The Quarterlife Crisis
Why not.
I'm not sure I'll ever find the type of consistency I used to have when writing in here as a teenager but right now I'll take what I can get. Here's the scoop: I'm 25 years old, I'm an accounting graduate with no accounting job, I'm dating a great girl 5 years the younger, My living situation is ever uncertain, I have a quarter tank of gas and I just dont seem to care to fill it up.
Lets start off easy. I still am having a difficult time accepting my current age. I feel weird being this old. I think mainly it is because I still think, act and feel like a 20 year old. I guess I shouldn't let that be an issue though. I used to always tell people older than me that its not how old you are, but how old you feel. So why the hard time? Well I think a huge contributing factor to my sour puss attitude is the fact that i really haven't made any progress in life since I was about 22. As a matter of fact, I was in a more stable scenario back then, rather than now. I could go through the endless list of what made that age so much more fruitful but it all becomes a blur and repetitive at one point. Lets just say it includes living an a lakeside house, partying just about everyday, living with friends, and absolute sense of solitude. My living situation now is quite different. Don't get me wrong - my mom is a great "roomie". She really doesn't bug me for much, and the house is a lot more tidy than when I was living with the boys. But living with Ma is still living with Ma no matter how you slice it. So there's that. Now, I am in talks with friends about moving out close to soon. But as most proficient salesman would tell you: "Its vapor until its paper."
Another quandary I've been dealing with is the fact that I graduated from college in June of last year, yet I have no leeway into a position that I majored in. Zip, no, nada, not even close. I will contest that I did not graduate with soaring accolades, so the possibility of being a shoe in was never in my cards. I do regret not trying to get into an internship or any type of summer program to get the experience that is so valuable even in entry level position nowadays. The main reason why I never too advantage was because of my success in sales while I was in college. My options were go to school and make little bucks while learning the accounting field first hand by training, orrr make 55k/year by doing a monkeys job. Which would you have chosen? Obviously now I'm kicking myself for not being "smarter" towards my future but that's life. So now I spent about everyday looking for entry level position and still not qualifying for most. Its truly frustrating, and whats even more interesting is that I know that if it takes too long to find a job, I'll eventually realize that analyzing financial statements for companies I do not own was never a passion of mine. So there's that too.
Now the real venting begins. So to be flat ass honest, I'm flat ass broke. I mean, I have enough money to eat out everyday, go out every weekend, pay $250 court fees for dumb driving, and hopefully move the hell out ASAP. BUT, I cant buy my girlfriend a nice gift without making the price tag the FIRST thing I see. I can't fix my car, I can't have a nice weekend getaway to Miami and go jet skiing and do all the nice fancy things I miss doing. That is on me. I blew it. Funny thing, I'm so conflicted on whether I should keep plugging away at applying for jobs I don't qualify for, or get back into sales and make money again. There are pros and cons to both, and I'm not interested in going into either because I've already dabbled this in my head 1000 times. I just would like to fucking not worry so much about a buck. Not be careless, but just be fair, live fairly. I need to make a decision promptly because as we have already discussed, time is not on my side.
Finally, on to my last issue.
Now, a journal post wouldn't be a proper journal post without a girl issue. As I prompted earlier, I am dating a girl 5 years younger than me. Why the sudden topic of age? Lets see, Its probably because I'm in love with this girl. At least I'm as certain as I can be about me being in love with her. The rarity here is that I haven't felt this strongly about a girl in what feels like a lifetime. My last girlfriend Rachel was 29/30 when we were dating, and she was a doll. Great girl but the entire time I was dating her I couldn't help but feel something missing. I was never 100% involved with the relationship which gave me reasons to believe that were never going to work out. There was no set expiration date on our demise but I knew it was inevitable. I essentially sabotaged our relationship through my lack of caring and need for attention via other girls. Every other relationship I've had wasn't too serious. Now flash forward to now. I am absolutely crazy for this girl, I can quite put my finger on it. I think about her all the time. Granted we've been dating for a week shy of 3 months, but we've been seeing each other close to 5. It actually quite scary, the other night I went off on her for being a little too friendly with a male co-worker she considers one of her best friends. I will announce my behavior was extreme, But the way she acted was no way kosher. I think my insecurities flare when I'm with her. So I go off like a fire alarm to know I'm still her guy. Anyway, we hashed it out but I'm still uneasy about the situation. Time will tell if I'm making a smart move by sticking with my feelings or if this was a huge mistake by me not being experienced with loving feelings. Its hard to fathom that even with all the experience I've had with girls/woman that this girl can make me act like this. Anyway, I would like to pledge my allegence to posting in here in a span that is less than 3 years (my last post). But alas time is the x factor in this process. Until then. Sorry for any bad grammar, It's been a while.
I'm not sure I'll ever find the type of consistency I used to have when writing in here as a teenager but right now I'll take what I can get. Here's the scoop: I'm 25 years old, I'm an accounting graduate with no accounting job, I'm dating a great girl 5 years the younger, My living situation is ever uncertain, I have a quarter tank of gas and I just dont seem to care to fill it up.
Lets start off easy. I still am having a difficult time accepting my current age. I feel weird being this old. I think mainly it is because I still think, act and feel like a 20 year old. I guess I shouldn't let that be an issue though. I used to always tell people older than me that its not how old you are, but how old you feel. So why the hard time? Well I think a huge contributing factor to my sour puss attitude is the fact that i really haven't made any progress in life since I was about 22. As a matter of fact, I was in a more stable scenario back then, rather than now. I could go through the endless list of what made that age so much more fruitful but it all becomes a blur and repetitive at one point. Lets just say it includes living an a lakeside house, partying just about everyday, living with friends, and absolute sense of solitude. My living situation now is quite different. Don't get me wrong - my mom is a great "roomie". She really doesn't bug me for much, and the house is a lot more tidy than when I was living with the boys. But living with Ma is still living with Ma no matter how you slice it. So there's that. Now, I am in talks with friends about moving out close to soon. But as most proficient salesman would tell you: "Its vapor until its paper."
Another quandary I've been dealing with is the fact that I graduated from college in June of last year, yet I have no leeway into a position that I majored in. Zip, no, nada, not even close. I will contest that I did not graduate with soaring accolades, so the possibility of being a shoe in was never in my cards. I do regret not trying to get into an internship or any type of summer program to get the experience that is so valuable even in entry level position nowadays. The main reason why I never too advantage was because of my success in sales while I was in college. My options were go to school and make little bucks while learning the accounting field first hand by training, orrr make 55k/year by doing a monkeys job. Which would you have chosen? Obviously now I'm kicking myself for not being "smarter" towards my future but that's life. So now I spent about everyday looking for entry level position and still not qualifying for most. Its truly frustrating, and whats even more interesting is that I know that if it takes too long to find a job, I'll eventually realize that analyzing financial statements for companies I do not own was never a passion of mine. So there's that too.
Now the real venting begins. So to be flat ass honest, I'm flat ass broke. I mean, I have enough money to eat out everyday, go out every weekend, pay $250 court fees for dumb driving, and hopefully move the hell out ASAP. BUT, I cant buy my girlfriend a nice gift without making the price tag the FIRST thing I see. I can't fix my car, I can't have a nice weekend getaway to Miami and go jet skiing and do all the nice fancy things I miss doing. That is on me. I blew it. Funny thing, I'm so conflicted on whether I should keep plugging away at applying for jobs I don't qualify for, or get back into sales and make money again. There are pros and cons to both, and I'm not interested in going into either because I've already dabbled this in my head 1000 times. I just would like to fucking not worry so much about a buck. Not be careless, but just be fair, live fairly. I need to make a decision promptly because as we have already discussed, time is not on my side.
Finally, on to my last issue.
Now, a journal post wouldn't be a proper journal post without a girl issue. As I prompted earlier, I am dating a girl 5 years younger than me. Why the sudden topic of age? Lets see, Its probably because I'm in love with this girl. At least I'm as certain as I can be about me being in love with her. The rarity here is that I haven't felt this strongly about a girl in what feels like a lifetime. My last girlfriend Rachel was 29/30 when we were dating, and she was a doll. Great girl but the entire time I was dating her I couldn't help but feel something missing. I was never 100% involved with the relationship which gave me reasons to believe that were never going to work out. There was no set expiration date on our demise but I knew it was inevitable. I essentially sabotaged our relationship through my lack of caring and need for attention via other girls. Every other relationship I've had wasn't too serious. Now flash forward to now. I am absolutely crazy for this girl, I can quite put my finger on it. I think about her all the time. Granted we've been dating for a week shy of 3 months, but we've been seeing each other close to 5. It actually quite scary, the other night I went off on her for being a little too friendly with a male co-worker she considers one of her best friends. I will announce my behavior was extreme, But the way she acted was no way kosher. I think my insecurities flare when I'm with her. So I go off like a fire alarm to know I'm still her guy. Anyway, we hashed it out but I'm still uneasy about the situation. Time will tell if I'm making a smart move by sticking with my feelings or if this was a huge mistake by me not being experienced with loving feelings. Its hard to fathom that even with all the experience I've had with girls/woman that this girl can make me act like this. Anyway, I would like to pledge my allegence to posting in here in a span that is less than 3 years (my last post). But alas time is the x factor in this process. Until then. Sorry for any bad grammar, It's been a while.