Well, Tasha and Eamon thought it was ok so...
Here's some more stuff for y'all. Hope it doesn't make your eyes bleed. If it does, use visene. Honestly, I don't know if there's any other over the counter eye drops available anymore because Ben Stien has used strong arm tactics to make sure that any competition that knows whats good for it drops out. ANYWAYS:
“Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent a new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that I put my foot in your ass so hard you can taste my shoe leather!” Lincoln taunted the power suited current president.
“Well, ya have misunderestimated me! Nobody has misunderestimated me and gotten away with it. If they have, I’ll have Carl Rove change the history books anyhow so it won’t matter. Heh-heh.” George Walker Bush (in his mind) cleverly retorted.
Almost brought to tears at how low the office had sunken the frontier lawyer readied himself for the sloppy and stupid attack he knew was coming from the moronic man of action, and as GW threw a mighty left jab with his armored fist Lincoln dodged it as if he was dealing with one of his students of Lincoln-kun-do.
“HWAAAAAA!” The great emancipator yelled as he laid his palm into GW’s suited arm. Sparks flew in a brilliant shower of blue yellow and white, the armor split exposing the skin around GW’s elbow, all movement below the elbow stopped as it ran out of power.
“Heh, well I got to president even though I didn’t win the election so if you think a little thing like this will stop me, ya got another thing coming!” GW bragged undeservedly.
“How dare you take the words of Rob Halford in vain, I shall thrash you most violently for that!” Lincoln warned as he performed several full roundhouse kicks, knocking Bush the second into the wall of the Philadelphia back alley there were fighting in. Several power nodes shuddered and went dark, Bush stopped moving.
“You damned liberal democrat meanie! I didn’t come back to 1771 to change the drafting of the constitution just to be stopped by a limp-wristed liberal like you! Fool me once, shame on you…..ya can’t fool me again!” Bush angrily shouted, writhing about in his now dead armor.
Lincoln held his head in his hand, disappointed at how far the standards for the nations highest office had sunken.
“I don’t know where to start. I am a conservative, the constitution wasn’t drafted in 1771 and I’m no Democrat. Why are you even here?”
“I’m tryin’ to stop them from doin’ that term limits thingy in the constitution. I can’t allow the people to change horses mid-stream, there’s a war going on!”
Lincoln held his hat with one hand, scratched his head with the other, and remarked with great confusion:
“What do you mean term limit?”
“Heh heh heh, that means it’s not around for you, so I guess I musta succeeded already! In that case I’ll just turn this dial back to the start of the first Iraq war when Saddam tried to kill ma daddy.” Bush then talked to the machine: “Time machine, take me back to the start of the first Iraq war, take me back to….1863, say around July and how about we go to Gettysburg, PA. I never been there. Oh yeah, but stop by in the future first to get all fixed up by Dick Cheney and his loyal band of garage mechanics.”
Lincoln tried to tell him that whatever the Iraq was, it had nothing to do with Gettysburg, and that very day he picked was the day of a battle that was the turning point of the war. Of course, he was too late and before he had any time for action Bush had already disappeared in an Elephant-Shaped cloud of smoke, laughing in his stupid little laugh the whole time.
Still determined to save history, Lincoln ran into his time-outhouse, wrote down the all important date on one of those new-fangled pieces of toilet tissue, and dropped it down the hole, thus activating the device and sending him to the battlefield.
Meanwhile….
Bush stalked the green landscape of Gettysburg in his new and improved battle suit, complete with power shielding, ray guns, and a sonic-wave stun device. He was on the lookout for Saddam Hussein, who he was sure must have been somewhere in the area having a drink with his buddy Osama Bin Laden. Just then he ran into some young southern gentlemen in grey uniforms.
“Why, hello there my fellow southerners, what y’all doin’ hidin’ like that?”
A boy no older than 16 answered him: “We’re holding the line here, defending against the Yankees.”
“The Yankees? That means I must have come back to the Revolutionary war! My God man, can I do anything to help?!”
“Well if you could kill those northern aggressors in blue up over there I’d be mighty thankful to you! When all this is done we can go back to enslaving black people.”
“That’s cool. George Bush does not care about black people.”
So Bush went ahead and stomped through the landscape, smashing fences, running over horses, generally making an ass out of himself, until he came within range of the Union troops and he started burning them alive with his ray gun.
“Heh heh heh, guess Dick ain’t the only one who can shoot people in the face an’ get away with it. If only Condi were here to see…”
Just then in a poof of unpleasantly scented smoke, Abe Lincoln’s Time Toilet showed up in the midst of the destruction, he ran through the door in his long johns with a look on his face that would crack a stone wall. Jackson.
“What in the name of Heaven and Earth do you think you’re doing, son?”
“I’m tryin’ ta stop these old Europeans from keep us from being revolting.”
Once again, a new low, Lincoln further saddened.
“Just stop it kid. You need to know more about history before you can change it!”
“Heh heh heh, that’s what they said ‘bout the middle east but it sure didn’t stop me. Now the Iraqi people are safer and happier than ever because of me! Also, we found weapons of mass destruction and caught Osama Bin Laden!”
“Knowing you, none of that is correct. Anyhow, just please stop killing people and get the heck out of here.”
“Fine. I’ll just solve this the old fashioned way: by ignoring the problem like it isn’t even there!” and with that GW poofed back to 2006….
*End section 1*
“Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent a new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that I put my foot in your ass so hard you can taste my shoe leather!” Lincoln taunted the power suited current president.
“Well, ya have misunderestimated me! Nobody has misunderestimated me and gotten away with it. If they have, I’ll have Carl Rove change the history books anyhow so it won’t matter. Heh-heh.” George Walker Bush (in his mind) cleverly retorted.
Almost brought to tears at how low the office had sunken the frontier lawyer readied himself for the sloppy and stupid attack he knew was coming from the moronic man of action, and as GW threw a mighty left jab with his armored fist Lincoln dodged it as if he was dealing with one of his students of Lincoln-kun-do.
“HWAAAAAA!” The great emancipator yelled as he laid his palm into GW’s suited arm. Sparks flew in a brilliant shower of blue yellow and white, the armor split exposing the skin around GW’s elbow, all movement below the elbow stopped as it ran out of power.
“Heh, well I got to president even though I didn’t win the election so if you think a little thing like this will stop me, ya got another thing coming!” GW bragged undeservedly.
“How dare you take the words of Rob Halford in vain, I shall thrash you most violently for that!” Lincoln warned as he performed several full roundhouse kicks, knocking Bush the second into the wall of the Philadelphia back alley there were fighting in. Several power nodes shuddered and went dark, Bush stopped moving.
“You damned liberal democrat meanie! I didn’t come back to 1771 to change the drafting of the constitution just to be stopped by a limp-wristed liberal like you! Fool me once, shame on you…..ya can’t fool me again!” Bush angrily shouted, writhing about in his now dead armor.
Lincoln held his head in his hand, disappointed at how far the standards for the nations highest office had sunken.
“I don’t know where to start. I am a conservative, the constitution wasn’t drafted in 1771 and I’m no Democrat. Why are you even here?”
“I’m tryin’ to stop them from doin’ that term limits thingy in the constitution. I can’t allow the people to change horses mid-stream, there’s a war going on!”
Lincoln held his hat with one hand, scratched his head with the other, and remarked with great confusion:
“What do you mean term limit?”
“Heh heh heh, that means it’s not around for you, so I guess I musta succeeded already! In that case I’ll just turn this dial back to the start of the first Iraq war when Saddam tried to kill ma daddy.” Bush then talked to the machine: “Time machine, take me back to the start of the first Iraq war, take me back to….1863, say around July and how about we go to Gettysburg, PA. I never been there. Oh yeah, but stop by in the future first to get all fixed up by Dick Cheney and his loyal band of garage mechanics.”
Lincoln tried to tell him that whatever the Iraq was, it had nothing to do with Gettysburg, and that very day he picked was the day of a battle that was the turning point of the war. Of course, he was too late and before he had any time for action Bush had already disappeared in an Elephant-Shaped cloud of smoke, laughing in his stupid little laugh the whole time.
Still determined to save history, Lincoln ran into his time-outhouse, wrote down the all important date on one of those new-fangled pieces of toilet tissue, and dropped it down the hole, thus activating the device and sending him to the battlefield.
Meanwhile….
Bush stalked the green landscape of Gettysburg in his new and improved battle suit, complete with power shielding, ray guns, and a sonic-wave stun device. He was on the lookout for Saddam Hussein, who he was sure must have been somewhere in the area having a drink with his buddy Osama Bin Laden. Just then he ran into some young southern gentlemen in grey uniforms.
“Why, hello there my fellow southerners, what y’all doin’ hidin’ like that?”
A boy no older than 16 answered him: “We’re holding the line here, defending against the Yankees.”
“The Yankees? That means I must have come back to the Revolutionary war! My God man, can I do anything to help?!”
“Well if you could kill those northern aggressors in blue up over there I’d be mighty thankful to you! When all this is done we can go back to enslaving black people.”
“That’s cool. George Bush does not care about black people.”
So Bush went ahead and stomped through the landscape, smashing fences, running over horses, generally making an ass out of himself, until he came within range of the Union troops and he started burning them alive with his ray gun.
“Heh heh heh, guess Dick ain’t the only one who can shoot people in the face an’ get away with it. If only Condi were here to see…”
Just then in a poof of unpleasantly scented smoke, Abe Lincoln’s Time Toilet showed up in the midst of the destruction, he ran through the door in his long johns with a look on his face that would crack a stone wall. Jackson.
“What in the name of Heaven and Earth do you think you’re doing, son?”
“I’m tryin’ ta stop these old Europeans from keep us from being revolting.”
Once again, a new low, Lincoln further saddened.
“Just stop it kid. You need to know more about history before you can change it!”
“Heh heh heh, that’s what they said ‘bout the middle east but it sure didn’t stop me. Now the Iraqi people are safer and happier than ever because of me! Also, we found weapons of mass destruction and caught Osama Bin Laden!”
“Knowing you, none of that is correct. Anyhow, just please stop killing people and get the heck out of here.”
“Fine. I’ll just solve this the old fashioned way: by ignoring the problem like it isn’t even there!” and with that GW poofed back to 2006….
*End section 1*