Who's birthday is it? Someone gets a spanking.

[thefirestarter]

I don't even know how to start this. I have all of these statements floating in my head, slowly opening a door to some bubble-bursting truth, and I really don't want to come down yet. I think that maybe, for the past 18 years, I've been living ignorantly, completely unaware of who I really am and what I'm really capable of, and thinking only about who I want to be and what I want to be capable of. I want to be intelligent, seductive, and charming, and I'm really just competent, average-looking, and sometimes funny. The kind of man I used to think could be mine on a whim has never really found me attractive anyway, or gets sick of me if he manages to get passed the looks. The people I want to have complete control over instead have control over me, and though I want to be the vanguard trend-setter, I care oh-so-much about what others think of me. Weaker-willed people fill my ungrateful ego, stronger ones feed it out of pity only sometimes. And though this isn't the end, I feel like it should be, because I don't think I can tolerate being someone who can't have it all.

My capacity does not reflect my zeal.