(no subject)

[thehated]

as this is about sean i have decided to make it public in case he so chooses to read it. everyday, when i see my little shelf with everything he gave me, my heart hurts. i now find out he has a new gf. for the first 1 1/2 months that we were broken up i slept holding his jacket tightly against my heart. i wore that jacket constantly until my mom said it disturbed her. it has been a long time, a really long time, yet something lingers. for me at least. Buudha told me he never really approved of me and sean, and i told him i didnt care. and i still dont. i really dont care who knows now. i dont care who approves either. to think that he could so easily forget about me is heart wrenching. it honestly hurts. the pictures that i have of the two of us are still sitting where they sat the last time he saw them. his jacket still smells like him. sometimes i want to send it back because it hurts too much. but then i think about not having it and i know that would hurt too. i dont think he realizes how much i think about what i have done to him. how i feel like i ruined his life. i have thought about calling him a lot lately, then i stop and think about the amount of trouble it would get us both in and i dont do it. one day i will not be able to remember the feeling i have right now. but that wont be for a while. i dont know what more to say.
all my love.
haley.