The Next Step
I wish someone could read my brain and tell me how I feel. Where are my gypsy ancestors when I need them?
Hampton Beach last weekend with Andy, Mike and Dan was ammmmazing. I met a new friend. I love when there's an immediate bond. Mike's friend from Barnes, she lives at the beach for the summer. I've been thinking of going up to see her again before the summer is over but my weekends are being eaten up so quickly! This weekend is the luau, then Rat Race, then Food Bank Benefit, then work, then Vegas! Maybe if I have to be out with this damn cough for a long time, I will sneak in a quick trip during the week. Tee Hee. If I have to be out, I might as well use it for my benefit, right? Maybe I won't tell anyone, just in case. Ahhhhh - except the internet.
I just found a large bug skeleton in my luggage. Clever little critter.
I'm getting a little stir-crazy being home this long. I don't think it's the staying home, I think it's more of the restriction that I can't go anywhere. Claustrophobic, kinda. I've semi cleaned my house. More than anything that's been done for over 2 weeks though. It was in dire need. I wish I could vacuum but it's 1am and my downstairs friends would frown upon that.
Speaking of stir-crazy, I have been feeling super stagnant lately. Probably over the past ummm 6 months to a year. I just feel like absolutely nothing in my life has changed at all in 3 years and it's making me feel moldy. I mean, small things, of course. I met some friends- including Janine; I've done a lot of traveling; I've made some headway with Dan... But nothing solid. Living in the same place, working the same job, remaining single, etc. Hanging out in bars for 90% of my non-working time. I don't know. And although all of the above life segments are ammmmazing, I feel that the 3-year treadmill scenery has become a little exhausted. I think I'm ready for the next step in my life. And by that, I think I mean family, kids, etc. It's hard to even type. I've been so repulsed by the thought of commitment for so long. I think, though, that most of the repulsion comes from the thought of doing those things with someone other than Dan. I just want him. But anyway, I won't harp on that as I do most of the time. So I've been in this slump of stagnation, and then my sister called me the other day to tell me that Liza and Chris are moving out of the downstairs apt - they bought a house and their closing date is Sept 3rd. !! They want me to move in! I am in looooove with the thought.
Let's think about it: Downstairs apt of a 2 family house. No stairs, amazing ease of grocery relocation from car to kitchen. Quiet, back road of West Springfield, HUGE yard - I have NO YARD here! Seriously, this yard is so big. Shed, swing set, garden, fire pit, clothesline, 3 car driveway... Basement with washer and dryer - no more going to mom's for laundry. COUNTER SPACE! I can actually make toast in my own home for the first time of my adult life. Blender, toaster, fuck - I could even get a George Foreman grill... haha. 2 bedrooms, hardwood floors throughout. Dining room - I could have a real dining set! Oh think of the furniture I could buy... amazing. SO much space - I could actually have people over! Maybe a spring time housewarming party. All of this - not to mention, being right downstairs from my sweet nephews and niece. My sister and Tony! We could have holidays together! It would be like living with them without living with them. Think of all the Nick time! I could watch Milo grow up. Semi-girl time with Mia. Braxton would have so many new places to sit. Dan could stay over. I know he already does that, but I feel like it would be so much more intimate there. Sweet Dan. I am sold. I called the landlord, Mrs. Beesley, last week but haven't gotten a call back yet. I will call her again tomorrow. I need to live there. I feel it will be so good for the riddance of my depression.
I realize that I probably won't sleep tonight. I wish I had a good book.
Hampton Beach last weekend with Andy, Mike and Dan was ammmmazing. I met a new friend. I love when there's an immediate bond. Mike's friend from Barnes, she lives at the beach for the summer. I've been thinking of going up to see her again before the summer is over but my weekends are being eaten up so quickly! This weekend is the luau, then Rat Race, then Food Bank Benefit, then work, then Vegas! Maybe if I have to be out with this damn cough for a long time, I will sneak in a quick trip during the week. Tee Hee. If I have to be out, I might as well use it for my benefit, right? Maybe I won't tell anyone, just in case. Ahhhhh - except the internet.
I just found a large bug skeleton in my luggage. Clever little critter.
I'm getting a little stir-crazy being home this long. I don't think it's the staying home, I think it's more of the restriction that I can't go anywhere. Claustrophobic, kinda. I've semi cleaned my house. More than anything that's been done for over 2 weeks though. It was in dire need. I wish I could vacuum but it's 1am and my downstairs friends would frown upon that.
Speaking of stir-crazy, I have been feeling super stagnant lately. Probably over the past ummm 6 months to a year. I just feel like absolutely nothing in my life has changed at all in 3 years and it's making me feel moldy. I mean, small things, of course. I met some friends- including Janine; I've done a lot of traveling; I've made some headway with Dan... But nothing solid. Living in the same place, working the same job, remaining single, etc. Hanging out in bars for 90% of my non-working time. I don't know. And although all of the above life segments are ammmmazing, I feel that the 3-year treadmill scenery has become a little exhausted. I think I'm ready for the next step in my life. And by that, I think I mean family, kids, etc. It's hard to even type. I've been so repulsed by the thought of commitment for so long. I think, though, that most of the repulsion comes from the thought of doing those things with someone other than Dan. I just want him. But anyway, I won't harp on that as I do most of the time. So I've been in this slump of stagnation, and then my sister called me the other day to tell me that Liza and Chris are moving out of the downstairs apt - they bought a house and their closing date is Sept 3rd. !! They want me to move in! I am in looooove with the thought.
Let's think about it: Downstairs apt of a 2 family house. No stairs, amazing ease of grocery relocation from car to kitchen. Quiet, back road of West Springfield, HUGE yard - I have NO YARD here! Seriously, this yard is so big. Shed, swing set, garden, fire pit, clothesline, 3 car driveway... Basement with washer and dryer - no more going to mom's for laundry. COUNTER SPACE! I can actually make toast in my own home for the first time of my adult life. Blender, toaster, fuck - I could even get a George Foreman grill... haha. 2 bedrooms, hardwood floors throughout. Dining room - I could have a real dining set! Oh think of the furniture I could buy... amazing. SO much space - I could actually have people over! Maybe a spring time housewarming party. All of this - not to mention, being right downstairs from my sweet nephews and niece. My sister and Tony! We could have holidays together! It would be like living with them without living with them. Think of all the Nick time! I could watch Milo grow up. Semi-girl time with Mia. Braxton would have so many new places to sit. Dan could stay over. I know he already does that, but I feel like it would be so much more intimate there. Sweet Dan. I am sold. I called the landlord, Mrs. Beesley, last week but haven't gotten a call back yet. I will call her again tomorrow. I need to live there. I feel it will be so good for the riddance of my depression.
I realize that I probably won't sleep tonight. I wish I had a good book.