Lactose intolerance/make all the things/but I never learned to read
One of my co-workers, Caitlin, is amazing. She is vegan and by vegan I mean she's all, oh, you want a millionty dollars for this vegan product? Boo to you! I make what I want!
This inspired me to make my own not dairy milks. And my results were...
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So the directions made it sound easier than it was, okay? Like coconut milk. I don't have a blender but I have a food processor. And I don't have cheese cloth but I have coffee filters. Same thing basically, right?
There wasn't enough room for the coconut flakes and water. Theoretically I may have used too much coconut but the recipe said one cup. Unfortunately sometimes I am too good at measurements so I couldn't decide if at meant 8oz of coconut by weight or what I could fit in a measuring cup. I get this seems like it'd be the same but it is not in fact the same. At all. Which is how I went for using 5oz of shredded coconut by weight, aka, one package vs. measuring a cup. Then the recipe said two cups of water but since I was sure I was using too much coconut I added a cup of water. And when I put it all in my food processor it was apparently too much stuff so it was a big watery mess. I transferred it to my French press and once trying it? It tasted a watery mess. I think I'm going to take the whole mess to work and try blending it in our super, mega awesome blender because maybe it'll help. Or maybe I'll make another giant mess. You can't ever actually be sure.
Being defeated but having all the pieces out to make non dairy milk I thought, you know, I won't be defeated. Let's make rice milk. Why not? It can't be harder.
And it wasn't. It much less hands on and I found a recipe that's even less hands on for next time. However, the batch it made was HUGE and I wasn't prepared for that. Secondly, the recipe called for salt. Once it was time to add it though I'd left my phone with the recipe somewhere so I figured I'd wing it. I remembered if I wanted to sweeten it that was two tablespoons of sweetener. If I wanted to add oil for creaminess that too was tablespoons.
So, tablespoon salt, right? Right! I mean I added two tablespoons of honey and it was like 6 cups of water so it couldn't be too much. Right? So I put it all in the food processor, well, by all I mean in batches. And it's looking pretty smooth and I think, okay coffee filter time go! I pull out my mason jar, line the lid with a filter, secure the filter, pour the milk and wait.
And wait.
And wait.
And realized when the recipe said dilute further they weren't kidding. So I dilute and pour again. Nothing. More water. Nothing. Get a bright idea...what if I use this cheap ass sifter Mike has never used?
Success! Until I manage to cover the entire stove top with rice milk, but since this batch was so huge that was actually kind of a boon since I didn't have anywhere to put it all. And I pour the last of it in my mason jar I take a taste and realize its really salty. Not inedible salty, just really needs to be used in cereals or smoothies salty. I find the recipe on my phone and lo and behold it was the only ingredient that called for a teaspoon. The even easier recipe I found called for a dash.
I am not discouraged, or even defeated, but I do have to admit I'm not sure all this is worth it for just me. Granted the amount of money spent on all of this (coconut milk included) is under $2.75. That's basically one container of non-dairy milk. So the price can't be beat but it took a good while (the rice milk recipe called for a three hour cook time for just the rice) and I couldn't seem to blend either of the milks without making gigantic watery messes. This could theoretically be alleviated by buying a better blender (we have a blender I just have no idea where the lid is) or food processor but is that better than sucking it up and going out and just buying these things?
Ugh. Why does being lazy and lactose intolerant not remotely go hand in hand?
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