when you get here. it's so nice. it's just the part where you leave i don't like.
“i should have given you a reason to stay”
“i didnt mean to hurt you. im sorry that i made you cry.i was feeling insecure. you might not love me anymore. i was shivering inside. i was shivering inside. i didnt mean to hurt you. im sorry that i made you cry. didnt want to hurt you. ”
i miss you matt. i miss you because i know i can live without you. but i know i dont want to. i know that i cant laugh the same anymore. because i feel stupid laughing at stupid things without you there. you made me feel like it was okay to laugh at stupid things. i miss who i was when i was with you. i miss me. it seems selfish i know. but it was because of you, i was strengthened. the only way i natrually as a human know how to relate to someone or something is through myself. so im sorry if thats mistaken as selfishness. i miss putting my head on your shoulder in the subway car. now i sit by myself in the orange dirtied seat, surrounded by men who stare where i constantly feel scared that someone will just grab me one day. when you were there, i could sleep. again, this could seem selfish. but you were the shoulder i could lean on. because of you being there, i felt protected. and comforted. and i miss just standing next to someone who loved me like i love them. because no ones ever loved me before when i loved them. except, you. i miss when youd get excited about showing me the new story board, a new panel youve just created waiting for a second opinon. and maybe it didnt matter that you asked me, because you asked everyone. but i felt special, like my opinon mattered. i hate that i feel like i have to tell you why i miss you. and i dont have to tell you. but i cant think anymore because all i think about is how during the day ill think of something and want to call you. i wish you could feel the thoughts that go through my head. i FUCKING MISS YOU. cap locks, font 48, nothing would be able to emphasize how much i fucking miss you. when i say it outloud it HURTS. ITSJ UST LIKE OH MY FUCKING GOD I MISS YOU. and i want to feel okay again. and i want to know youre alive and okay. and i want to know you still care.and i want to be with you more than anything. and i wish i could take back what happened but i cant. i can only learn from what happened. and i know you think im immature. and i am, and maybe we’re not meant to be together but GOD I MISS YOU AND I WANT TO SEE YOU AND TALK TO YOU AND KISS YOU AND FUCKING HOLD YOU AND CRY REALLY HARD AND JUST LET ALL OF THIS GO. i wish you would let me talk to you. i wish you would stop blocking me on every screen name i own. i wish i wasnt afraid to tell you how much i miss you. i wish i wasnt afraid to contact you. i want to be with you for the rest of my life and never let you go. and i hate that you not talking to me is going to lead us into a huge long period of not contacting eachother. and then one day you're just goign to refer to me in a passing conversation as "a girl you once dated who cheated on you." or "the ex". and we're never going to talk again. and i'm so afraid i'm going to lose you forever. and i know ive lost you already but im trying so hard to pull you back in and i think im the only one trying. and one day. im going to give up. and then, nothing. it'll just be a memory. and if we ever did want to talk again it would be too weird to be friends anymore because we'd be so long away from eachother.
wow. i just cant do anything about this. i have no control. and its not that i dont have control that bothers me. im just bothered that i cant stop hurting. and i hate that every song makes me think of him. and i hate that no matter what i do with my time id rather be with him.
and i want to hold his hand. and i want him to kiss my knuckles. and i want to fall asleep next to him and wake up and realize everything thats happened was just a bad dream and know that i cant ever let him go again.
someone just fucking hand me a shot gun.
“i didnt mean to hurt you. im sorry that i made you cry.i was feeling insecure. you might not love me anymore. i was shivering inside. i was shivering inside. i didnt mean to hurt you. im sorry that i made you cry. didnt want to hurt you. ”
i miss you matt. i miss you because i know i can live without you. but i know i dont want to. i know that i cant laugh the same anymore. because i feel stupid laughing at stupid things without you there. you made me feel like it was okay to laugh at stupid things. i miss who i was when i was with you. i miss me. it seems selfish i know. but it was because of you, i was strengthened. the only way i natrually as a human know how to relate to someone or something is through myself. so im sorry if thats mistaken as selfishness. i miss putting my head on your shoulder in the subway car. now i sit by myself in the orange dirtied seat, surrounded by men who stare where i constantly feel scared that someone will just grab me one day. when you were there, i could sleep. again, this could seem selfish. but you were the shoulder i could lean on. because of you being there, i felt protected. and comforted. and i miss just standing next to someone who loved me like i love them. because no ones ever loved me before when i loved them. except, you. i miss when youd get excited about showing me the new story board, a new panel youve just created waiting for a second opinon. and maybe it didnt matter that you asked me, because you asked everyone. but i felt special, like my opinon mattered. i hate that i feel like i have to tell you why i miss you. and i dont have to tell you. but i cant think anymore because all i think about is how during the day ill think of something and want to call you. i wish you could feel the thoughts that go through my head. i FUCKING MISS YOU. cap locks, font 48, nothing would be able to emphasize how much i fucking miss you. when i say it outloud it HURTS. ITSJ UST LIKE OH MY FUCKING GOD I MISS YOU. and i want to feel okay again. and i want to know youre alive and okay. and i want to know you still care.and i want to be with you more than anything. and i wish i could take back what happened but i cant. i can only learn from what happened. and i know you think im immature. and i am, and maybe we’re not meant to be together but GOD I MISS YOU AND I WANT TO SEE YOU AND TALK TO YOU AND KISS YOU AND FUCKING HOLD YOU AND CRY REALLY HARD AND JUST LET ALL OF THIS GO. i wish you would let me talk to you. i wish you would stop blocking me on every screen name i own. i wish i wasnt afraid to tell you how much i miss you. i wish i wasnt afraid to contact you. i want to be with you for the rest of my life and never let you go. and i hate that you not talking to me is going to lead us into a huge long period of not contacting eachother. and then one day you're just goign to refer to me in a passing conversation as "a girl you once dated who cheated on you." or "the ex". and we're never going to talk again. and i'm so afraid i'm going to lose you forever. and i know ive lost you already but im trying so hard to pull you back in and i think im the only one trying. and one day. im going to give up. and then, nothing. it'll just be a memory. and if we ever did want to talk again it would be too weird to be friends anymore because we'd be so long away from eachother.
wow. i just cant do anything about this. i have no control. and its not that i dont have control that bothers me. im just bothered that i cant stop hurting. and i hate that every song makes me think of him. and i hate that no matter what i do with my time id rather be with him.
and i want to hold his hand. and i want him to kiss my knuckles. and i want to fall asleep next to him and wake up and realize everything thats happened was just a bad dream and know that i cant ever let him go again.
someone just fucking hand me a shot gun.