trouble...
its funny how some people turn out exactly how you think they will. exactly. like you could peg it. in two years, they'll be a drunk still always trying to be the center of attention. and look at that. that's probably really critical and it sounds really judgmental to me. but i just get discouraged by that because they don't have to be. i wonder if i'm exactly how people thought i would be four years later.
i've been having trouble sleeping. running into some anxiety attacks late at night. probably because there's stuff that i need to get done and i haven't. and i'm afraid to do it and then it all hits me at night what i'm doing to myself. and i'm afraid that i can't get over my fear. really its a vicious cycle. with the ultimate point being that i can't sleep. i guess that's good to know that i can't sleep if things aren't resolved in my life. that way the rest of the time i guess things have been pretty good.
i'm feeling like i don't know what's going on in anyone's lives.
i'm just waiting for someone else to pass it back to me.
i was telling someone that i was best friends with when i was in 1st grade and now she's way cool and i'm way not but our families are still friends and we're both nice enough people that we at least will talk to each other if we're in the same room. i was telling her about how this summer i was gonna be going to a bunch of weddings which i am and she and her mom were like you have friends getting married? and i thought that was such a strange comment.
it was then that i realized i had been inside baylor world for way too long.
and i realized that despite the fact that my way cool ex-best friend was way cool and has had many boyfriends, she's not getting anywhere right now. so hey, that's one less person making me feel incompetent in my relationships or lack thereof.
oh man, baylor will do that to ya. you gotta watch out for that. it'll make you think you need to get married at 22 or 23 and if you don't, what's wrong with you?
i mean seriously.
i met this lady today. actually she did my nails. and she used to be a math teacher in vietnam. and now she's been here for maybe thirty years. and she works at the nail place and has three kids and has cancer. she was really interesting. i don't think she did the best job ever on my nails but i'm gonna go back anyway. she was nice enough and whatever. i don't need perfection.
haha. sorry. strange coming out of my mouth because i'm so ocd about some things. whatever. i guess i'm not at the clinical stage if i'm choosing people over perfection.
i guess i should try to get to sleep. before it seizes me and i have to take some tylenol pm or something just to fall asleep.
i've been having trouble sleeping. running into some anxiety attacks late at night. probably because there's stuff that i need to get done and i haven't. and i'm afraid to do it and then it all hits me at night what i'm doing to myself. and i'm afraid that i can't get over my fear. really its a vicious cycle. with the ultimate point being that i can't sleep. i guess that's good to know that i can't sleep if things aren't resolved in my life. that way the rest of the time i guess things have been pretty good.
i'm feeling like i don't know what's going on in anyone's lives.
i'm just waiting for someone else to pass it back to me.
i was telling someone that i was best friends with when i was in 1st grade and now she's way cool and i'm way not but our families are still friends and we're both nice enough people that we at least will talk to each other if we're in the same room. i was telling her about how this summer i was gonna be going to a bunch of weddings which i am and she and her mom were like you have friends getting married? and i thought that was such a strange comment.
it was then that i realized i had been inside baylor world for way too long.
and i realized that despite the fact that my way cool ex-best friend was way cool and has had many boyfriends, she's not getting anywhere right now. so hey, that's one less person making me feel incompetent in my relationships or lack thereof.
oh man, baylor will do that to ya. you gotta watch out for that. it'll make you think you need to get married at 22 or 23 and if you don't, what's wrong with you?
i mean seriously.
i met this lady today. actually she did my nails. and she used to be a math teacher in vietnam. and now she's been here for maybe thirty years. and she works at the nail place and has three kids and has cancer. she was really interesting. i don't think she did the best job ever on my nails but i'm gonna go back anyway. she was nice enough and whatever. i don't need perfection.
haha. sorry. strange coming out of my mouth because i'm so ocd about some things. whatever. i guess i'm not at the clinical stage if i'm choosing people over perfection.
i guess i should try to get to sleep. before it seizes me and i have to take some tylenol pm or something just to fall asleep.