Red Pill, Blue Pill
You ever rewrite something and it never seems good enough? This feeling is similar but it's more like no matter how many times I write to exorcise it, it's not enough. I have a pretty good memory but the downside of it was always processing. I have to process everything one by one and when the workload is more than usual, I just can't take it. Given that, it explained why I was so at peace on an island for five years: I had the time and space to process things. I am reminded of the NL tourism commercial I saw on my Air Canada flights, specifically one line, "when you're half an hour ahead, you never feel the need to catch up" and that half hour, that space, gave me time to take things slowly for once at a period of my life when I felt continuously overwhelmed.
There's been a lot of changes in the last week. Some seem trivial and some are just more meaningful than others, hence the anxiousness to process it all. On the bright side, I've grown enough not see what happened in the world as a setback, a reason to stop believing, but more reason to believe in humankind and that the road was longer than we thought. When I was 18, it was only a couple years after 9/11. I was hearing the Bush warmongering on my side of Canada. I remember the despair back then of what did I have to look forward to if this was what humankind had to offer? I might not have liked history class but I can definitely learn from it and that was message that I got from it then. Why bother with university if people were still going to sexist, racist, every -ist that was going to destroy us all?
Last week was a wake-up call because I tend to be passive. I'm not going to lie that I was never racist or sexist, just less than I used to be. I believed in the dogma that Canada was big and good, just like in a movie where good and evil was easily identifiable by wardrobe. It's good but there's things that could be better. Those bad seeds could grow but I won't be ignoring them anymore even with my own personal views on the matter. I wasn't kidding when my coworkers asked what turning 30 was like and I answered that I felt the calmest I ever had in my life. I don't know everything but I feel sure and that's something I never thought I would feel.
2016 is not over yet but it's been a rollercoaster. Actually a rollercoaster would be more predictable than how this year has been going. I started the year poorly, sinked into deep depression but not the lowest I've ever gone. I finally tackled my room and all the stuff I finally had to confront in there. I got not one but two jobs, one to succeed the other and it was my first step in a permanent career after years of floating from one position to another. YJ is coming back and it's significant to note because of the impact it made on my life. What we chose to fandom, whether it's sports, books, etc., makes an impact because this is something we chose for no other reason aside from wanting to. We don't need it to surive but we want it in order to live. The next day, the US election results were announced.
My brain is still processing but it's trying to keep up with both the micro and the macro transitions I encounter and that's the overwhelming part because I can't just run off to somewhere ahead of the timezones in order to buy time for me to do so. My life will go on whether it's professional, social or fandom. I love microblogging social websites but I'm not going to lie of the toll when it comes to my mind processing everything I read and hear.
There's been a lot of changes in the last week. Some seem trivial and some are just more meaningful than others, hence the anxiousness to process it all. On the bright side, I've grown enough not see what happened in the world as a setback, a reason to stop believing, but more reason to believe in humankind and that the road was longer than we thought. When I was 18, it was only a couple years after 9/11. I was hearing the Bush warmongering on my side of Canada. I remember the despair back then of what did I have to look forward to if this was what humankind had to offer? I might not have liked history class but I can definitely learn from it and that was message that I got from it then. Why bother with university if people were still going to sexist, racist, every -ist that was going to destroy us all?
Last week was a wake-up call because I tend to be passive. I'm not going to lie that I was never racist or sexist, just less than I used to be. I believed in the dogma that Canada was big and good, just like in a movie where good and evil was easily identifiable by wardrobe. It's good but there's things that could be better. Those bad seeds could grow but I won't be ignoring them anymore even with my own personal views on the matter. I wasn't kidding when my coworkers asked what turning 30 was like and I answered that I felt the calmest I ever had in my life. I don't know everything but I feel sure and that's something I never thought I would feel.
2016 is not over yet but it's been a rollercoaster. Actually a rollercoaster would be more predictable than how this year has been going. I started the year poorly, sinked into deep depression but not the lowest I've ever gone. I finally tackled my room and all the stuff I finally had to confront in there. I got not one but two jobs, one to succeed the other and it was my first step in a permanent career after years of floating from one position to another. YJ is coming back and it's significant to note because of the impact it made on my life. What we chose to fandom, whether it's sports, books, etc., makes an impact because this is something we chose for no other reason aside from wanting to. We don't need it to surive but we want it in order to live. The next day, the US election results were announced.
My brain is still processing but it's trying to keep up with both the micro and the macro transitions I encounter and that's the overwhelming part because I can't just run off to somewhere ahead of the timezones in order to buy time for me to do so. My life will go on whether it's professional, social or fandom. I love microblogging social websites but I'm not going to lie of the toll when it comes to my mind processing everything I read and hear.