(no subject)
There are...so many things in my head right now. So many things involving life, friends, family, here, there, everything, everyone, and everywhere. I have so many bridges I can choose to burn right now. Only a few of them hold the possibility of turning back and wishing I hadn't. The urge to get it all out in one fell-swoop is...nearly over-whelming. I'll be surprised if I get through the entire day without just DOING it. But something in the back of my mind is telling me to not be too hasty. That it's just another mood. That I'll be more sorry than I think if I do.
Will I?
Why can't I make a jump once in my life, especially if it's just because I don't care anymore?
How much DON'T I care?
THAT'S what's holding me back: the fear that I care more than I think. More than I want.
But on the other hand...
Already a smile crosses my lips at the thought of...what could happen. Strangely, I don't know if the satisfaction/relief would come from my evil side or my conscience. I just...don't...know... Two sides to every coin, two sides to every page, every leaf that one overturns in one's life.
Pros and cons.
They fuck everything up, don't they? Good sides, bad sides... The bad possibilities outweighing the good and making us afraid that the GOOD won't happen. THEREBY preventing us to find out...exactly...what. Will. Happen.
Hm...Good/Bad. Good would be personal. Good would be for ME. Bad...heh, yeah, bad might effect others. Bad might...do some damage. This is assuming, of course, that both good and bad happen at the same time. So...how twisted is it that I would get good while others get bad? And what would happen if...nothing...happened to set off the good and bad? The process of chickening out is a split second decision. Saying, "No, too risky," takes but a second.
Which...would be more satisfying for a long period of time?
Yes?
Or no?
Will I?
Why can't I make a jump once in my life, especially if it's just because I don't care anymore?
How much DON'T I care?
THAT'S what's holding me back: the fear that I care more than I think. More than I want.
But on the other hand...
Already a smile crosses my lips at the thought of...what could happen. Strangely, I don't know if the satisfaction/relief would come from my evil side or my conscience. I just...don't...know... Two sides to every coin, two sides to every page, every leaf that one overturns in one's life.
Pros and cons.
They fuck everything up, don't they? Good sides, bad sides... The bad possibilities outweighing the good and making us afraid that the GOOD won't happen. THEREBY preventing us to find out...exactly...what. Will. Happen.
Hm...Good/Bad. Good would be personal. Good would be for ME. Bad...heh, yeah, bad might effect others. Bad might...do some damage. This is assuming, of course, that both good and bad happen at the same time. So...how twisted is it that I would get good while others get bad? And what would happen if...nothing...happened to set off the good and bad? The process of chickening out is a split second decision. Saying, "No, too risky," takes but a second.
Which...would be more satisfying for a long period of time?
Yes?
Or no?