Planet Unicorn heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey.
So then this guy who comes in all the time who I love gave us free wine because we give him free coffee.
Things I learned tonight:
1. What the fuck a tannen is (tanin, tanen, tannin...I dunno' you spell it how you like). Seriously. How many times have I quoted The Birdcage and secretly had no idea WHAT THEY WERE TALKING ABOUT? I was actually pretty sure the word was made up. True facts, not made up. Not at all.
2. I like Merlot! It's dry AND fruity. How does that work? I don't know. It is and I like it! It's all the things Chardonnay wishes it was minus the God damn oak barrel taste. Seriously. Fuck some oaky Chardonnay.
3. I have zero tolerance left. This nonsense is being posted on two glasses of wine. TWO. Which is almost half the bottle but not the point. I should be more sober than this.
I feel like I learned something else that was probably about wine but I forgot what it was. It was probably evaporated from my brain by the stupid that is Breaking Dawn. I also think I need more fruit snacks because let's face it. Snacks is a fine fucking word that denotes something tiny and shitty that will bring you joy. Fruit flavored tiny happy shit?
SIGN ME UP PEOPLE!
Also, in case you were unsure I got home safely and it was cold as shit and I was so happy. Fat girl loves herself some 30 degree weather. A brilliant friend of mine convinced me to take photos of myself in a well fitting bikini and I think I'm going to write up some good things about Torrid and Figleaves because those two places said my fat ass can wear two pieces.
God bless those places.
The kid's 9 month well visits are coming up and I finally took a picture of the picture of me as a baby and I need to post it so you guys can marvel how I give birth to mini-mes.
I need to drink more often and get online. I turn into one babbly idiot. Imagine if this were real life. Not only would I already be naked (sup naked interneting-yeah that's how I roll!) but you guys would be getting Tastykakes AND hugs. I'm the best drunken hostess ever.
Back to trying to wake up Mike.
Things I learned tonight:
1. What the fuck a tannen is (tanin, tanen, tannin...I dunno' you spell it how you like). Seriously. How many times have I quoted The Birdcage and secretly had no idea WHAT THEY WERE TALKING ABOUT? I was actually pretty sure the word was made up. True facts, not made up. Not at all.
2. I like Merlot! It's dry AND fruity. How does that work? I don't know. It is and I like it! It's all the things Chardonnay wishes it was minus the God damn oak barrel taste. Seriously. Fuck some oaky Chardonnay.
3. I have zero tolerance left. This nonsense is being posted on two glasses of wine. TWO. Which is almost half the bottle but not the point. I should be more sober than this.
I feel like I learned something else that was probably about wine but I forgot what it was. It was probably evaporated from my brain by the stupid that is Breaking Dawn. I also think I need more fruit snacks because let's face it. Snacks is a fine fucking word that denotes something tiny and shitty that will bring you joy. Fruit flavored tiny happy shit?
SIGN ME UP PEOPLE!
Also, in case you were unsure I got home safely and it was cold as shit and I was so happy. Fat girl loves herself some 30 degree weather. A brilliant friend of mine convinced me to take photos of myself in a well fitting bikini and I think I'm going to write up some good things about Torrid and Figleaves because those two places said my fat ass can wear two pieces.
God bless those places.
The kid's 9 month well visits are coming up and I finally took a picture of the picture of me as a baby and I need to post it so you guys can marvel how I give birth to mini-mes.
I need to drink more often and get online. I turn into one babbly idiot. Imagine if this were real life. Not only would I already be naked (sup naked interneting-yeah that's how I roll!) but you guys would be getting Tastykakes AND hugs. I'm the best drunken hostess ever.
Back to trying to wake up Mike.