National Coming Out Day
I came out a few times at first, never really sure if it was a good idea. I first came out to my good friend Paul in the Fall of '87. At that time, I was still terrified of losing friends over this (losing 'friends' happened a bit later) and I told him that I was bi. I have never been bi. It was merely a safe-er thing to say. He was the very first person I ever told anything about this part o
f myself.
I actually was very deeply in love with him and knew that he was straight (I had no illusions about that), but I trusted him implicitly. Telling him about this was a kind of an early test for myself, reasoning that if I lost his friendship over this, then I would just have to be more careful in the future. We are still friends these many years later.
I think I finally fully embraced myself on Christmas eve of '93. All of my roommates were either out of town or with family and my own family was out of town visiting other family. So, I sat at the house feeling very alone and lonely and depressed. So, I got it in my head that I was going to go out and do something different. I had no idea what it was, but I was going to do it.
I drove around town for a while and as I passed our town's oldest gay bar and I knew what I would do. I immediately turned in to the parking lot and after three failed attempts to get from my car to the bar door, I finally committed, went all the way to the door, and went inside... and had a wonderful night. I was pretty much sitting alone all night, but I had finally really come out. I was proud of myself for finally having the courage to do this thing and face the 'public' 'danger' of being seen and recognized. I wasn't afraid to accept myself anymore after that. Through friends coming and going and finding new ones, I like myself and I could not have had a better family of friends to come out to.
I like who I am. I am happy with who I am. Yes, of course, there are a few 'druthers', but I plan to stay this way. Coming out was a GREAT idea and I wish I had had the strength to come out sooner. Maybe 'confidence' is the better adjective. Regardless, I am happy that I did and I do not regret it, even in the slightest, in any way, shape, or form.
f myself.
I actually was very deeply in love with him and knew that he was straight (I had no illusions about that), but I trusted him implicitly. Telling him about this was a kind of an early test for myself, reasoning that if I lost his friendship over this, then I would just have to be more careful in the future. We are still friends these many years later.
I think I finally fully embraced myself on Christmas eve of '93. All of my roommates were either out of town or with family and my own family was out of town visiting other family. So, I sat at the house feeling very alone and lonely and depressed. So, I got it in my head that I was going to go out and do something different. I had no idea what it was, but I was going to do it.
I drove around town for a while and as I passed our town's oldest gay bar and I knew what I would do. I immediately turned in to the parking lot and after three failed attempts to get from my car to the bar door, I finally committed, went all the way to the door, and went inside... and had a wonderful night. I was pretty much sitting alone all night, but I had finally really come out. I was proud of myself for finally having the courage to do this thing and face the 'public' 'danger' of being seen and recognized. I wasn't afraid to accept myself anymore after that. Through friends coming and going and finding new ones, I like myself and I could not have had a better family of friends to come out to.
I like who I am. I am happy with who I am. Yes, of course, there are a few 'druthers', but I plan to stay this way. Coming out was a GREAT idea and I wish I had had the strength to come out sooner. Maybe 'confidence' is the better adjective. Regardless, I am happy that I did and I do not regret it, even in the slightest, in any way, shape, or form.