Joy of Joys! (Or, Bot is a Moron)
My iPod has not died! Praise be to all gods who exist! Including the mashed potatoes!
Because mashed potatoes so totally are gods. Like duh. What kind of strange world did YOU grow up in?
Guess what has died?
My favourite headphones.
:'(
Le sadface. On the upside, the joy I felt listening to I Was A Teenage Anarchist was incredible and unrivaled~
And so now because I have no life and enjoy torturing myself by reading bad fanfiction on purpose (I cite masochistic curiousity/fascination. It's like a train wreck. YOU JUST CAN'T LOOK AWAY.), here is my reveiw of My Immortal, internet-reknowned as the. Worst. Harry Potter fanfic. Ever.
Seriously.
It's bad.
Not as mind-breakingly bad as the Hogwarts (YES, THE CASTLE) doing the nasty with THE GIANT SQUID, because that was so bad it was good.
No.
This is just bad.
So many levels of bad.
Oh my god.
Ahem. Dear author of My Immortal:
That was the single most offensive thing I've ever read. I don't know whether to applaud you or punch you in the throat.
There are a few things I don't think you understand the meaning of--words like 'goth' (in your language, because whatever you used to write this was most certainly not English, I believe you spell it 'goff') and 'depression', 'character flaws' and 'flames'. There are also, admittedly, a few words I don't believe I understand, namely this 'prep' and 'poser' you speak of. I don't believe they have an exact english equivalent, as I've only ever heard the former in stereotypical tween high school movies and the latter, in english, means someone who 'poses' as something they're not; disguises themselves and pretends to be. You haven't used them in this sense at all and I was wondering what they mean in your language--languages being a hobby of mine. Yours has many similarities to the English language, of Germanic descent, and to study the differences would be interesting to say the least.
Your character, I'm sorry to point out to you, has all the stereotypical elements of a Mary Sue. You have denied this on multiple occasions, but it is true. She is perfect. She even says it. Screams, "Why can't I be more normal? It's a curse!" She very obviously is an ideal to you, what with the values you have expressed in the author's notes littered throughout the story. Her hair, body and clothes are described as beautiful and glamourous by any standards. Her mind, we are told, is quick and adept. She saves the day numerous times, and her name, even, is long and complicated. She has no flaws, at least not any real ones.
This brings us to a confusion of definitions--I believe you need some help understanding what a character flaw actually is. A character flaw is not simply something that makes a character unattractive, which you have quite obviously stated Miss Way is not, or something unpleasant a character is going through. Your supposed character flaw is 'depression'. As someone who is chronically depressed, who has been diagnosed, who is seeing doctors and taking medication and working hard to relieve themselves of the burdens of this illness, as well as someone who has experimented with self-harm, I must say that I'm acutely appalled. For one thing, this character has absolutely no reason at all to be depressed. She hasn't seen anything horrible or experienced any awful event. And for another, when someone's so open about their hurting themselves, they're doing it for attention. They either want to be helped and are not getting the medical attention or they just. Want. Attention. And Ebony is clearly the latter. It's truly disgusting that you'd offend those who have legitimately gone through the fear, desperation, and occassionally helpless, overwhelming apathy for life that depression brings. That being said, depression is meant to gain sympathy for the character, not stop us from liking her. It is therefore not a flaw.
Your plot and technical writing overall certainly leave something to be desired. Nevermind the unusual language you seem to have written it in (I'd love some grammar charts and verb tenses--for a while I confused your word 'shooted' for a botched attempt at writing the English word 'shot', although I soon realized the correct translation was 'shouted'. Also, how do native speaker know which of the many similar names used for each person refers to who? (Ex. Ebony, Enoby, Ebnony, Tara) Do these different names need to be used in certain situations? Are they there for any particular reason, like signalling different levels of formality?) I find the descriptions long. Clothes and whatnot are described for paragraphs, but the action takes place throughout short, confusing sentences. What little plot there is is uneventful; boring, cliche, predictable and uninteresting. The random mood swings of the main character are dare I say it downright bitchy at best, horribly disrespectful towards others she supposedly loves at worst. Miss Way is high-and-mighty, looking down on others for not exemplifying the 'goff' image she wishes them to put out. (More on this next paragraph.) And yet they all, for some inexplicable reason, still love her. The plot has gaping holes, such as characters dying and then returning for no explained reason (nevermind that the method through which they died was explicitly stated to be impossible IN THE SAME CHAPTER) and word-for word scene repeats at odd times.
Okay. The goff. The goof is more like it. The goff is killing me. It is destroying my soul. Not because I think that anyone who dresses in things not froom a Hollister ad is a loser. Not because I care about clothes or how I look to people who see me. Not because I just hate you, that is all, because all preps hate you for no reason. No. The 'goff' is making me want to smash my face into a brick wall because I know NOTHING about fashion, and that. Is. Not. Goth.
I don't know what IS goth.
I believe it does involve dark colours and lace.
But what you have described as 'goff' is not it.
Maybe I have mistranslated and 'goff' does not in fact mean the Englsih word 'goth', and in that case you'll have to forgive me, but if I haven't then the word you are looking for is 'EMO'. To give you a stereotypical example to the image the word 'emo' represents where I'm from, it involves:
-Dyed hair, shaggy for boys and long on girls, with streaks
-Tight pants
-Dark colours
-Chains
-Morbid images
-'Non-mainstream', 'rebellious' peircings
-'Emotional', 'deep', and/or 'moving' works, be they visual art or poems or song. Perhaps they'll be 'profound'.
-Constant misunderstanding from the 'outside world'
-And cutting. Publicly. Purposefully. For attention. Because they can.
When we say 'emo' in reference to people who fit this description (and many who identify as emo do not, and so this description DOES NOT APPLY TO YOU), it is not. A. Compliment.
And a word to your interation with the audience through this piece-I found it very unprofessional and at times even despicable. The very least of it was referencing by name many celebrities, which often alienates readers. Nevermind that you follow it up by blatantly insulting thosewho perhaps aren't as familiar with those things as you are-the message given was, to be put mildly, "If you don't know this, you're not welcome here." By inserting author's notes into the story you break up the flow of the thing, and these notes are often angry and insulting to the reader. The beginning of each chapter is headed with an angry note towards those who keep 'flaming' you-a 'flame', here on FF and in many other places, is a biased comment, totally illogical and insulting for no reason. If the issues pointed out were your spelling, well, I can see where that would be insulting--it was quite obvious you were writing this in another language. Although perhaps, next time, don't head it under the 'English' column? but if the issues pointed out were your characters or plot, I have to say--they do. Have. Backup. If they did not insult you personally and did not give you a reason as to why they were giving you negative feedback, then it probably counts as what they hoped came across as 'constructive critisism'. Simply not liking your story does not make thier comment a flame. And lastly-at one point you let your personal life interfere with the events within the plot? Highly unprofessional. *Extremely* detrimental to the reading experience and to the quality of writing, as well as the reputation of the author. Although how much of a positive reputation you have left is, by this point, probably there only at your expense.
This thing, because I refuse to even call it a piece of work, is stupid. Plain and simple. If you are a troll, well done. If you are not a troll, I found this insulting to the extreme and at some points so hilariously bad I wanted to throw my computer at the wall, except minus that 'hilariously' part. Get a non-biased opinion on your writing before you post it, please. And if you're going to write original fiction, at least have the decency to call it 'original fiction'. Seeing as you've substituted your own name for Miss Way's at many points, though, I wouldn't even classify it as that. We in the business call these things 'personal fantasies' with 'author avatars', and you know what? Keep your little stroke of genuis to yourself.
Sincerely,
---
-Bot
Because mashed potatoes so totally are gods. Like duh. What kind of strange world did YOU grow up in?
Guess what has died?
My favourite headphones.
:'(
Le sadface. On the upside, the joy I felt listening to I Was A Teenage Anarchist was incredible and unrivaled~
And so now because I have no life and enjoy torturing myself by reading bad fanfiction on purpose (I cite masochistic curiousity/fascination. It's like a train wreck. YOU JUST CAN'T LOOK AWAY.), here is my reveiw of My Immortal, internet-reknowned as the. Worst. Harry Potter fanfic. Ever.
Seriously.
It's bad.
Not as mind-breakingly bad as the Hogwarts (YES, THE CASTLE) doing the nasty with THE GIANT SQUID, because that was so bad it was good.
No.
This is just bad.
So many levels of bad.
Oh my god.
Ahem. Dear author of My Immortal:
That was the single most offensive thing I've ever read. I don't know whether to applaud you or punch you in the throat.
There are a few things I don't think you understand the meaning of--words like 'goth' (in your language, because whatever you used to write this was most certainly not English, I believe you spell it 'goff') and 'depression', 'character flaws' and 'flames'. There are also, admittedly, a few words I don't believe I understand, namely this 'prep' and 'poser' you speak of. I don't believe they have an exact english equivalent, as I've only ever heard the former in stereotypical tween high school movies and the latter, in english, means someone who 'poses' as something they're not; disguises themselves and pretends to be. You haven't used them in this sense at all and I was wondering what they mean in your language--languages being a hobby of mine. Yours has many similarities to the English language, of Germanic descent, and to study the differences would be interesting to say the least.
Your character, I'm sorry to point out to you, has all the stereotypical elements of a Mary Sue. You have denied this on multiple occasions, but it is true. She is perfect. She even says it. Screams, "Why can't I be more normal? It's a curse!" She very obviously is an ideal to you, what with the values you have expressed in the author's notes littered throughout the story. Her hair, body and clothes are described as beautiful and glamourous by any standards. Her mind, we are told, is quick and adept. She saves the day numerous times, and her name, even, is long and complicated. She has no flaws, at least not any real ones.
This brings us to a confusion of definitions--I believe you need some help understanding what a character flaw actually is. A character flaw is not simply something that makes a character unattractive, which you have quite obviously stated Miss Way is not, or something unpleasant a character is going through. Your supposed character flaw is 'depression'. As someone who is chronically depressed, who has been diagnosed, who is seeing doctors and taking medication and working hard to relieve themselves of the burdens of this illness, as well as someone who has experimented with self-harm, I must say that I'm acutely appalled. For one thing, this character has absolutely no reason at all to be depressed. She hasn't seen anything horrible or experienced any awful event. And for another, when someone's so open about their hurting themselves, they're doing it for attention. They either want to be helped and are not getting the medical attention or they just. Want. Attention. And Ebony is clearly the latter. It's truly disgusting that you'd offend those who have legitimately gone through the fear, desperation, and occassionally helpless, overwhelming apathy for life that depression brings. That being said, depression is meant to gain sympathy for the character, not stop us from liking her. It is therefore not a flaw.
Your plot and technical writing overall certainly leave something to be desired. Nevermind the unusual language you seem to have written it in (I'd love some grammar charts and verb tenses--for a while I confused your word 'shooted' for a botched attempt at writing the English word 'shot', although I soon realized the correct translation was 'shouted'. Also, how do native speaker know which of the many similar names used for each person refers to who? (Ex. Ebony, Enoby, Ebnony, Tara) Do these different names need to be used in certain situations? Are they there for any particular reason, like signalling different levels of formality?) I find the descriptions long. Clothes and whatnot are described for paragraphs, but the action takes place throughout short, confusing sentences. What little plot there is is uneventful; boring, cliche, predictable and uninteresting. The random mood swings of the main character are dare I say it downright bitchy at best, horribly disrespectful towards others she supposedly loves at worst. Miss Way is high-and-mighty, looking down on others for not exemplifying the 'goff' image she wishes them to put out. (More on this next paragraph.) And yet they all, for some inexplicable reason, still love her. The plot has gaping holes, such as characters dying and then returning for no explained reason (nevermind that the method through which they died was explicitly stated to be impossible IN THE SAME CHAPTER) and word-for word scene repeats at odd times.
Okay. The goff. The goof is more like it. The goff is killing me. It is destroying my soul. Not because I think that anyone who dresses in things not froom a Hollister ad is a loser. Not because I care about clothes or how I look to people who see me. Not because I just hate you, that is all, because all preps hate you for no reason. No. The 'goff' is making me want to smash my face into a brick wall because I know NOTHING about fashion, and that. Is. Not. Goth.
I don't know what IS goth.
I believe it does involve dark colours and lace.
But what you have described as 'goff' is not it.
Maybe I have mistranslated and 'goff' does not in fact mean the Englsih word 'goth', and in that case you'll have to forgive me, but if I haven't then the word you are looking for is 'EMO'. To give you a stereotypical example to the image the word 'emo' represents where I'm from, it involves:
-Dyed hair, shaggy for boys and long on girls, with streaks
-Tight pants
-Dark colours
-Chains
-Morbid images
-'Non-mainstream', 'rebellious' peircings
-'Emotional', 'deep', and/or 'moving' works, be they visual art or poems or song. Perhaps they'll be 'profound'.
-Constant misunderstanding from the 'outside world'
-And cutting. Publicly. Purposefully. For attention. Because they can.
When we say 'emo' in reference to people who fit this description (and many who identify as emo do not, and so this description DOES NOT APPLY TO YOU), it is not. A. Compliment.
And a word to your interation with the audience through this piece-I found it very unprofessional and at times even despicable. The very least of it was referencing by name many celebrities, which often alienates readers. Nevermind that you follow it up by blatantly insulting thosewho perhaps aren't as familiar with those things as you are-the message given was, to be put mildly, "If you don't know this, you're not welcome here." By inserting author's notes into the story you break up the flow of the thing, and these notes are often angry and insulting to the reader. The beginning of each chapter is headed with an angry note towards those who keep 'flaming' you-a 'flame', here on FF and in many other places, is a biased comment, totally illogical and insulting for no reason. If the issues pointed out were your spelling, well, I can see where that would be insulting--it was quite obvious you were writing this in another language. Although perhaps, next time, don't head it under the 'English' column? but if the issues pointed out were your characters or plot, I have to say--they do. Have. Backup. If they did not insult you personally and did not give you a reason as to why they were giving you negative feedback, then it probably counts as what they hoped came across as 'constructive critisism'. Simply not liking your story does not make thier comment a flame. And lastly-at one point you let your personal life interfere with the events within the plot? Highly unprofessional. *Extremely* detrimental to the reading experience and to the quality of writing, as well as the reputation of the author. Although how much of a positive reputation you have left is, by this point, probably there only at your expense.
This thing, because I refuse to even call it a piece of work, is stupid. Plain and simple. If you are a troll, well done. If you are not a troll, I found this insulting to the extreme and at some points so hilariously bad I wanted to throw my computer at the wall, except minus that 'hilariously' part. Get a non-biased opinion on your writing before you post it, please. And if you're going to write original fiction, at least have the decency to call it 'original fiction'. Seeing as you've substituted your own name for Miss Way's at many points, though, I wouldn't even classify it as that. We in the business call these things 'personal fantasies' with 'author avatars', and you know what? Keep your little stroke of genuis to yourself.
Sincerely,
---
-Bot