it's long, sorry, but i think it's worth it?
high school's a funny place. these peers of mine (peers in the sense of us all being fellow pupils of more or less the same age, though i could hardly consider them my peers)are entirely too immature. the other day i was making fun of how sophomoric middle school students' mannerisms are and then shortly thereafter realized that the same incidences take place at the high school. we (as in the general high school student. i, of course, being the narcissist i am[...or i having great hubris maybe a better way to put it as i've not been diagnosed with narcissism]do not include myself in that 'we'. it's the never ending US vs. THEM motif)haven't matured at all in all these four or more years. we still hate other people exclusively on the basis of THEM hating us first...we hate people without any merit whatsoever. it's intense.
so, coincidentally, the only people who hate US are people who don't really matter as THEIR opinion has no real worth to US due to the fact that WE find THEM disagreeable and entirely too dispensable. in other words (and far less for that matter), THEIR opinion doesn't matter because WE don't like THEM. in relation to this fairly confrontational statement i've just made, i haven't heard of anyone hating ME or disliking ME really in any case where I didn't start it. that is to say, I hated THEM first and now THEY're simply returning the 'favour', as it were.
for some reason i cannot figure out why this is. i am, in no way, the most agreeable person THEY have ever met. far from it, in fact. i have been trying all morning to find some sort of understandng as to why people still like me. i seem to defy the above statement of hating people who hate you, in MOST cases anyway. it's incredibly difficult trying to figure out why people like you, far more difficult than figuring out why they don't like you. and i imagine that i should just give up, shut up, and take it. what the hell am i complaining about? but i'm confused and searching, thus i can't help but ask that 'why' question that apparantly gets on everyone's nerves.
so, this is what i've come up with, however not all of them are anywhere near true, i'm sure. some are completely 'out there', as they say, but they are reasons nonetheless. so here they are, in no particular order.
firstly. i am, by some sort of a stretch, perhaps the biggest jerk in school, at least pertaining to this very handsome gender of ours. this, in any normal case, would provide the general public at our dear high school with reason enough to find me wholly disagreeable. i'm a sarcastic, hypocritical, sell-out bitch; it doesn't make sense that i have people who like me. oddly enough i seemingly do, and i'm not complaining. i quite enjoy being liked, however confusing it may be.
so, it only makes sense for me to come to the conclusion that i must have some real ace qualities which, in some regard, outweigh those bad qualities not limited to, but listed above. somehow (i don't know who is doing this math, but it must be erroneous)i have more positive virtues than negative vices, at least in the presence of anyone who counts, no pun intended, i meant those who hold a position of some sort of relevance to me; those who are not entirely dispensable.
secondly, and this has so kindly been brought to my attention by brooke, i really just 'don't give a shit'(so tentatively put by Dickens). apparantly my lack of caring in certain key matters makes it hard for people to dislike me because, once again the US vs THEM motif comes up. i find that other people's opinions don't really matter all too much...this is high school, afterall, i'm not going to be around these people, for the most part, much longer. anyways, it seems that if you don't care whether or not people like you they seem to get discouraged and find no point in hating you. (is that about right, brooke?)
thirdly, and this may not be true, but i'm spectating; it's possible. people think they can get something from me or, more indirectly, from being around me. and this whole third theory is based on what various people have said to me about me, i'm not just narcissistically pulling this out of the air. apparently people think i'm cool and/or popular (seriously, this sounds like ego self-inflation, but it really isn't) and so people are trying to somehow benefit from that fact, however untrue it is. basically i'm being used because people mistook me for something else; i have no magic, there is no mojo, there's nothing to gain. anyways, they think that hanging out with me will make them cool by association...where people come up with such things, i have no idea.
i'll leave it at that. more to come providing i come up with any more reasons.
if you have any, let me know, i'd like to contemplate them.
so, coincidentally, the only people who hate US are people who don't really matter as THEIR opinion has no real worth to US due to the fact that WE find THEM disagreeable and entirely too dispensable. in other words (and far less for that matter), THEIR opinion doesn't matter because WE don't like THEM. in relation to this fairly confrontational statement i've just made, i haven't heard of anyone hating ME or disliking ME really in any case where I didn't start it. that is to say, I hated THEM first and now THEY're simply returning the 'favour', as it were.
for some reason i cannot figure out why this is. i am, in no way, the most agreeable person THEY have ever met. far from it, in fact. i have been trying all morning to find some sort of understandng as to why people still like me. i seem to defy the above statement of hating people who hate you, in MOST cases anyway. it's incredibly difficult trying to figure out why people like you, far more difficult than figuring out why they don't like you. and i imagine that i should just give up, shut up, and take it. what the hell am i complaining about? but i'm confused and searching, thus i can't help but ask that 'why' question that apparantly gets on everyone's nerves.
so, this is what i've come up with, however not all of them are anywhere near true, i'm sure. some are completely 'out there', as they say, but they are reasons nonetheless. so here they are, in no particular order.
firstly. i am, by some sort of a stretch, perhaps the biggest jerk in school, at least pertaining to this very handsome gender of ours. this, in any normal case, would provide the general public at our dear high school with reason enough to find me wholly disagreeable. i'm a sarcastic, hypocritical, sell-out bitch; it doesn't make sense that i have people who like me. oddly enough i seemingly do, and i'm not complaining. i quite enjoy being liked, however confusing it may be.
so, it only makes sense for me to come to the conclusion that i must have some real ace qualities which, in some regard, outweigh those bad qualities not limited to, but listed above. somehow (i don't know who is doing this math, but it must be erroneous)i have more positive virtues than negative vices, at least in the presence of anyone who counts, no pun intended, i meant those who hold a position of some sort of relevance to me; those who are not entirely dispensable.
secondly, and this has so kindly been brought to my attention by brooke, i really just 'don't give a shit'(so tentatively put by Dickens). apparantly my lack of caring in certain key matters makes it hard for people to dislike me because, once again the US vs THEM motif comes up. i find that other people's opinions don't really matter all too much...this is high school, afterall, i'm not going to be around these people, for the most part, much longer. anyways, it seems that if you don't care whether or not people like you they seem to get discouraged and find no point in hating you. (is that about right, brooke?)
thirdly, and this may not be true, but i'm spectating; it's possible. people think they can get something from me or, more indirectly, from being around me. and this whole third theory is based on what various people have said to me about me, i'm not just narcissistically pulling this out of the air. apparently people think i'm cool and/or popular (seriously, this sounds like ego self-inflation, but it really isn't) and so people are trying to somehow benefit from that fact, however untrue it is. basically i'm being used because people mistook me for something else; i have no magic, there is no mojo, there's nothing to gain. anyways, they think that hanging out with me will make them cool by association...where people come up with such things, i have no idea.
i'll leave it at that. more to come providing i come up with any more reasons.
if you have any, let me know, i'd like to contemplate them.