In between unreachable and impossible...
Evening J,
OK So I'm ready to spill my guts.
Today wasn't really one of my best days. I went to the doctor and had a short conversation. Which is normally a good thing. Tomorrow morning I'm going back to get some blood work done so they can check my liver and so I have a sense of security that I havent acquired any unwanted maladies. Anyway, so while my physician was inspecting my undercarriage I recceived several calls from Lindsey. She came home last night @ 3AM from NY. LJ, you dont know who Lindsey is but she is a girl I have been technically dating from a distance. The reason why I state technically is for the distance reason and that reason only. This is girl is great. I love everything about her but I cant engage in anything more then what we have because it would be entirely illogical for us to do that. We simply do not see each other enough to really consider one another as a boyfriend or girlfriend. And that sucks because of the fact that we are literally cheating ourselves and wasting time as insensitive as that sounds. It's vital for a couple to have interaction with one another especially when you are in the crucial phases of a relationship. This is considering we have only been seeing each other since January and the times we have seen each other have been when she has visited me down here for a few days and the one time I came to NY to see her. In short, it's extremely difficult to have a realistic relationship with someone you care about that you dont get to see on a regular basis. What happens is that your telephone conversations become the lifeline of your communication aside from texting and facebook and whatnot. But the problem surfaces when you cant get ahold of someone alot which she stated that was a big problems she was having with me. I work fulltime and go to school so it is hard to maintain a stong callback pattern. I admit i could try harder but thats only part of the problem. Another issues is that even when we are talking on the phone there is always going to be small interval of miscommunication where the convo is cut short and it appears to one person that the other wants to get off the phone because they are just tired of the telephone conversation. I mean a phone call can only go so far. I need touch, i need feel I need the realness. Its not cutting. The worst part is that I havent admitted any of this to myself outloud until just now. So here I am. writing about all of this just in a lathargic attitude because I didnt want this to happen. Lindsey is going to be here until Saturday morning. She wants to spend the next few days as if everything is going to be OK. I dont think I can do that. It's going to hurt too much when she leaves. And whats going to happen after? She mentioned to me that if we end things than she will basically have to cut communication or something of the sort because thats the only way she can ever get over someone is to completly cut them out of her life. Wow, what a concept. So I'm left with two options: The Unreachable, which is letting her go back to NY not as my girlfriend but as someone that I was once with and will have to cope with on a huge lack of communcation. OR The Impossible: Trying to make things work and staying togther as an item. Either alternative is fairly out of reach. If it were up to me I would try to make this work. I care enough about this girl to see where things may go. I dont want to let her go and just forget about her. I know she feels the same. But when reality hits I become aware that she will be in NY for 3 years at least. I'm not moving out of FL for another 2 years at least. So - that being said I can only confirm that time will tell our fate on how all of this will pan out. I'm sure you will be the first to know when that decision is concluded. Cheers.
OK So I'm ready to spill my guts.
Today wasn't really one of my best days. I went to the doctor and had a short conversation. Which is normally a good thing. Tomorrow morning I'm going back to get some blood work done so they can check my liver and so I have a sense of security that I havent acquired any unwanted maladies. Anyway, so while my physician was inspecting my undercarriage I recceived several calls from Lindsey. She came home last night @ 3AM from NY. LJ, you dont know who Lindsey is but she is a girl I have been technically dating from a distance. The reason why I state technically is for the distance reason and that reason only. This is girl is great. I love everything about her but I cant engage in anything more then what we have because it would be entirely illogical for us to do that. We simply do not see each other enough to really consider one another as a boyfriend or girlfriend. And that sucks because of the fact that we are literally cheating ourselves and wasting time as insensitive as that sounds. It's vital for a couple to have interaction with one another especially when you are in the crucial phases of a relationship. This is considering we have only been seeing each other since January and the times we have seen each other have been when she has visited me down here for a few days and the one time I came to NY to see her. In short, it's extremely difficult to have a realistic relationship with someone you care about that you dont get to see on a regular basis. What happens is that your telephone conversations become the lifeline of your communication aside from texting and facebook and whatnot. But the problem surfaces when you cant get ahold of someone alot which she stated that was a big problems she was having with me. I work fulltime and go to school so it is hard to maintain a stong callback pattern. I admit i could try harder but thats only part of the problem. Another issues is that even when we are talking on the phone there is always going to be small interval of miscommunication where the convo is cut short and it appears to one person that the other wants to get off the phone because they are just tired of the telephone conversation. I mean a phone call can only go so far. I need touch, i need feel I need the realness. Its not cutting. The worst part is that I havent admitted any of this to myself outloud until just now. So here I am. writing about all of this just in a lathargic attitude because I didnt want this to happen. Lindsey is going to be here until Saturday morning. She wants to spend the next few days as if everything is going to be OK. I dont think I can do that. It's going to hurt too much when she leaves. And whats going to happen after? She mentioned to me that if we end things than she will basically have to cut communication or something of the sort because thats the only way she can ever get over someone is to completly cut them out of her life. Wow, what a concept. So I'm left with two options: The Unreachable, which is letting her go back to NY not as my girlfriend but as someone that I was once with and will have to cope with on a huge lack of communcation. OR The Impossible: Trying to make things work and staying togther as an item. Either alternative is fairly out of reach. If it were up to me I would try to make this work. I care enough about this girl to see where things may go. I dont want to let her go and just forget about her. I know she feels the same. But when reality hits I become aware that she will be in NY for 3 years at least. I'm not moving out of FL for another 2 years at least. So - that being said I can only confirm that time will tell our fate on how all of this will pan out. I'm sure you will be the first to know when that decision is concluded. Cheers.