Words
So I had another weird out-of-body faux-meditation experience again. If any of you would care to read about the first, it's over here: http://silverbot-twice.livejournal.com/66555.html
So I was lying there, and trying to meditate myself to sleep, which I know is technically not meditation at all then but it's a lot better than my normal method of getting to sleep, which is Toss And Turn Violently Until You Are Physically Too Exhausted To Move And Pass Out. The TATVUYAPTETMAPO method has been giving me a shit ton of nightmares recently, and in light of that, pseudo-meditation (lying completely still with as blank a mind as possible until I am in physical pain or, again, pass out) it was!
Well, there's more to it than that, but just as a summary.
OBVIOUSLY it didn't work, because I'm writing this at two fifteen in the morning (or, as I like to call the period of time between two and eight am, Stupid O'Clock) BUT I did have another interesting experience that I need to share with you all now, or I'll forget it in the morning.
So. Lying there, all still and whatever, and then in my mind's eye or whatever I see my hand come up and run through my hair, and then my whole body--except for the head--just unzips, like a rubbery onesie. And a guy sits up and steps out.
His name was Jack, but don't ask how I know that.
He looked kind of like me, except his hair was curly and he didn't need glasses. He was wearing jeans and a red and black checked flannel shirt, quintessential lumberjack style. He stood up, ran a hand through his hair, then walked out the door and checked on my mom and brother in their rooms, to make sure they were safe. Aw, sweet. Looking out for my family.
Then he checked his hair in the bathroom mirror (vain, isn't he?) and went downstairs, and put on my winter boots--a pair of brown unisex things that look like you could hike in them. And then he went outside, in the middle of the road, and I kid you not started to dance. All ballet-like. And his voice just kind of psychically reverberated throughout the world, saying,
I am Jack,
And I am the headlights of an oncoming car in the night,
And I am the taste of the snow on the air in December,
And I am the song in your heart when you see Christmas lights.
And as he 'thought/said' each line, it kind of happened--a pair of cars on either side of the road magically passed through him, and it started snowing, and the neighbours' Christmas lights all started blazing.
And then he came back inside and up the stairs, and he picked up my head, which was still three-dimensional, and the attached skin-onsie, which was all crumply and flimsy since he wasn't in it anymore, and he cradled my head and rocked it like a baby and kissed my hair and said something along the lines of, "It's okay, you're doing fine. Even if you're just a head. You're a good head."
And then he put my head overtop HIS head, like part of a mascot costume, and even though for that whole period of time that I'd been having this vision thing I couldn't move, as soon as he adjusted my head and on his, I could. And I had a massive crick in my neck so I rolled over onto my side, and I looked at my clock and said to myself, "Dammit, that only took half an hour?"
I keep trying to emulate the feeling of calm I got when I listened to a guided meditation CD in the hospital--focus on the way it feels to breathe, let each thought come and go without dwelling, focus on each part of your body intensely and then let it 'melt away', etc. etc. I don't think I'm doing it right.
There are probably a million tense changes in this but whatever, it's Stupid O'Clock in the morning. I don't care.
---
T
So I was lying there, and trying to meditate myself to sleep, which I know is technically not meditation at all then but it's a lot better than my normal method of getting to sleep, which is Toss And Turn Violently Until You Are Physically Too Exhausted To Move And Pass Out. The TATVUYAPTETMAPO method has been giving me a shit ton of nightmares recently, and in light of that, pseudo-meditation (lying completely still with as blank a mind as possible until I am in physical pain or, again, pass out) it was!
Well, there's more to it than that, but just as a summary.
OBVIOUSLY it didn't work, because I'm writing this at two fifteen in the morning (or, as I like to call the period of time between two and eight am, Stupid O'Clock) BUT I did have another interesting experience that I need to share with you all now, or I'll forget it in the morning.
So. Lying there, all still and whatever, and then in my mind's eye or whatever I see my hand come up and run through my hair, and then my whole body--except for the head--just unzips, like a rubbery onesie. And a guy sits up and steps out.
His name was Jack, but don't ask how I know that.
He looked kind of like me, except his hair was curly and he didn't need glasses. He was wearing jeans and a red and black checked flannel shirt, quintessential lumberjack style. He stood up, ran a hand through his hair, then walked out the door and checked on my mom and brother in their rooms, to make sure they were safe. Aw, sweet. Looking out for my family.
Then he checked his hair in the bathroom mirror (vain, isn't he?) and went downstairs, and put on my winter boots--a pair of brown unisex things that look like you could hike in them. And then he went outside, in the middle of the road, and I kid you not started to dance. All ballet-like. And his voice just kind of psychically reverberated throughout the world, saying,
I am Jack,
And I am the headlights of an oncoming car in the night,
And I am the taste of the snow on the air in December,
And I am the song in your heart when you see Christmas lights.
And as he 'thought/said' each line, it kind of happened--a pair of cars on either side of the road magically passed through him, and it started snowing, and the neighbours' Christmas lights all started blazing.
And then he came back inside and up the stairs, and he picked up my head, which was still three-dimensional, and the attached skin-onsie, which was all crumply and flimsy since he wasn't in it anymore, and he cradled my head and rocked it like a baby and kissed my hair and said something along the lines of, "It's okay, you're doing fine. Even if you're just a head. You're a good head."
And then he put my head overtop HIS head, like part of a mascot costume, and even though for that whole period of time that I'd been having this vision thing I couldn't move, as soon as he adjusted my head and on his, I could. And I had a massive crick in my neck so I rolled over onto my side, and I looked at my clock and said to myself, "Dammit, that only took half an hour?"
I keep trying to emulate the feeling of calm I got when I listened to a guided meditation CD in the hospital--focus on the way it feels to breathe, let each thought come and go without dwelling, focus on each part of your body intensely and then let it 'melt away', etc. etc. I don't think I'm doing it right.
There are probably a million tense changes in this but whatever, it's Stupid O'Clock in the morning. I don't care.
---
T