(no subject)
When I read this later, I really hope it makes sense.
Since I won Arkansas Idol, there hasn't been too much social stuff going on (besides going out and partying). I have made a lot of contacts and been socially evolving, but I feel like I am still paddling the same canoe. I feel like I am not really going anywhere. When it comes to this American Idol thing, I feel like I have not been doing an apportionate amount of work. I feel as if the world is slowly turning and my position
in
it
is
so small that I am stationary. All the things I say to other people regarding A.I. seem superficial and egotistical. I tell myself all the time that I am not an Ego person, but I also feel like....just saying those things to myself are as Ego driven as....I don't know.
This is already not making sense........
I guess, after taking a break, all I want to convey to myself is that I have so may positive opportunities in my life right now that I am projecting more than I am actually living in the moment.
I went to Austin, rode on a plane for the first time. I experienced the city like I never had. I was alone and focused on a concrete goal.
When I went there without Sarah, I felt lost.
Now that I have had time to grow and learn before I returned, I felt I had a sense of purpose. I felt that I could go there and never have to look back. This time, there was a different feeling, though I have been a few times since.
American Idol is a process like No other I have ever been in.
This is why I hate to wait so long to update: I can never re-capture the exact feeling of a particular memory.
I will always remember the feeling I had on the airplane. That will never leave me. I have fond memories of the city.
The first day I skipped the line.www.facebook.com/album.php
I did a lot of things. They have asked me not to talk about anything. I have signed contracts that keep me from doing or saying anything.
This limits my thoughts, so I will have to make a personal journal from now on.
Since I won Arkansas Idol, there hasn't been too much social stuff going on (besides going out and partying). I have made a lot of contacts and been socially evolving, but I feel like I am still paddling the same canoe. I feel like I am not really going anywhere. When it comes to this American Idol thing, I feel like I have not been doing an apportionate amount of work. I feel as if the world is slowly turning and my position
in
it
is
so small that I am stationary. All the things I say to other people regarding A.I. seem superficial and egotistical. I tell myself all the time that I am not an Ego person, but I also feel like....just saying those things to myself are as Ego driven as....I don't know.
This is already not making sense........
I guess, after taking a break, all I want to convey to myself is that I have so may positive opportunities in my life right now that I am projecting more than I am actually living in the moment.
I went to Austin, rode on a plane for the first time. I experienced the city like I never had. I was alone and focused on a concrete goal.
When I went there without Sarah, I felt lost.
Now that I have had time to grow and learn before I returned, I felt I had a sense of purpose. I felt that I could go there and never have to look back. This time, there was a different feeling, though I have been a few times since.
American Idol is a process like No other I have ever been in.
This is why I hate to wait so long to update: I can never re-capture the exact feeling of a particular memory.
I will always remember the feeling I had on the airplane. That will never leave me. I have fond memories of the city.
The first day I skipped the line.www.facebook.com/album.php
I did a lot of things. They have asked me not to talk about anything. I have signed contracts that keep me from doing or saying anything.
This limits my thoughts, so I will have to make a personal journal from now on.