding her face in the younger woman's neck as she silently pleaded for her to deal with the situation. Exhausted, emotional and ill as she was, the very last thing she wanted right now was to have a discussion about her shortcomings as a parent.

"What happened?"

Andy read Miranda's mind and tightened her embrace as she turned her face to the doctor. "Thursday's trial."

Dr. Jansen nodded grimly, not needing any further explanation. "I'm sorry you have to go through this, Miranda, especially under circumstances like these."

"So how do we proceed?" Andy wondered aloud. "We lose a large part of the sympathy vote if Miranda is absent from the trial and unable to defend herself, and yet if she shows up while supposedly on bed rest it will all but prove the point Stephen is trying to make." She felt a long sigh into her shoulder and her heart seized at the hopelessness she heard in it.

"I promise we'll make that sonofabitch pay, Miranda."

"Is it even worth it anymore?" Came the low, dull reply as she pushed herself weakly off Andrea's chest to look at the young woman. "What am I fighting for anyway? What did this start as? A divorce settlement, money; but look at the cost." She swung her hand towards the monitors and winced as the IV line tugged at her skin. "I give him the money he wants, this goes away. HE goes away. He wants nothing to do with the babies and if I drop the charges of assault, this all goes away and this madness ends. You heard Dr. Jansen, my actions, my feelings, the events in my life decide whether my children live or die," she grasped Andrea's hand. "And as much as I know you love them as your own, her voice hitched slightly and wavered as she squeezed Andy's hand for emphasis, "as much as they are your children too…ultimately because it is my body, and my seeming inability to control its responses means it is my responsibility and my say that will determine their future."

"Mir - "

"Please, please Andrea. No more of this, not tonight, I, I just want to protect them. Whatever answer or plan it is that provides that, I will follow. But I can't, I don't know what that plan is and I have wracked my brains trying to think of what I can do but -"

"Miranda…Miranda, Miranda," Andy tried to break the older woman out of her self-abusing reverie. "Baby, you have to start thinking in terms of 'we'. I know you are Superwoman Priestly and I respect that you are always going to need your space and your independence, but you are never going to be alone again. You are never going to have to carry the entire weight of this family only on your shoulders. You have people who love you, whom you can lean on and not fear the repercussions. Apart from me, obviously, you know Nigel loves you deeply and Doug adores you and I know he's going to adore the girls, and Emily has remained with you and stayed faithful all these years despite the abuse you put her through on a daily basis. You have a support system whether you want one or not. And then you have me, who would give anything, do anything to keep you from every hurting again and who desperately wishes that you would trust that you can lean on her.

"I do," Miranda's fingertips traced the young woman's cheek. "My God, Andrea, I do, more than any other. So many times in court and throughout the trial and the media craze you have held me up with your eyes and given me the strength to rally and continue. You have literally held me up when I've been sick and exhausted and rendered a shameful sodden mess and you have kept me standing when it seems the world would have me on my knees."

Andy swooped in for a passionate, desperate kiss that left both women breathless.

"But…" Miranda continued regretfully, begging Andrea with her eyes to understand, "Caroline and Cassidy have been put through enough with this trial. In fact, they've suffered as a result of all of my marriages, during and after. I have to protect them. And these babies, who haven't even had the chance to live. Can't I have a chance to bring them into the world in peace and in good health? I'm tired of this fear, Andrea, and at this point there is no price I wouldn't pay to have that peace of mind and that security. That much I can do for them Andrea, I can pay for their relative safety."

"But is that really what you're doing, Miranda?"

"What? Of course that's what I'm doing you foolish girl." Tempers flared, but Miranda was quick to recover. "Andrea, Andrea I'm sorry, I - I slipped and,"

"Shh, it's okay. I know everything's up in the air right now and that scares you more than you'd like to admit. Just don't shut me out okay?"

Miranda nodded her head up and down vigorously before she was quickly reminded of why she was lying in a hospital bed.

Andy saw Miranda go even more alarmingly pale after shaking her head and immediately felt guilty about starting such a heavy conversation when Miranda was in the hospital for high blood pressure.

Once Andy had convinced Miranda to let her adjust the bed, and Miranda was lying down comfortably, or at least in relative comfort given her condition, location and being Miranda, Andy smoothed a hand over her forehead, compelling Miranda to close her eyes. "I'll be right back, okay? I just have some more questions for Dr. Jansen. Try and let yourself sleep."

This time Miranda managed a tiny nod and Andy rearranged the blankets on the bed one more time before leaving the private suite.

Dr. Jansen was just turning the corner when Andy managed to catch up with her.

"How's our patient?" the woman smiled.

Andy opened her mouth to speak but all that came out was a strangled combination between squeak and sob.

"Andy, Andy, it's okay. We're gonna take good care of her. She might be stubborn but you and I both know she'll do anything for these babies. And if her blood pressure goes down and stays down then all we have to worry about is the TTS, and the babies are still inside sustainable limits for development. But you, you've got to take care of yourself as well. Those babies are going to need a lot of care once they're born - they don't need to start with two exhausted mamas."

Andy nodded. "Yeah, okay, I'm actually heading home now. You said the second IV injection would knock her out for at least 8 hours, yeah?"

Dr. Jansen nodded, "She'll be out cold for the next 6-8. Can you promise me you'll try and fit in some shut-eye of your own in that time frame?"

Andy smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes. They were focused on the room a few doors back.

"I'll try, but you'll call if -"

"I will call you myself if anything changes on those monitors, okay? Scouts honor."

Andy couldn't resist going back to Miranda's room to see her before she left. Expecting her to be asleep from the potent combination of drugs, Andy was surprised to see the editors eyes blink sleepily open as she let the door close gently behind her.

" 'Drea," Miranda slurred slightly, her eyes unable to open fully. Andy saw the faint movement of Miranda's fingers and she came closer to the bed and took her hand.

"Hey beautiful, they're just giving you some more medicine to help you get some rest, okay. And I'm going to be right here when you wake up."

"Mmm," Miranda eyelids drooped even further although Andy could tell she was trying to fight it and she reached for one of the failproof tricks she had in her repertoire and started to gently rub her belly, causing the editor to make the low involuntary hum Andy had missed hearing over the past few days she'd spent away from Miranda. Now Miranda made another attempt at speech, but Andy cut her off with a kiss on the lips.

"Shh, sleep sweetheart, you need it so badly."

Finally, Miranda succumbed to the drugs and her own exhaustion and the swollen, puffy eyelids fluttered shut and stayed closed. With a final look at the monitors and at her love sleeping peacefully, Andy left the maternity ward of New York Presbyterian.

She had already texted Nigel and Emily and Doug and her editor respectively about what had happened, and the two former each immediately sprung into crisis mode after being assured by Andy that Miranda was going to be fine, and it really was just a scare.

"Six, promise me you're going to get some sleep tonight," Nigel chided gently. "God knows Miranda on bed rest is going to be hell."

"I will," Andy lied blatantly. "There's just one more call I have to make."

"I'll let you go then," Nigel finished. "But take care of yourself Andy."

"G'night, Nige - I'll talk to you tomorrow."

She punched in a number from a dog-eared business card.

"Hey," her voice cracked again and she struggled to stay on topic instead of breaking down completely. "I need you to do something for me…"

So? she shamelessly begs her readers like some small excitable breed of dog...