Stupid uterus... I think it hates me.
I haven't really written an entry in quite a while, so I felt like I should. Plus, I've been having some horrible PMS since Friday, causing me to have some mild negative emotions and providing me some irrelevant thoughts. So if parts of this is likely to be false.
Greg began asking random questions last night/this morning. One was: What do you fear? His was failure, but he explained at how he has come to learn that loosing at something, doesn't mean failure and that it's just a lesson before to reach the top. I understood completely... basically was the same way I look at it. I wasn't sure of mine and I thought about it for quite a while and I ended up saying "being alone". He then proceeded to ask me if that's why I was with him and I said no definitely not. I knew that there were some girls in this world that always needs someone around to hold up their self-esteem and I am far from that. I don't know if he even did quite understand what I meant then... actually, I'm not even sure. I guess I was referring to in the long term... like down the road and everyone is figuring out their careers, getting married, having kids, and stuff.
He asked me if it bothered me that he has had many girlfriends and that he did have sex before and I told him no. I didn't see why any of that would matter. If anything, I find it to be a plus that he has experience because then I am less likely to get irritated by me basically having to "train" from scratch.
He's a really great guy -- goofy, spontaneous, fun, very sweet, intelligent. I don't see what there is not to like. How many guys are there that will randomly call you up when it's raining outside to ask you if you wanted to go out playing in it? Or that would take you out slow dancing underneath the stars??
I really like him, but I sometimes ask myself how much. I try to watch what I say, but I don't want to completely hold back out of fear of vulnerability. I asked him last night before falling asleep if he could just hold me forever. He didn't say anything for a while and then responded with, "I will for however long it is intended in God's plan". Good answer - I couldn't have said it better. There are moments when he does say some things and I just don't know how to respond... like last week when he said "I want to love you forever". I just stopped and thought about it for a second, but remained silent. I don't want him to feel vulnerable by me not reciprocating, but I don't know what to say... or I guess there's nothing that should be said. Maybe its just better left as is.
Idk, I'm being retarded by looking back on these little comments.
The reality is that he's a great guy and I don't plan to get rid of him anytime soon and he doesn't plan to leave me either. It's so far from now, but I can't help but wonder what will happen eventually though. He's graduating this year and then going for his master's -- most likely elsewhere, while I'll still be here. I don't know what he'll decide to do yet, and neither does he, but if this sticks it could get rough by this summer.
I hate feeling like this, because I don't want to let anything out on him when nothing is truly wrong. Agh.
Ok, shutting up now.
Greg began asking random questions last night/this morning. One was: What do you fear? His was failure, but he explained at how he has come to learn that loosing at something, doesn't mean failure and that it's just a lesson before to reach the top. I understood completely... basically was the same way I look at it. I wasn't sure of mine and I thought about it for quite a while and I ended up saying "being alone". He then proceeded to ask me if that's why I was with him and I said no definitely not. I knew that there were some girls in this world that always needs someone around to hold up their self-esteem and I am far from that. I don't know if he even did quite understand what I meant then... actually, I'm not even sure. I guess I was referring to in the long term... like down the road and everyone is figuring out their careers, getting married, having kids, and stuff.
He asked me if it bothered me that he has had many girlfriends and that he did have sex before and I told him no. I didn't see why any of that would matter. If anything, I find it to be a plus that he has experience because then I am less likely to get irritated by me basically having to "train" from scratch.
He's a really great guy -- goofy, spontaneous, fun, very sweet, intelligent. I don't see what there is not to like. How many guys are there that will randomly call you up when it's raining outside to ask you if you wanted to go out playing in it? Or that would take you out slow dancing underneath the stars??
I really like him, but I sometimes ask myself how much. I try to watch what I say, but I don't want to completely hold back out of fear of vulnerability. I asked him last night before falling asleep if he could just hold me forever. He didn't say anything for a while and then responded with, "I will for however long it is intended in God's plan". Good answer - I couldn't have said it better. There are moments when he does say some things and I just don't know how to respond... like last week when he said "I want to love you forever". I just stopped and thought about it for a second, but remained silent. I don't want him to feel vulnerable by me not reciprocating, but I don't know what to say... or I guess there's nothing that should be said. Maybe its just better left as is.
Idk, I'm being retarded by looking back on these little comments.
The reality is that he's a great guy and I don't plan to get rid of him anytime soon and he doesn't plan to leave me either. It's so far from now, but I can't help but wonder what will happen eventually though. He's graduating this year and then going for his master's -- most likely elsewhere, while I'll still be here. I don't know what he'll decide to do yet, and neither does he, but if this sticks it could get rough by this summer.
I hate feeling like this, because I don't want to let anything out on him when nothing is truly wrong. Agh.
Ok, shutting up now.